by Julia Wolf
When I got to his side of the street, I walked right up to him, pushed his crossed arms down, and leaned my body against his. Before I could stop myself, I went up on my tiptoes and kissed him. It was just a short press of my lips to his, but in that moment, we were joined. A flood of warmth traveled straight to my heart, pumping through my veins.
When I pulled back, I smiled at his stunned expression. “Hi, James.”
He considered me for a moment, then he slid one hand behind my neck and pulled me back to him, his lips taking mine. He sucked on my bottom lip, then planted small kisses all around my mouth. He moved his hands to cradle my face, pressing his soft lips to mine, his tongue running along the seam. I opened my mouth and our tongues met, his curling around mine.
My hands went around his waist and up the back of his shirt. As our tongues tangled, my hands roamed over his broad, smooth back.
When both of us finally needed to take a breath, we pulled back. I was left panting as James’ hands traveled from my face, down my shoulders to the small of my back.
His lips curved up slightly. “Hi, Frannie.”
Fourteen
After kissing me senseless, he went back to leaning away from me with his arms crossed. I hated his body language. But I knew it was my shitty, avoiding behavior that had made him feel he needed to have his defenses up.
“Where’ve you been?” James asked.
I put my hands on his arms and said honestly, “Running.” I rubbed his chest with my palm. “Want to go get a cup of coffee?”
James nodded and uncrossed his arms. When I slipped my hand in his and wove our fingers together, he stared down at where we were joined. Finally, he squeezed my hand and gave me a small smile.
“I’m sorry I haven’t been around,” I said as we walked down the street.
He sighed. “Me too. I’ve gotten used to seeing you. Every time the door to the bar opened, I checked to see if it was you.”
“Look!” I held up my free hand. “I’ve got the shakes from not playing pinball for so long. It’s been at least a week.”
He stopped. “Is that all you missed?”
Reaching up, I tugged his beard. “Not even close. I had James withdrawal too.”
Still holding my hand, he leaned down and kissed me. It started sweet, with our lips closed and pressed together, but I couldn’t help it. I hooked my arm around his neck and pulled him against me, opening my mouth to slide my tongue against his. His hand was on the back of my head, directing the pressure and depth of the kiss. I loved that he took control; James taking charge made me melt into him.
We were interrupted by a guy driving by yelling, “Get a room!”
I pulled back, giggling. “I forgot we’re in the middle of the sidewalk at ten in the morning! That kiss made me forget my own name.”
James growled and squeezed my hand again. It seemed he was feeling more caveman than usual today. I had to admit I kind of dug the feral growls and grunts he sometimes used instead of words.
When we got to the little mom and pop coffee shop, James held the door open for me. Reluctantly, I let go of his hand so I could walk by, but I made sure to brush up against him as I passed.
Since I was wired enough already, I ordered a hot chocolate with mounds of whipped cream on top. Unsurprisingly, James ordered a plain black coffee.
We carried our drinks to a quiet corner filled with two big, overstuffed velvet chairs and a wood coffee table.
I caught James eyeing my hot chocolate. I smiled. “What?”
He shook his head and grinned. “That is some drink you have there.”
I pointed. “This? This shit is delicious. One thing you need to know about me is I’m a big fan of whipped cream.” To illustrate my point, I dragged my index finger through the fluffy white topping and slowly licked it off. “Yum.”
James growled again.
“Do you want some?” I asked. When he nodded, I dipped my finger in the whipped cream again, then we both leaned forward in our chairs so I could reach his mouth. I put my finger by his parted lips, and he pulled it into his mouth and swirled his tongue all around, licking it clean.
When he let go of my finger, I put it back in my mouth, then pulled it out with a pop.
“Yum.”
James’ brow furrowed as he wordlessly watched me drink my hot chocolate. I liked being watched by him, in bed or otherwise. His gaze was like a drug and when it was on me, I felt powerful and sexy. And when it wasn’t on me, I was always jonesing for more.
“Don’t let your coffee get cold, James.”
He picked his cup up from the coffee table and took a sip. For the first time what he was wearing registered. He had on long athletic shorts and a royal blue long-sleeved compression shirt, which displayed every single muscle on his strong torso.
“I’ve never seen you dress like this before,” I said.
He glanced down at his clothes and shrugged. “This is what I wear when I work out.”
I tilted my head. “Were you working out this morning?”
“Yeah. When you said you were coming home I didn’t want to miss you, so I ran to the bar.”
I sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s no big deal. I can finish later.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m sorry I was avoiding you. I’m sorry I jumped out of bed the other night. I’m sorry for, you know, that night.”
He looked around the coffee shop as if he was gathering his thoughts. “I really like you, Frannie. I think you know that. But I’m a very straightforward person and I don’t like not knowing where you are. If you want to be with me, then I’m here, I’m ready for that. But I don’t do anything by halves. I need you to stop running and go all in with me or let’s be done with this.”
I gasped softly. “What does ‘all in’ entail?” I asked tentatively.
“I’m not proposing marriage. But I didn’t like how the last week has felt. One second my dick is in your hand—which was amazing by the way, and damn, I hope that can happen again—the next second, you’re gone and I don’t hear from you for days. And that was only because you stopped by the bar with your friend. That’s not something I want to keep doing.”
“The last week felt shitty to me too. I don’t know what I’m doing here, but I know I don’t want this—you and me—to be done.”
Terrified did not even begin to encompass how I was feeling. The truth was, I decided years ago I wasn’t capable of being in a healthy relationship, perhaps because the one my parents modelled was so dysfunctional.
I didn’t quite understand how to love a man or let him love me. Sure, I loved my friends. But there were no expectations there and we were able to live our own lives outside of our friendships. Sometimes when I was overwhelmed with the world I wanted to be a hermit, holed up all day in my room. If I had a boyfriend, would I have to let him into my cocoon? Or would I still be able to take some time away from the world to regroup? I didn’t know the answers, but I felt in my gut that James wouldn’t want me to change who I was.
“As you know, I don’t know what I’m doing either, Frannie. But I think we can figure it out together.”
I grinned like an idiot at him. He made me happy. “I like you, James.”
His smirked. “I know you do. You’re a bit obvious about it.”
I threw my head back and laughed. “What are you talking about? I’m incredibly delicate and subtle!”
“You’re really not, but that’s what I like about you.”
I arched an eyebrow. “I like a lot of things about you.”
James laughed. “You just want me for my beard.”
“Stop having such a beautiful beard. You put it on display like that, what do you expect?”
“You can touch my beard any time you want, Frannie,” he said softly, leaning closer to me.
My cheeks burned at the fierceness of his stare. I flopped back in my seat and fanned my heated face with my hands. “You don’t even know what your voice is doing to me
.”
James smirked, clearly seeing the effect he had on me.
We quietly sipped our drinks for a minute, stealing glances at each other. If the flutter in my chest and the warmth I felt all over were any indication of what being ‘all in’ with James was like then, yes, I decided I was definitely going to enjoy this.
“I saw Ryan this morning,” I said. “We had an interesting chat.” I arched an eyebrow.
“Okay. Why are you looking at me like that?” He frowned.
“He showed me a really nice picture.”
“A dance picture or something?”
I shook my head.
“Are you going to make me guess?”
I nodded, pinching my lips together to hold in the laugh that was building from his expression: a mix of frustration and confusion.
“Let’s see…was it a person?”
I nodded.
“Was it—holy shit. He didn’t show you…”
“You’re blushing!” I said through giggles. “I fucking love when you blush, James.”
“I can’t believe I asked him to take that. Momentary insanity. He was supposed to delete it right after he sent it to me.” He was truly embarrassed, his eyes darting madly around the room, anywhere but on me.
I leaned forward and touched his knee. “Why did you take it?”
He finally looked at me and laid his warm hand on top of mine. “I thought it would make you smile.”
I melted. He’d turned me into a puddle of sludge in my velvet chair. Who was this man? He was so big and tough looking, but at the same time quiet and thoughtful. I was quickly learning that beneath the surface he was the gentlest, sweetest person I’d ever met. The fact that he’d done something so out of his comfort zone just to make me smile was truly mind-blowing.
“Well, it did, it really did, James. It also made me brave enough to stop running.”
James squeezed my hand. “Well, thank fuck Ryan didn’t listen to me when I said to delete it.”
After we finished our drinks, we left the coffee shop, walking back to my apartment hand in hand. For someone who didn’t do hand holding, I sure was doing a lot of it lately. But maybe I didn’t enjoy it before because it felt like I was being kept next to the other person, as though if my hand wasn’t being held, I’d float away. With James, he held me, but I held him too. The closeness was mutual, neither of us wanting to escape.
“Want to come up to my place and make out a little?” I asked when we made it back to my apartment building.
James glanced down at the time on his phone and groaned. “You have no idea how much I want to. But I need to make a call for work.” He sounded genuinely tormented that he wouldn’t be able to come up with me.
I rubbed his chest. “Do you have time for a teensy tiny bit of kissing right here? Because I need something to think about when I go take a shower in a few minutes.”
Without speaking James put his hands on my waist the way I’d shown him and pulled my body against his. One hand cupped the back of my head and our lips clashed together. My hands ventured under the elastic waistband of his shorts, coming to rest on the top of the slope of his ass. I wanted to move my hands down so badly, but we were in the doorway of my apartment building after all, so I resisted temptation.
James roamed from my lips, to my jaw, to my neck and back to my lips, our tongues circling and tasting. He palmed my breast, so I pressed against him, needing to feel more. He took my breath away when he slid his hand into the top of my tank top and I thought I might combust from the sensation of his bare skin against mine.
We broke apart, gasping for air. James’ erection was pressed against me and his hand was still in my shirt. He leaned his forehead on mine and we breathed together.
“If I touched my clit right now, I’d come in two seconds.”
He groaned into my neck. “You’re irresistible, Frannie.”
I smiled. “That’s not true or you’d be up in my apartment.”
James took his hand out of my shirt and placed it gently on my cheek.
“You have no idea how badly I want to. This is an important call, though. I really have to go.”
I rubbed my hip against his erection. “I think I have an idea of how badly you want to.” Then I patted his bum. “Go be important! I’ll talk to you soon.”
“You have my number now,” he said, watching my face.
“I’ll use it, promise. And if you want to find me, you can too. Okay?”
We detached from each other and he smiled at me one last time before taking off down the street. I went upstairs and when I got in the warm shower, I proved myself right. In under a minute I was coming with James’ face in my mind and his name on my lips.
Fifteen
I walked out of dance class sweaty but happy. Ms. Catherine had worked us as hard as ever, but before I left she pulled me aside, saying how proud she was that I was keeping up with the younger girls, sometimes even “out dancing” them. Of course, she had to add that my arm extensions were weak and could use a lot of work.
I really shouldn’t have been surprised to see James saunter out of the office as I was putting on my shoes.
I sat up and smiled. “Hey there!”
“I watched you.” He stood above me with his hands in his pockets.
I tilted my head to the side. “You did?”
He pointed to the little one-way mirror.
“I watched the whole class. You amaze me.”
I stood up in front of him. “Usually I can feel you watching me. I like when you watch me.” I looked back at the window. “It was a really good class tonight.”
“I don’t know anything about dance, but I like seeing you move. When you leap, I swear your legs are a thousand miles long.”
“That might be a slight exaggeration.”
James smiled and held his thumb and forefinger an inch apart. “Just slight.”
I moved into him. “Can I give you a chaste there-are-children-here hug?”
He circled his arms around my shoulders and mine went around his waist. I felt him kiss the top of my head, but I wanted his lips, so I tipped my head back and pressed my mouth to his.
“That’s better,” I said.
“Look at you two lovebirds,” said Ryan.
I waved him away and took a half-step away from James, keeping one arm around his waist, my thumb hooked in his belt loop.
“You shush, Ryan O’Malley!”
He walked over to us. “I will not shush, Francisca Rivera! I would have never put the two of you together in my head, but now that I see it in person, it’s magical!”
“Oh my god, stop! Look at James, you’re making him blush!”
James grumbled unintelligibly. His cheeks were a little pink above his beard.
Ryan clapped his hands together. “I love it! My baby brother is blushing!”
“I think that’s enough, Ryan,” James warned.
“Never!” Ryan exclaimed, dancing away when James tried to grab him.
I laughed. “You two are such brothers.”
“He’s the worst,” James growled.
Ryan pointed at him. “Nope, you’re way worse.”
James turned to me. “When I was three and he was nine, he regularly sat on me. Just used me as a cushion. What kind of brother does that?”
“Hey! I could already tell you were going to be a giant. I was trying to stunt your growth a little. You should thank me. Without that special physical therapy I gave you, who knows? You might be eight feet tall now!” Ryan jumped back when James swatted at him again.
“I’ll give you physical therapy,” James said, finally laughing along with his brother.
I loved seeing this playful side of both of them, but especially James.
When they regained control of themselves and the danger of a wrestling match commencing had passed, I turned to Ryan. “I can’t wait for next Saturday! I’ve got the most ridiculously sparkly outfit picked out!”
James glance
d back and forth between us. “What’s next Saturday?”
Ryan threw his arms up. “RGBV!”
“Drag show at the club, RGBV,” I explained to James.
“Ah,” he said. “I’ve been to enough of those for the rest of my life.”
I eyed him curiously. “How many drag shows is enough?”
James scratched his beard and thought for a moment. “There was a good two or three-year run where Ryan had all his birthday parties at drag clubs.”
“And two or three was enough?” I asked.
“Yes.” He nodded. “They’re kind of all the same after a while.”
Ryan and I gasped in unison.
“How could you say that? It’s like we’re not even related!” Ryan exclaimed.
James laughed. “Sorry, man. You don’t get my computer shit. I don’t get your drag show shit.”
Ryan held up a hand, blocking James from his line of sight. “Anyway, Frannie, text me a picture of your ridiculous outfit. Let’s see if I can top you.”
I scoffed at the idea I could be bested but agreed. He ducked back into the office, throwing one last dirty look at James before he left.
“Can I take you to dinner?” James asked.
“I’m a sweaty mess.” I gestured to my body.
He took his time perusing me from my feet to my face. “I like it.”
Laughing, I pushed his chest. “You might, but not everyone will want to smell me!”
“We’ll go somewhere quick. There’s a Mediterranean place close by.”
“Falafel?” I asked. When he nodded, I clapped once. “Sold!”
James had ridden with Ryan again, so he was back in my little car. He was so adorable scrunched up I had to kiss him. In the dark parking lot, I sprawled across the center console and took his mouth with mine. We made out like teenagers, completely steaming up the windows.
“You’re delicious,” I moaned, and James slid his tongue between my lips. If I were shorter, I would’ve been on top of him; making out in the front seat of a small car when you’re two tall people isn’t the easiest task, but we did the best we could.
