Beautifully Awake

by Riley Mackenzie

  Doesn’t matter how BIG he is.

  No doubt. I knew what she was asking.

  I know.

  Thx :)

  Xo

  Sierra’s heart was in the right place and I hated to worry her. Her misguided guilt sliced me. My past was just that. Mine. Some things were beyond our control, beyond my control.

  The Cuisinart chimed and the aroma of joe infiltrated my senses. I loved coffee, and my gut told me the same might be true of that man in the bedroom. I poured two mugs and decided Chase was right. Sleep was overrated.

  I dropped our coffees on the dresser and climbed under the softest white cotton in existence. The smell of Chase and sex permeated the sheets; it was intoxicating.

  I lay staring at every inch of him, completely overwhelmed, my body tingling. Even asleep, he was beautiful. Tall and muscular, but not bulky. Every muscle was sharply defined. His body took up half of the king-size bed, but his presence filled the entire room. I was thankful. This man gave me back a part of myself I had shut down. Screw that, he activated hardware I never knew existed. I never planned on Chase. Most of all, I was thankful that I felt all of it. He needed to know it.

  My fingers tenderly traced his Romaji characters. First do no harm. Like he needed the reminder. I kissed his rock hard belly on my way down to claim my prize. Chase groaned, low and gravelly, and his hard cock swelled even more.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” His voice alone made my nipples tight.

  “Saying thank you.” I circled my tongue over his smooth tip. “Maybe you lost count.” I licked the length of his underside. “But I do believe you said double digits.” I licked down the length of his topside. “I believe we’re well into the teens.” I licked around the base of his head. “And I get anything, anything I want.” I ran my tongue up his rigid hard length once more and took him deep in my mouth.

  He tightly tangled his hands in my long hair. “Ah fuck, Blue.” He guided me with hard tugs. My head rose and fell, alternating between sucking and licking. I took him even deeper, swallowing as much as I could. “Yes, baby, suck me.” The dominant strain of his voice was insanely arousing. His body’s response had my sex dripping. He tasted like heaven.

  I never imagined getting so much from giving. Going down was usually my go-to plan when I wasn’t in the mood to have sex. Selfish fuck-face was easy enough to get off. I never let him finish in my mouth, so I never cared one way or the other. This was different. Everything with Chase was different. I fantasized about giving Chase this since the first night he refused me. Every lick. Every taste of him turned me on more. I increased my pace and he fought for control. His guttural groans got more intense. Suddenly he released the tight grip on my hair and bent over, forcefully grabbing my hips. He turned my body until I was positioned on top of him. Belly to belly, but head to toe. Sixty-freaking-nine. He spread my thighs wide, positioning me over his mouth like a surgical mask. Oh shit.

  “You come first, or we come together ... understand?” It wasn’t a question. It was an order. And probably the sexiest thing I ever heard. “Answer me, Blue.” The heat from his breath against my sex almost sent me over the edge.

  My lips released him just long enough to pant, “Understand.”

  His mouth assaulted my sex, lapping me, teasing me.

  My mouth went on autopilot, sucking like my life depended on it. I moaned each time his warm tongue circled my tight bud. Then he thrust his hard tongue in and out. I exploded. He gently kissed my trembling sex and held me tight while the wave crested.

  He rocked my world for the umpteenth time, and I wanted more than anything to do the same for him. “Your turn, baby,” I whispered in the sexiest voice I could muster. Then I made a conscious effort to relax the back of my throat and take him as deep as possible.

  “So fucking deep, you’re going to kill me. Next one’s together. Hear me?”

  Next one. There was no way. I couldn’t handle any more. I just wanted to focus on him.

  His lips sealed over me again and he started to suck with the most exquisite amount of pressure. Then his finger slid through my wetness reaching further back. I tightly clenched as much as my position would allow. Nervous and embarrassed. This was definitely entering unchartered territory.

  “Relax, baby. I would never hurt you. Trust me.” There were those words again. Trust me. I didn’t know how or why, but I did. I trusted him completely with my body and knew he would only ever bring me pleasure. Part of me wanted to believe I trusted him with my heart too. I was tired of over thinking, doubting. I just wanted to feel.

  I whimpered loudly, unable to make any other sound, and tried to relax. His gentle seeking gave way to a push and a harsh, burning stretch. A painful sensation replaced by unadulterated pleasure. I was in ecstasy, throbbing for release, sucking furiously and writhing, until we both crashed over. Coming hard. Together. Un-fucking real.

  “Oh Chase. I never...” My throat knotted as unexplained emotions pummeled me. Vulnerable and exposed, I held tight against his thigh.

  “Baby, come here.” He pulled me tight to his chest, gently caressing my shoulders and back. “That was amazing.” I felt his smile under his lips as he kissed my forehead. My eyes fluttered shut to hide my emotions. “Look at me. I didn’t hurt you, did I?” I opened my eyes to see his distress.

  This man brought me to a place I never even thought possible. “Oh Chase. Oh god, no, please don’t think that,” I whispered in a soft, strangled voice. The tension in his shoulders visibly relaxed, relief evident in his eyes. “It’s just...” I paused to collect my thoughts. His thumb softly caressed my cheek as he quietly waited for me to continue. “It’s just, I mean I never ... um ... felt like this before.” My words were so simple, almost cheesy, but the magnitude of my emotions was palpable.

  My body trembled as I clung to his chest. I wanted to be closer. I would have climbed into his body if I could. His hold never loosened. He stroked my back as the peaceful tranquility filled in around us. There was nothing but the sound of our breathing and synced pulse of our heartbeats. I crossed over the line; I took a small step over the heap of crumbled wall. This wasn’t just about passion and lust and desire, this was something more. This was a benchmark that I didn’t think possible and somehow I thought I passed it.

  Chase was quiet and tense most of the car ride across town, other than a few quick calls checking in at the hospital. His mood definitely took a change and not for the better.

  “All of your patients okay?” I almost forgot that Chase was never really off. He wasn’t technically on-call, but his patients were still ultimately his responsibility.

  “Yeah, just some post-op pain management issues. That jackass Carl is covering for anesthesia this weekend. He fucking sucks. His head is always up his ass. I had him banned from all of my cases, but they’re telling me there is nothing I can do when he’s on weekend call.” He looked disgusted. “So my patients have to suffer. It’s ridiculous. You’d think he was paying for the Fentanyl, he’s so fucking cheap with drips. I drill fucking holes in their skulls. Does he think they’re making it up? Two of my post-ops were in so much pain their blood pressure skyrocketed. When they fucking stroke out, he’s not the one who has to explain to their kids why their dads are gorked.” He scowled. “Now my third year has to sit and babysit blood pressures all day instead of prepping my cases for tomorrow. Bullshit.”

  I laced my fingers in his. I definitely felt my share of responsibility toward the foster kids I worked with back in Wrangel, but I couldn’t begin to fathom the weight surgeons like Chase carried on their shoulders.

  “Hey, at least you know Guy’s there. He’ll be on top of it. You couldn’t ask for a better resident,” I said reassuringly as our town car came to a stop.

  “Hmm. That remains to be seen. I’m far from convinced.” His voice was harsh, his eyes cold. Okay?

  Our car door opened to yet another white-gloved gentleman. “Dr. Colton, Sir, nice to see you again. I assume you
’re in town for your mother’s birthday.”

  His body tensed and he tightened the death grip on my hand at the mention of his mother.

  “Not exactly, but yes, we will be attending brunch this morning.” Chase glanced my direction, motioning with his eyes for me to exit the car. I slid toward the exit, grasping the extended white glove. I was thankful for the support since I was still a bit wobbly on my new shoes. Chase smoothly exited right behind me.

  “Your package, Sir.” Our driver approached Chase and handed him a small gift bag.

  “I appreciate you taking care of this for me, although not necessary.” Chase turned toward me and grabbed my hand. “Let’s get this over with,” he hissed in my ear. “I can think of far better ways to spend our time.”

  I had absolutely no idea what I was about to encounter, but for some reason I didn’t think it was going to be pleasant.

  Just steps from the other side of Central Park, on the corner of Park Avenue, was a prominent nineteen-story building. Bright green trees, creating a stark contrast to the art deco limestone exterior, lined it. The conservative edifice almost hid its luxury. Columns and a gated doorway that not so subtly hinted at the promise of silk sheets, and Picassos flanked the polished marble entry. Of course, his parents lived here.

  The penthouse apartment door swung open as we made our approach. I had the feeling someone was looking through the peephole. The woman at the door held a startled expression. I assumed it was his mother. I definitely caught her off guard. It was obvious Chase had failed to mention he was bringing a guest. Her initial reaction of annoyance mirrored mine. I wished he had told them I was attending the party. But seconds later, her face softened as she joined her husband, who stood only inches behind her with a welcoming smile.

  “Chase darling, you came.” She embraced him in a tight squeeze, kissing his cheek. Her soft blonde hair cut to a perfect bob encased perfectly shaped caramel-colored eyes. Her complexion sparkled and her skin was pulled tight. I’m sure living on Park Avenue definitely had its perks. Her team of plastic surgeons and dermatologists were conveniently situated just outside her door.

  “Mother,” was all he said while handing her the small gift bag. “Dad.” Chase gripped the distinguished white haired man’s hand. Chase was the spitting image of his father. His stormy grey gaze was uncanny.

  “Oh, darling, you shouldn’t have, you know I don’t need a thing.” She smiled wide, glancing in my direction.

  Chase placed a reassuring hand on my lower back, coaxing me forward.

  “Mom, Dad. This is Lili Porter. Lili, these are my parents, Constance and Gregory Colton.”

  I smiled timidly, waiting for one of them to extend a hand in my direction.

  “Oh, Chase. I didn’t know you had ... I mean you never mentioned anyone in your life.”

  “What, Mother? You mean a girlfriend? Well, I do. And let’s not pretend that when we talk you ever ask me anything about my life.”

  The encounter was definitely becoming awkward.

  “Lili, please call me Greg.” Chase’s father pushed around his mother, extending a hand in my direction. Our clasp lingered a beat too long, giving me the creeps.

  “Very nice to meet you, you have a very lovely home.”

  Constance’s eyes penetrated me while bouncing from my shoes, to my dress, to my hair. Was I good enough for her son?

  “Lili, dear. The pleasure is mine, any friend of my son’s is welcome in our home.” She hooked her arm through my elbow and directed me into the gallery. “Now Lili, what do you do for a living? I presume a single woman your age works and has not made a career out of seeking out rich, eligible bachelors.”

  My eyes widened and I tasted the bitter bile at the back of my throat. The reason for Chase’s dislike was becoming evident.

  “I am a case manager at the hospital Chase works at, actually.” I stressed the actually part. Was she for real?

  She placed her index finger under her chin as if she was pondering what I said. “A case manager?” Her condescending tone was beyond irritating.

  “Yes, Mother. A case manager, also known as a social worker. I’m sure that profession rings a bell, or do you need a reminder?” Chase sounded pissed, but Constance dismissively rolled her eyes, ignoring her son’s obvious warning.

  The last thing I wanted was to be the source of more drama between Chase and his parents. “Chase, it’s fine. I’m sure your mother was just curious,” I lied.

  Constance looked me up and down once more before she turned back to Chase. “Yes, darling, curious. How could I not be curious about the woman vying for my son’s attention? And from the looks of it, vying for your extended line of credit. To my knowledge, albeit limited in the area, social workers can’t usually afford ... couture.”

  I was stunned, floored actually. Totally freaking flabbergasted. What a bi-atch. Shit. This was his mother.

  “E-nough, Mother.” Chase articulated the words so slowly. It looked like fire should have been simultaneously spraying out of his mouth.

  If her son’s blatant contempt affected her in any way, she definitely didn’t show it. She curled her Juvederm enhanced lips into a fake smile. “Greg darling, let’s give Lili the tour. Chase go say hello to our guests, they’re in the formal living room.”

  “You go be with your guests, and I’ll show Lili around. We’ll come and say hello in a couple of minutes.” Chase possessively pulled me from his mother’s grasp.

  Her eyes pinballed from her husband back to Chase.

  “Constance, come, let’s mingle with our guests, give the kids a chance to settle in.” Chase’s father gripped her hand.

  “Lili, I look forward to spending time with you,” she said on her exit.

  “You as well,” I managed to squeak out before she disappeared down a long hall. I let the breath out that I hadn’t even realized I was holding.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. I knew I should have never brought you here. She’s wicked. Please don’t let her scare you off.” His eyes were sad and pleading.

  “She’s um … okay.” What could I say? She was his mother. “Don’t worry, she won’t scare me off. I promise.”

  He laughed out loud and squeezed me tight.

  “What’s so funny, lovebirds?” Asher strode up to us. “Glad you’re here. Between my parents and yours, I might put a bullet in my head.”

  “Wow, that bad, huh?” I grinned.

  “She just got a taste of my mother.”

  Asher cringed and patted my back. “I’m sure Chase apologized. That’s all you can do with that woman, pick up after the tornado that swirls behind her ... anyway, I want to hear about the rest of your evening.”

  “What are you, a fucking girl pining for gossip?”

  “No, asshole, I just want to hear how your dinner was.”

  “It was great, Asher, everything was delicious.” I got the feeling Chase had no intention of detailing our night’s highlights. “Chase was just about to show me around.”

  Asher directed his attention back on Chase. “I can show her around. You better get your ass in there to say hello to everyone before your parents stroke out.”

  “Fine. Lil, I’ll be right back and then we’ll get something to eat.” He placed a chaste kiss on my lips before stalking down the hall.

  “Come, Lili, this way. I’ve got to show you the library, it really is impressive.”

  I followed Asher through an arched doorway at the end of the gallery into a stunning dark wood paneled room with gorgeous inlaid hardwood floors. There were floor-to-ceiling books lining two of the walls and an outside wall of windows that overlooked Central Park. The view was amazing. But what caught my attention was a fourth wall that showcased a stunning brick wood burning fireplace and a beautiful deep stone mantel that housed a collection of what appeared to be family portraits. My eyes were drawn to a photo of a young teenage Chase with his arm casually draped around a stunning girl about the same age. Long blonde hair cascaded over her shoul
ders. Her head was tipped up, slightly peering directly into Chase’s bright eyes as she laughed. My heart raced at how alive he looked, how innocent and carefree. Their feet were buried in the sand, the ocean at their backs, as their sun kissed glow radiated happiness. The surrounding photos gave me a similar warmth. Some with his parents, but most were gorgeous beach action shots of the two as toddlers and young children; one unmistakably Chase and the other the unidentified blonde.

  “They used to love it there.” Asher startled me as he spoke to my back. I wasn’t sure how to respond. I sensed I was supposed to know more than I did. “See that smile, Lili? He was happy then, and in a blink of an eye, it was gone.” I felt the heat from his body as he took a small step closer to me. “You brought it back. I saw it the other night when he smiled at you.” He turned me to face him. “I never thought I could see Chase happy again.”

  His emotional words were penetrating. My mind spun with a million questions. Chase was hiding something. Was it the heaviness that occasionally filled his eyes?

  My voice barely above a whisper, I asked, “Is that his sister?”

  Asher’s shoulders visibly tightened. “Yes. He never mentioned her to you?” I subtly shook my head no. He abruptly turned on his heel, cursing under his breath. I shifted on my instantly wobbly legs. My stomach sunk. Asher paced back and forth in front of the glass-lined wall before finally stopping to stare out the window. “Damn him.” He ran a hand through his tawny hair before giving me the words I dreaded. “She’s dead.” I audibly gasped, wrapping my arms tightly around my waist. “He never told you he had a sister?” My eyes filled. “They were twins, inseparable.”

  At those words I inhaled a sharp, painful breath. Flashing in front of my eyes were our conversations and the tension surrounding music. Small pieces of the puzzle were fitting together, but the photo of our patient Kelly’s twins was at the forefront. He shut down that day.

  “When?” I needed to know. How long had he suffered?

  “She was ... um ... twenty-one.” Asher turned around and met my gaze. His eyes softened at my obvious sorrow. I was saddened to learn that Chase had a twin sister who died, but what distressed me more was the fact he hadn’t trusted me enough to tell me. Shit. Fifteen years.