Reclaim My Heart

by Donna Fasano

  There was no judgment in Jasper’s expression. So why did Lucas sense that his uncle was dubious of his claims?

  Any lawyer with two brain cells to rub together knew not to argue a point without preparation. Well thought-out logic and reason must be used if one was to make a winning case. He decided it would be best to leave this argument for another day.

  “Uncle Jasper—” he went back to the table and sat down “—I came here to ask you some questions.”

  Jasper’s calm demeanor never changed.

  “I want to know about my mother.” He took a breath, licked his lips. “If she died when I was born, where is she buried? What was her name? Why are there no photos of her anywhere?”

  The questions disrupted his uncle’s peace. Jasper tried to hold Lucas’s gaze, but he failed. Finally, he simply shifted in the chair so he was no longer facing his nephew.

  “I need some answers,” Lucas pressed. “I feel as if I have this gaping hole in my life. I’d like to fill it in. I need closure. I want to know who she was. I want to visit her grave. Honor her memory with a gift. Please. Tell me where I can find her.”

  Jasper issued a deep, soulful sigh.

  “I’m sorry.” A frown creased Lucas’s brow. “I know it’s a subject no one ever wanted to talk about. I felt that the whole time I was growing up. Sensed it. So much so, that I put her completely out of my mind. But not knowing who my mother was…‌well, it’s just not normal. You have to see that.”

  His uncle’s expression grew more troubled with each passing second.

  “What?” Lucas was becoming agitated. “What is it? Is it something bad? Was she bad? Is that it?” Frustration got the better of him and he conjured the worst scenario he could think of. “What? Was she a prostitute or something?”

  Jasper barked his name sharply.

  He lifted his hands, palms up, in a quick, short, jerky motion to emphasize his apology. “I didn’t mean to speak ill of the dead.”

  “She isn’t dead, Lucas.”

  He couldn’t have been more stunned had his uncle swung out and cuffed him on the jaw.

  Jasper shifted so they were face to face. “She didn’t die giving birth to you.”

  “But someone told me that.” His voice was barely a whisper. Somewhere in the back of his brain he registered that greasy smell of bacon. “Someone.” He shook his head. “Told me.”

  “It wasn’t me. And it wasn’t your father.” Jasper’s chest expanded when he took a deep breath. “Ruth Yoder was alive the last time I saw her. And that was the day she placed you in your father’s arms…‌and walked away. We knew we would never hear from her again. And we promised Ruth and her father we would never contact her.”

  His mother’s name was Ruth. Lucas let the name echo in his head.

  Jasper rested his elbows on the table, clasping his hands lightly below chin level. “Your father promised, Lucas. You should uphold the promise.”

  Lucas sat for moment, searching his uncle’s face. “Traditions like that caused our people a world of hurt. Generations holding onto promises made eons ago.”

  Jasper’s shoulders sagged and he looked away. With his eyes focused on something across the kitchen, he said, “Your mother was of The Plain People. Her father was a bishop in one of the religion’s most conservative sects.” He shook his head. “I don’t remember the name of the church. Don’t know that he ever told us.

  “Bishop Yoder used to drive his horse and buggy here to Wikweko,” his uncle continued. “He bought horse liniment from an herbalist here. And resold it to the Amish farmers.”

  Lucas was silent, taking it all in.

  Jasper looked him in the eye. “You must leave things be.”

  He felt as if he were moving in slow motion, shaking his head, pursing his lips. “I don’t know if I can do that.”

  Jasper sighed. “She’d be only a few years younger than me. She could have crossed over due to some illness or other. If she’s still alive—” He shook his head, leaving the rest of his sentence unspoken. “You really need to think about this, Lucas. Your father made a promise.”

  “Don’t worry.” His stomach churned. “I will.”

  Birdsong floated in on the summer breeze, a chirpy, jarring noise.

  “Lucas, I want you to remember that things are not always as they seem. Lucas.” Once their eyes met, Jasper continued, “I want you to remember that a Lenape always acts honorably.”

  His uncle closed his eyes, his throat convulsing with a difficult swallow. He looked down then, sliding his mug closer to him and lacing his fingers around the white ceramic.

  “I would rather you leave this alone. But if you cannot…‌whatever you find, whatever you learn, you must never forget that you are enjoying life because this woman gave birth to you. Do not cause her harm.”

  Somewhere at the periphery of Lucas’s consciousness, he heard his uncle’s odd warning. But he couldn’t take in any more, couldn’t digest anything else; he was too overwhelmed with the idea that the woman who had abandoned him might still be alive.

  • • •

  Lucas pulled open the screen door and felt as if he’d entered a battle ground.

  “Then I’ll call them myself!” Zach flung the words at his mother in a bellow.

  “You will do no such thing. I mean it, Zachary Whitlock. You are not to—”

  “And what are you goin’ to do, Mom? Send me to my room? Take away my CD player? I think I can take it.”

  Clamping a firm hand on Zach’s shoulder, Lucas said, “Lower your tone. You shouldn’t talk to your mother that way.”

  Gratitude softened Tyne’s blue eyes.

  “But you don’t know what she did.” The teen was so upset his voice cracked. “I have grandparents living in Oak Mills. I never knew about them. She never told me.” The pronoun was spit out viciously. “For all I know, they don’t know about me, either.” He narrowed his black gaze at his mother. “You’re the most selfish person on the damned planet.”

  “Zach,” Lucas warned, “I said stop.”

  But the boy didn’t seem to hear, continuing to glare at Tyne. “I’m going to see my grandparents. And I’m not going back home with you. I’m staying here.”

  Tyne cocked her head. “Don’t be ridiculous. You don’t know—”

  “I know enough.”

  Lucas couldn’t believe Zach’s behavior.

  “I know everybody here looks like me. I fit in here. That’s all I have to know. I’m stayin’ and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

  “You might want to stay,” Lucas told him, “but would they want to have you?”

  His son cast him a shocked, side-long glance.

  “The Indians of Wikweko want residents to bring value to the community, Zach. How much value will you bring?” Lucas wasn’t expecting an answer. “You disrespect your mother. You disrespect authority. You disrespect the property of others. You’re a trouble maker. What did the judge call you? Ah, yes. I remember now. A delinquent.”

  Tyne stepped toward them. “There’s no need to be hurtful, Lucas.”

  His bark of humorless laughter was sharp. “He doesn’t seem too worried about hurting your feelings.” He looked at Zach. “A Lenape doesn’t insult his heritage by acting like a little shit. By demanding to have his way. By shouting whatever inane thoughts might float through his pea-brained head. And above all a Lenape respects his elders. I’d say you’ve failed on all counts, Zach.”

  The notion hit him that he may have gone too far. However, hearing Zach lash out at Tyne with such insolence had been too much.

  The teen was nearly as tall as he was, and for a moment, he thought Zach might slug him with the fist he’d balled up knot-tight. But all Zach did was shrug his shoulder with enough force to free himself of Lucas’s hand.

  “What do you know about me?” He sneered, his lips barely moving. “You don’t know me. You don’t know nothin’ about me.”

  Lucas should have let it go, but he couldn’
t. “The way you’re acting now, I don’t want to.”

  The firm, hard line of the teen’s mouth told Lucas he’d hit a raw nerve.

  Zach moved to the door, but before leaving he glanced at Tyne. “I’m going to Uncle Jasper’s.” Then he was gone.

  The living room felt oddly quiet now that all the shouting had stopped.

  “Well,” Lucas said with a forced chuckle, “you have to admit there’s been some improvement. The last time he left angry, he didn’t tell us where he was going. And did you notice? He didn’t slam the door.”

  Tyne sat down on the edge of the nearby easy chair. “This isn’t funny, Lucas.”

  “I know.” He sat down on the sofa, sliding his palms up and down his thighs. Their knees were mere inches apart and he could feel the heat of her. Damn if she wasn’t gorgeous when her eyes were lit with anger. “I was only trying to make you smile. Lighten the tension a little.”

  “Oh, god, it was awful, wasn’t it?” She smoothed her palms together absently. “I felt like I couldn’t breathe there for a few minutes. I think I should find a counselor. Someone to help him deal with his anger.”

  Lucas nodded. “He does need to learn to control his tongue.”

  Her hands fell limp in her lap. “I want you to know he’s never acted like this before. Never treated me like this, I mean.”

  Something outside the picture window drew her gaze and he took the opportunity to study the delicate curve of her jaw.

  “We were close, he and I,” she said softly. “It’s only natural that we would be, I guess. All we had was each other, really.” Her gaze met his. “I told you before that things seemed to change a couple of years ago, and I put it down to teenage hormones. But he’s never been disrespectful, Lucas. Not like this.”

  “I believe you.” A faint citrus scent drifted on the air and he realized it was coming from her skin or her hair. “If this behavior, this belligerence, is something new, I’d say you caught it early. Maybe a counselor would be a good idea.”

  Tyne nodded, but although she was looking at him, he got the distinct impression that she was miles away in thought. He noticed the navy flecks in her pensive blue eyes. She blinked a couple of times, and he knew immediately she was once again focused on the present.

  “I don’t dare take him to see them,” she whispered.

  Tyne didn’t have to identify them, he knew of whom she spoke.

  “I don’t want to see them.” Her voice grew stronger. “And I sure don’t want them anywhere near Zach.”

  When Lucas told Tyne that they should focus their efforts on Zach, he’d meant every word he’d said. The past had a way of tangling everything in knots. Questions about the events that had taken place when they’d been teens had driven him nuts, but he’d done his best to follow the plan, focusing on the problems at hand, the problems in the present. Until now.

  “How did all this happen, Tyne? What happened?” he asked. “How did you end up on your own? Raising Zach alone?”

  Her whole body seemed to wilt and she closed her eyes. “They were so disappointed. I had just started my first semester—”

  She’d been accepted into Millersville University while Lucas had been forced to work for a couple of years and save up funds for college.

  “—and I showed up one day and announced, ‘Hey, Mom and Dad, I’m pregnant.’” She pressed her fingertips to her mouth and shook her head. “They had such dreams for me, Lucas.”

  As the only child of the Whitlocks, Tyne was destined to shine, even if her parents had to hold her down and apply the shellac themselves. When they’d been dating, Lucas would listen as Tyne lamented all the favors her father had called in from his cronies just for her. Tedious obligations as she saw them. To an Indian living hand to mouth they’d have been huge breaks, golden opportunities, and he couldn’t deny the slight pang of jealousy he’d felt. But he hadn’t let envy keep him from encouraging her to take advantage of anything her father could offer. As a teen contemplating their futures, he’d come to the conclusion that hers had seemed as bright as the sun next to his flimsy flashlight.

  “And they were determined,” she continued, “that their dreams for me would come true.” She sighed. “They insisted on an abortion. I flat out refused. They badgered me with their reasons; I was too young, I had my whole life ahead of me, a baby would destroy my chances to get an education. They were distraught and disillusioned. And, hell, so was I. They wouldn’t leave me alone for two minutes, afraid that I’d contact you—which they had forbidden me to do. They threatened me with everything they could think of.”

  Tears glistened in her eyes and she glanced away; his heart wrenched.

  “They were right, Lucas. I was too young. I couldn’t imagine having a baby. I was a teenager.”

  He noticed that she’d laced her fingers tightly in her lap.

  “Then they suggested adoption.” Her gaze remained fixed on the spot somewhere in the far corner of the room. “And I finally came to the conclusion that maybe they were probably right.”

  Her anguish was almost palpable. “Tyne—”

  She cut him off with a shake of her head. “Let me finish. I need to tell you.” She pressed the curled fingers of one hand to her chin. “I went to my aunt’s in Florida for the duration of my pregnancy. By summer, I’d changed my mind all over again. I’d fallen in love with my child even though I hadn’t set eyes on him yet. I couldn’t give him up.” Her hand lowered to her lap. “My parents were livid. They called me every day, arguing and pestering me. But I was adamant.

  “I didn’t go back to school,” she said. “As a last resort, my mother begged me to come home. She said she would watch Zach while I attended classes.” Tyne’s mouth flattened momentarily. “But I wasn’t going to do that. I wanted to break free. Make my own way. And I did. Well, mostly, anyway. They did help me, at first. Sent me a little money, and paid for a couple of Zach’s doctor visits. But only for a while. I was determined to become independent.” She lifted her gaze to Lucas’s face. “I made the right choice, didn’t I? Not going home? I couldn’t subject Zach to that, you know? To them.” She moistened her lips and swallowed.

  He wanted to tell her she’d done the right thing keeping Zach away from his grandparents, but instead he said, “I wish you would have called me.”

  She moved then, shifted from the easy chair to the couch, sitting close to him and gathering one of his hands into both of hers.

  “I know I should have, Lucas.” Her blue eyes pleaded. “I should have contacted you. I should have told you about the baby. You had a right to know. But I couldn’t.”

  His blood froze. That wasn’t what he’d meant…‌wasn’t what he’d expected to hear. She didn’t know. How the hell could she not know?

  “That last time we were together you’d been so excited to have saved enough money for your first year’s tuition. Then my father told me you’d been offered a full scholarship. I knew you must have been deliriously happy.” She bit her bottom lip, her brow furrowing. “He said a baby would ruin your future just as much as it would mine. Dad wasn’t right about much in this whole situation, but I believed with all my heart that he was right about that.” She closed her eyes a moment. “After I’d decided to keep Zach, I was too ashamed to call you. I couldn’t admit to you that I’d considered giving up our son.”

  She leaned in and hugged him then, resting her head on his shoulder. “I hope you can forgive me, Lucas.”

  He hadn’t prayed in a very long time, but at that moment he thanked The Great One that she wasn’t looking at him because he knew without a shadow of a doubt that guilt was etched in every crevice of his stony expression.

  Her arms drew him tighter to her, and he smoothed his hands up her back, her skin hot against his cold palms, his icicle-stiff fingers.

  “What am I going to do?” Her breath was warm against his neck. “I’ve got to keep Zach away from my parents. How will I ever explain it to him, Lucas? He’ll never understand. How c
an I tell my son that his grandfather is a bigot?”

  CHAPTER NINE

  A loud crack ruptured the air as the bat made solid contact with the ball. The crowd on one side of the field cheered for the batter who raced toward first base while the people on the opposite side shouted at the short stop to throw the ball to the first baseman. Tyne loved the fact that the teams were co-ed. Everyone who wanted to play was invited. Boys and girls in a wide range of ages from tweens to teens, some even in their early twenties, had arrived late that Friday afternoon at the ball field.

  Some of the players’ families had turned up with lawn chairs, blankets to spread on the grass, picnic meals and drinks or snacks to share. A wonderful camaraderie danced among the laughing, chatting spectators, proof that the Friday ballgame was a popular community event.

  Zach was barely speaking to her and Lucas. He’d spent another whole day with Jasper, but he’d come home for something to eat before the game. The air was tense as the two of them sat at the table together, and Tyne had been relieved that her son hadn’t brought up the subject of her parents. When she asked him where he was going and found out he was off to the Community Center for ‘the big game,’ she’d expressed an interest in coming along to watch. He’d shrugged and told her it was a free country. So after he left, she’d slathered on some sunscreen, grabbed her sunglasses and an aluminum lawn chair from the shed in the back yard and walked to the sports field behind the community building.

  “And where’s my nephew?”

  Tyne smiled a hello at Jasper as he unfolded his chair and nestled it next to hers. “Lucas is meeting with a man who lives here. The guy called yesterday looking for some legal advice, so Lucas went to his house today after lunch.”

  Jasper nodded his approval.

  “I’m surprised he wasn’t back before I left the house.” Tyne adjusted her sunglasses. “I texted him, and when he didn’t respond, I left a note at the house. Just in case there’s something wrong with his cell. I’m hoping he’ll show up here. Eventually.”

  “I’m sure he’ll be along. Who wants to miss the big game?” Jasper scanned the field. “I wasn’t able to close my shop until five-thirty, and then I had to return a few phone calls and grab some dinner. What did I miss?”