Accidental Baby: Ryder & Trina's Story (Fake Marriage Romance Book 2)

by Ajme Williams

  “I’m done farming.”

  She snorted. “No more tilling, eh?”

  I stood and pulled her to me for a hug. “You’re the best sister, you know that?”

  “I’m your only sister.”

  “You’re the best anywhere.”

  I wished I could say that Sinclair lifted me out of my funk, but I was still pissed at Trina. Even so, I was glad to have Sinclair’s support. It was another difference between me and Trina; I could accept the love and support from others. If Trina could have gotten out of her own way, she’d have all the love and support she’d not had growing up. Instead, she chose to push people away. Not just push them away, but treat them so poorly that they wouldn’t even try to get close to her. For that, I felt sorry for her. But I couldn’t linger on it. I’d tried to show her what life could be like being loved, and she chose to reject it. It took me a while, but now I got the message. She didn’t want anything from me. Fine. I was done with Trina.

  28

  Trina

  One thing I excelled at was pushing aside hard feelings and replacing them with numbness. It allowed me to focus on things I could do to control the chaos that was around me. But at night, when I was sleeping, my dreams were no match for the emotions. All night I tossed and turned with grief and guilt and a feeling that I’d ruined the one chance I had at happiness.

  It wasn’t so much the anger in Ryder that haunted me, although that had been a revelation. I’d never seen him so angry. No, what tormented me in my sleep was the pain in his eyes. I’d hurt him. Deeply. It burned in my gut until it woke me with a cry.

  When morning came, I’d push that aside, and with my head down and eyes forward, I went through the motions of life. I got up, showered, had my coffee, went to work, came home, had dinner, went to bed, and then did it all again the next day.

  Thinking maybe Sinclair was right and I could benefit from counseling, but not able to bring myself to visit anyone in town for fear of people finding out and judging me, I accessed an app that offered licensed help professionals. The woman I got was nice and had a gentle yet direct manner when it came to challenging my thoughts. Still, I didn’t feel like it changed much. My life was still a mess.

  Two days later, the mayor called me into his office. I was sure I was going to be fired, even though I’d been better behaved than I’d ever been before. I had to shut down so much that I couldn’t even muster irritation or anger when Brooke asked me for feedback on another task of mine the mayor had given her.

  I stepped into his office, and simply stood like a zombie. That’s how I felt. The living dead.

  His gaze scrutinized me. “I’m concerned about you.”

  “I’m fine.”

  He leaned back in his chair. “You’re not your usual self.”

  “I’d think that was a good thing, sir.”

  His lips twitched upwards. “Normally, yes, but you don’t look well either. Is everything okay with the baby?”

  “Yes, sir. I’m just…trying to adjust to everything.”

  “I know you like order.”

  It was more than that. I needed order like I needed air. I didn’t feel I could survive without it.

  “I want you to know that your job is secure here, at least while I’m mayor. If Sinclair wins the next election, I’m sure she’ll keep you here too, so despite what I said, your job is safe.”

  “Thank you.” That was a relief, although I still felt like crap.

  “And I’m sorry I haven’t been more transparent with you on the things I’m assigning to Miss Campbell. I value your work and I’m sorry if I seemed to have disrespected that.”

  “I appreciate that, sir.”

  He cocked his head giving an air of authority. “Of course, that doesn’t give you permission to be hostile.”

  “No, sir.” I didn’t have the energy to be hostile.

  He frowned. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you need the day off?”

  “I’d rather work.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  I went back to my desk, and took care of the items on my to do list. Each time I saw Sinclair, I tensed, thinking this would be the moment she lambasted me for how I’d treated Ryder, but she seemed too preoccupied with her own work.

  In the evening, at home from work, I took stock of my life. The one thing I’d realized that would need to be remedied first was that my apartment was too small. I decided it would be easier to move now than after a baby was born. But as I looked through the rentals available online, I didn’t see anything big enough that I could afford.

  As the evening wore on, I felt more fatigued, but I was too afraid to go to bed, not wanting to see Ryder’s pain in my sleep. Eventually, I couldn’t put it off, and so I did a final tidy around my apartment and prepared to go to sleep even though it was only just after eight at night.

  A knock at the door had me hoping that it was Ryder, even though I knew it wouldn’t be him.

  I looked through the peephole and saw Sinclair. I opened the door.

  “Here.” She tossed the book I’d made for her in high school at me. “I forgot to give this to you. At this point, I wouldn’t want it anyway. Where’s the friend that made this book, because the person in front of me isn’t here.”

  Finally, she knew what had happened and was here to tell me off. It was sort of a relief that I wouldn’t be walking on eggshells waiting for it to come at work.

  I opened the door to let her in, thinking I deserved whatever she was going to tell me.

  “You’re a real bitch sometimes Trina, do you know that? What is wrong with you?”

  I shrugged, not sure if it was a real question or a rhetorical one.

  “Do you really think Ryder is a loser?”

  “I don’t think he’s prepared—”

  “So that’s a yes. If he’s a loser it's because he’s spent so much time pining after you.”

  “That’s not true.” Feeling exhausted, I put the book on the coffee table and sat on my couch. It was strange to have coveted the book for so long, but now having it in my possession was a hollow victory. Of course, technically I didn't earn it. Maybe I should give it back, because seeing it was a reminder of the bet and how I spectacularly messed up my life.

  Sinclair paced in my living room. “Ryder is the most kind-hearted, sweet human being that ever existed and you shit all over him.”

  “I can’t worry about his feelings when I have a baby to think about.”

  “You’re so full of shit, Trina. You only care about you.”

  Tears came to my eyes. I wanted to blame the hormones, but I knew it was guilt and grief. “That’s not true.”

  “It is true. You’re using that baby to keep Ryder away the same way you use order and organization and your bitchy attitude to keep everyone else away. News flash, Trina, not everyone is like your parents. Ryder won’t leave you—”

  “He already did.”

  She whirled on me. “You’ve got to be kidding me? You have some fucking nerve. You told him he was a loser and expect him to hang around? That’s what you wanted though, right? You want people to leave you and disappoint you.”

  “I don’t want it, they just do.”

  She jammed her fists into her hips. “Have you ever considered that it’s because of how you treat them?”

  “So it’s my fault my mother left and my father couldn’t care for me?”

  She blew out a breath. “No that’s on them. Everyone else that you push away, bully, and act heinous to, that’s on you. Besides me, Ryder is the only other person who has stuck around. You bitch and moan at work about being dismissed, ignored, and disrespected, but you don’t have any qualms about doing that to Ryder. For ten years you’ve mistreated him, and he stuck until even he couldn’t take it anymore. Do you know what it takes to make Ryder mad? I have no idea because I’ve never seen it. You, though, you were able to accomplish it.”

  She was right. The fact was, she wasn’t saying anything I didn’t already
know. I even knew it before I had my little one-on-one therapy session through a therapy app on my phone. That woman told me I had two issues; one was that I saw the world as chaotic and unsafe based on my childhood, and two, I didn’t trust people to not let me down. Well duh. My need for control was what kept order and security. And yes, I didn’t trust people. My own parents couldn’t love me like I needed, why would anyone else? Especially a nice guy like Ryder.

  “I’ll tell you what though,” Sinclair continued. “He won’t abandon that baby. He may not have his book alphabetized, hell, they may not even be on a shelf, but you’ll never find a man who is more dedicated to his family or willing to do whatever it takes to make them happy.”

  “I know he’ll be there for the baby.” I never questioned that. I could already see him twirling the baby in circles, teaching him to throw a ball, showing him how to pluck a guitar. What I couldn’t see was all the other work that went into being a parent.

  “He’s already met with a lawyer, so don’t think you’ll stop him from being a father.”

  My stomach clenched at that news. Would he try to take my baby? No, not Ryder. He’d protect his rights, but he’d put the baby’s need first, that I was sure of.

  “And I don’t know where you get off saying he can’t provide. You rent this place; he owns his. He even—”

  “I thought your grandparents gave it to him.” I distinctly remembered him bragging about free digs when he first moved into the house after his grandparents moved to a retirement community.

  “See, you don’t know shit. When they decided to sell, he bought it from them. And that fucking gig he did for Stark? He took that money and fixed up the house and invested in Salvation Station.”

  My eyes widened in surprise.

  “That’s right, he’s going to buy that place. From where I sit, he’s in a better position to provide than you are.”

  I burst out crying because her words hurt even though they were true.

  “Ah hell.” She sank down on the coffee table in front of me. “Don’t cry. Why aren’t you yelling?”

  “Because you’re right. About all of it. I am a bitch. Ryder does deserve better.”

  She studied me for a moment. “So why don’t you do something about it?”

  “I don’t know how. I can’t help how I feel.”

  “How do you feel?”

  “I’m terrified. Alone. Sad. I hate myself for hurting Ryder. I…I…I’m broken.” The flood gates opened then and I wept in a way I never had before. I’d have been embarrassed to do it in front of Sinclair, but right now, I had no control.

  “Oh, honey.” She sat on the couch next to me and pulled me into an embrace. She held me for a long time. I was comforted by it even as part of me warned me not to get used to it.

  “When you’re triggered to build your wall, that’s when you need to stop and assess,” the therapist's words came back to me. “Ask yourself if you really need to protect yourself. Are your beliefs around what’s going on really true.”

  Sinclair was my oldest friend. Over the years, we’d had fights and most of the time, it was because of something I’d done. I’d hurt her brother, a person she loved dearly. And yet, she was holding me as my world fell apart. So I guess the answer was no, I didn’t need to protect myself from her. She’d always been there, even when I didn’t deserve it.

  As my tears slowed, I wiped them and straightened from her shoulder.

  “Trina, do you love Ryder?” her voice was soft, not angry or tense.

  I nodded. “Yes.”

  “Why won’t you let him love you back? He really wants to.”

  “Why?”

  She laughed. “Beats the hell out of me, you silly bitch.”

  I was able to laugh a little bit at that too.

  “Or maybe it’s because he sees you. The real you that you don’t want others to know about.”

  “He said he’s done with me.” His words and anger came back to me, making the little hope I had for a moment wither away.

  She tugged me close and I rested my head on her shoulder. “Come on, this is Ryder we’re talking about. The guy will forgive you at hello,” she said referencing the Jerry McGuire movie.

  That’s how, two days later, I walked up on stage at the Harvest Festival after Sinclair introduced me. My knees were knocking and my hands were shaking as I looked out over the sea of people from Salvation waiting to hear Ryder’s band play.

  I stood at the microphone, paralyzed as I scanned the audience. I looked to the right of the stage where Sinclair smiled, and gave me a thumbs up.

  “I…ah…I’m here to introduce...Ryder…ah…”

  “Ryder Simms is a traitor,” I heard from the audience.

  Immediately my hackles went up and I scanned the crowd until they landed on Earl Nesbit.

  “Is that you Earl?” I yelled out. “You have some nerve calling Ryder a traitor. Does your wife know you sit at Kelly Wheeler’s table at Salvation Station so you can ogle her ass each night you’re out drinking?”

  A long and loud “ooh” came from the audience. Earl shrank as his wife glared at him.

  I put my fists on my hips. “Anyone else have something negative to say about Ryder?” I looked over everyone again, daring them to speak badly of Ryder. They all stayed silent. “Good. Now.” I took another breath. “I know you all know how the deputy mayor and Wyatt Jones got married to join forces for the farmers. At the time of their first wedding, well…that was fake. Of course, it took no time at all to become real, but they had the gall to say that being fake married was hard. Can you believe it? I mean, you’ve seen them, right?”

  Everyone nodded.

  “So, me and Ryder told them they were full of sh—malarkey. Being fake married couldn’t be hard. They insisted it was and bet us that we couldn’t stay fake married for a month.”

  “That’s crazy,” someone yelled.

  “Being fake married to Ryder would be a piece of cake,” a woman called out.

  I saw movement next to me and turned to see Ryder standing at the side of the stage near Sinclair. He looked so sexy in his faded jeans, black t-shirt, and guitar strung over his shoulder. His bandmates stood behind him.

  With my gaze on his, I said, “You’re right. The truth is, being fake married to Ryder was really easy. And it was the happiest time of my life. The hard part has been being separated from him.”

  He had a quick intake of breath.

  “Didn’t he knock you up?” someone yelled.

  Good lord, what was I doing up here? I turned back to the audience.

  “Ryder Simms gave me love and a baby when I don’t deserve either.” I gave him another quick glance. “I hope to have a chance to earn both back again. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Ryder and the Storm.”

  The crowd clapped and Ryder sauntered on stage as his bandmates took their spots with their instruments.

  I moved away from the mic as I clapped wishing I could fling myself in his arms. He studied me but I wasn’t sure what he was thinking. Had I made a fool of myself? Had I done too much damage to ever be forgiven?

  I reached Sinclair at the side of the stage and she draped an arm around me. “You did awesome girl. I think you should do all my speeches from now on.”

  “I think I’m going to be sick,” I said as I realized I’d just done the one thing I said I’d never do. “Do you think he’ll forgive me?”

  “You faced your fear to tell him you loved him. A guy would have to be heartless not to be moved by that, and one thing we know about Ryder is that he’s got the biggest heart in Nebraska.”

  29

  Ryder

  When I first saw Sinclair being all chummy with Trina at the Heritage Festival, I felt a tinge of anger. Trina ripped my heart out and stomped on it like it was a disgusting bug. But Trina was carrying my child and she needed someone to support her, and of course, Sinclair, who was the baby’s aunt, should be there. I was still angry and hurt, but I didn’t want Trina to
be alone and until I could forgive her and move on as friends, Sinclair was the best help for her.

  I pushed them out of my head as I went behind the outdoor stage to tune my guitar and prepare for the set with my band. When I heard Sinclair talking, we stopped and walked over to the side of the stage to get ready to go on. I was shocked when she introduced Trina. Had Trina admitted to not finishing the bet and this was her payback?

  “I…ah…I’m here to introduce...Ryder…ah…”

  “Ryder Simms is a traitor,” a man called from the audience.

  Immediately, I could see her stiffen and her gaze cruised the audience for the heckler. It stopped on Earl Nesbit.

  “Is that you Earl?” she yelled out. “You have some nerve calling Ryder a traitor. Does your wife know you sit at Kelly Wheeler’s table at Salvation Station so you can ogle her ass each night you’re out drinking?”

  My lips twitched up at that. The audience oohed while Earl shrank and his wife glared at him.

  Trina put her fists on her hips. “Anyone else have something negative to say about Ryder?” She scanned the audience again. I worried she might scare them off.

  “I know you all know how the deputy mayor and Wyatt Jones got married to join forces for the farmers. At the time of their first wedding, well…that was fake. Of course, it took no time at all to become real, but they had the gall to say that being fake married was hard. Can you believe it? I mean, you’ve seen them, right?”

  The members of the audience nodded.

  “So, me and Ryder told them they were full of sh—malarkey. Being fake married couldn’t be hard. They insisted it was and bet us that we couldn’t stay fake married for a month.”

  “That’s crazy,” someone yelled.

  “Being fake married to Ryder would be a piece of cake,” a woman called out.

  What was she saying? I stepped up onto the side of the stage, my heart pounding in my chest as I couldn’t stop the hope that maybe she’d come around.

  Her gaze held mine as she said, “You’re right. The truth is, being fake married to Ryder was really easy. And it was the happiest time of my life. The hard part has been being separated from him.”