Cocktails & Dreams

by Autumn Markus

  “What happened? Is she okay?”

  “Calm down, man,” Conor said soothingly. “Physically she’s okay, as far as I know. Just…ask her about it. See you tomorrow morning.”

  Conor hung up, and Nick listened to Jena’s message, sitting stunned as a confused babble of apologies for not answering his email mixed with apologies for being a shitty human being and mumblings about Leisa calling her on her “bullshit hiding out” right before her test, and questions about his dad. Every few sentences, she’d blurt out that she loved him, until she finally wound down with a final “I miss you” and the message ended.

  Trying her phone, Nicholas got her voice mail repeatedly, so he tried the Bakers’ number.

  “Is Jena there?” Nicholas blurted out, cutting off Rob’s brisk greeting.

  “Just a sec.” Nicholas heard a door close quietly and the sound of a car driving by. “Yes, she is. She’s asleep right now though, and she looks like hell so I’m not gonna wake her up.”

  Nick rested his head in his hand, avoiding the curious glances of a couple of people walking their dogs. “Sir, I was a jackass and—”

  “You damn well were!” Rob interrupted, his tone intimidating. Then he sighed. “And so was she. Jena told us the whole story. You’re both fools, so don’t take all the credit for this screw-up on yourself. She’s afraid, though, Nick. I can’t tell you that I’m happy about that.” He was quiet for a minute. “Listen. I’m trying something to kinda push her into knowing what she wants. Will you trust me to do that and not call again today?”

  “It depends. Which way do you want her to go?”

  “Good answer. Let’s put it this way. She loves you enough to risk the Wrath of Dad. I think we both know what I’m talking about, so there’s no need to say it out loud. Ever. God, I want to boil my brain. Anyway, more than that, I’ve never seen her so upset over anyone or anything than she was when she got here. She wants you, and I want what will make her happy, ultimately, even if I have my own doubts. Does that answer your question?”

  “I suppose it has to,” Nicholas said. “I’m trusting you, Rob. Thank you.”

  After swift goodbyes, Nick hurried back to the hospital where he spent the rest of the day in William’s room. Between the frustration of not being able to talk to Jena and the deterioration of his dad’s condition, Nicholas became increasingly irritable, until Laura shoved him out the door when it was time to pick up Conor.

  Nicholas left grudgingly, shrugging on his coat as he left the hospital, and walked through the swirling snow to Laura’s car. In a pre-Christmas miracle, Conor’s plane was actually a little ahead of schedule, and it was impossible not to return his friend’s huge smile as he finally made it through the security gate.

  Conor’s carry-on slipped from his shoulder as he wrapped one arm around Nicholas in a tight hug. He stepped back, and Nick could see that while his smile was still in place, his eyes were serious. “Well, you look like hell.” He flicked his finger at Nick’s jaw, and Nick realized that he hadn’t shaved in several days.

  “Thanks, Conor. Really. I missed being insulted,” Nicholas deadpanned, grabbing Conor’s bag and heading for the door. He couldn’t hide the grin that settled across his face, because he really had missed the big jerk.

  Conor pulled Nick into a headlock as they headed toward the exit. “You know you love me. I complete you. You’re homely, I’m handsome…You’re unintelligent, I’m a freakin’ genius…that sort of thing.” Stepping outside, Con released Nick and took a deep breath, releasing it with a sigh. “Smog, you wonderful thing you,” he sang out, grinning. “I missed your lung-searing goodness.” He followed Nicholas to the car, talking about all the things he’d missed. “Hey, let’s hit some food. Please! I’m dying here.”

  Nicholas grinned and flipped the car onto the main road. “Fine, fine. Wouldn’t want you to start eating your feet or anything.” It felt strange but nice to be smiling again.

  As they settled into their seats in the restaurant, Conor told Nick all about his flight, in detail, and the “smokin’ stew” that kept coming on to him. Even when hot eggs were threatening to dribble out of his mouth, he chattered on about his tests, his grades, his women, the firehouse…anything and everything.

  Nick sat back and listened, picking at his breakfast and enjoying Con’s volubility. Still, it was hard to concentrate as his mind drifted back and forth between the hospital and Jena. He’d taken to carrying his phone with him every minute of the day, determined not to miss another call from her. He’d even stopped turning it off when he entered the ICU that afternoon, merely turning it to vibrate. It hadn’t.

  He drifted back to the present to find Conor sitting and looking at him in silence. “So, how’s your dad, Nick? No bullshit.”

  “Not good. I told you that the surgery didn’t seem to have done it, right?” Con nodded silently. “Well, now he…we think more small vessels are bursting.” Nicholas shoved his plate aside, appetite gone.

  “Damn.”

  “Yeah.” Nicholas looked at the table for a minute before trying on a smile. “Can we talk about something else? That’s just about all I’ve had to think about for weeks. Like…how was your Thanksgiving?”

  Conor laughed. “I forgot I hadn’t told you about that.” He leaned forward across the table, the sleeve of his black sweater barely missing a puddle of ketchup on his plate. “Well…you know I went to Sam’s, right? And how she likes to shock her parents? She likes to try to embarrass me, too.” He rolled his eyes. “Not easy at the best of times, but I was fucking nervous in stately Wayne Manor, so she decided to screw with me. She kept grabbing my leg under the table, higher each time, and watching her parents’ faces when I jumped. Needless to say, it was getting uncomfortable for everyone but her. And then she grabbed a little too high. At least for her parents’ dinner table.” He leaned back and sucked an ice cube from his drink into his mouth and crunched it noisily.

  “And…”

  Conor grinned. “Aaaannnnddd…I grabbed back.” He started to laugh. “I’ve never seen her move so fast or heard her cuss so loud. She raised it to an art form, I tell you. Said words…I swear she was making them up on the spot.”

  “Holy shit, Conor.” Nicholas leaned back in his seat, shaking his head and laughing at the visuals.

  “Long story short, Daddy Call freaked out and hustled me out to the foyer while Sam was screeching and her mom was trying to calm her down. When he asked me what the hell I thought I was doing, I very calmly said, ‘Dr. Call, your daughter just grabbed my dick. What would you do?’”

  Nicholas stared at Con in horrified fascination. “What did Call say?”

  “Nothin’ at first.” Conor shook another ice cube into his mouth and crunched it. “He just started laughing. Said Samantha had finally met her match and welcomed me to the family, with the understanding that I not grab his daughter’s crotch in front of him ever again.” Conor shrugged. “Seemed reasonable enough.”

  Nicholas laughed until his stomach hurt, gradually trailing down to occasional giggles. “Conor, you’re something else.”

  Conor grinned. “I am, I really am.” He settled back in his seat and smiled. “God, it’s good to hear you laugh again, Nick. I tried to get your happy to come along with me today, my treat, but I guess Hawaii seemed like a better deal…” He trailed off as Nick felt his face freeze. “Jena didn’t get hold of you.” Conor put a hand over his mouth. “Oh, fuck, Nicholas,” he murmured, “I’m so sorry. Shit.”

  Nick’s voice sounded to him like it was coming from another room. “Jena’s going to Hawaii?”

  Conor’s eyes filled with pity. “She was supposed to leave this morning, man. If it makes you feel any better, it was her parents’ idea, from what Travis said. Keep in mind, this is third-hand information—her mom, to Trav, to me,” he added hastily. “I could be wrong.”

  At first Nicholas felt numb. And then a terrible anger swept through him as he remembered Rob asking for his trust. “That son-
of-a-bitch,” he muttered. “He said he wanted to help. Fuck me, I must be a moron to have believed him.”

  “Nick, calm down,” Conor cautioned, looking around at the early morning breakfasters, who were beginning to break their Yankee stoicism to watch them curiously. “The ’rents apparently thought she should get away for a while, man. That’s all.”

  “That’s all?” Nicholas was nearly shouting by now, and Conor got up hastily, tossing money on the table and grabbing their coats as he hustled them out the door. The cold air hit Nick like a slap, and he continued more evenly. “Rob said he…wait, he just said he wanted what was best for her ultimately.” Nick groaned and kicked out at the Specials sign that rested near the door of the restaurant, feeling a grim satisfaction when it cracked. “I am a fucking idiot. I agreed not to call her for a while, for Christ’s sake.” He kicked the sign again.

  Conor dragged him toward the car before he could destroy it utterly. “Jesus fuck, Nicholas. Getting yourself arrested for destruction of private property won’t help anyone. Have you called her cell?”

  “I promised Rob I wouldn’t call unless she called me. And I haven’t gotten a single call.” Nicholas thought about it for a minute and then turned to get in the car. “Fuck it. I’m done. I can’t do any more.” He unlocked the doors and started to get in, pausing when he noticed that Conor hadn’t moved. “Do you want to go home or not? I need to get back to the hospital.”

  “You don’t mean that,” Conor said clearly, still unmoving.

  “Mean what? That I have to get back to my dad? Yeah. I did.” Conor shook his head slowly. “What? About Jena? You bet your sweet ass I did. I’ve had enough. My dad is dying, Conor, and I just can’t deal with this.” Nicholas slid into his seat as Conor sat carefully in his.

  “Does Jena know that?” Conor asked. “Because my guess would be that you’re doing your I’m-a-loner thing, and she has no fucking idea what’s really going on. In fact, I’ll take it a little further and opine that no one knows much but me. Am I right?”

  Nick slumped back in his seat. “Whatever. That still doesn’t explain why her dad played me.” He pulled out his phone to punch in the Bakers’ number, but Conor plucked it out of his hand.

  “Not a good idea when you’re mad, Nick.” Conor actually leaned away, toward his door.

  “I’m not mad, for Christ’s sake. I just need to know why. Well, now I’m getting mad,” he said, holding out his hand and curling his fingers in a “come on” motion. “Give me the damned phone, Conor.”

  “You’re gonna be part of the man’s family someday—you can’t wake him up to call him a dick yet. Nope. Not gonna do it.” Conor’s mouth was set in a determined line, one that Nick knew meant he wasn’t going to be moved. To make his point doubly clear, Conor tucked the phone underneath his lean leg and nodded in satisfaction.

  Nick couldn’t muster even a plastic smile. “Conor, why am I so stupid? If I’d told her the truth, she’d be here right now. I don’t believe that everything we said and felt was a lie. She loves me, and I’m always building these little fences to keep her out even when I don’t think I’m doing it.” He gripped the steering wheel and pressed his forehead against his hands. “My dad is going to die, and I’m going to be alone because I’m a fucking idiot.”

  “You’re not an idiot. You’re proud and protective of yourself. You have a temper and a mouth you need to keep in check. Yeah, maybe you are an idiot.” An unwilling chuckle burst from Nick. “You won’t be alone, though, no matter what happens. Run me home for the obligatory hellos and get back to the hospital. I’ll borrow my mom’s car and be there as soon as I can. Hell, she’ll probably drive me there herself when she hears.”

  “Conor—no…”

  Conor shook Nick’s shoulder. “You’re doing it again. Let people care about you, Nicholas.” He grinned. “It’s just pure selfishness not to allow Mrs. Grady the chance to smother you with attention and boss you around in a crisis. She lives for that shit. It’s how she shows that she cares.”

  Nick thought for a minute, deciding that he had nothing to lose by following Conor’s plan, and then nodded, turning the car on and driving Conor home. Conor leaned back in the car after swinging his bag out of the trunk, promising to get to the hospital as soon as he could.

  Laura was asleep in the recliner when Nick returned to William’s room, but Will was awake, watching her with a soft expression on his face. His eyes flicked to Nick’s when he heard the door squeak, and he smiled, gesturing Nicholas closer. Nick sank into the chair that rarely left the side of Will’s bed, feeling like he hadn’t slept in a year.

  “I don’t want to wake your mother up,” William whispered. “She’s exhausted.” He looked at Nicholas critically. “So are you.”

  “I’m all right,” Nick said, and William eyed him steadily. “Okay, so I’m tired as hell, but I’ll sleep later. What did the doc say?”

  “Same old, same old.” William waved his hand dismissively. “More weak vessels. They keep blathering on about operating, but…” He waved his hand again, and took a deep breath. “You smell like snow. At least I haven’t lost that sense.” He clenched and unclenched his hands weakly.

  “Hands still bothering you?” William shrugged, and Nick let it go. “Yep. It’s snowing like hell, and I was standing out in it for a while. Which reminds me…”

  William grimaced after Nicholas explained the fiasco with Rob. “Don’t jump to conclusions, Nick. Accusing the man of ‘fucking you over,’ to use your phrase, probably wouldn’t be the smartest thing you’ve ever said.”

  “I don’t think he could dislike me more than he already did after the sleeping bag incident.” Nicholas told William what had happened, and his father laughed until tears came to his eyes. “I did tell him later that I want to marry his daughter, but…” He shook his head as William laughed harder.

  “I don’t know if you’re really brave or really stupid, Nick, but Baker certainly beats me on the I’ve-seen-too-much scale. I only had to witness groping,” he said when he could finally talk.

  “I forgot about that,” Nick muttered, covering his eyes with his hand and laughing along with William’s fresh burst of chuckles. “Apparently impulse control is a problem with me.”

  “So I gathered.” Will’s face gradually became serious. “That’s something you need to learn to control, Nicholas. Doctors can’t afford that luxury. Plus it can play hell on a relationship if you don’t stop to think. I guess you’ve figured that part out, though.”

  Nicholas nodded. “Painfully.”

  “Listen, Nicholas…I’ve been thinking about that girl you told me about? The aneurysm girl?”

  “Heather?” Nick thought about her for a minute. “Some doc I’ll be, right? I was an EMT. I know people die.” He sighed. “Heather became a person and not just an injury, I guess. At first, I think I kept up with her case because it shocked me to see someone so young…and her fiancé was falling apart…”

  “And it made you think of Jena and what you’d do.” William smiled a little when Nick glanced up. “Been there, done that. But I just went on to the next patient.”

  “I couldn’t, Dad. I got to know her family and I let myself hope. I knew better, and it was stupid…” Nick looked down at the bedcover again.

  “You’re already a better doctor than I am, Nicholas,” William said quietly. “You’d be a shitty surgeon, and I think you might want to reconsider being an ER doc, but I envy you the ability to care for someone you lose. I just get pissed because the procedure didn’t work. I was never brave enough for the people stuff.” He smiled wryly. “In any part of my life. Son, don’t make the mistakes I have. Throw yourself into the people stuff. That’s what matters, ultimately.” He held out his hand, and Nick gripped it. “You know what one of the worst parts of this dying business is, Nick? You’re twenty-seven years old, and I feel like I’m just getting to know you.”

  Nick’s throat tightened. “Sucks.”

  William sque
ezed Nicholas’s hand. “Yes, it does.” His eyes flicked over his son’s shoulder just as Nick felt Laura’s hand settle there. “Hello, beautiful. Think you can convince this guy to sleep a bit? He looks terrible.”

  Laura leaned around and looked at Nick critically. “Yes, he does. Go home, Nicholas. Sleep for a couple of hours.” She ran her hand over his hair.

  “Nope. If the chair is good enough for you, it’s good enough for me.” He rose from the side chair and stretched, dropping a kiss on her head before grabbing a drink and settling into the recliner. He set his phone on his chest, and almost immediately felt himself drifting away, consciousness carried off on the rise and fall of his parents’ quiet voices…

  “Don’t be such a chicken, Cooper.” Jena’s teasing voice was coming from behind the rocks in front of him, and Nicholas raced around to find her standing on the edge of a dune that overhung the lake. He realized that they were at his parents’ vacation house in Maine, and he shook his head.

  “That water is damned cold at any time of the year. No way.”

  Jena shrugged and started pushing her cut offs over her hips. “I grew up in Oregon. Not exactly balmy water there, either, bub.” She kicked the shorts to the side and started unbuttoning her shirt. “Are you coming?”

  “Not yet.” Nicholas cracked their standard joke, and Jena rolled her eyes, shrugging the top off her shoulders and tossing it on the shorts.

  “I’m going in the water, and I want you with me. Man up and drop trou.” Her tone brooked no argument, even as she looked nervously behind her at the dark gray water. “Is it deep enough here? Shit, maybe this wasn’t such a good idea.” She crossed arms over her breasts, covering the filmy dark material of her bra, and grabbed her shirt with her toes, frowning.

  He grinned and yanked his shirt over his head. “Too late to change your mind now. And, yes, the water is deep here. It’s gonna be cold, though, so expect that.” His green cargo shorts slipped off easily, and he kicked them over to the clothes pile before walking over and gripping her hand tightly. “Hold on and kick for the surface, okay? We’ll be together. It’ll be okay.”