A Blessing for Miriam

by Jerry S. Eicher

  He said nothing more as she took a bite and chewed slowly. The sandwich was delicious. She didn’t often get a chance to eat in Englisha restaurants, even places like Burger King. For one thing, there simply wasn’t abundant money in the Yoder household. And Mamm had said nothing about Shirley getting an outside job since she’d returned from Oklahoma. Mamm clearly wanted to keep her around the house. And now they didn’t desperately need the extra money with the income from Miriam’s farm. Plus neither Mamm nor Daett wanted her to have money to spend on her own…too much independence, Shirley figured.

  “This is a nice place to think.” Jonas finished his sandwich. “And to talk…once you’ve finished your sandwich. If you want to.”

  So Jonas was intent on conversation. Could that mean he was serious about their relationship? Maybe that would explain the quick trip to Burger King and their drive to this quiet, romantic spot. A shiver ran through Shirley. Could she become Jonas’s frau someday? Could they say the sacred wedding vows together? Daett and Mamm and the others wouldn’t come to the wedding. That much she knew.

  “I can talk and eat.” Shirley gave him a warm smile. “My voice is a little dry, that’s all.”

  In the dim light, Jonas motioned toward the cup holder that held their Pepsis. “Drink then.”

  “I will.” Shirley took a long sip through the straw.

  Already Jonas ordered her around, and she wasn’t sure she liked that. But she’d obeyed, which showed how deeply ingrained her response to a command was. Did Jonas’s church share the Amish view about women and their relationships with men, especially after marriage?

  “What do you want to talk about?” Shirley ventured, her curiosity eager for satisfaction.

  Jonas took another sip from his Pepsi. “It’s been a long time since you came back from Oklahoma, but you’ve never really told me why you came back.”

  Shirley hesitated. Why not just be upfront about it? “The truth is, I don’t think they liked me much out in Oklahoma.”

  “Didn’t like you?” Jonas looked like he didn’t believe her.

  “Well…” Shirley searched for the right words. “Not like I’m used to being liked. They ignored me, and Miriam received all the attention.”

  “That’s strange. Did you do something to set them against you?”

  “No, of course not!” Heat flared in her face, but she didn’t care.

  “Then why?” Jonas probed. “Did some man turn down your attentions?”

  Now she could feel her face getting flushed. Shirley gathered her wits together. “Maybe I don’t want to answer that.”

  Jonas gave a dry laugh. “I think that’s my answer right there.”

  “I didn’t like him anyway. Not like I like you.” Shirley almost regretted the words as soon as they escaped her mouth. She went on. “I was trying hard to fit in with what and how I was supposed to be, but nothing was working. I felt so out of place.”

  “It sounds like you’re just finding your way like all of us have to do,” Jonas said wisely. “And I like the part about you not liking him the way you like me.”

  “You shouldn’t have heard that.” Shirley looked away. “Pretend I didn’t say it, okay?”

  Jonas laughed. “I don’t think so.”

  Shirley didn’t move as his hand reached over and his fingers entwined with hers. Was this the start of a new chapter in their relationship? Or at least a return to what they used to have? Her heart pounded at the thought. On the one hand she wanted this badly—Jonas’s love and attention. On the other hand, if she kept on with this she would lose so much that she treasured—the Amish community, their satisfying way of life, and Mamm and Daett’s approval.

  Jonas continued. “Let’s go to my house. I want you to talk to my parents.”

  Shirley sat up straight. “About what?”

  He smiled. “Call it a whim. Will you come?” Jonas squeezed her hand. “Please?”

  Shirley’s laugh was strained before she said, “If you ask like that, how can I say no?”

  He chuckled. “You do want to come, don’t you? I mean, we Beachys aren’t horrible people you must avoid. You must know that. If we were, why would you go out with me?”

  “It’s my rumspringa.” Shirley grasped at her last straw.

  Jonas raised his eyebrows. “Come on, Shirley. Let’s be honest. This is more than rumspringa. For me you’d consider leaving the Amish, wouldn’t you?”

  Shirley drew in a sharp breath. “I have thought about that—in my daydreams, I guess. Especially since I came back from Oklahoma. But when I’m not daydreaming—when I’m facing reality—I don’t think it will ever happen.”

  “Then let me do all I can to persuade you.” Jonas settled in as if he’d prepared a long speech. “I know there’s the issue of my church, but I hope to convince you that we’re a much better choice. All of us believe in the Bible and in following God’s will. Maybe not the same way the Amish do—or think they do—but we’re walking in the light we have, Shirley. I’ve been hoping I can take you to one of our worship services. I think you’d like it.” Jonas paused for breath.

  Shirley reached over and touched his arm. “Okay. I’ll go to your house. But we’d better get moving before it gets too late.” Jonas’s face lit up, and Shirley knew she would’ve agreed to go long ago if he’d only kissed her again.

  Chapter Six

  Twenty minutes later the immense Beachy home cut a stark profile against the starry heavens. Though she’d been here before, Shirley leaned forward for a better view as Jonas drove up the long driveway. She took a deep breath as he pulled to a stop in front of huge garage doors. Mamm and Daett wouldn’t approve of this visit, but they didn’t have to know. This was her rumspringa, and that was that!

  “Here we are,” Jonas quipped as he hopped out of the car and came around to her side to open her door.

  As she followed Jonas to the entryway, she tried to imagine living in a house like this. If she and Jonas continued their relationship, could it be that she’d live here—or in a house like this? Using her beauty was her only ticket to success, especially in this Englisha world. Did she want this life? The question throbbed inside her as Jonas held open the front door. The rich mahogany shone in the bright light from the ornate fixture perched high above them.

  Jonas motioned with his hand. “You first.”

  She did belong here! Shirley told herself. Jonas surely thought so. Her place of birth shouldn’t determine her station in life, should it?

  The hall opened in front of her, and Shirley kept her step steady. The last thing she wanted now was to project insecurity. Thankfully she’d left her kapp in the convertible. She’d taken it off soon after Jonas picked her up. Her long hair was down. Shirley brushed lose strands from her forehead. The Amish dress she had on couldn’t be avoided, but at least she could fit in a bit better by letting her hair down. The Goodwill store in Berlin had lots of pretty Englisha dresses she would love to buy, but she didn’t have money for such things.

  Jonas led the way through the kitchen. High ceilings arched above them. Shirley recalled the place as large, but this was even bigger than she’d remembered. She tried to calm the beating of her heart as they entered a massive living room. Shirley kept close to Jonas and pasted a bright smile on her face when he stopped in front of his parents.

  “Mom, Dad, we thought we’d stop by.” Jonas glanced toward Shirley. “You remember Shirley Yoder?”

  “Hi,” Shirley managed to squeak out. Her voice sounded shrill, but whose wouldn’t in such a situation?

  “Of course we remember Shirley,” Jonas’s mom, Mary, said. His dad rose from his chair and added, “It’s good to see you again, Shirley.”

  Jonas led Shirley to the couch where the two sat down.

  “Jonas has been telling us all about you,” Mary continued with a warm smile. “You were gone for a while, and I think he missed you.”

  “Mom!” Jonas said, his face and neck turning red.

  “Yah.�
�� Shirley kept her voice steady. “That was last fall. My sister Miriam and I left for Oklahoma to help with the birth of our aunt’s baby. We stayed a while, and then I came back when my newest sister, Anna, was born. Miriam is still in Oklahoma. She’s teaching school now.”

  “Oh.” Mary appeared interested. “That’s a worthy endeavor. I once thought about teaching school, but it was not to be.”

  Shirley smiled but she didn’t want to talk about Miriam. What would her sister think if she knew where she was right now? A shudder passed through her body.

  “I’m sure Jonas has told you that Raymond and I were both raised Amish.” Mary glanced at her husband. “We try to remember our roots.”

  “That we do.” Raymond nodded. “So, Shirley, are you going back to Oklahoma anytime soon?”

  “I don’t think so.” Shirley clutched her hands on her lap. “Mamm keeps me busy around the house.”

  The truth was that both of her parents would be overjoyed if she chose to return to her aunt’s house, but Shirley wasn’t about to say that.

  “How is the spiritual life among the Oklahoma Amish?” Raymond asked.

  Shirley wasn’t sure how to answer, but she got out some information. “Okay, I guess. They do some things differently out there than we do here. They frown at rumspringa, for one thing.”

  Raymond chuckled. “That may be a good thing. Not much spiritual growth comes out of flirting with the world.”

  Jonas muttered, “Dad, please.”

  But Raymond didn’t hesitate. “Being Amish isn’t all that it’s cooked up to be, so I can understand people wanting to leave. But there’s a better way to do it than letting young people go wild and spend time in sin.”

  “But rumspringa isn’t sinning, Raymond,” Mary spoke up. She patted her husband on the arm. “You remember that, Raymond, don’t you?”

  “Most of it comes mighty close.” Raymond frowned. “Look at what goes on in our own community most weekend nights.”

  Shirley swallowed with difficulty. Her voice might not work well, but she had to speak up. “I’m not really on rumspringa the way most of our young people do it. I only go out with Jonas, which I hope isn’t sinning.”

  “There you go, Raymond.” Mary’s smile was strained but triumphant. “Jonas knows what he’s doing.”

  Solemn silence descended on the room and was deepened by the high ceilings.

  “I hope so,” Raymond finally said. “I didn’t mean to offend you, Shirley, but this is a matter of principle for me. Even if some young people do rumspringa and dating right, many of them don’t.”

  Jonas’s hand found hers, and Shirley didn’t pull it away.

  Jonas stood, pulling gently, and Shirley followed. “We’re going to go upstairs. Come on, Shirley.”

  Mary stood. “I’ll get some lemonade from the kitchen, Jonas. You can take it up with you if you want.”

  Jonas looked like lemonade was the last thing he wanted at the moment, but he waited until his mother returned with a pitcher and two glasses. “Shall I make some popcorn for you?”

  “Don’t bother, Mom.” Jonas took the pitcher with both hands. “We’ll be okay.”

  Mary rushed on in spite of her son’s protest. “I’ll make some right away and bring it up. You make sure Shirley’s comfortable and that she feels welcome in our home. She’s a really nice girl.”

  Jonas gave his mom a little smile.

  Raymond nodded. “I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Shirley. I hope you know that.”

  “It’s okay.” Shirley pulled herself out of her stupor and took the two glasses Jonas’s mom was holding. “It was nice to see you again.”

  Mary gave her a cheery smile, and Shirley returned it. Neither Jonas nor his mamm were responsible for his daett’s comments. Likely they came from Raymond’s position as a preacher in his church. Weren’t preachers supposed to test all things to see if they were true? At least that’s what the Amish thought.

  Jonas moved toward the grand staircase, and Shirley followed. Arriving on the second floor, he opened the door to his bedroom and set the pitcher of lemonade on the dresser. He turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Shirley. I had no idea my dad would grill you like that. I know you’re doing nothing wrong. I wouldn’t have brought you here if I’d known he’d say what he did.”

  Shirley shrugged. “It’s okay. I know that not all of our young people behave themselves while on rumspringa. Your daett had a point.”

  “It still wasn’t necessary to bring it up with you.” Jonas paced the floor.

  “It’s okay…really.” Shirley took a seat on the bed. “I think this just confirms what we both already know. We come from two different worlds that don’t mix well.”

  Jonas frowned and stopped pacing. He shut the door and then sat down next to Shirley. “My dad objects only to the rumspringa part. Would you consider changing that?” Jonas regarded Shirley with expectation.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Let’s consider the idea of you coming to our church. Dad would approve of that.”

  “But…b-but…” Shirley’s voice caught. “But I’m not ready for that. And my parents…”

  “Of course.” Jonas focused on the far wall. “It was just an idea. I do wish that you and I…” Jonas’s voice trailed off too. After a long pause, he went on. “I just want to know you more, Shirley. I want to see if…if we should be together. Since that first day I saw you in Berlin by your buggy I’ve known you’re the most beautiful girl I’ll ever meet.”

  “Is that all?” Shirley hesitated. “Do you like me just because I’m gut looking?”

  Jonas’s grin returned. “You are that—and so much more! There has to be some way we can make a go of things.”

  A knock came on the door, and Mary entered without waiting for an invitation. Shirley liked that about Mary. It spoke of a sound relationship with her children, even though it might seem a little intrusive at times.

  “Popcorn.” Mary set the brimming bowl on the dresser. Her gaze took in the empty glasses and the full pitcher of lemonade. Mary hesitated. “I hope you enjoy your stay this evening, Shirley. I know Jonas enjoys your company.”

  Shirley smiled and said thank you.

  Mary turned and left, closing the door.

  Jonas jumped up and filled the lemonade glasses and popcorn bowls. He motioned for Shirley to follow him.

  She stood and walked to the dresser. Picking up a bowl and a glass, she followed Jonas onto a balcony that overlooked the rolling lawn beside the house. She’d been here once before, and the sight still took her breath away. The great expanse of stars swept across the sky, and she could just make out the rolling hills extending into the distance. Jonas’s form filled her peripheral vision. They leaned against the rail and ate their popcorn in companionable silence. Jonas must have decided his effort to push a visit to his church wouldn’t succeed and had backed off. That’s wise of him, Shirley decided. After all, they were both young and had many years ahead of them.

  There was no sense in rushing into anything. Her heart reached out to him, but it also had roots at home with Mamm and Daett and her community. She would need time to sort this all out. Maybe Jonas’s daett thought she was interested in Jonas because of their wealth. The thought stung because there was some truth to the accusation. If only Daett didn’t have such strict ideas about money, she thought. Then she wouldn’t feel the lack of it so strongly.

  Shirley focused on her lemonade and took a small sip. Jonas set his glass on the balcony deck and slipped his arm around her waist. That she could handle. She leaned against him instead of the rail. Now, if Jonas would kiss her…this evening would be complete.

  “I’m glad you’re with me tonight, Shirley.” Jonas’s voice seemed to fill the darkness with joy.

  “I don’t regret that we came here,” Shirley tried to sound brave and sure.

  “Dad didn’t mean anything by what he said,” Jonas said again, almost as if he was trying to convince himself t
oo.

  “I know.”

  Moments later Jonas’s arm slipped away, and he picked up his lemonade. “I guess I’d better get you home.”

  It was clear there would be no kiss tonight. Shirley hid her disappointment as she turned toward him. “I guess it is kind of late.”

  “Maybe next time will go better.” Jonas sounded hopeful. “There will be a next time, won’t there?”

  “Yah, if you wish it,” Shirley said, squeezing his hand as they went back into the house. Inside she wanted to shout with joy. This was the first time he’d mentioned seeing her again.

  Chapter Seven

  Ivan Mast drove south of Berlin, Ohio, on State Route 39. He kept one buggy wheel on the shoulder of the busy road when he could. Even then the traffic backed up momentarily on the uphill runs. Dusk had fallen an hour ago. There was no danger of an accident, Ivan told himself. His buggy had flashers on both sides, low headlights on the front, and the traditional slow-moving vehicle triangle and red lights in the back. Still, when three cars wouldn’t pass his buggy, Ivan pulled into Kline Lumber’s parking lot to allow them more room. His gesture would be appreciated, he was sure.

  Ivan held the reins firmly as his horse, Billy, pawed the gravel. Both of them were impatient to get home. Ivan still had horse stalls to clean tonight, and Billy was surely anticipating his box of oats. Laura, Ivan’s frau, had sent him into Berlin to shop after he got home from his job at the Beachy’s furniture shop. He’d wanted to wait until tomorrow, but Laura said she needed Alka-Seltzer tablets tonight for her severe cold. It seemed to Ivan that the woman was susceptible to every bug that passed through Possum Valley. Pregnancies were supposed to prevent such things, but not with Laura. Why the Lord had chosen to make Laura’s pregnancy such a difficult time, Ivan couldn’t imagine. But His ways were beyond question. Perhaps beautiful women had to suffer more to make up for what they enjoyed in other areas.

  Ivan watched car headlights bounce on 39 and smiled. Laura had conceived soon after their wedding back in November. He would be a daett before long. The joy…and responsibility…already occupied his thoughts.