Cut Loose

by Julia Wolf

  He nudged my chin with his knuckle. “You don’t sound so sure, Frannie.”

  I looked around the lobby and then focused back on Ryan. “I miss him.”

  His laugh sounded sour. “Did you think you wouldn’t?”

  “I didn’t really think. I panicked, I needed out. How can he love me the way I—” I shook my head. “Never mind. The fact is I’m scared, and I don’t know how to move past the fear.”

  “My brother would never hurt you.”

  “Of course he wouldn’t, not purposely. But nothing can be forever, and he’s twenty-three. He’d leave eventually.”

  Ryan shook his head vigorously. “No, no, no! If you really think that, you don’t know James at all. I have never seen him so at ease with someone outside of family as he is with you. His age means nothing. He is the most rock-solid person I know. You know that too, Frannie.”

  My hands trembled. I wanted to run, but doing that hadn’t worked out well so far, so I stayed. I hugged Ryan again and he squeezed me tight.

  “I love you, Ryan. I hate that this is coming between us. I’m sorry.”

  He ran a hand over my hair. “You don’t have to apologize to me. James is the one you need to talk to.”

  “I know. I will, if he wants to talk to me.”

  Ryan put his hands on my shoulders. “He wants to talk to you. I’ve had to drag him out of that room every day, Frannie. But at least he’s still willing to come out.”

  “I saw the picture.”

  Ryan looked confused for a moment, then understanding crossed his face. “Remember that day, Frannie?”

  I smiled. “I do. I had that picture hung over my bed for years.”

  “And James has had it on his desk for years. There’s a strange symmetry there.”

  I laughed. “You should talk to Eliza. She says James and I are fated, now you’re saying there’s symmetry. I just can’t even with you two.”

  Ryan laughed and nudged my shoulder. “Maybe you should listen to your wise friends.”

  I nudged him back. “Maybe I will.”

  “Well, okay then!” he exclaimed.

  “Okay to you too!” I exclaimed back.

  “Why are we yelling?” he cried.

  I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t know!”

  We both started laughing so hard we sat down, then laughed some more.

  “That felt good,” I said when I could breathe again.

  “Yeah,” he said quietly. “Things haven’t been too funny for a while.”

  “I know what you mean. But I’m glad I came here tonight.” I squeezed his hand.

  “Me too. No matter what, you’ll always be my girl, right?”

  I stood and put my hands on my hips. “Of course! I am Polly Wannaorgy after all! I’ve got to keep my line of guys waiting in the wings.”

  We hugged again and then I left, promising to text him so we could go out again, and promising to talk to James. And I’d keep both promises, I just didn’t know exactly when I would fulfill the second one.

  As I was driving home, my phone rang. I glanced down and saw it was Eliza, so I put her on speaker.

  “Hey, E!”

  I heard rustling and then a muffled, “Frannie, can you come get me?”

  The hair on the back of my neck stood up. “Where are you?”

  A soft sob came through the phone. “I’m home. I broke up with Edward and I want to leave, but he doesn’t agree.”

  “Okay, I’m coming right now. I’ll be there in fifteen minutes. Are you safe?”

  She sniffled. “Yes. He won’t hurt me. I just want to leave. I’m locked in the bedroom.”

  “Fucking Edward. Stay right where you are, I’m coming. We’ll keep talking and I’ll be there before you know it,” I said soothingly.

  “Could you…” she trailed off.

  “What? Ask me anything.”

  “Do you think you could bring James? I know it’s a lot to ask, but I’d feel better if he was with you.”

  I cringed. “I’ll ask him. I don’t know if he’ll want to go anywhere with me, E.”

  “Please?” Her voice sounded so small.

  “Of course. I’m pulling up to the bar now. I’m going to hang up for just a minute, but I’ll call you right back.”

  “Thank you, Frannie. I’m sorry.”

  I gripped the wheel hard. Eliza’s craphole of a boyfriend had her so afraid that she was hiding in her bedroom, and she was sorry? Edward should’ve been the one hiding if he knew what was good for him.

  “Don’t be sorry, E. This is what friends are for.” I hung up and parked illegally on the street. I stood in front of the door of Bar Royal and breathed deeply. Today. Today I would be brave.

  Twenty-Eight

  I pulled the door open and walked in, zeroing in on James right away. He was wiping down a table near the bar. He didn’t lift his head until I was right next to him.

  His eyes met mine and immediately any warmness that had been in his face vanished.

  “Frannie.” He eyed me warily, as if he was bracing himself for the next hurtful thing I did.

  “Hi, James. I need a favor.”

  He scoffed. “Really? Of fucking course you do.”

  I rubbed my chest. “Eliza needs help. She’s trying to leave Edward and he won’t let her.”

  James threw down his towel. “Shit. Okay, okay.” He looked around the bar, then back at me. “Let me just go tell the other bartender, then we’ll go. Fuck, Frannie, is she okay?”

  “I think so, but I want to get to her.” I texted Eliza that James and I were on our way. She texted back immediately.

  I’m okay. I hear Edward pacing around, but he’s leaving me alone. Thank you, Frannie, I know it was a lot to ask, but I really appreciate it.

  “Let’s go,” James said gruffly when he stepped back in front of me.

  Without saying anything, I turned around and walked back out of the bar, James close behind me. When we got in the car, I fumbled with my keys because my hands were shaking. James put his warm hand over mine and took the key from me. He calmly put it in the ignition and turned on the car.

  “Do you want me to drive?” he asked.

  I looked at him and shook my head. We were only a foot apart and it was simultaneously much too close and not nearly close enough.

  I took a deep breath. “No, I’m okay. Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  I wanted to scream. I hated how we were being with each other. So polite and careful. It wasn’t time for us to talk, though. Maybe later. I needed to concentrate on my friend.

  Though we were silent the whole way, I never stopped being aware of our closeness. When we pulled up to Edward’s townhouse in a quiet suburb near the salon, I turned off the car and turned to James.

  “How are we doing this?” I asked.

  “Let’s go knock.” James unfolded himself from my tiny car and strode to the townhouse door. When he glanced over his shoulder at me, I scrambled out of the car and hurried to join him on the small porch. James pounded on the door while I texted Eliza to let her know we were outside.

  The door opened surprisingly quick. Edward stood there looking haggard and red-faced.

  “What?” He jerked his head back and forth between James and me.

  I stepped into the house. “We’re here for Eliza.” I pushed right past him, hitting my shoulder against his harder than was necessary. Well, maybe it was necessary to express how much of a tool he was.

  “Where is she?” James asked in a hard voice. He stood in the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. If I didn’t know him, he would be an intimidating sight.

  “She’s in our bedroom. Something’s come over her lately. First the tattoo, now she claims she’s leaving me. I think something’s wrong with her,” Edward said.

  James stepped into the house. “I can only think of one thing that’s wrong with Eliza.”

  I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, it’s the fact that she has a tool
for a boyfriend!”

  Eliza opened her bedroom door. “Frannie?”

  I went to her and pulled her into my arms.

  “We’re here, you’re okay.”

  She nodded against my shoulder. “I just want to go.”

  I pulled back and wiped the tear from her cheek. “Did you pack your stuff?”

  She gestured over her shoulder. “Yes, two suitcases. Unfortunately, I’ll have to come back for the rest, but I’m ready to go now.”

  “Are you sure he didn’t hurt you, E? Because if he did, I’ll mess him up. And I’ll get James to help me.”

  She tried to smile, but it was shaky and small. “I’m sure.”

  “Let’s get your shit then and get outta here.”

  Eliza and I each wheeled a suitcase to the entryway where James stood blocking Edward from us.

  “What’s happening, Eliza? Why are you doing this?” Edward pleaded from behind James.

  Eliza stayed behind me, not uttering a word. I walked right up to James, but he wouldn’t let me by, so over his broad shoulder I pointed my finger at Edward. “Eliza is leaving. In a few days she will be getting the rest of her things and you won’t be here when that happens. You are not to contact her unless she explicitly asks you for something. And I think if you reflect on how you’ve treated her through the years, you’ll know exactly why she’s doing this. Enough is enough, Edward, you are a complete tool and Eliza is far too good for you.”

  Edward scoffed. “Eliza, this is ridiculous. Are you really going to let your slut friend talk to me like that?”

  I pushed against James when I heard the word ‘slut.’ I was going to claw Edward’s eyes out. But James stood there like an unmovable mountain, holding me around the waist.

  “Eliza, you and Frannie go to the car. I’ll be out there in a minute,” James said quietly. He sounded dangerously calm, but his commanding voice stilled me instantly. He pushed Edward behind him and we wheeled the suitcases by. I gave him the dirtiest look I could muster, and I liked to think he flinched.

  We crammed her suitcases in my small trunk, then waited in the car for James. I didn’t know what he was doing or saying in there and I was generally not a fan of violence, but I’d be sort of okay if Edward ran into a door or tripped and hit his head.

  “Can you take me to Rachel and Joe’s house? I texted, and she said she’ll have a room ready for me,” Eliza asked quietly from the backseat.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to come to my place? I don’t have an extra room, but Laurel will cook you amazing food and we can snuggle in my bed together.”

  “Thank you, Frannie, but it makes sense for me to stay with Rachel. I’ll be close to the salon that way and they have the space.”

  “Anything for you, E.” I reached back and squeezed her knee. “What happened tonight?”

  She sighed and stared out the window into the dark. “Edward told me he was going to propose at the club this weekend in front of our families. He said I should buy a new dress so I’d look nice in the pictures. I told him I would not be marrying him and it was a preposterous idea. He didn’t like that answer, so I let him rail on me for a long time, then when he was done, I got up, told him I was packing my bags, and locked myself in the bedroom. I couldn’t take one more second of his stupid voice and his stupid face.”

  “I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself. You deserve to be happy.”

  “You do too, Frannie. I hope you know that.”

  James opened the passenger door and peered in. “You can sit in the front, Eliza.”

  “That’s okay. I doubt you’d fit back here. I’m good.”

  “Thank you.” He folded his long body into the too-small seat and a sad little giggle slipped out of me. I couldn’t help but think about the first time he’d been in my car.

  “We’re going to take E to Rachel and Joe’s place, then I’ll take you home. Okay?”

  James nodded but didn’t say anything. The car was eerily quiet on our drive to Tiber City, but the tension rolling off all three of us filled up the room the silence left. I was vacillating between overwhelming anger and sadness. And I was dying to know what James had said to Edward when we went outside.

  When we pulled up to their house, Rachel and Joe were waiting on the porch. Rachel ran down to the car and hugged Eliza tightly when she got out. James got her suitcases out and handed them off to Joe, who took them into the house.

  “I’m going to walk her in,” I said to James quietly. “Are you coming?”

  “I’ll wait here. Take your time,” he said gruffly.

  Rachel and I walked with Eliza between us, our arms around her waist. I hugged her when we got inside. “Do you want me to stay? I can stay. James can take my car…”

  “No, that’s okay. I’m just going to go to bed,” Eliza answered.

  “I’ve got her, Frannie,” Rachel reassured me.

  I nodded. “Okay, but call me or text or send up smoke signals or an owl if you need anything. Got it?”

  Eliza agreed and after more hugs and reassurances, I went back to the car where James waited.

  “Everything good?” he asked when I got in.

  Immediately tears pricked my eyes. “Yes. No. I don’t know!” I put my head down on the steering wheel for a moment and sucked in a breath, then I sat up and wiped my eyes with the back of my hand. “I’m good. She’s safe.”

  James brushed my shoulder with his fingertips but didn’t say anything, so I drove. He periodically reached out and lightly touched my hand, my hair, my cheek, but he stayed quiet. I didn’t know what he was telling me with his touches, but it took everything in my power not to lean into him.

  I pulled into my parking garage and looked at him. “Shit, I should have taken you home.”

  “It’s okay, Frannie. My place isn’t far. I can walk.”

  When we got out of the car, we stood awkwardly by the bumper. “Thanks for coming tonight, James. It means a lot to me.”

  “You don’t have to thank me.”

  “I do, though. I know I don’t have any right to ask anything of you anymore.”

  He sighed. “Okay.”

  I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. “What did you say to Edward when Eliza and I left?”

  “It doesn’t matter. Just know he won’t bother her anymore. And he’ll never say shit like that to you or any other woman again,” he said softly but with a hard edge in his voice.

  I inhaled a shuddery breath and nodded. If I spoke, I’d cry, and I didn’t want James to see me like that.

  “I’m going to go.” He studied my face one more time, then turned to walk away, but I grabbed his hand.

  “Can you just stay with me for a little bit? I don’t want to be alone and Laurel isn’t home. We don’t have to talk or anything if you don’t—”

  He cut me off. “Yes, I can stay.”

  We went upstairs to my apartment, not touching, not looking at each other. I hated it. I needed to touch him, to be held by him, but I couldn’t ask him for that.

  “I’m just going to go change into my pajamas. We could watch a movie?”

  He nodded. “All right, I’ll find something to watch.”

  I went into the bathroom and put on a loose long-sleeved T-shirt and lounge pants. After I’d washed my face and brushed my teeth, I went to my bedroom to drop off my clothes and James was stretched out on the bed.

  “Oh!” I said, surprised to see him there.

  He raised his eyebrows. “Netflix only works in here, right?”

  I smiled. “Well…I may have made that up that night to get you in here.” He started to sit up, but I rushed out, “But this is okay, I’m ready to lie down and you look comfortable there.”

  I laid down on my side, making sure to leave as much space as I could between us. It felt like we were worlds apart.

  “You took the picture down,” he said.

  “Yeah. But I miss it, so I’m going to put it back up.”

  “Good. It belo
ngs there,” James said.

  I sighed. “Thankfully it’s easier to undo some decisions than others.”

  “Frannie…” James groaned my name like I was causing him pain; and maybe I was.

  “I know. Forget it.” I rubbed my face. “God, it’s been a long night. I wasn’t expecting any of this. I really can’t believe she finally left him. How does a relationship turn into that?”

  “I wish I had the answer.”

  I gazed at James as he stared up at the ceiling. He looked tired, exhausted. His shoulders were tight, and his hands were on his stomach, twisting his shirt into knots.

  “I don’t like this,” I said softly.

  He turned to me. “What, Frannie?”

  “I know I did this to us. But I don’t like it. I don’t like you not smiling at me or touching me or being tense in my bed.”

  His nostrils flared, and he inhaled deeply. “I’m still really angry with you.”

  I nodded, a tear escaping down my cheek. “I know. I’ve been awful to you. I thought somehow I was protecting the both of us, but look at us. I wrecked it.”

  James turned on his side and laid his warm hand on the side of my face. “Yeah, you fucking did. You wrecked me.”

  I pinched my lips together to stop more tears from falling, but when James pulled me into his arms, I cried quietly against his shoulder. He stroked my back and held me for a long time. There was nothing sexual about his embrace, just one human comforting another. I wanted to kiss him and tangle my hands in his beard and feel him inside me, but tonight wasn’t about that.

  James’ hand slowed down on my back and his breaths became deep and even. I snuggled into his sleeping body and savored every second of the closeness he’d allowed me to have with him. Being in his arms and feeling the slow rhythm of his heart made me drowsy and relaxed. Just before I drifted off to sleep, I kissed the center of James’ chest and whispered, “I love you,” and his arms—almost imperceptibly—tightened around me.

  Twenty-Nine

  I woke up alone, but not surprised. One night of falling asleep together wasn’t going to fix anything. I’d fucked up and pushed the best man I’d ever known away. So, no, it wasn’t a surprise he didn’t stay to have a chat over coffee.