Beautifully Awake

by Riley Mackenzie

  I crouched down and frantically started gathering my crap. I stumbled upon … really, a loose tampon and thong pad. OMG, KILL ME NOW. It was too late. He walked up behind me. I grabbed the feminine products and stuffed them in my bag. His sexy laugh was, of course, very distracting. But what topped my list of distractions was his arm wrapped around my waist, gently lifting me up, which squeezed his rock hard abs—the ones I’d fantasized about all night—into my side.

  “I’ve got you,” he whispered into my ear. He was so warm and so alluring. I couldn’t think. I needed to think. He reached for a piece of hair that had fallen from my ponytail and brushed it out of my face. The heat from his fingertips lingered on my skin. His action was so insanely intimate. This wasn’t about lust anymore, my heart clenched.

  I propped my head up and peered over the side of my bed. My clothes were in a crumpled mess on my bedroom floor. I glanced at the clock. 4:33 AM. Crap, it was early.

  Wait. Not blurry? Shit.

  My contacts were glued to my eyeballs. My head was pounding. I reached into my night table drawer and grabbed a bottle of Advil. Popped three in my mouth and took a giant swig of the stagnant water sitting on my nightstand.

  I vowed to NEVER EVER drink sake, or whatever the hell that was, AGAIN!

  Rice wine, my ass.

  I needed to Google sake, something wasn’t right. Better yet, my sophisticated city girl needed to enlighten me. Fifty-seven minutes until I had to be up. I was a sweaty mess and naked. I had a bad habit of unconsciously stripping in the night. It was like ninety effing degrees in my apartment again. I guess I had an excuse. No way in hell I was falling back to sleep with the night’s events on replay.

  Those mesmerizing grey eyes, that sexy chiseled body, sake, sushi, my emotional drunken rehashing of my life in Wrangel (thank god, skipping the nightmare parts), the freaking tampon and thong pad debacle, those abs, the intimate hair moment, the elevator ride then car ride, inside my apartment, tucking me into bed, kissing my nose and whispering...

  HOLY SHIT ... what did he whisper? The heat from his lips still lingered on my nose …

  I grabbed my phone.

  Sierra wake up, I don’t care that you’re gestating,

  I need you!

  “Doll, you look like hell, you all right?” Guy’s voice pierced my eardrums as I came off the elevator squinting, blinded by the fluorescent overhead lights.

  “Shhh, Guy, my head is pounding. I think I have a migraine.”

  “Let me get you something. I’ll find Leanne, she can bring you some Ibuprofen.”

  “Guy, no, I’m fine. I took something already. It’s too soon for another dose. I think I just need to eat something. I was running late and didn’t have a chance to stop at the cart guy.”

  “I got you covered, Dickhead isn’t even here yet. Come, sit down.” He grabbed my hand and led me to a chair behind the nurses’ station. “You sure you aren’t getting sick?” If he only knew how hung over I was … he was being so nice to me.

  “No, I think it’s just a headache.”

  “I’ll be back in a minute. Bagel with butter and a tea sound good?”

  “Thanks, I owe you.”

  He gave me a smug look. “Don’t worry, I’ll think of a way you can make it up to me.”

  Is he really flirting with me at this ungodly hour?

  “Petit, you got this. Cover for me, I’ll be back in a minute. Tell him not to get his panties in a bunch, I’ll join you on rounds.”

  “Yeah, yeah sure. Just hurry. It’s Friday—I don’t want him pissed all day. I have plans tonight.”

  “Oooo Sammy’s gettin’ some with the wifey,” Guy chuckled.

  “Fuck off, Guy, just hurry up.”

  Guy laughed his way into the stairwell and was gone. He loved teasing Sam.

  Chime.

  U better b dead or I’m gonna kill u myself

  What the hell kind of text was that

  This better b good

  I guessed my text was a bit aggressive.

  Lunch-noon-salad place

  B on time

  I hv an awake case at 1pm

  I put my head in my hands and closed my eyes. I wished I wasn’t awake. The damn thing chimed again.

  This better b huge

  Rescheduling my dr appt for u

  C u at noon

  I prayed the mortification from last night would disappear. Maybe I dreamt it. If I squeezed my eyes tight enough maybe I would never lay eyes on him again.

  “Good morning.” I heard the humor in his voice from behind me. God, I had no luck. He leaned down to hover over my ear. “How you feeling? That sake is some strong stuff, huh, Blue?” The heat from his breath on the back of my neck sent a shiver up my spine. So this was his way of telling me he enjoyed me making a total ass out of myself.

  The floor was swarming with people. I wasn’t about to talk about last night. He moved to stand in front of the nurses’ station. His arms rested comfortably against the counter while he studied his tablet. Long chocolate brown eyelashes covered his eyes and his slightly dampened hair hung loosely across his forehead. A crisp white lab coat covered his faded light blue scrubs. This man was going to be the death of me.

  “Petit, where’s Hunter? I have cases all day.” He glanced up, catching my eye, before I averted my gaze.

  I totally got caught checking him out.

  “It’s Friday. I wanna get going,” he barked.

  “Oh ... um ... he had to run get something,” Sam stuttered.

  “Guy ran to get me some breakfast. I have a little headache and thought food might help. He should be right back,” I interrupted.

  “If he wants to operate with me all day he better get his ass back here. Sam, let’s get started, I’m not waiting.” Chase looked pissed.

  I cringed and stood from my chair, following them to the first patient’s room. Now it was my fault for Guy’s impending shitty day.

  We had already visited two patients when Guy returned. He handed me my tea and a small brown bag and draped an arm around my shoulder.

  “How ya feeling? Any better, doll? Do you think you have a fever?” He lightly brushed his lips against my forehead.

  “I’m okay. Thanks. I don’t think I’m feverish. He’s pissed though, your day’s gonna suck,” I whispered.

  “Whatever. You felt crappy, it’s the least I could do.”

  “Dr. Hunter, so nice of you to grace us with your presence. Why don’t you remove your lips from Ms. Porter’s face and present the next patient?”

  Holy crap, was he jealous? Maybe Leanne wasn’t wrong. Guy was a touchy feely kind of guy and I had a feeling Dr. Colton just wasn’t feeling it.

  “I want details, as well as the proposed surgery.” His eye daggers bounced from Guy to me and back. “I’m waiting.”

  Guy rambled on and on about the patient and the surgery. Dr. Colton nodded and agreed. I hoped Guy dug himself out of the hole I created. Or maybe the one he created. All I knew was I needed a reprieve from the intense pounding in my head and constant Sanskrit. I sipped my tea and stood silently, pretending to listen.

  Noon came and the headache finally subsided. I met Sierra at our favorite salad place for lunch.

  “Look at you, preggers, can you get any cuter?” Sierra always dressed to the nines.

  “Look who’s talking, hottie, those are flats I might actually be caught dead in.”

  I rolled my eyes.

  The restaurant was packed, full of hospital employees. Last thing I needed was someone overhearing our conversation, so we picked a secluded booth in the back. I rehashed every detail of my evening with Chase. Her face morphed into something I rarely saw.

  “Lil, I’m being serious right now.” Sierra NEVER did serious. “You deserve something good. You’ve had a whole lot of shitty the last twenty-seven years, maybe this is your something good.”

  “Am I just torturing myself? Why should I think this could mean anything? I’m not even sure I want it to mean
anything.”

  “I’m just happy you actually felt something. I wondered if hormone injections were in your future. This, Lili ... is what it feels like when you like someone and they completely turn you on.” Sierra was blunt. Period, end of story.

  “At the end of the night he carried my sleepy ass to the door and eventually tucked me into bed. He totally used my extra set of keys to lock up on his way out. My last memory though is a kiss on my nose and a whispered ‘let’s do this again sometime.’”

  Sierra was quiet. Sierra NEVER did quiet. I waited.

  “Asspuck, say something.”

  “You’re gorgeous, he’s into you, why wouldn’t he be? Let’s ignore the kickass figure and amazing boobs. You’re the perfect package—kind, loving, gentle, smart, sassy, sexy ... I could go on and on, but I don’t need to because it looks like hottie patottie brain surgeon guy figured it out.”

  I shrugged. “But it’s just not normal to embarrass the shit out of yourself five times in two days. He must think I’m such an idiot. I need to run. Literally run. Really fast.”

  “Go run, hot stuff, clear your head. Maybe you’ll have room for some sexy thoughts.” She giggled.

  The awake case at one went off without a hitch. I was in my shit brown scrubs, of course, but luckily my headache was gone. Chase was extremely quiet. Guy, on the other hand, was bitching about the music choice. I happened to love all things acoustic. My Pandora station seemed to be approved by all yesterday. Chase hadn’t balked.

  “Leave it, Guy! I like this song.”

  If he played Red Hot Chili Peppers one more time, my head was going to explode.

  “Leave it, Hunter, or just fucking turn it off!” The tension in Chase’s voice exceeded the level of regular annoyance.

  You could have heard a pin drop in the operating room. I held my breath. The agitation and turmoil spinning around in his eyes was disheartening. What the hell was his problem? The circulating nurse made the executive decision to turn the music off. I agreed that was probably the best decision, but that meant we stood in complete silence. For six hours.

  Luckily the case ended without complication, I hightailed it out of there and made it to my apartment in record time. A good long run proved to be my go-to stress reliever. I quickly changed into running clothes, grabbed my iPod and headed toward the river. The four-mile loop was beautiful, peaceful, and more importantly, flat. Two miles in, I made a pit stop to tighten my loose lace.

  “You’re pretty fast. What do you run, a six minute mile?”

  It was a voice I could not ignore and had a tone a lot less harsh than what I heard in the OR. This man seriously bounced from emotion to emotion, it was hard to keep up. I popped the earplug from my ear while balancing my foot on the split rail fence and peeked over my shoulder at him.

  I inwardly smiled for a couple of reasons, though. Number one, I was a pretty fast runner, and the thought that he couldn’t catch up to me was pretty funny, even if he was lying. Number two, he looked amazing.

  A black dri-fit short sleeve shirt clung to his sweat-drenched body. Was it really possible to see each ab through a shirt? I swear to god I saw all six of them. The black running shorts exposed his sickly defined legs, and the trickle of sweat that beaded up across his forehead made his hair have just the right amount of curl. He ran his hand through his hair at that exact moment. I might have stopped breathing.

  “So you’re following me?” I was sarcastic—at least I hoped I sounded that way.

  He grinned. The tension from the OR had definitely seemed to vanish. “Why not? The view is something else.” He glanced beyond the fence toward the river. Was this his way of flirting? So much for running to clear my head. “I didn’t know you liked to run; you come out here often?”

  “Guess I didn’t spill my entire guts last night; something you don’t know, huh. And yes, I love it out here ... it’s typically very relaxing.” I used the tone that Sierra would refer to as snotty.

  “Hmmm, good to know. It’s never been my first choice of a workout, but maybe now it will be.” He wiped his brow with the edge of his shirt and took off without a glance back. Oh my god, he was trying to kill me with the tease of his washboard abs. Damn, he so did that on purpose. I sighed, realizing I was holding my breath. He was a mystery I had every intention of solving. I stood motionless with, I’m sure, my mouth hanging open. What a sight. The man was gorgeous.

  I obviously wasn’t alone in my thoughts. My gawking was interrupted by a girl who attempted to turn around mid-stride to check out the back of him. She nearly broke an ankle. I couldn’t help but laugh. Unfortunately, the rest of my run was very uneventful.

  6

  Blood bath

  My week seemed to go by in a blur. Work was work. No more drama when your day was limited to rounding, visiting patients and hibernating in an office under a shitload of paperwork. The OR nonsense had seemed to die down. Unfortunately though, this morning Chase decided he wanted me in the afternoon case. Not exactly how I wanted to end my week.

  “Where’s Jack?” I asked Sam as we headed down the hall to the OR suite. “I can’t believe he’s missing his favorite surgery.”

  “My lucky day—Jack’s at a conference and Guy was being a douche, so Colton said I could scrub.”

  “Good for you, Sammy, ’bout time.” I smiled.

  “Two weeks and I’m finally seeing the inside of an OR for real, hope I don’t fuck it up.”

  “Don’t jinx yourself.”

  “Let’s go. It’s Friday and I wanna get out of here before midnight.” We both turned around to Chase’s fast approach. No lab coat. Hair slightly disheveled. So this was what I was missing all week. So freaking hot. I caught myself running my tongue over my dry lips. He was totally staring at my mouth.

  “On our way, thanks again for letting me scrub.” Chase nodded and Sam disappeared into the scrub sink area.

  “Glad you could come this afternoon, been hiding out all week?” His gaze made it difficult to formulate a thought.

  “Lots of paperwork. Lots of patients to tend to this week. I thought having me in the OR was wearing off.”

  He squinted just a little. “Never, Blue.”

  With that he disappeared into the OR. I hesitated, my composure disintegrating. I’ve never experienced communication through only the eyes and it was unnerving.

  With hat and mask on I approached my patient, who appeared only mildly sedated. I took his hand and whispered words of reassurance.

  “Ask Lili.” I overheard one of the scrub nurses say.

  “What?”

  Sam whispered, “They want to know which music station to turn on, seems Colton is only okay with what you pick.”

  I raised my eyebrows, guessing the drama from the other day had circled. I turned toward the charge nurse. “It’s the Jason Mraz acoustic Pandora station or the coffee house on Sirius XM, either one.”

  “Thanks, he’s finally letting us listen to some music,” the nurse whispered. “It’s been silent until you came.”

  All this whispering was awkward—he was just on the other side of the table. I was sure he heard the whole stupid conversation.

  “Petit, are we starting anytime today? Let’s go.”

  Obviously I was right. Chase was annoyed we were talking about music. What was it with him and music? When I ran into him by the river he wasn’t listening to anything either.

  Sam turned to look at the anesthesiologist. “Um, Dr. Jennings, is the patient ready?”

  I had been in enough surgeries to know at this point the anesthesiologist needed to deepen the patient’s sedation before they could start.

  Sam gave me a small shrug and repeated an octave louder. “We’re ready to start. Is the patient ready?”

  Dr. Jennings jumped from his chair. “Oh, um sure, wait, give me a minute.”

  “What the hell, Carl?” Chase hissed. “You paying attention? I’m about to make the first incision and he’s not even asleep yet.”

&n
bsp; I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. Thankfully the patient was not awake enough to hear.

  “Yeah, Chase, go ahead, he’s out.”

  “Give the blade to Dr. Petit, please, Carol.”

  Carol was a scrub tech who worked exclusively with Dr. Colton. From what I could tell she was really good. She seemed to know which instrument to hand Chase before the words left his lips.

  “Dr. Petit, here’s your blade,” Carol stated.

  Sam’s hand trembled.

  “Petit, make the incision,” Chase impatiently snapped.

  Finally Sam steadied his hand and made the cut. His mask moved in such a way I could tell he was grinning. Chase took over instructing Sam here and there, asking him questions from time to time. This neurosurgery stuff was something my brain could not comprehend.

  “Sam, fuck, what’d you hit?”

  I sat up in my chair and my heart leaped into my throat. Chase’s tone was ... frightening.

  “I need suction, fuck, Sam, give me the goddamn suction now.”

  Sam fumbled as he tried to pass the suction to Chase. The tubing disconnected.

  “Fuckin’ A, you’ve gotta be kidding me.” Blood sprayed everywhere. Chase was covered; Sam was soaked. The patient’s heart monitor beeped frantically with sounds that I knew I never wanted to hear. I was sick.

  “Shit, Carl!” Nothing. “Carl! What the fuck! You over there, what the hell are you doing? You obviously aren’t fucking monitoring the patient. You better snap out of whatever the hell you’re doing ... hang some fucking blood, goddammit. Sam, step away from the table now—run, I mean run and get more blood.”

  Sam stepped back and tore his bloody gown from his body and ran.

  “Dr. Colton, here, here, I got the suction back up and running.” Carol calmly handed him the working suction.

  “Blood’s being hung.” Dr. Jennings seemed back in the game.

  “Lili, I want you out of here now!”

  My legs were shaky. I paused to get my bearings.

  “Fuck, Lili, I said now.”

  I made a beeline for the swinging door. I ripped off my mask, gasping for air. I had never been in a situation so intense. Uncontrolled tears streamed down my face. I was glued to the window, watching the blood bath in front of me unfold. Chase barked orders as the nurses moved frantically around the room opening new supplies, making phone calls, all the while staring at the heart monitor watching the life in front of them slowly slip away. My heart was breaking. Time stopped. My eyes bounced from the meaningless numbers on the monitor to Chase and back. Carol examined the blood collecting in the suction container, and from what I could tell it seemed to be tapering off.