The Heartbreak Cafe

by Melissa Hill

  Brian’s eyes were sad. ‘I don’t know what to do with you anymore, Jess, really I don’t. I feel completely irrelevant.’

  ‘But you’re not. Of course you’re not. We’re both in this together and I want us to be happy. I thought …I thought this would make us happy.’

  ‘Jess, we were happy before. And did it ever occur to you that I would have been fine with children if you hadn’t jumped the gun and made the choice for us? I thought we were an equal partnership.’

  Recalling how close they’d always been, Jess couldn’t blame him for being upset about how she had gone about it. But at the time she just couldn’t see any other way.

  ‘I don’t even know why I come home anymore,’ he said wearily.

  ‘What?’

  ‘You heard me. I don’t even know what I am doing here. I’m a fixture.’

  ‘No,’ she said, terrified now. ‘I need you. I love you.’

  ‘I think you’ve made it perfectly clear that you need your mummy friends a lot more than you need me. And that’s why we’re in this situation.’

  ‘Brian…’

  ‘No,’ he interjected, refusing to let her speak. ‘So if it means that much to you, I think you should go ahead with your little plan.’

  She frowned. What was all this ‘you’ business? Wasn’t this something they had to do together?

  ‘You mean the baby?’ she asked and he nodded. She stared at him, relieved. ‘I’m so glad to hear it…I mean I – ’

  ‘I’m not finished.’

  ‘OK.’ She would agree to any of his stipulations, whatever he wanted if it meant that they could get back on track.

  He took a deep breath. ‘As I said, I think that you should go ahead with your …baby.’ Did he hate the idea that much that he could barely say the word? ‘Yes go ahead and make all the crazy plans you want,’ Brian continued. ‘Just don’t expect me to be around for the fallout.’

  And with that, Jess’s beloved husband turned on his heel, and walked quietly out the door.

  Chapter 31

  Nina spent the rest of the afternoon wandering around the Dublin shops. The bus back to Lakeview wasn’t due to leave until five-thirty so she had plenty of time to take it easy and think about the day’s events.

  After her conversation with Jess she felt as though a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Her friend was right; there were many different ways of looking at all of this, and she just needed the courage to go for it.

  Having promised Jess she’d think about everything and examine all the options, she’d spent much of the afternoon doing so. She was lost in thought and still thinking about the possibilities when she realised that she was dead centre in middle of a very busy O’Connell Street.

  Having battled through the busy Saturday crowds for a couple of hours, she figured it was time for a break. Not to mention that it was an all-Ireland hurling semi-final replay day and the streets were beginning to fill up with revellers and fans on their way back from the game at Croke Park. Although she hadn’t yet heard the result, Nina really hoped it was Galway who had been victorious – after all, the place had been her home for the last few years and she had no such allegiance to their Tipperary rivals.

  Walking a little further, she spotted the Kylemore café on the corner, and figured it would be as good a place as any to stop for a cuppa. And maybe a slice of cake or something. Almost as soon as she’d had that thought, her stomach growled and the baby kicked approvingly.

  ‘I get it, I get it. Don’t worry, we’re going to feed ourselves now,’ she laughed.

  Going into the restaurant, she bought a coffee and a pastry and sought out a quiet spot near the back.

  Catching sight of a recently vacated table by the wall, she scooted over, eager to nab it before someone else did. The place was busy with sports fans from the participating counties scattered throughout the restaurant, and as Nina ate her pastry, she idly surveyed the tables around her, trying to figure out which team had been victorious.

  Then suddenly, she heard a voice from behind that made her heart stop.

  ‘I told you Steven. If you don’t eat something, you’ll be starving by the time we get home,’ the male voice scolded.

  As if in a trance, Nina turned and her gaze zeroed in to where the voice was coming from. At the table a couple of feet away from her was a family – two parents and three young children whose ages looked to range from about two to seven. All were dressed in Galway sports jerseys.

  Nina was frozen to the spot. She couldn’t believe it; couldn’t comprehend what she was seeing. She attempted to look away, but try as she might, couldn’t take her eyes off them. It was like some invisible entity had a vice-grip on her body, not allowing her to move.

  ‘Daddy why is that woman staring at us?’ the little boy at the table asked.

  The father looked up and his gaze briefly met Nina’s, before immediately dropping to her very obviously protruding stomach.

  She snapped her mouth shut and heat automatically rushed to her face.

  ‘Oh …’ she whispered, turning away, still rooted to the chair for a couple of moments, unsure what to do.

  Then finally, she somehow found her feet and stood up, moving quickly towards the door, trying to go as fast as her legs would carry her.

  Going outside, she was conscious of rivulets of sweat running down her back, and her heart felt like it was going to explode.

  She was only a little way down the street, when she heard someone calling her. ‘Nina, Nina wait, please.’

  She turned to see Steve behind, trying to catch up with her.

  ‘Leave me alone,’ she cried. She didn’t care if she was attracting the curious stares of people on the street, she didn’t care about anything except escaping from him just then.

  ‘Nina hold on a second,’ he yelled. ‘Please.’ He reached out and grabbed her arm and spun her around.

  ‘Don’t touch me!’ she exclaimed. ‘You’ve done enough.’

  ‘Stop please. Um …you forgot your handbag.’ Only then did she notice he was holding something in his hand, and she realised that in her haste, she’d neglected to take her bag with her.

  She quickly grabbed the bag and went to walk away.

  ‘Please Nina, stop for a minute. Just listen to me.’

  She felt the tears springing to her eyes. ‘What do you want Steve?’

  ‘Just, please.’ His gaze was fixated on her stomach and she realised sadly that there was no hiding from this anymore. ‘Hell.’ He said, running a hand through his hair.

  Nina wouldn’t meet his eyes. ‘Well I guess now you know,’ she said with a shrug.

  ‘So this is why you … why you reacted so badly when …’

  ‘When I found out you were married?’ she spat. ‘Yes.’

  ‘But why didn’t you say something about … this?’

  ‘What did you expect me to say, Steve? That I was perfectly fine about having a baby with you when I’d just found out you had another family tucked away somewhere? Give me a break.’

  He shook his head. ‘I just didn’t expect…’

  ‘What? Expect me to get pregnant? I didn’t expect you to be married!’

  ‘I know, I’m sorry Nina, I made a mistake.’

  ‘You’re damn right you did.’

  He seemed to be at a loss. ‘Look … is there anything I can do for you?’

  ‘Except stay the hell out of my life? No.’ She knew her tone was harsh, but she wanted to hurt him, in the same way he had hurt her.

  The way he had devastated her all those months before when she’d learned that the man she was in love with was not only married, but a father of three. Nina had never suspected a thing and could hardly comprehend that someone she’d fallen so deep and utterly in love with had been living a lie all the time they were together.

  Although they’d both worked in the same company for some time, she hadn’t got to know Steve until she’d been moved to the IT department where he worked.
Back then, right from the beginning something had clicked between them and Nina had fallen hook, line and sinker for the attractive, but rather quiet guy who worked on the same floor. He didn’t wear a wedding ring and at work there had been no mention of a wife or anyone else. They’d gone out a couple of times and got on so well that Nina had never thought to question his personal circumstances, why would she?

  She’d only learned the truth shortly after discovering she was pregnant, and while she hadn’t yet worked up the courage to share the news with Steve, she had begun dropping little hints about them perhaps moving in together.

  ‘Love, that can’t happen at the moment, not for a while anyway,’ Steve told her, and when Nina looked blankly at him, he sat her down and took both of her hands in his. ‘Nina, I’m sorry, I haven’t been completely honest with you,’ he said, before going on to calmly tell her that he couldn’t move in with her because he was married to someone else. ‘I’m sorry, I know I should have said something about it from the outset, but there was a never a right time, and by then I’d already fallen for you,’ he continued sheepishly, while Nina tried to pick her jaw up off the floor.

  ‘You’re … married?’

  ‘Yes, but it’s over – it’s been over for a long time, you must know that and we’re only still going through the motions for the sake of the kids. I would never have got involved with you otherwise. I wanted to tell you from the beginning but I was afraid you’d react badly –’

  ‘Damn right I’d react badly! We’ve been seeing one another since the end of last year, Steve – how could you not tell me something like this?’

  And how could she not have known, Nina wondered, feeling unbelievably stupid. Looking back, perhaps the signs were there, how they always stayed at her place instead of his, how on certain weekends he wasn’t able to see her…but at the time, he’d given what Nina had thought were reasonable explanations, namely that his place was too far out of town, or that he was visiting an elderly mother who lived down the country.

  It was all such a cliché, and she’d been such a fool. And to think that she was just about to share what she’d thought was wonderful news… Not only that but Nina was horrified to think that she’d played a part in taking another woman’s husband, albeit obliviously …

  Suddenly, everything had become a nightmare.

  But unlike Trish, once Nina had discovered the truth about his marriage, she wanted nothing more to do with Steve, baby or no baby. Which was why – without saying a word about her newly discovered pregnancy – she’d that night ended the relationship, and soon after got out of Galway as fast as possible.

  Now, standing on O’Connell Street, she tried to summon all the anger and betrayal and this time, use it as a defence mechanism.

  ‘Steve, it’s absolutely none of your business.’

  ‘Well of course it’s my business … I mean … it’s mine too, isn’t it?’

  Nina rounded on him. ‘You have no right – no right to even ask about me, or this baby. Anyway, you needn’t worry about this messing up your happy family if that’s what you’re concerned about. I’m giving the baby up … so I won’t have to be reminded of your face, won’t have to be reminded of you. Ever. It will be as if you didn’t exist.’ He winced a little and she realised her words had hit the mark. ‘I only hope that the poor thing hasn’t inherited too much of your DNA, so it doesn’t grow up to be a liar and a cheat.’

  She looked over his shoulder then and saw his wife and kids walking slowly towards them. Hah, let him explain this one, she thought sarcastically, although of course the forgotten handbag had conveniently given him an excuse.

  ‘Go back to your wife, Steve. She’s waiting for you.’ With that, she turned on her heel and walked away. She didn’t look back and she knew at that moment, she wouldn’t have to. She didn’t regret what she had said to him, in fact, it merely helped her come to a decision. She hoped her little son or daughter would forgive her but the words were necessary.

  It was as if she was supposed to meet her baby’s father today – and seeing him again had given her a completely new perspective.

  Nina knew now that Jess’s solution was the answer, maybe even the one she had been searching for all along.

  Chapter 32

  At the airport, the time seemed to be creeping by.

  Ruth had tried to call Charlie several times, but kept getting his voicemail. Then again, she thought, it would be very late in Ireland now. She didn’t want to worry, and was sure that he would be happy to see her. All she wanted to do was get on the plane and get back to Ireland, back to Charlie and her family. She felt elated that reality had finally dawned on her and she now knew her future.

  She’d caught an quick flight to JFK so she didn’t have to wait too long to get out of L.A., but the waiting game that she was playing now in New York was absolutely killing her.

  As soon her overnight flight to Dublin was called, she raced to the gate and as she waited for the other passengers to board, she practically bounced in her seat she was so anxious. When the plane took off, she couldn’t concentrate on anything – the movie that was playing or the paperback novel that she had picked up at the airport, nor could she sleep. Instead, she stared out of the window, into the blackness of the Atlantic Ocean, thirty thousand feet below.

  She knew she was giving it all up, everything she had worked for, all she had fought for, just to be with the man that she should have chosen from day one. Of course, she was also giving it all up for her son or daughter.

  But maybe her acting career didn’t have to be completely over? Maybe she could do something closer to home … the stage in London or perhaps she could even fly back to the States for stuff, depending on the role. After all, some US actresses were able to do it from London, so as long as you were mobile, you could do anything, right?

  Regardless, it didn’t matter. She knew her priorities had changed, and she ultimately she just wanted a happy life, both for herself and the baby.

  When hours later she finally landed in Dublin, she flipped open her phone, certain that Charlie would have left a message by now. He would have definitely heard hers as he was an early riser and had probably already been up for a couple of hours. She frowned, surprised to find she had no messages, no texts, no emails from anyone back home, let alone from Charlie.

  That troubled her somewhat, but Ruth didn’t have time to dwell on it for long when she saw the other messages that had accumulated while she was airborne.

  One was from Erik, informing her that he was not impressed with her behaviour and that she was treading very closely to being in breach of contract with the TV studio if she didn’t get ‘her ass back to the States pronto’.

  Warning bells went off in her head as she knew there would be repercussions, most likely legally, with the decision that she made. After all, there were shooting commitments and contracts she would be held to for Glamazons as well as other promotional-related stuff. She figured she would deal with all of that later, but now it looked like she might have to deal with it sooner than she thought. Ruth cringed at the idea of being sued.

  The next message was from Troy blasting her for being such a ‘dumbass bitch.’

  She shook her head at his stupidity. The idiot really didn’t learn anything, did he? She thought for sure after she’d threatened him with a recording of the phone call he’d be more careful with his communications to her. This message certainly didn’t make him come across like an adoring father. She smiled and marked it ‘saved’ on her phone.

  Just in case.

  Finally, she scrolled to Charlie’s name in her contacts to phone him directly. This time the call went straight to voicemail without even ringing. A niggling worry bubbled up inside her. Something was wrong.

  She rushed from the plane, and this time didn’t give a second glance at herself in any mirror, she was so intent on getting back to Lakeview as quickly as possible. Going through to the arrivals area, she rented a car and drove as fast as po
ssible down the M50 towards Lakeview, her mind racing as she imagined her reunion with Charlie. She was sure he’d be over the moon at her decision.

  In the end, she made it there much faster than normal, and was impressed with her driving ability and the fact that she didn’t get pulled over for speeding on the way there. She drove through the centre and finally turned off on the street that led to Charlie’s house. Her heart was racing and the baby must have picked up on her mood because it was moving around like mad.

  Ruth rubbed her stomach and got out of the car. ‘Shh, baby,’ she whispered to her stomach, ‘I know, I’m excited to see him too.’

  She took slow steps up to the front door, feeling as nervous as a bride. For once in her life, the rest of her life was right in front of her, her happiness there for the taking, and she couldn’t wait for it to start.

  She had a key and could have just let herself in, but she really wanted Charlie to come to the door, so she could see his face as he welcomed her into his arms. She rang the doorbell and waited to hear footsteps. Nothing.

  She turned around and looked at the car in the driveway; he must be inside. Ruth knocked a little louder this time; maybe he hadn’t heard her the first time. She realised she was holding her breath as she waited to hear something, some kind of activity from inside, but still there was nothing.

  Finally she reached into her bag and dug around until she found her keys.

  Stepping gingerly into the hallway, she called out his name, but heard nothing in return. Then she walked through to the living room and straight away noticed that something was different.

  Her gaze zeroed in on the pile of baby things; a rocker and crib that was still in the box waiting to be assembled, and some bags from various baby stores – all the things they had bought together over the past few weeks. They had all been stowed in Charlie’s spare bedroom upstairs, which they’d planned to use as the nursery when the baby was born. Ruth’s heart thudded nervously. Why were these things now neatly arranged in a pile in the living room?