A Little Help from Above

by Saralee Rosenberg

  “Matty, it sounds surreal. You must have been miserable.”

  “If it weren’t for a couple of great friends I made in high school, and their families, I don’t know what would have become of me. I practically lived at their houses.”

  “What happened after that?”

  He stirred the last of his iced-down drink and chugged it. Several times he started to speak but held back. “It’s hard. This part is hard.”

  Shelby reached across the table and squeezed his hand.

  “I got into Brown you know.”

  “Yes, I read that in your engagement announcement.”

  “I can’t remember. Did it also happen to say I was class valedictorian, or that I was an all-state track and tennis star?”

  “No.”

  “Did it say the summer I graduated high school, I found good old Deke in bed with the young man who lived in the house across the street, who was on summer break from USC?” “No…”

  “Did it say the following morning, my mother found Deke floating at the bottom of our pool with a self-inflicted bullet wound to his neck?”

  “Oh my God!”

  “I didn’t think so,” he gulped the rest of his drink. “That sort of thing tends to mess up perfectly nice engagement announcements.”

  “I can’t believe what you’re telling me.” Shelby covered her mouth. “You poor thing.”

  “No, please. Don’t pity me. Somehow my mom stayed strong during the whole thing and never let Wendy or me fall apart. She put us right into therapy…bought a house in one of the suburbs where no one knew us…she kept saying, ‘It’s not your fault, kids. You did nothing wrong.’ Which was exactly what we needed to hear.”

  “Thank God she did all the right things.”

  “I know better than anyone what a royal pain in the ass my mother can be, but believe me I am grateful that she was such a tough old bird. Wendy did great in school, I graduated with honors from Brown, went on to Wharton for my MBA. Then, listen to this. At my graduation, she hands me a check for $250,000 and says it’s combat pay because it came from the proceeds of Deke’s life insurance. She’d been saving it so I could start my own business, which I did. And today I run a very successful educational software company that’s about to go public.”

  “Wow!” Shelby clutched her heart. “That’s quite a story.”

  Matty smiled. “A real movie-of-the-week, right?”

  “Starring Carol Burnett as your mother.”

  “Perfect casting.” He nodded. “Another tall redhead whose name is Carol.”

  After an awkward silence, Shelby was about to bring up the subject of Gwen when Matty’s cell phone rang. The cold reality check they weren’t in Casablanca anymore. And proof his wife had these uncanny instincts about when her husband was becoming infatuated with another woman.

  He excused himself, leaving Shelby to ponder the enormity of the intimate moment they’d just shared. And pray that something would dare come of it.

  “Hey.” Matty returned a few minutes later, his boyish grin erased.

  “Let me guess. Gwen wanted to know why you’re not back yet.”

  “Yes,” he said. “We’ve got company coming.”

  “Right. Mummy and Daddy and Chippy and Dippy and Pluto and Goofy…”

  “Be nice. My in-laws are nice enough people.”

  “I’m sorry. Of course they are.” Shelby sighed. Why wasn’t he sitting down? She felt like a character in a twisted version of Cinderella. When the clock struck twelve, the dutiful prince returned to his kingdom, where sadly he lived out his life with the wrong maiden.

  “It’s later than I thought.” He looked at his watch. “Do you think…I really hate to ask you this. But would it be possible for you to take the train home?”

  “The train?” Shelby felt as if she’d just taken a kick in the gut. “Sure. No problem.” How could he could even think of leaving her in her fragile state to fend for herself in the big, bad apple? Never mind that she grew up here, too, and knew every inch of the city.

  “You sure you don’t mind?” He looked at his watch again.

  Of course I mind, but obviously that’s not going to matter. “It’s fine.” Shelby tried to choke back tears. That was some Svengali-like hold Gwen had on him. One phone call, and his entire demeanor changed.

  “It was great seeing you, Shelby.” He bent down to embrace her. “I’ll never forget this day.”

  “Wait. So, that’s it? We’ll try running into each other every thirty years, give or take?”

  Matty pushed the bangs from her face. “My life is so complicated. I can’t even begin to explain my commitments, my obligations…”

  “I understand. But how can you just disappear into the sunset? Don’t you want to see me again? E-mail me? Wait. At least let me write down my screen name.” She scribbled that and her cellphone number on a napkin.

  He reached into his breast pocket. “Good idea. Here’s my card. Definitely keep in touch, and please tell your dad and Roz I wish them well. Oh and Lauren, too.”

  Shelby reached for Matty’s hand and looked him straight in the eye. “Do you love her?”

  He hesitated. “Yes.”

  “Okay. Then I guess that’s all I need to know. It’s not for me to question.”

  But of course it was exactly what she was doing. Questioning what kind of merciful God would have her reunite with the one person with whom she could spend the rest of her life, only to learn he was married with a sick child? And what the hell did Warner Lamm know about anything? There wasn’t going to be any love in the air!

  “I love her. It’s living with her that’s a problem.” Matty sat down again. “We went through a trial separation last year, then decided to give it another try. For Emily’s sake.”

  “I may be going out on a limb here,” Shelby blurted, “but how can you be so sure she’s as totally committed to the marriage as you are?”

  “Excuse me?”

  “The shopping bags Gwen walked in with before. They were empty. That’s a sign, Matty. When women don’t want their husbands to know where they’ve been, they make it look like they’ve just come from the mall.” Somebody had to open his eyes, and it might as well be her.

  “That’s what you think?” he asked. “You spent maybe fifteen minutes with my wife and made assumptions about her based on the fact she had nothing in her shopping bags?”

  “That, and the way she treats you…”

  “Don’t go there.” Matty closed his eyes. “I know where Gwen was this morning. She drove out to Connecticut to visit our daughter at the home we had to place her in a few months ago. Emily was born with Down’s syndrome. She’s severely retarded, has limited mobility, and now a degenerative heart condition. We couldn’t care for her at home anymore. Gwen always bakes muffins and cookies to bring to her and the other children, and she likes to use the big store bag because they hold a lot. That’s why they were empty.”

  “Oh my God.” Shelby’s jaw dropped. “I’m sorry. I feel so stupid.”

  “It’s okay.” He patted her hand. “I know you still love me like a sister. You thought you were looking out for my best interests.”

  A sister? That’s how he thought of her? She might as well find a razor blade and her biggest artery.

  “But now…seeing you again,” he started.

  Hold the razor blade.

  “This is such a confusing time in my life..”

  “Matty, stop. I feel as though I’ve spent my entire life looking for you, hoping to resume where we left off. Hoping the love we felt as children would somehow endure. But you have a wife and a child, and I’m finally going to have to accept the fact that we were not meant to be together.”

  Matty bent over to kiss Shelby firmly on the lips, and the electrical impulses that surged through her body nearly melted what little resistance she had left. She kissed him back so passionately, the blood rushed to her face and her panties felt moist. When they finally separated, she was breathle
ss and limp. “Why did you do that?” she cried.

  “I’m sorry. I just had to know.”

  “Know what? That I still love you? That I’ve always loved you? That not a day has gone by that I didn’t think of you and wonder where you were?”

  “All of the above.” He cupped her face in his warm hands.

  “That was too good. It’s just not fair!” She sobbed into his chest. “I’ve never found anyone else I cared for as much as you…”

  “Shhh.” He held her tightly.

  “What are we going to do?” Shelby looked in his eyes.

  “I don’t know.”

  “Why not?”

  “Shelby, if you’re asking me would I love to run away with you and live happily ever after, the answer is yes. But if you’re asking me if I will…the answer is no. Nothing in my life has ever worked out the way I hoped or planned, but it’s still my life. I’m just playing the cards I was dealt.”

  “But if you stay in a bad marriage, it only makes you a martyr.”

  “Please don’t judge me, Shelby. You have no idea what I have to endure every day just to get by. And believe me, my daughter doesn’t think of me as a martyr. To her I’m a hero. I would never do anything to sacrifice her happiness or well-being.”

  “I can understand that. But what about Gwen?”

  “Are you asking why I stay in a marriage that’s not perfect?”

  “I guess.”

  “Do you know any couple that doesn’t have issues? And it’s not like I haven’t thought about walking out the door. But I’m not a quitter, Shelby. I mean if I learned anything from my childhood, it’s that you have to tough things out. That’s why I work hard every day. I try to stay focused on all the positives in my life…Maybe you think I’m being a fool. I think I’m doing right by my family, just like my mother did when her life was so difficult. It’s called survival.”

  “Okay. I hear you.” Shelby took a deep breath and reached under the table for her pocketbook. “But I have to be honest, too. I’m dying a thousand deaths here, and I can’t pretend to be some old friend from the neighborhood who thought it would be fun to have a drink and reminisce.”

  “Shelby, please don’t leave angry.” Matty reached for her hand.

  “I’m not angry. I’m grieving. And frankly, I’m sorry this ever happened today.”

  “Now you’re breaking my heart. I’m not sorry at all. In fact I feel really lucky that we found each other again. There’s no reason we can’t be friends.”

  FRIENDS? Shelby couldn’t listen to another word, and ran back into the museum to take the nearest elevator down. A torrent of tears unleashed the minute the doors closed. All he wanted was to be friends? No way. He had to have the same intense feelings for her as she did for him because that kiss could have melted a nun.

  Sorry, Matty. Friends is not an option for us. You’ll have to do better than that.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  Never before had Shelby felt a need to pour her heart out to someone. Anyone. Pity the relationship cupboard was bare. Maria was off, Lauren was busy testing her single’s wings, and she dared not call the hospital. If her father and Aunt Roz knew she was home with nothing to do, they’d insist on her joining them for a game of bridge with the Markowitzes.

  Instead, Shelby crawled into bed, continued her crying jag, and tried to fall sleep without the aid of a Sominex. Now that she was pregnant, every decent drug was verboten. Good Lord. Was there any aspect of her life that hadn’t undergone a drastic change or been mired by chaos?

  And yet, even she had to admit that she didn’t regret the events that had unfolded since the accident. If she hadn’t flown home that day, she never would have run into Ian, never gone to work for him, and certainly never gotten the assignment that ultimately delivered her to Matty’s door.

  Wasn’t this what Warner had been telling her all along? Not only did everything happen for a reason, there was always a preordained timetable. Timing was everything, indeed. But did that mean she believed in this whole void-of-course moon business?

  Shelby flicked on the light to look for the file Warner had left for her at the office. With everything else that had gone on today, she’d forgotten to read his report. Now nothing was more important than finding out if Matthew and Gwen exchanged vows on a marital doomsday. Ha! They might have thought theirs was a match made in heaven, but only if Venus wasn’t retrograde.

  Shelby sank into the recliner and began to read Warner’s notes. Talk about nearly falling off your rocker. Her initial hunch had been right. May 25, the day that the McCreighs and all those other unsuspecting couples got married, was astrologically doomed. The moon was void-of-course, making it the worst possible time to commit, buy, or start any venture. Then Saturn was squaring Venus, which meant the house of partnerships was in turmoil. Plus, 1988 was a two year for the universe, which always signified a big surge in the divorce rate.

  Shelby laughed. How little of this she really understood. Sex-tiles, conjunctions, squares, trines, contraparallels. Warner’s world sounded more like a geometry class than an explanation of the cosmos. But after reviewing his notes, there was one thing she was sure of. No matter how vehemently Matty insisted his marriage would succeed, there were much greater forces at work.

  Did this mean she was starting to believe in astrology? Yes, and furthermore, when she was feeling depressed, the best therapy for her was to write. What an idea! She would turn Ian’s ridiculous wedding piece into an edgy story for singles on how to pick the best day to say “I do.”

  “I do.” The two saddest words in the world for Shelby, not counting “if only.”

  Well I’ll be. I think that ringing I hear is the sound of Shelby’s wakeup call. I just hope she doesn’t confuse it with the one at the Ritz where she rolls over, then goes back to sleep.

  Warner loved the idea of Shelby turning the story into an Astrology 101 crash course on how to choose the right wedding date. He was tickled by the fact she asked him to share a byline and help her rewrite the piece. He was not thrilled, however, to discuss this matter at eight o’clock on a Sunday morning.

  “Good God, Shelby.” He yawned. “Have you any idea what time it is?”

  “Yes, but you said you were an early bird. That you start your day at five.”

  “On workdays, darling. On weekends little Warner parties his tushy off till five, then goes nighty-night with the lucky winner.”

  “Oops. Sorry.” She cringed at the idea of a naked Warner in the arms of a willowy young boy from Iowa. “How about I call you back later?”

  “How about we discuss this at the office tomorrow?”

  “You’re the expert on timing,” she replied. “Warner?”

  “Yes?”

  “You were right, you know,” Shelby blurted.

  “About what?”

  “Basically everything.”

  “You give me too much credit, dear. I don’t write the script, I’m just the first to read it.”

  It was one thing for Warner to blow her off. It was quite another for her own father to do it. “Daddy, why aren’t you answering me? Didn’t you hear a word I said?” Shelby nudged his arm.

  “Maybe you should come back.” He turned over and winced. “Today’s not a good day.”

  “How can you tell?” Shelby checked her watch. “It’s not even nine o’clock.”

  “Believe me it doesn’t matter. A.M., P.M. Yesterday, today, tomorrow. It’s all the same to me. So excuse me if I’m not paying attention to your sad tale. At least when you’re finished moaning and groaning, you can get up and walk out of this place.”

  Shelby nodded. The doctors had warned her about accident victims who survived the accident, but not the depression that followed. They warned her to expect difficult, moody periods, when loved ones would insist they couldn’t go on another day. And she had well expected that sort of thing from Aunt Roz, the kvetch.

  But never from her indomitable, high-spirited father. A man who never
saw a tee time he didn’t like. A man who wasn’t happy unless he was entertaining a houseful of people. Before the accident, anyway. Now, life as he knew it was over, and his recovery slow and painful. Could she honestly blame him for wallowing in self-pity and not wanting to listen to her carry on about all the injustices in her life?

  “Sorry, Daddy. I’m sure my problems seem trivial compared to yours.”

  “You got that right.”

  “But what am I going to do about the babies?”

  “What’s to do? Avi’s leaving changes nothing. Lauren will have to do this on her own.”

  “Oh, please. She can’t even buy bagels on her own. First she has to ask everyone in the store their opinion.” Shelby mimicked, “‘Which do you think looks better? The pumpernickel rye or cinnamon raisin?’ She’s like a fifteen-year-old in a thirty-year-old’s body! No way is she ready to be a single mom.”

  “Fine. You’re such a big shot. You keep them.”

  “Oh, no, no, no. My gig is up at the end of nine months…”

  “Enough already with the foolishness, Shelby! What do you want me to say? Go have an abortion now that Avi’s gone? To hell with him! Life is precious, and you don’t go spitting in God’s eye, especially after what your mother and I have been through! You should be grateful you’ve been given a chance to create life and add to our beautiful family.”

  Shelby sat quietly, contemplating her father’s compelling words when in walked the culprit.

  “Hey, Shel. What are you doing here so early?”

  “I needed to talk to Daddy about a few things.”

  “Me too.” Lauren nodded.

  “Oy gutenu.” Daddy grimaced when he tried turning the other way. “Another country that thinks their world is ending. Why don’t you girls go bother your mother?”

  “What’s with him?” Lauren asked.

  “He’s having a bad day. Did you hear from Avi?”

  “Yes.”

  “And?” Shelby motioned with her hands. “What did he say?”

  “He said he’s really sorry about everything, that it didn’t work out the way he expected, and he wishes me the best of luck, and could I please send him the sheet music he left in the closet?”