‘I am sorry. Please forgive me,’ Sia said with tears in her eyes.
Apurv remained quiet but his emotions were visible on his face. They couldn’t believe that they were finally sitting in front of each other.
‘I don’t know why we drifted apart. I want us to be friends again, just like we used to be. I want us to stay up all night talking about what’s in our hearts because no one can make me feel as comfortable as you do and no one has my trust the way you still do.’
‘I’ll be there for you until you find someone better, which I am sure you won’t ever,’ Sia winked.
Ritvik was probably the happiest person that day after seeing the lost spark in Sia’s eyes return. Friendship is about sharing the deepest parts of your soul with someone. Their friendship was still special in each and every sense.
‘So, did you guys kiss? I could have gone further, but as we are meeting after a long time, I thought I’d be a bit decent.’ Apurv forgot about his worries for a second.
‘Will you ever change?’ Sia asked.
‘No, I am just asking. You can also use the parking space if you want. I can guide you through the steps.’
‘Shut up.’
Apurv told them what had happened with Amyra at the bus stop. They were surprised because they had thought that Apurv knew where she was all this time. Sia tried to help him find her but there was little that she could do.
It was one of those days when the stars were in hiding, blanketed by the thick city smog. Apurv sat in a corner of his dimly lit room, thinking about Amyra’s smile. The broken lamp, the dying bulb that flickered hopelessly, the torn photographs and the empty glass of beer were all witness to his heartbreak. He kept coming back to the same things every time he spoke to Sia.
‘We haven’t been doing anything apart from discussing her for the past few days. You should get a life,’ Sia said as she tried hanging up on him. His constant cribbing was getting on her nerves.
‘It wouldn’t have mattered this much if she had continued attending classes regularly. What frustrates me is that none of the shopkeepers near her house recall seeing her.’
The conversation continued and despite repeated attempts by Sia to calm Apurv down, he continued to stress himself out.
His parents were out of town for the weekend and he had locked himself in his room. He played their favourite song till he could take it no longer. Then he turned to what helped him cope with the pain the best. By the end of the night, there was a collection of bottles at the foot of his bed.
As he scrolled through her profile on Facebook, he came across a post that suddenly made sense to him.
Never be dependent on one person because if they fail to be by your side, you will lose all your strength. You’ll be buried under the weight of it all, waiting for that one person to pull you up. If they fail to show up, you’ll be crushed. Learn to make your scars your strength instead.
After reading her status, he was so overcome with emotions that he proceeded to smash the wind chimes that were tinkling half-heartedly. They were, after all, the ones she had gifted him. He often hoped that destroying the tangible memories associated with her would lessen some of his pain, but the harder he tried, the worse it became.
The next day, Ritvik finally got Amyra’s address after forcing a peon to get it for him from the student records. When he told Apurv and Sia what he had done, they were overjoyed.
‘How did you do it, bro?’ Apurv hugged him in excitement.
‘Talent, you see.’
‘Fuck off. But you just nailed it.’
‘You know, there is one more reason. When you and Sia weren’t talking to each other, I met Amyra alone to ask if she could help me resolve the issue. It was then that she told me that she loved you but still couldn’t be with you. I found it strange. My curiosity is the only reason I took a risk and bribed the peon. Here is her address.’
‘This is so strange,’ Apurv said. ‘I dropped her off at Andheri and that’s where she was when she called me that night. I even asked why we were heading to Andheri when she told me that she lived in Versova. But she denied staying in Versova. And now this address says Versova. Why did she give me a fake address and pretend to enter the apartment in Andheri?’ Apurv was very confused.
‘I hope the truth isn’t something awful,’ Sia said.
Each step towards Amyra’s Versova address killed him. When they entered the building, they saw her surname on a nameplate. Since the elevator wasn’t working they had to climb the stairs to the fifth floor.
‘Mine is fourth. Hers is fifth,’ Apurv said, panting.
‘What?’ Sia asked.
‘Floors. Mine is fourth and hers is fifth.’
‘So?’ questioned Ritvik.
‘I am just trying to keep calm.’
‘Don’t worry, she will be at home.’ Sia comforted him.
Standing in front of the door, Apurv took a deep breath and looked at both Sia and Ritvik for reassurance. He rang the bell but no one opened the door. He gave it another try and finally a girl appeared. She was younger than them, but she looked like Amyra.
‘Amyra?’ Apurv asked, feeling confident. He had expected her parents to open the door.
‘Didi is not here. She has gone with Mom and Dad. You are Apurv, right?’
Apurv was surprised. ‘Yes. How do you know me?’
‘I have seen your pictures on Didi’s phone.’
‘Can we come inside?’ Sia asked.
The girl welcomed them in. After offering them water, she revealed that she was Amyra’s younger sister Nivi. The house felt silent and haunted. Apurv wanted to know the truth behind Amyra’s disappearance. ‘Where has Amyra gone?’
‘To meet a baba for Ayurvedic medicine. They left a couple of weeks ago and will return only next week. My aunt is staying with me in the meantime, but she’s gone to work now.’
‘Medicine for what?’
‘What happened to her?’ Sia asked after Apurv.
‘Alzheimer’s.’
‘What?’
‘It’s an incurable disease, but medicine can slow its progress. She has an eraser in her mind, according to Mom.’
Both Sia and Apurv were horrified to know that there was something wrong with her medically. Ritvik, too, was dumbfounded. None of them could believe the truth.
‘What does that mean?’ Apurv stammered.
‘It makes her forget things. A mental death will come before the physical. Even surgery can’t cure it. Soon, she will forget us. You, Mom, Dad and me. Everyone.’
‘What? You are joking, right? She is hiding somewhere inside, I know. Amyra, come out now.’ Apurv was convinced that Nivi was playing a sick prank.
‘No. I am not lying. Mom told me this. She is dying.’
‘Amyra knew about this?’ Apurv asked.
‘Yes.’
Apurv’s world turned dark the moment Nivi uttered those words. Was this for real? Was Amyra dying? The word ‘death’ weighed heavy in his head. He stood there, hollow and empty. It’s said that when a person dies, their memories live on forever. But for Amyra, the memories were dying first. Was this the reason that she had friend-zoned Apurv?
Still, Can She Be Happy?
Pieces thrown everywhere
Pieces of my heart, torn apart by the air Silence.
Nothing but silence after the offensive blare
I can’t take any more of this repulsive snare
My soul fell to my knees feeling weak and unaware!
A writer, whose connection with pen and paper would now be rare.
Apurv’s world fell apart when he heard about Amyra’s illness. His heart was in pieces. He knew she wasn’t ready to die. She had so many things left to experience. The shards of his shattered soul contained memories that he wished to remember, but Amyra was forgetting it all. His research on the Internet revealed that it was a rare disease in which the brain decomposed before the body.
‘But she is only sixteen!’ her mom had said
to the doctor. She was told to prepare herself for the inevitable. Neither surgery nor medicine would cure her and soon she would not even be able to use her phone. All memories would fade away. There was no fixed pattern and sometimes she would forget in fragments and recollect it later, but gradually everything would be erased, the most recent memories first. She was advised to quit college but it was her decision to continue because she wanted to spend time with Apurv. No one took her seriously when she first started forgetting about classes and tests. But she had known from the start. This is why she had not accepted Apurv’s proposal. Apurv felt so guilty for the way he had treated her the last time they were together.
He tried calling her again, but there was no response. Her parents might have taken her phone away. He couldn’t stop himself from dropping a text.
I am sorry that I was rude to you the day you came home. Your love for me is the most precious gift I have ever received. I now know the truth and my life has come to a standstill. Can’t we relive those days again and again? My life before I met you was nothing. I always struggled to find true love and now that I’ve got it, destiny has played its part. I sometimes think God is taking revenge on me for something I did in my past life. Please come back soon and I promise to fulfil every last wish of yours.
He had so much to say, but his words were like sand being washed away by a tide of emotions. He was determined to fulfil her desire to meet Pihu and Ishaan. Now that the mystery had been uncovered, it only unleashed grief for all of them. Her health was deteriorating fast, and Apurv just hoped she would return before her memories of him were erased.
‘I called her a slut, abused her and whatnot. I shouldn’t have said such things.’ Sia was crying in Ritvik’s arms as they sat at their favourite Starbucks outlet.
‘You feel guilty, that’s enough. Once she is back, don’t just apologize. Make her feel good. Knowing that you are dying and still carrying on is not easy. She is a strong girl. She never told anyone about her disease and hid her pain behind a smile. I respect her more now.’
‘Isn’t it strange? We never even thought this could be the reason she friend-zoned Apurv. No one in school knew about this. She has been going through this for four years, since the time she changed schools.’
Sia felt guilty for the way she had behaved with Amyra. Her conscience was pricking her.
It was then that Apurv walked in and revealed his plan. ‘I want you to help me contact Pihu and Ishaan. She wanted to meet them at least once and I want to make her wish come true. Do you have their numbers?’
Sia didn’t have their numbers but Apurv’s plan uplifted her spirits and she was ready to make it happen. Ritvik too was up for it. The three best friends—Sia, Ritvik and Apurv—had only one goal now: to reunite the three former best friends—Amyra, Pihu and Ishaan.
Sia was scared of messaging Pihu because memories of the bullying and taunting came back to her.
‘Will it be right to message her after so long? What will she think about me? Why don’t you message her instead?’ she asked Apurv.
‘No, I won’t. You will. Come on, Sia, you don’t have to face her in real life. You just need to type and hit send. Put it in a way that she would find hard to refuse.’
‘I know but I feel weird. It’s been more than two years since we spoke.’
‘Two years? You were together till the tenth standard, right? Or did she also leave school like Amyra?’
‘No, she was forced to take a gap year and when she repeated the ninth standard, we had already cleared our board exams.’
‘Why?’
‘Amyra told me one evening before our fallout. It was because of her that Pihu had taken a gap year. Amyra also didn’t leave school by choice. She would’ve been expelled if she didn’t, making it hard for her to get admission anywhere else. This is why her dad sought a transfer to another school in Versova.’
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
‘Yes, she told me herself. Pihu and Amyra were like sisters, and I had found it strange that she was not even on her Facebook friend list. Amyra told me that she was jealous of Ishaan’s and Pihu’s closeness. It was out of jealousy that one day at school she stuck bubblegum in Pihu’s hair. This was a serious offence and they were called by the principal. Amyra didn’t know that Pihu would have to crop her hair short. Pihu took a year off to save herself from the humiliation and Amyra was forced to leave.’
‘Was that the reason for her break-up with Ishaan?’
‘I think they couldn’t handle the distance because they couldn’t travel a lot in school. But after that incident, they abused each other and messed up their relationship. It was just a prank that had gone too far. Amyra never imagined that because of her Pihu would have to drop a year. Just because of that guilt she never tried to contact her but she really wanted to apologize. It was not that she didn’t try initially, but Pihu didn’t respond to her attempts. Ishaan too drifted away when he found out the reason for Amyra’s actions. After all, Pihu was his best friend.’
Apurv realized that this situation resembled his life a lot. He encouraged Sia to text Pihu because he knew that even the deepest wounds heal with time. Also, he knew that Pihu wouldn’t refuse to meet Amyra once she heard about her condition.
‘Send her a message at least. We have to give it a try.’
Sia took a deep breath and opened her Facebook profile to send Pihu a message.
Hey, I hope you remember me from school. I know we never interacted after you took a year off but I am sorry to hear about what happened. Amyra told me everything a few days ago because we are in the same college. I hope you are over what happened. Amyra misses you a lot. Her only wish is to meet you and Ishaan once, before her illness takes its toll on her. Yes, you read that right. I want to meet you. Please, don’t say no. This is a request. Please reply after reading the message. I am sending you my phone number and will wait for an answer.
After a lot of hesitation, she finally sent the message. They hoped that she would reply soon because they wanted to surprise Amyra when she reached Mumbai.
Hope and expectation were at war. It had been two days and there was no response from Pihu. Sia even commented on her latest picture, asking her to check her inbox. They sent a message to Ishaan as well, but even he had not replied. They had expected something good to happen but now they just felt helpless.
‘Do you think this will work?’ Sia asked Apurv as they sat in a classroom during the lunch break.
‘I don’t know. The other option is to contact some other school friend of yours and ask them to get in touch with Pihu and Ishaan.’
‘I am sorry but I hardly talked to anyone, and I am not in touch with any classmates. Aren’t there any other options?’
‘I am afraid not. You don’t even know where they stay, so we just have to wait for a reply.’
‘Let’s wait then.’
Apurv had sent another text to Amyra as he wanted her to see all the messages when she switched on her mobile.
A few years ago, I had totally given up on love. I thought that there was nobody for me. I thought that the ache in my heart would remain with me forever. But then you entered my life and, suddenly, love was real. I crave your love. I crave your smile. I crave the way you look at me. I crave your sweet voice. And I crave you. But we have not talked for a while now, and I’m afraid I’ll lose you. I cannot bear thinking of a life without you. I know there is going to come a time—and my heart is telling me it’s now—when I’m going to have to say goodbye to you, but I cannot bring myself to do it. I love you and will always be here if you need me. Just don’t make me say goodbye.
Apurv had started to lose faith in the supreme power that he believed in. However, a phone call from Sia a few days later restored his faith. Pihu had called Sia and agreed to meet Amyra, but it had taken a lot of convincing. It was after Sia told Pihu about Amyra’s condition that she agreed. After all, they had shared so many memories together. No grudge was bigger than a
person’s life, especially when the person was slowly walking towards the door to death. She told them that Ishaan would join her as well. Whatever the outcome, everyone was up for it.
Amyra knows that she does not have long to live. Still, can she be happy? Why did she build walls around her? Did she fear her friends would break her? Apurv thought.
‘Finally, we did it,’ Sia said triumphantly.
‘I know. Now Amyra will be happy.’
‘Seem’ is a tricky word because things aren’t always exactly as they appear. Amyra may have seemed fine because of the smile on her face, but she was dejected. She felt like a rotten leaf among the fresh blooms of spring. She knew her mom was sad because of her.
In the bleak room with almost no light, Amyra thought about things she knew she should avoid. Her mom gave her hope that she would be fine, but Amyra knew she was just consoling her. Amyra had accepted her condition, but she was afraid of losing her family and friends. Her heart had cried out in pain when Apurv proposed to her because despite being in love with him, she couldn’t say yes. She was losing everything along with her memories. Already she had made him drop her off at her old address in Andheri, where she stayed during her schooldays, which made Apurv search for her there when she went missing. She had also caused him so much trouble after giving him the wrong landmark. She had accidentally told him that she was at the Andheri bus stop when she was in Versova. Her mind used to blank out for certain periods of time, taking her back to the early days of her life. It was during times like these that she felt completely helpless. She had no control over her mind. She had gone through a lot alone because she didn’t want to reveal her condition to anyone. But blunders like addressing Apurv as Ishaan made her feel pathetic and so she had considered revealing the truth. That’s when her parents took her to the guru they believed in. She had finally decided to tell Apurv, but couldn’t do so, making him feel that she had lied to him shamelessly. She still found it difficult to accept that this was the way things were going to be.
She Friend-Zoned My Love Page 12
