by Julia Wolf
We strolled side by side down the sidewalk in the direction of Bar Royal as Marco seemed to contemplate this question.
“No, I don’t think it’s weird. Maybe not something that happens often, but I’m completely comfortable with it. Also, don’t think I didn’t notice you say you haven’t banged anyone since me. That is an atrocity! Frannie, you need to seek regular pleasure from a man. I can feel the tension pouring off you.” Marco used his hands to mime wavy lines surrounding my body.
“I wasn’t worried about you being comfortable, Marco! I’m thinking about James. And I’m not going to even touch the tension pouring off me.”
“If you touched it, there’d be much less tension pouring off you!” Marco cracked up at his own joke and I found myself snickering at him.
We stopped in front of Bar Royal and I took a deep breath. I didn’t know if James was working, but I was nervous to step inside.
“We gonna go in or are they gonna serve us right here on the sidewalk? It’s a little bit cold for my taste, but whatever floats your boat, sweet Frannie.”
I snorted. “Sweet Frannie. You sound like Rachel’s boyfriend, Joe. He calls her ‘sweet girl’ every five seconds. If they weren’t so adorable I’d hate them.”
Marco kicked the toe of his boot against mine. “You’re stalling. I’m going in. You can stay out here and freeze if you’d like.” He pulled the door open and stepped inside the bar without looking back.
I glanced back and forth between the safety of my apartment building across the street and the unknown of the bar. If I made a run for it now, Marco would never catch me. Then again, he’d be in there alone with James and who knows what would happen. The man needed supervision. So, I breathed in through my nose and out through my mouth five times, then stepped into Bar Royal.
Marco waited in the entryway with a smirk on his face. “I knew you’d come in.”
I elbowed his arm. “How’d you know when I just made up my mind a second ago?”
“Because I could tell you wanted to see your man.” He scanned the room. “Where is he anyway?”
I linked my arm with his. “Shhh! Let’s go find a nice, quiet spot.” I led him to a high-top table near my favorite pinball machine. Once we were seated I looked over my shoulder at the bar. “He’s over there!” I whispered.
Marco turned toward the bar. “Ah, I see him. Very nice, Frannie. Although I find it kind of hilarious that you were attracted to both of us. Let’s just say we aren’t the same ‘type’.”
“Hey, Frannie!” Val, with her blonde hair in a high swingy ponytail and a megawatt smile, stopped by our table. “Does James know you’re back here?” She glanced between Marco and me.
“Hey, Val. No, James doesn’t know I’m here. I just stopped in for a drink with my out-of-town friend Marco.”
Marco held his hand out to Val and she giggled when he grabbed hers and kissed it. “Beautiful Val, pleasure to meet you.”
She turned bright red, dipping her head.
“Hey, Val, could I have a Sam Adams? That Autumn brew?”
“I’ll take the same, ravishing Val.”
She hurried over to the bar and I kicked Marco under the table.
“I can’t turn it off, Frannie. It’s who I am!”
While we waited for our drinks, I told Marco a little bit about the history of the bar and the area. His hotel was in the Inner Harbor area of Baltimore, which was really touristy, but I gave him some tips for the best restaurants and bars in that part of town.
Since my back faced the bar, I didn’t see him approach, but as soon as he was behind me, goose bumps instantly blossomed up and down my arms.
“Two Sam Adams,” James said gruffly. He slid two coasters onto the table and roughly placed the bottles in front of us. Before I could say anything, he turned around and walked away.
I looked at Marco helplessly.
“Why are you still sitting here?” He used his hands to shoo me away.
I hopped up and walked quickly after James. When I caught up to him, I laid a hand on his shoulder. “Hey.”
Focusing on my hand, he said, “Hi, Frannie.”
“Hi, James.”
He stopped and stared at me, expressionless.
I stepped closer. “How are you?”
He growled. “Busy.”
“Oh, okay, I’ll leave you to it then.” I turned away, but he caught my wrist. I never felt particularly delicate until his thick fingers and wide palms were gently holding parts of my body. The man could break me, in absolutely every way.
James pulled me to a quiet section of the bar. “Why’d you want me to see this?” He looked at me with such intensity, it took everything in my power not to glance away.
“See what?”
He tilted my chin up with his fingers. “You, with a guy.”
The blood drained from my face. “No, that’s Marco!” I blurted out.
James raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything.
I sighed. “I didn’t bring a date to your bar, James, I promise. Marco is someone I met in New York last spring. Not a date.”
He cleared his throat and focused on a distant point over my shoulder. “You’ve met guys here before, so I just assumed…”
Fuck. I totally had. Early in my mission to get over James, I met a few dates from Tinder at Bar Royal. I might’ve even made out with the one wearing a monocle.
“You’re right and that was really shitty of me. I’m sorry. I would never do that, not now, after everything…well, I just wouldn’t. We only stopped in for a quick drink.” There was no way in hell I was going to tell him we were there for Marco to look at him because I’d been talking about him so much. No. Way. In. Hell.
When his eyes caught mine, they were softer, and I felt myself being pulled into their warm depths. “Okay, Frannie.”
“Okay, James.” We eyed each other for a long, drawn out moment. The bar sounds faded into the background and we stood in our own quiet bubble. Then he nodded as though he’d decided something. There was the barest hint of a smile on his lips, but he was almost impossible to read.
“I’ve gotta get back to work.”
I tipped up my chin. “Go do your thing.”
He held a hand up. “See you, Frannie.”
When I got back to the table, Marco laughed.
“What’s so funny?”
“You’re so far gone for that guy,” he said through his laughter.
“Am not,” I protested. But I was. I really was. Just seeing him again sent the butterflies that had recently set up permanent residence in my stomach into flip flappy overdrive. He was just so damn immense, in every sense of the word.
Marco and I drank our beers while he teased me some more about my crush, then we played a game of foosball and after I defeated him, we decided to head out. I caught James’ eye right before I walked out the door and his piercing gaze had me biting my lip and stopping in my tracks. He inclined his head at me and his lips held that same hint of a smile. I held my hand up to wave briefly then turned on my heel and left.
Marco and I crossed the street together and waited outside my building for his Uber to arrive.
“What’ya gonna do, my beauty?”
“About what?”
He jerked his head toward Bar Royal. “The kid.”
I sighed and looked across the street. “I wish I knew. I’m flying blind here.”
Marco’s Uber pulled up to the curb next to us. He pulled me into a tight hug and stood on his tiptoes to kiss my cheek. “Let me know when you figure it out. Imagine, both of us thinking about settling down.”
“I’m not thinking about settling down, you loon!” I pushed him toward his car.
He winked. “Keep telling yourself that, sweets.”
“Bye, Marco! Get outta here!”
He laughed and waved from the car as it drove away.
I sat down on the stoop outside my building, the crisp night air clearing my head. To say the evening hadn’t tu
rned out how I’d thought it would was an understatement. First Marco and I mutually agreeing to put each other in the friend zone and then what just happened with James. I hadn’t mentally prepared myself to see him tonight and even our brief encounter was enough to send my heart into palpitations.
The want I felt for him wasn’t lessening like I thought it would. The more I knew him, the more I saw him, the heavier with want I became. I felt like I’d been wading in the shallows and suddenly found myself tossed in the middle of the ocean, with miles and miles of water beneath me. And the scariest part was the deeper I went, the more I wanted to sink, all the way to the bottom.
Thirteen
I was avoiding things. James, the bar, my feelings—I steered clear of all of it. When I wasn’t at work, I hid in my apartment. Laurel tried to peer pressure me into going to Bar Royal with her, but I resisted. She went by herself once and when she came back she said James had been extra scowly.
I couldn’t even say for sure why I hid. I missed James and wanted to be with him, to talk to him, to get to know his every twist and turn. But I had no clue how to dive deep with him and not drown.
Monday had come around again, my favorite day. I’d decided to be brave and try a Barre class again and this time I’d convinced Rachel to come too. James couldn’t possibly be there again, could he?
“Am I going to be able to walk after this?” Rachel whispered as we lowered into grand plies.
“And bounce, bounce, bounce!” called the instructor.
I shook my head as I bounced. “Nope, your legs will become jelly and you’ll have to crawl everywhere for several days.”
“Now up on your toes, ladies!”
Rachel giggled and raised herself up. “But will my legs look like yours when we’re done? I don’t think that’s too much to ask for.”
“What are you talking about? Your legs are just as nice as mine, they’re just half the length!”
A few of the Very Serious Barre ladies shot our fit of laughter dirty looks. I fought the urge to flip them off. I didn’t think Ryan would appreciate me getting in a fight at his dance studio.
“Okay, arms up in fifth position and tendu, tendu, tendu. Faster, ladies, and squeeze those glutes!”
“Our asses are going to be rock-hard after this, Rach!” I was definitely feeling the burn.
“But Joe likes my soft ass. I think it’s pretty damn nice too.” She twisted around to check out her butt over her shoulder.
“Class, let’s face the bar and place the ball between your inner thighs. That’s right! Now squeeze and pulse, keep squeezing and pulsing!”
Everyone had small red balls between their legs, but I couldn’t seem to get mine to stay put. After I chased it for the third time, I was crying with laughter. I tried my hardest to suppress it, but it kept bursting out in the form of snorts.
“Look at me, Frananas, I’m a Barre professional.” Rachel held the ball between her upper thighs.
“I usually have no problem keeping balls between my legs,” I sputtered.
“Ladies! Concentrate on those balls!” shouted instructor Gina.
Rachel caught my eye and wiggled her eyebrows.
It was too much; I couldn’t take it anymore. I ran out of the class to the lobby and let the laughter out. I leaned over, holding my belly, and giggled until I could barely breathe.
Wiping my wet cheeks with the back of my hand, I looked up to see Ryan watching me, a bemused grin on his face.
“Something tickle you, Francisca?” He sat down on the bench in front of me.
I took a few deep breaths and managed to calm down. “Nothing was even that funny, but the harder I tried to suppress it, the bigger it got,” I explained.
“Like with most things in life,” Ryan said sagely. He pretended to stroke his non-existent mustache, making me laugh again.
I held up a hand. “Don’t make me laugh! My stomach can’t take it anymore.”
“Sorry! I can’t help that I’m naturally hilarious.” He waited to see if I’d laugh again, but I pressed my lips together to hold it in. “I heard you and my brother have been hanging out.”
I nodded. “A little.”
“Did he send you that ridiculous picture he made me take?”
My eyes widened. “No! What picture?”
Ryan hopped up and ran to his office. “Hold on, I have it on my phone. I’ll text it to you.”
I watched my phone, dying to know what kind of picture James could have asked Ryan to take.
James reappeared. “I probably shouldn’t send this to you. Maybe he had second thoughts.”
I growled at him. “Nope, you’re not backing out now. I need to see it!”
He held his hands up defensively. “Okay, okay, don’t hurt me!” Ryan pressed the screen of his phone a few times, making mine chime.
I opened the picture on my phone and stared in disbelief. Using two fingers, I zoomed in and out, examining it from different angles.
I looked up. “When did you take this?”
Ryan shrugged. “A couple days ago. I made him tell me why and he said you’d asked for it. Kinda random, huh?”
“Yeah,” I whispered.
He snorted. “Do I need to leave you two alone?” he asked, referring to my phone and me.
Forcing myself to tear my eyes away from the screen, I smiled at Ryan. “No, I’m good. I was just caught off guard.” I paused then asked, “Can you text me James’ number? I want to tease him about the picture.”
“Sure,” he said. “By the way, a few of my dance friends will be in Baltimore next weekend and we’re going to a drag show. You in?”
I threw my hands in the air. “Of course I am! I love drag queens. I’m pretty sure I was a drag queen in my former life.”
Ryan regarded me for a second then nodded. “I can see that.”
I laughed and kicked at him.
Just then the door burst open and Rachel staggered out. She collapsed next to me on the bench and laid her sweaty head on my shoulder.
“You abandoned me! Those fitness ladies tried to make me one of their own, but I narrowly escaped,” Rachel panted.
I patted her leg. “Rachel, this is my friend Ryan.”
She looked up and smiled. “Hey, Ryan!” She tilted her head to the side and held her hands up like a frame. “I see it,” she said, nodding at him.
He furrowed his brow. “Nice to meet you, Rachel. And see what?”
“The resemblance to James!” Rachel replied.
He grinned. “You should see our childhood pictures. We were practically twins. But then he became a hairy giant and now no one believes he’s my younger brother.”
“How much younger is he?” Rachel asked.
Oops! I realized I hadn’t told her James’ age. I didn’t know how she’d respond to our age difference. Hell, I still wasn’t even sure if I thought it was an issue.
“Six years. James is twenty-three,” Ryan told her.
Rachel glanced at me out of the corner of her eye but didn’t say anything.
Standing up, I changed the topic. “I’m going to hit the road. Ryan, can’t wait for the drag show!”
After we kissed goodbye, I walked to the parking lot with Rachel. She kept quiet until we got to my car.
“Twenty-three, huh?”
I nodded. “Twenty-three. Kind of makes the whole virginity thing more plausible, right?”
She snickered. “I mean, I guess. What do you think about his age?”
“He doesn’t seem young,” I said, then added, “Inexperienced, yes. But not immature. A lot of the time, I think he’s more mature than I am.”
Nodding, Rachel seemed to give it more consideration. “He did give me some really insightful advice when I needed it.”
When Rachel and Joe went through a short rough patch a few months ago, Laurel and I took her out to Bar Royal to lift her spirits. Somehow, she wound up talking to James about her problems. He gave her the simplest, yet perfect advice: let go of the
past.
“He’s a smart guy,” I agreed.
“He is.” Rachel smiled. “Even though it was torture, I want to do that Barre class again. It’s going to be too snowy for me to hike soon, and I need to have some sort of exercise routine.”
“If they let me back in, I’d be happy to go with you.” I kissed her cheeks. “I’ll see you at work tomorrow.”
“See ya.”
When I got in my car, my heart sped up as I fumbled to get my phone out as quickly as possible. I’d played it cool inside the studio, but I needed to look at the picture of James again.
He was sitting at a desk filled with several computer monitors, his hands resting on the keyboard of a laptop. He faced the camera with one eyebrow raised, wearing black-framed glasses. He almost had a hipster vibe going, which normally made me roll my eyes, but damn did it work on James.
The fact that he had Ryan take a picture of him working on his computer made me feel a tugging in my chest. It seemed he’d changed his mind before he sent it to me, but I was still touched. And turned on. Oh god, was I turned on.
Turning on my camera, I held my phone out in front of me and snapped a smiling picture. My hair was pulled off my face, the way he said he liked it. I texted it to him without comment.
Before I could pull out of the parking lot, my phone chimed.
Beautiful. There’s my Frannie face. Where’d you go?
The guilt I’d been feeling for avoiding him after the intensity of my bedroom and seeing him in the bar only deepened with his message.
I’m driving home from the dance studio. Will text when I’m home!
Putting my phone face down on the passenger seat so I wasn’t tempted to check it, I drove the short ride back to my place. As I approached the parking garage, I noticed James leaning on the brick wall outside of Bar Royal. Before I turned into the garage I yelled out the window, “Stay right there!” In my rearview mirror I saw him cross his arms over his chest.
I quickly parked and ran up the ramp to the sidewalk. I crossed the street, never taking my eyes off James as I approached.
