The Persistence of Memories - A Novel of the Mendaihu Universe

by Jon Chaisson

  “Denysia,” she breathed, her voice no longer a rumble. It was human, but so much lower than her normal tone. It resonated so perfectly with Denni’s own spirit she felt her heart leap. “I'm sorry, I should have warned you. I didn't expect this to happen so quickly.”

  “Amzi?” she said, her own voice a pitiful croak. “What happened?”

  “Denysia, it's me. You’ve awakened me. It's Annedin, your daughter.”

  Denni stared at her for a very long time before she could possibly say anything.

  Annedin?

  “I am fine, Denysia. I am truly well now. This is my True Self,” Amna/Annedin said, answering her unspoken question. “Bringing me here to your sehna lumia, inviting me in, talking to me as your daughter, you have awakened me, as Annedin.”

  “You...” Denni stared at her. “You...weren't affected by Nehalé Usarai's Awakening ritual?”

  The young woman smiled at her. “Of course I was. It was the reason why I stuck by you and Karinna so loyally during that time. I didn't fully understand why, except that I felt compelled to. Now I know. I'm your daughter, Denysia...” She began to giggle, the instantly recognizable Mannaki levity of Amna's sneaking in. “I know...doesn't make much sense, does it? Especially since on Gharra, I'm older than you by two weeks.”

  “How? I mean…” Denni was suddenly aware that she had tensed up, her entire body rigid. She forced herself to relax and started again. “Does this have to do with the Rain of Light?”

  She shrugged. “Yes and no. Spiritually, I'm much, much younger than you. You, as both the spirit of Denysia Shalei and the One of All Sacred, are old enough to be my mom.”

  That had to be Amna's wit slipping through. Denni let out a snort of a laugh. “Maybe I am. You scared the hell out of me, you know.”

  “You're wondering why you were burning my hand.”

  Denni nodded. “The thought had occurred to me.”

  Her friend bowed her head, not quite hiding a mischievous grin. “Would you like to see the true Annedin, or the human side that you see now?”

  She started to say something, then stopped. This was the otherwhere they were inhabiting, not quite Gharra, not quite Trisanda. Her own spiritual reality separate from everything else in the universe. To show one's True Self, especially here and now, was to show complete trust and faith in the other. Denni was in her true form as Denysia Shalei, to show she trusted Amna completely. Amna was offering the same.

  “Let me see you as you are, madin,” Denni said.

  “As you wish, fadin,” she answered with a bright smile. She willfully placed her chillingly cold hand in Denni’s, and all was Light...

  ...and then nothing.

  Complete silence, utter blackness.

  No, that's not right. Denni's eyes adjusted and she found herself once again among the stars. She shivered as memories of her self-imposed isolation came rushing back. She did not want to be here, up in this void, far from any other living being aside from Amna.

  Aside from Annedin.

  She had a hard time wrapping her head around that. Amna was Annedin? Annedin was her spiritual offspring? She, Denysia Shalei, was an ancient soul, much older than anyone had realized. A strong soul, a spirit maturing over millennia and through universes. Yes, she knew this, had embraced it the moment she understood she was the One of All Sacred. Again, with the truthsensing of the One within her, she knew this to be right. Somewhere along the line, she had met another soul, an Oktanis soul from Trisanda, and had —

  She stopped that line of thought cold. She knew who this Oktanis was then, and who he was now. This was a man she should be fearing, should be hating with the very core of her spirit, and yet…

  You gave love to D'kami Oktanis, Amna/Annedin said, her calming, disembodied voice carrying through the void. Denni spun around in the weightlessness, immediately trying to pinpoint her location. She could barely see her own hands in front of her face. Any dim shadows were swallowed up by the darkness of space. She threw out a thin tendril, a gossamer thread of her soul, gently spiraling it further out in increments, hoping to touch Amna somehow. She had to find her, and fast.

  You gave your love to D'kami Oktanis, Amna said again. He is my father. Like you, he does not judge. He only reacts. He observes that which is all around him, protecting those who would come to harm. You are opposites, and yet you complemented each other so perfectly in every way, when you brought my soul to life. The two of you transcended your differences and became cho-shadhisi.

  “He is Shenaihu?” Denni asked, and opened her eyes again. They landed on the spiraling shape of a nearby galaxy, slightly cockeyed but quite close to a horizontal plane. She chose it as a fixed point in space and adjusted her bearings until she felt calm enough. Up was up, down was down, and she was safe. She breathed twice and released the tension in her limbs.

  Only in the purest form of the name, Amna said within. D'kami transcends mere labels, fadin. I can say he was an extremely intelligent man. He was all things: a warrior, a sentinel, a watcher. He was a Mannaki poet of some renown. He was also a best friend, a distant admirer, a childhood friend, and many other incarnations. And he watches over you every day as any cho-shadhisi would, over multiple lives and universes.

  Denni bit her lip, shivering. D'kami...watches over me? She wouldn't dare to ask from where, or who he might be in this reality. She wasn't even sure if she wanted to know...there was no way she could be right in her instincts, but if D’kami was the man she feared…!

  Mother, Annedin said, her voice low and rumbling again. I can see you are not yet ready to know who he is yet.

  “N-nyhnd’aladh,” she said quietly. “I just...”

  I understand, Annedin said, calm and reassuring. In time, you will know him again, know his true spirit, and all will be peaceful. I promise.

  “Promise?” she repeated, more as an echo than a question.

  Yes, I promise, Annedin repeated. But surely you are ready to know who I am now? Surely you've figured it out?

  Denni closed her eyes and let out a long breath. Yes, she'd figured it out back in that field, when they had been returning from the edge of the woods. Something about that forest at the end of her field. During all her visits to her sehna lumia, she had not set foot in those woods, had no real reason to enter it, and after that vision, had no desire to cut through it. Something about the proximity of those trees and that heard but unseen stream...they had somehow triggered an abundance of truths within her, whether or not she was ready for them. She was still trying to grasp the fact that her best friend was actually her spiritual child. And Amna...poor Amna, she must be so confused and afraid. But the Ehramanis blood flowed strong within her, and she refused to give up so easily. Amna would take charge of the situation and not give up until she was completely in control.

  Yet...she was talking as Annedin, as if she had known for some time.

  Annedin waited patiently until Denni understood.

  That walk they had taken the other morning. Amna had faltered, yet had refused to say anything about it afterwards. She must have come to her own realization just then, or sometime soon after. Which brought up another question: had Ampryss and edha Usara known about this, or had they not noticed? Ampryss could be as cryptic and enigmatic as any spirit, and had she known, she didn't say anything. Annedin was trying to soften the blow here. She was afraid her own mother would be...scared? Shocked? Dismayed? Disgusted? Of what?

  Her True Self, she thought.

  She is Shenaihu nuhm'ndah.

  And yet...nothing changed. Annedin was still her daughter in spirit, and she felt that unbreakable bond. And Amna was still her best friend, and nor was that bond broken. She knew her in the Spirit of Love, as a sehnadha. She was too close, spiritually and lovingly, to cast her aside, even if she was the supposed enemy. Which she wasn't. The Shenaihu nuhm'ndah were the same as the Mendaihu Gharra, spiritual opposites. They complemented each other to eternity and she, as the One of All Sacred, held it as her duty to m
ake sure it stayed that way.

  “Annedin,” she called out.

  I'm here, she answered.

  “Please, come to me. Show yourself. You are my daughter, and I wish to see you as you truly are.”

  She heard what sounded like a short gasp or a whimper, then a long silence. She waited patiently, expecting a rush of wind or a touch of scale or...or something. Still she stayed. She was determined to see her daughter.

  “Annedin?” she called out.

  There was no answer, at least not one she saw or heard. What she felt, however, was a slow rise in temperature, something unexpected in this eternal dark night. Warmth surrounded her, pulling her in ever tighter, faster...until she realized she had been moving for some time. The stars and galaxies surrounding her had begun to shift, growing in size, blurring, streaking past her. She was now building up speed, her very essence beginning to burn against the dark matter, the null between Light. It was a painless stripping of her essence, like the stripping away of dead skin, and she knew what would happen soon. She would enter that third stage, that reality where True Selves exist.

  Annedin was guiding, pulling her there. Completing the cycle.

  And soon enough, she reached the destination. The last of her old essence stripped away, she finally felt her soul completely free of all obstacles. All was peace. The starfield faded from view and she felt a rush of cool air. She landed softly on a dark marble floor, surprisingly warm to the touch in this otherwise completely darkened room. The only illumination came from above by whatever light the Goddess had offered them, revealing the bare floor for about thirty feet, the rest fading into shadow. Curiously, she stole a look at her clothing, and saw the white toga she'd worn before, with Kindeiya.

  Open your wings, dear Mother, Annedin said. Let me in and I shall respond in kind.

  “Come to me, Annedin,” she called out. She took a deep breath, two of them, closed her eyes, and thought of Annedin, of Amna.

  She felt the untensing of back muscles and the release of once-captive spirit energy. An almost silent rush of wings whispered through the air, from behind. A third breath and she stretched those wings, spanning them out to their full length. Release…complete trust and faith in everything surrounding her. She was in her Mendaihu Gharra form, her True Self. She shivered, shedding the toga from her body, replacing it with a long, flowing white robe. She was here, she was Denysia Shalei, and she was the One of All Sacred.

  “Madin,” she whispered.

  A quiet rumble, a long, jagged breath. A rippling of stronger wings, of leathery wings, flapping once, twice. A tik-tik of talons landing on the floor. A hiss of a sigh through nostrils. A push of hot breath wafting past her face, smelling of cinnamon and patchouli. An almost silent swish of a tail riding low in the air, very close to the ground but never touching.

  “I am here,” Annedin said, her voice so very low...but kind. “Open your eyes, mother.”

  Denysia opened them.

  Annedin Shalei si Oktanis stood ten feet tall and nearly twenty-five feet long from muzzle to tail, a sleek young kiralla of turquoise and sapphire scale, at rest on all fours. Her tail waved tentatively as a curious feline's, held low but never underneath, nor out and above. She held her head low enough to come nearly face to face with Denysia, impossibly dark eyes staring intently at her, still alive with the intention of fire. She held her muzzle pointed down and breathed slowly. Every few seconds one of her long ears would twitch in a slightly separate direction. She waited.

  Denysia's jaw dropped slightly. A tear escaped her left eye.

  “Annedin...” she said, then, within: Annedin...I cannot believe what an exquisite creature you've become...! Goddess...you're beautiful!

  Annedin's snout ducked lower, as if to hide a blush, and she snorted.

  “Can...can we touch?” Denysia said. “I mean...can we touch without injuring each other now?”

  “I don't see why not,” Annedin said, and began to reach out a forearm. “We're on equal ground now. Here, let me test it.” Razor sharp talons pointed down and slightly away, her claw only opening when it was clear she meant it as a peaceful gesture. She let it drop slowly and lightly upon Denysia's right shoulder. For a second she felt a jolt of ice, vanishing a second later as Annedin's hand remained, moving slightly back and forth. When it seemed nothing would injure them, she removed her hand and retreated back to her original position.

  “It seems we can touch,” Annedin said, and hummed contentedly.

  Denysia moved forward until she was nearly muzzle-to-face with her. She reached out her own hand this time, reaching behind Annedin’s head and placing it far on the back of her elongated neck. The ice was gone, and she sighed with a satisfied grin. She let her forehead land on Annedin's as she began to stroke the back of her neck. Annedin hummed again, this time deeper and slower.

  “You...surprised me,” Annedin said. “I thought for sure you would be frightened.”

  Denysia shook her head. “Never. Not by my daughter.”

  “Sa’im shadha, fadin,” she said. “This is why I am so loyal to you.”

  “Sa’im shadha, madin,” Denysia answered with a smile. “That's why I would never turn away.” She tucked herself underneath Annedin's muzzle and embraced her bulky shoulders. Annedin lifted a forearm, curled it around and pulled her mother close.

  “You have no idea how long I've been looking for you,” Annedin said.

  Denysia laughed quietly, letting the tears come. “I have no idea about a lot of things lately. I've known you as Amna for so long...and now you're Annedin, my beautiful daughter...” She stepped back and looked this wondrous creature in the eyes again. “But this is not the form that I'm used to.”

  Annedin nodded, grunted, and clicked her sharp fangs together in what must have been a laugh. “Father is kiralla, as am I. As are you, if you let yourself reach that far. They are the highest spiritual form on Trisanda. Stronger than Mendaihu or Shenaihu. Perhaps stronger than the One of All Sacred and the Dahné Shenaihu.”

  Denysia believed her without question. Annedin spoke the truth as only she could, because she was an impartial kiralla. D'kami Oktanis was kiralla, and she had once loved him. Her ancestral memories were still hazy, and she could just as easily misconstrue their meanings as she could take them at face value. She felt that connection to D’kami deep within her heart, perhaps just as Karinna felt the connection between herself and Anando Shalei, and yet, just like her sister, her memories of past lives were clouded. Even so, her spirit sang, and that was enough.

  She chose not to think about who D’kami may be in this iteration. Now was not the time to think about such things.

  “I understand your confusion,” Annedin said. “Awakening as the One of All Sacred as you did...and not ascending. Had you ascended, you would have completely remembered all of your histories, as the one and as Denysia Shalei.”

  Denysia nodded slowly. “It’s as if I’ve lost them.”

  “Not lost,” she said and snorted in frustration. It was not directed at her, but at the situation. “You just have harder access to them,” Annedin continued. “Someone or something is blocking that access.”

  She snorted herself. “I'd like to know how he blocked it in the first place. I know who did it, Annedin. I saw him when I nearly lost everyone that day.” She shivered, the memory of everything turning inexplicably cold all at once...and of the connections she'd maintained between herself and thousands of people suddenly being cut off. It was only a miracle that she regained that connection seconds later. Those people would have died if she hadn't, and she didn't want to remind herself of that again.

  Natianos Lehanna had not been the one to sever that connection, but he had summoned the man who had. It was Saisshalé. She had sensed the Dahné, standing at the window to his office on one of the upper floors of the Mirades Tower, watching her and, as it turned out, waiting for the proper moment to seize control of the situation when it was easiest for him and detrimental to her. He ha
d done this to stay in the game. If she had ascended, it would have given her untold powers of intelligence, strength and spirit. She would have attained all the knowledge of the past incarnations of the One of All Sacred, well surpassing anything Natianos could have had. He was the one behind the current Shenaihu nuhm'ndah uprising, and with the One incapacitated, it would take a hell of a lot to stop him now.

  Denysia told Annedin all of this, and the kiralla listened. As Amna, Annedin already knew about the convergence at the warehouse and their reasons for it. She also knew about her frenzied attempt to contain the Rain of Light before it spiraled out of control. That had to have been Natianos' doing as well, pushing Nehalé Usarai towards that awakening ritual. Natianos could have easily roused the Rain on his own, but in order to do that, he'd needed someone to be able to control it. And in order for that person to do so, she herself would need to be awakened.

  Natianos knew full well that the One of All Sacred lay dormant somewhere in Bridgetown, waiting to be reawakened, her soul waiting to ascend to full cognizance. He would need to use her long enough to pull the Shenaihu nuhm'ndah and the Mendaihu out of dormancy, but before she acquired all her powers.

  Denysia spent considerable time in silence after saying all of this, pacing back and forth in front of her dragon-daughter, contemplating her next moves. Annedin watched quietly, twitching an ear or flicking her tail every now and again. She wanted to say something, Denysia could tell, but chose not to out of respect. Eventually she repositioned herself into a squat, tail curling around in front of her, forearms folded one over the other. She lifted her head halfway, never raising it above Denysia's out of respect.

  “Fadin,” she said. “Please, sit and rest.” She patted the floor next to her, talons tapping gently.