High Meadow

by Joan Wolf

  Kate was rinsing out the dishes Ben had used for his snack and the look she gave Molly was bleak. "He had to come out in the first inning."

  Molly's face fell. "Oh, Kate. I am so sorry."

  "I know. I feel so responsible, Mom. If only I had put Shane on the crossties!"

  Molly looked at her daughter. "It isn't like you, Kate, to bemoan things that might have been."

  Kate laughed shakily, "I just can't help it. Daniel's whole career is on the line."

  Molly said, "I have every confidence that Daniel will get his pitching back. There's nothing wrong with the hand; it healed beautifully. At least that is what Daniel told me."

  "It's what he told me, too."

  "So he just has to get comfortable with pitching again. I am sure he will."

  Kate smiled. "You're always so sensible, Mom."

  Molly smiled back. "I'm sensible but tired. I think I will lie down until it's time to take Ben to his Little League practice."

  "Are you sure you're up to taking him, Mom? If you're not. . ."

  Molly picked up the book bag she had put down on a kitchen chair. "I am perfectly capable of taking Ben, and Connor too, but you're going to have to think about the future, Kate. Once I'm married, I won't always be here to chauffeur Ben. Have you given that any thought?"

  Kate bit her lip. "Not yet."

  Molly said gently, "I will be glad to help you out when I am here, but when I'm in Colombia, you're going to have to find someone else."

  "I know. And I will, Mom. Don't worry about it. I'll work something out."

  "I feel like I'm letting you down."

  Kate came to hug her mother. "Don't feel that way, Mom, please. You're not letting me down. You've been a rock of support to me and Ben for years. It's time for you to have a life of your own again."

  "That's what Alberto says."

  "And he's right. I think Alberto is very wise, Mom. He understands things about people."

  "He does. That is why his book is making such a splash—he has such insight into people."

  "I'll read it the minute it comes out in English."

  "Thank you, dear."

  "Go on upstairs, and I'll bring you a cup of tea."

  Molly kissed Kate's cheek. "That would be very nice."

  Kate brought Molly her tea, made sure that Ben was doing his homework, then went back to the barn to meet her first lesson.

  Daniel didn't call. At nine o'clock, when Kate still hadn't heard from him, she phoned his house. Alberto answered.

  "Alberto, this is Kate. How is Daniel?"

  "Very, very calm—the way an explosive is calm until somebody sets a match to it."

  "Damn. Do you think I should come over?"

  "I don't know ... I don't think so. I think he might need some time by himself. He feels he humiliated himself in front of fifty thousand people—not to mention the whole television audience."

  "He must be feeling pretty raw."

  "Yes. It would be better to wait until tomorrow to talk to him, when the wound isn't quite so tender. He will not want to feel less than himself when he is with you."

  "That's stupid," Kate said. "I won't think less of him because he had a bad outing pitching!"

  "I know that, Kate. But I also understand how Daniel must feel. I am a Latin male myself."

  "Well... will you tell him I called?"

  "I will."

  Kate felt suddenly reckless. "Tell him I love him."

  "I will do that." She could hear the smile in Alberto's voice.

  Kate hung up the receiver.

  She felt so badly for Daniel. She was glad she hadn't seen the game on television; it would have been anguish to watch him struggling.

  I wish I could see him. I wish I could hold him.

  The phone rang, and she picked it up.

  "Hello?"

  "Kata."

  Thank God.

  "How are you, Daniel?"

  "You saw the game?"

  "I listened on the radio. I was working in the barn."

  "Pretty pitiful, huh?"

  "You shouldn't have pitched. You weren't ready."

  "I am beginning to wonder if I will ever be ready."

  "Sure you will. You had a serious injury."

  "But the bones have healed."

  "You threw some pitches over the plate. Each time you pitch, you will get more."

  "For a hard-throwing pitcher, I have always had good control."

  'And you will have good control again. Just give it some time, Daniel."

  He said grimly, "I don't have any choice."

  "I miss you. I miss having you under the same roof."

  "I miss you, too. You and I have to sit down and have a talk; but not until I'm pitching well again."

  "Okay."

  "Good night, Kata."

  "Good night, Daniel."

  She hung up the phone and sat frowning at it for almost a minute. If the hand was healed, then why was Daniel having so much trouble throwing the ball?

  He hadn't suggested moving back into the farmhouse. Of course, that would add a half an hour to his trip in each direction. Still... it would be nice to know that he wanted to be near her.

  Why couldn't Daniel throw strikes?

  * * *

  38

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  The next time Daniel pitched, once again he left in the first inning, having walked the bases full. Afterward, at his locker, he answered the questions of the reporters with ironclad composure and courtesy.

  During the following week, it seemed as if the entire world was focused on Daniel's wildness. Newspaper articles were written on the subject. The announcers talked of it constantly. His pitching coach made myriad suggestions. His catcher made suggestions.

  Since it was early spring, there were a number of afternoon games, so he had the evenings free, and he spent those evenings with Ben and Kate. Once away from the stadium, he didn't talk about his pitching at all.

  He wanted to make love to Kate, but Molly and Ben were always around. He wanted to move back into the farmhouse, but Kate hadn't suggested it.

  He was miserable.

  His third start came around. It was Monday, and Kate didn't have after-school lessons, so she went back to the house to watch the first inning on television.

  How could he stand it? she wondered. How could he stand up in front of all those people and risk failure? He was such a proud man. This must be horrible for him.

  There was silence in the ballpark as Daniel walked to the mound. There was silence as he threw the first pitch. It was too high. The expression on his face never changed.

  His second pitch was too far outside. His third pitch caught the corner of the plate—a strike. The stadium applauded. His fourth pitch went over the catcher's head and his fifth pitch hit into the dirt. The first batter had walked.

  Kate watched Posada go out to the mound to talk to Daniel. Daniel listened courteously, nodded, and the catcher went back to his place behind the plate.

  The second batter walked on six pitches.

  The third batter walked on four pitches.

  The manager came out to the mound to remove Daniel from the game.

  As Daniel walked off the mound, an eerie silence descended over the stadium. That walk to the dugout must be the longest walk of his life, Kate thought. Still in the same eerie silence, the new pitcher accepted the ball from Joe Torre, and the manager walked back to the dugout, his head bowed.

  Daniel remained in the dugout for the rest of the game.

  "He doesn't have to put himself through this," the announcer said. "Any other man would have gone down to the clubhouse."

  "Daniel has so much class," the second announcer said. "It would be a tragedy if he can't fix this wildness problem. The game can't afford to lose a player like that."

  Kate turned the TV off and went back down to the barn to finish up her chores. She picked up Ben and Connor at school and brought them back to the farm for a play date. Molly
came in and asked immediately how Daniel had done.

  "Not too well, Mom. He didn't get anybody out."

  "Oh no."

  "Yeah. It's a real bummer."

  "Poor Daniel. He must be very upset."

  "He looks like the sphinx on television, but I can imagine what must be going on inside. I don't have lessons today, and I was thinking of going over to Daniel's house. I'll drive Connor home first. Would that be okay with you?"

  "Of course, dear. I'll take care of Ben."

  It was six o'clock when Kate pulled up in front of Daniel's house. The garage door was closed, so she didn't know if he was home yet, but she parked in the circular driveway and went to ring the bell.

  Daniel answered the door himself. He looked as if he had lost weight.

  "Kata! What are you doing here?"

  "I came to see you."

  "Come in." He led her to the family room and sat next to her on the sofa.

  Kate took a deep, steadying breath and said, "I think I know what is wrong with your pitching."

  He gave her a wary look. "You do?"

  "Yes. You're thinking too much."

  "What?"

  "It's like riding a horse, Daniel. If you constantly see yourself from the outside: Are my heels down? Is my back straight? Are my elbows bent? You don't achieve harmony with your horse. You have to do all of those things, but you have to do them with your body. You have to let your body do your thinking for you."

  She picked up his right hand, his pitching hand, and held it tight. "Daniel, I think you're looking at yourself from the outside. You conduct a little clinic every time you pitch, and so the pitch isn't right. Your body knows how to pitch. I think you need to shut off your brain, go out there, and throw the damn ball into Jorge's glove."

  He stared at her. "Do you really think that that is it?"

  "Try it. Forget about the mechanics and just throw the ball. I'll bet you do just fine."

  "Mel thinks I've been aiming the ball."

  "Well, he's your pitching coach. Listen to him."

  His eyes began to sparkle. "I do have a checklist of things that I go over before each pitch."

  "Did you have the checklist before the accident?"

  "No. I didn't need it. I was pitching fine."

  "Well, I think you'll pitch just fine again if you get rid of the checklist."

  He looked at her in dawning wonder. "Do you know, Kata, I think you might have solved the mystery."

  "I thought about it when I was riding this morning. Shane was doing so well that I felt like a part of him. I didn't think at all; all I did was feel the movement. It was wonderful—we were so together. Then, afterward, I thought that that was what you had lost, that mindless, fluid motion that you used to have."

  He was silent for a long moment, then he said slowly, "I think that is exactly what happened. I have become too mechanical. I've lost the feel of pitching."

  "The problem is in your brain, Daniel, not in your hand."

  "But can I fix it?"

  'Just go out there and throw. Don't even think about how you are holding the ball; just do what comes naturally."

  He looked at her. "Kata, you are wonderful."

  "Thank you."

  He laughed. "I can't wait to get to the ballpark tomorrow."

  Kate said a silent prayer that what she had said would help.

  Daniel said, "Alberto is out."

  She looked at him. He gave her a warm smile, the kind of smile she had not seen since he got back from Florida. Her stomach clenched. This has got to work.

  "For how long is Alberto out?"

  "He went into the city to meet a friend. He won't be home until eleven at least."

  "How convenient."

  "For us it is. May I invite you to my bedroom, senorita?"

  "You may indeed."

  Hand in hand they walked down the hallway and into Daniel's room. Kate had seen it once before, when Daniel had given her a tour of the house, and now she glanced quickly around at the pale yellow walls and the warm, orange-printed comforter and upholstery.

  "I have missed you so much," he said, turning her to face him. "We have had so little chance for privacy."

  "You could have moved back to High Meadow."

  "You didn't invite me."

  "Oh. Were you waiting for an invitation?"

  "Yes."

  She smiled up at him. "Well, I came to you instead. You know what they say about Mohammed and the mountain."

  "No, what do they say?"

  "If the mountain won't come to Mohammed, then Mohammed must go to the mountain."

  "And you have come to my mountain."

  "So I have."

  Still smiling, they undressed and got into Daniel's queen-sized bed. Daniel put his arms around her and buried his face between her neck and shoulder. "I have been so afraid, Kata."

  "I know, love. But truly, I think you're going to be all right."

  She could feel his lips move on her skin as he answered, "I think so, too."

  They stayed thus for about a minute, each taking comfort from the closeness of the other, then one of Daniel's hands began to lightly caress her breast. He lifted his head a little and kissed her throat.

  His touch sent white lightning all through Kate, and she ran her hands along his back, feeling the muscles beneath her fingers.

  Daniel's hand moved from her breast to her stomach and then moved again. She gasped, pressing up against his hand. He kissed her and continued to kiss and caress her until she whimpered.

  He said her name and cupped her breasts in both his hands. She opened her eyes and they stared at each other out of passion-narrowed eyes. Then she put her hands on his hips, pulling him toward her, over her. She arched up to meet him, her breasts filling his hands as she urged him to fill her body.

  He drove into her, and she answered him, blazing up in a bonfire of sensation as she closed around his powerful penetration.

  They stayed connected for a long time, until Daniel said, "I'm too heavy for you," and withdrew. He pulled her to his side and she nestled against him, resting her head on his shoulder. His body felt warm and relaxed.

  "I love you so much," she said.

  "I love you so much, too."

  "Are we going to get married, Daniel?"

  "Yes."

  "It's going to be complicated."

  "Not unless you make it so."

  She stiffened. "I intend to keep my business."

  "You should keep your business."

  She relaxed again. "Do you think you could live at High Meadow?"

  "I could, but I have a better idea."

  "What's that?"

  "I have a friend in Colombia—he works on my father's ranch. We were boys together. He's married, with one child and expecting another. He speaks passable English. What if we employed him and his wife to do the heavy work around the barn? They could live in the farmhouse as part of the deal."

  Kate's whole body had tensed while he spoke. "I don't want strangers dealing with my horses."

  "Kata. Tomas has worked with horses all his life. He has been at my father's ranch for five years, and my father won't be happy to lose him."

  "How do you know he would come?"

  "He will jump at the chance to come to America. It will be an opportunity for him to live in a nice house and for his children to get a good education."

  Kate was silent.

  He said patiently, "I understand that you would not want to move away and leave the horses unattended, but Tomas would be there. And you would be only a phone call away."

  'And I would live in your house?"

  "Yes. You could commute to the barn for your own riding and your lessons."

  "I can't afford to pay a couple."

  "Kata, please. I am a multimillionaire. Whatever is mine is yours. Tomas's salary is a trifle."

  Kate still hadn't relaxed. "What would I do with myself if I had a man doing all of my work?"

  "You would ride and y
ou would train and you would give lessons. Surely that's a busy enough schedule."

  She said, "We could adopt a baby."

  Now she felt tension in him. "We'll see."

  She pulled away from him so she could see his face. "There's no 'we'll see' about it, Daniel. I want children, and I want us to adopt a Colombian child who needs a good home. I'm very good at being an adoptive mother. I've had a lot of practice."

  His dark eyes searched her face. "Are you sure about this?"

  'Absolutely sure."

  "I just wonder if I will be able to love an adopted child the way I love Ben."

  "Trust me, once they put that baby in your arms, you'll be lost."

  He smiled. "You sound very sure."

  "I am."

  "All right, then. We will adopt a baby."

  "But who will watch Ben and the baby while I teach after-school lessons? I've been worrying about that ever since Mom told us she was getting married."

  "We will hire a nanny."

  "Another Colombian?"

  "I am sure my mother can find us a nice girl. And there is room in my house for her to live in."

  She rested against him again. "You have an answer for everything."

  He stroked her hair. "I have given this a lot of thought. I knew you would want to keep your business and, to be honest, I don't want to live at High Meadow. The house is charming, but it is too small. And it is too far from Yankee Stadium. If you like, we could buy a piece of property in Greenwich and you could open a new business."

  She was shaking her head emphatically. 'All of my customers are in the Glendale area. Besides, High Meadow Horse Farm was my father's pride and joy. I want to keep it."

  "I thought that that was what you would say. So we will keep High Meadow, and you will still be the trainer and teacher. All that will differ is that Tomas will be mucking stalls, cleaning water buckets, and doing turnout. This will give you time to be a mother. That doesn't sound so bad, does it?"

  "No."

  "See? It will all work out."

  She nestled her cheek into the hollow of his shoulder. "I love you."

  He kissed the top of her head. "I love you, too."

  * * *

  39

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  When Daniel got to the stadium the following day, the manager called him into his office. "What about going down to Columbus to work on your control?"