The Girl's Got Secrets

by Linda Kage

He laughed. The bastard actually laughed at my heartache. “Which one is it?” He let go of the door to step deeper into the room so he could see the screen.

  “Tinker Bell and the Neverbeast, or something like that. Can’t remember. He’s never going to see her again,” I motioned to a picture of the beast as it flashed across the screen. “And that fairy Fawn, she loves him. They should get to stay together. This is just…it’s so wrong.”

  And God, it was so good.

  Asher became entranced watching the credits. Finally, he asked, “What song is this?”

  “It’s ‘1,000 Years’ by KT Tunstall and Bleu. Haven’t you ever heard it before?”

  “No,” he murmured, his gaze stuck on the screen. “But I like it.”

  It was perfect for this movie too. Dios, this sad, beautiful, amazing movie.

  Easing the babies off my lap and shifting them so they were resting on nearby blankets, I patted their precious little heads, then pushed to my feet. My back was stiff and legs ached from sitting on the floor for so long, so I stretched them and dusted off my backside.

  “You said you needed to go?” I asked Asher.

  “Huh?” He glanced from the movie and blinked at me before shaking his head to clear it. “Oh yeah. It’s Saturday, karaoke night. So I need to get there early too. We’d better go.” Then he smiled toward the kids. “I guess they ended up liking you. Thanks again for watching them. Mason and Reese really needed Pick and Eva today.”

  “No problem. They’re good kids…and cute as all get-out.” I followed him from the room, where the rest of the apartment was a lot quieter than it’d been in the bedroom with the kids and the movie playing.

  Though I loved my spot in Non-Castrato, always having to dress up as Sticks, the male drummer, was wearing on me. I just really, really missed being a girl. I mean, I could still be me when I was home and when I had to go to work at Castañeda’s, but it seemed like other than that, I was stuck in my mask and forced to act manly almost around the clock.

  I know, know. Why the heck was I whining? I’d gotten my own damn self into this predicament. I’d made my bed, and so forth.

  Didn’t mean I didn’t have regrets though. I still probably would’ve tried out as a guy if I had to do it all over again. I loved being able to play with the band. And I loved this chance to get to know Asher. The verdict was still out on Gally and Heath. Heath might be okay, but it was hard to tell. Gally, I feared, was a straight-up irredeemable asshole.

  I probably would’ve come clean to them sooner, though.

  Now, I was just too chicken-shit and worried I’d destroy everything if I exposed my true identity. It would definitely upset Asher. And I’d do anything not to upset Asher, even continue to dress up as Sticks.

  I’d never been the girliest girl on the planet, but three nights after I babysat Pick and Eva’s kids while Asher helped console Mason and Reese, I felt the need to indulge my feminine side. I took a long, hot bubble bath, gave myself an avocado facial, plopped two cucumber slices over my eyes and didn’t budge from the water until all my fingers and toes were pruned and colorless.

  After that, I strolled barefoot around the apartment in a fuzzy terrycloth robe with a towel turban on my head as I raided the kitchen for ice cream, chocolate, and a mug of pumpkin spiced tea.

  A mini pedicure followed along with fingernail painting and then eyebrow tweezing. By the time I was done with all that, I felt refreshed and ready to take on the world again.

  I didn’t plan on going out, but I slid on one of my favorite little black dresses and fixed up my face and hair—just because I could—before returning to the kitchen to, ugh...do the dishes.

  It’d been a few days and they’d piled up. What was worse, the waffle maker I hadn’t used for over a week was still sitting on the counter, waiting to be scrubbed clean. I was sure both Jodi and I had done a round of dishes each since we’d used that damn waffle iron. But it was such a pain in the ass to wash, we’d both put it off.

  I narrowed my eyes at it, wondering if it’d be wrong to just pitch it and buy another. It was kind of a cheapie brand. I could buy something nice and self-cleaning. Did waffle makers come in self-cleaning brands?

  Well, they totally should.

  Bluck, okay. I’d clean the stupid thing.

  I had the soap and every possible scrubber on hand, working at it, when I heard Jodi come in, home early from her Tuesday night class. I called a greeting and went back to the waffle iron as I sang “Anaconda.” I had my hips swaying and booty popping as I rapped out the Nicki Minaj part, because hell, isn’t that what you were supposed to do when you got down with Nicki?

  I’d just gotten to the verse when someone laughed from behind me. Yelping out my surprise, I whirled around, the suds clinging to my hands flinging everywhere.

  “Oh my God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” The girl leaning against the doorjamb of the kitchen and holding her stomach with one arm as she continued to laugh held up a hand. “I just heard the singing and had to check it out.”

  I gaped at her, blinking and unable to believe my eyes...because I knew her.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I blurted out, shaking my head in confusion. As soon as I realized how rude that had sounded, I slapped my hand over my mouth. “I mean...sorry. I just...I wasn’t expecting anyone. I thought my roommate had just come home and—”

  “You mean Jodi? Oh, she did.” The blonde hooked a thumb over her shoulder, motioning out of the kitchen and toward the rest of the apartment. “I take Theatrical Design class with her, and when we got out early tonight, we decided to go somewhere to eat, but she wanted to stop by her place first to change, so voilà. That’s why I’m here, waiting on her. I’m Caroline, by the way.”

  “Re—” I automatically started to answer before I caught myself, wondering if I should give her my real name. She was friends with Asher, married to his coworker. How safe was I in getting to know her as a girl? Then I decided, screw it. I didn’t feel like lying for the rest of the evening, so I smiled and said, “Remy.”

  She smiled back as if pleased with my answer. I wondered if she knew the truth. Her husband knew; but had he told her?

  “So do you want to get something to eat with us?” she asked, looking eager as if she really wanted me to go along.

  “Uh...” I glanced toward the dishes, which I really didn’t want to finish. But spending too much time with Asher’s friend might get me caught up in some lie I didn’t want to tell.

  Before I could regretfully decline, though, Jodi burst into the kitchen, saying, “Yes! Of course, you do. It feels as if I haven’t seen you in forever. You’re always busy, spending time with—”

  “Sure,” I butted in before she could say Asher’s name or his band’s name. “I’ll tag along, if you don’t mind.”

  “Not at all,” Caroline answered brightly.

  “Great.” My smile was forced and my heart was pounding with stress. “Let me just go change into something a little more suitable.”

  “Oh, hell no.” Jodi grabbed my arm, stopping me. “It’s been ages since I’ve seen you looking so nice. You are totally wearing that.” Then she crinkled her eyebrows into a confused frown. “Actually, why are you wearing that to do the dishes?”

  I flushed hard as I shrugged. “Just, you know...sometimes you want to feel pretty when you’re slaving away at menial tasks.”

  Caroline laughed at my answer. “I think I’m going to like you.”

  I sent her a small, sick smile. Swell. I’d probably have to lie and deceive the girl all night, but she liked me. Nothing else for me to feel guilty about there.

  No, not at all.

  “You know, your singing reminds me of one of my friends. He’s always singing to himself when he’s absorbed in things like cleaning.”

  “Hmm,” I murmured, trying not to act interested in such a coincidence because I had a feeling I knew exactly which friend she was referring to. “So, if I’m not allowed to
change, should we go now?” Get this night over with already.

  It ended up that I actually really liked Caroline, even though I tried not to so I wouldn’t have to feel so guilty about my deception. But she was just so personable and friendly, and she kept involving me in everything she and Jodi discussed.

  Once we made it to the restaurant and were seated, I ordered a piña colada as soon as the waiter approached our table and before he could even ask for drink requests.

  What? It’d been way too long since I’d been able to indulge in one.

  Jodi laughed, while Caroline just sent me a curious glance. As soon as the waiter was gone again, Jodi asked, “Missing the girl life, huh?”

  I nudged her under the table with the tips of my high heels.

  But Caroline had already lasered in like a heat-seeking missile. “Girl life?”

  I waved a hand and shook my head as if it were no big deal, but Jodi immediately started explaining, “Remy’s the girl I’ve been dressing up as a guy.”

  I kicked her again under the table, but she just kept talking. “You know, the project I’m doing my term assignment on?”

  When I walloped her again, she whirled to me with a frown. “Why the fuck do you keep kicking me?”

  As I glared at her, Caroline laughed. “I think she’s trying to get you to shut up so I won’t figure out who she really is,” she told my roommate.

  With a groan, I slunk lower in my chair. “Except you already know,” I concluded. “Right?”

  She laughed. “Yep. I figured it out a few days after your first performance at Forbidden when Jodi brought a picture of Sticks to class and explained how she helped transform you to get you into Asher’s band.”

  “¡Dios mío, Jodi!” I cried, gaping. “You told an entire classroom full of people about it?”

  My roommate winced, realizing she might have messed up. “Well, I...”

  “She totally did,” Caroline gleefully informed me.

  “Great,” I muttered. “Now, you, your husband, and an entire classroom full of strangers know.”

  “Wait,” Caroline demanded. “Oren knows?” just as Jodi whirled to her and squawked, “You’re married?”

  I shook my head, confused. “Oren?”

  Caroline rolled her eyes. “Well, you didn’t think his real first name was Ten, did you?”

  “Uh, well, I guess I never thought about it.”

  “How can you be married?” Jodi butted in, gaping at Caroline as if she’d never seen her before.

  I rolled my eyes. “Jodi, you know her husband. Hell, you flirted with him and tried to get into his pants at the bar a couple weeks ago.”

  “You flirted with my husband?” Caroline gasped, blinking at Jodi. “I mean, not that I blame you, but damn...aren’t you already sleeping with two members in Asher’s band?”

  It must’ve been my turn to be utterly flabbergasted. I swung to Jodi. “Two members?”

  “Oh yeah,” she said, grinning blithely as if she’d forgotten to mention such a major detail. “I went home with the big, bearded one last weekend after you ditched out on us as soon as the show was over.”

  “You...” I shook my head, still not comprehending. Then I screeched, “Heath? You slept with Heath?”

  “Yes, and mmm, girl, let me tell you, that one is hung. I mean, like huge. Like the biggest I’ve ever seen, not just had, but seen. I still walk funny because of that night.” She leaned toward me, wiggling her brows, before confidentially confessing, “He really likes it from behind too, and I mean, like way back there, in the—”

  “Oh!” I yelped, instantly covering my ears, not wanting to know that. “I can’t believe you. What about Gally?”

  Jodi frowned, clueless. “Who?”

  “Gally,” I growled. “Galloway. Billy Galloway. The bass guitarist in my band. I thought you’d slept with him.”

  “Oh, right.” She sighed out a smile. “Yeah, I’m still boffing him, too. He’s not as big, but what he lacks in size, he definitely makes up for in freaky. The toys he owns...let me tell you—”

  I gagged, just a little, because really...more information about my bandmates I totally did not want to know. “But...”

  She winked. “Looks like I’m making my way through your entire band, puta. So by rights, I should get Asher next, right?”

  My shock morphed into an immediate scowl. “Over my dead fucking body.”

  Damn it! I knew she’d only said that to get a rise out of me, and I’d totally obliged her.

  When Caroline laughed, I realized just how possessive I’d sounded of poor Asher, too. “I mean, I just...”

  Jodi nudged Caroline in the elbow. “I think Remy doth protest too much.” Then she smirked at me. “You have such a thing for him.”

  I snorted. “Do not.”

  “You love him,” my roommate taunted. “You want to have his babies. You—”

  “Shut it,” I growled.

  “Asher is a really sweet, amazing guy,” Caroline said thoughtfully. “You could fall for a lot worse.”

  I sighed. Yeah, I already knew that.

  “Okay, fine,” Jodi announced, lifting her hand into a pledge. “I’ll refrain from seducing the hot one. But I have to tell you, if he comes onto me first, I won’t be held accountable for rocking his hot little world.”

  “He won’t,” I assured her, even though I knew she would never do what she claimed. Hell, she’d been the one to clue me into Fisher’s cheating ways when he’d come onto her.

  But seriously, Asher wouldn’t hit on her...would he?

  No. He was looking for something meaningful. Jodi was allergic to meaningful when it came to guys. She wanted to taste test all of them, not settle down. She liked experimenting and seeing what was out there.

  “I can’t wait until he meets the real you,” Caroline murmured before sucking on the straw of her own piña colada.

  I stared at her as if she were insane, because really, she had to be whack for even suggesting such an idea would be anything to look forward to. “Yeah, because it’s going to be so exciting to see how he reacts to my month’s worth of deception.”

  Caroline shrugged. “Not if you tell him at just the right time. Like right before he puts his clothes back on.”

  “See, I told you; you just need to fuck him,” Jodi said.

  I groaned as I scowled at the two women across the table from me. “No way,” I announced. “I’m not adding that to my deception as well. He’d hate me for sure when he found out.”

  “I don’t know,” Caroline murmured, smiling mischievously. “A guy will forgive a lot more right after he just—”

  “Don’t even finish that sentence,” I warned her. “Because it’s never going to happen. End of discussion. Let’s talk about something else.”

  So, Caroline moved the topic to Pick and Eva’s wedding. “I can’t believe it’s only five days away. They tried to postpone it after what happened to Mason’s mom on Saturday, but both Reese and Mason insisted they go ahead.”

  “How are Mason and his little sister?” I asked.

  Caroline’s expression crinkled with sympathy. “They’re still pretty upset. Reese says Mason blames himself because he thinks he should’ve known what was going on. And Sarah...” She shook her head. “The only person she’ll respond to is Brandt. So she’s been spending the last few nights at their house so Brandt can get her to eat and sleep. I have a bad feeling it’s going to take her a while to get over it.”

  “Poor girl.” I’d seen my mother overdose once. But after calling Tío Alonso, we’d gotten her to a hospital in time to pump her stomach and save her. I’m not sure how I would’ve reacted if she’d never recovered.

  The three of us chatted on until I had to pee. Since I could, I forced both Jodi and Caroline to go with me, as a group. It felt nice too. As I entered the ladies’ room, I sighed and petted the sign on the door.

  “I can’t believe I can actually use the ladies’ room again. Isn’t it lovely in her
e?”

  Jodi laughed as she found an available stall and disappeared inside. “I swear, I’ve never heard someone sound so excited to be able to use the ladies’ room before.”

  “Well, I’m tired of having the use the men’s room all the time. Those things freaking reek. I’m telling you, it is not pleasant. I swear, every guy that uses a public urinal aims to miss the actual toilet. The floors...oh, my God, you guys. The floors are toxic.”

  Caroline clutched her stomach as she laughed. “You are so going to have to write a memoir about this when it’s over. My Life as a Man.” Then she pulled her phone from her purse and started to text someone.

  I grinned, wondering if she was sexting her hubby, until the words ”when this is over” actually struck me.

  Shit, I really couldn’t do this forever, could I?

  I was living my dream come true, playing drums for a kick-ass band on tour, and I was doing it all on stolen time. Once the truth came out, I’d be kicked out so fast my head would spin. No way could I keep this a secret forever.

  Growing serious, I swallowed down my dread and watched Caroline tuck her phone away before moving to the mirror to check her face.

  I finally stumbled into a bathroom stall and did my business, but when I exited, I could no longer be as cheerful. But I really frowned when I found the entire bathroom empty.

  “Guys?” I asked.

  Both Caroline and Jodi were gone.

  “Well, there went all the fun of group peeing,” I mumbled as I washed my hands then dried them all by myself. After tossing the paper towels, I checked myself in the mirror, straightened my dress, corrected the lipstick on the corner of my lip and left the ladies’ room.

  I fully intended to charge toward my table, but as soon as I whipped around the corner of the hall and into the main part of the restaurant, my gaze collided with none other than Asher Hart.

  And he was only ten feet away, leaning against the bar as if waiting there for someone to take his order.

  As soon as he saw me, he straightened, and seemed to catch his breath. “Hi,” he murmured in surprise.

  I clutched my small purse to my stomach and gaped back, frozen in my four-inch heels. “Hola,” I was finally able to respond.