The Girl of His Dreams (Bachelor #1)

by Janet Nissenson

  Tears sparkled in Tessa’s eyes. “She must have been in one of her downward spirals at the time, I’m guessing. If she’d been manic, she would have charmed her way into some stranger’s home, convincing her newfound friend to take us in for a few months.”

  “She was in a bad way when I found the two of you,” confirmed Ines. “And probably had been for some time. I badgered and bullied and called in favors and got the two of you a bed at a women’s shelter nearby. The doctor on call was able to examine Gillian and determined she was already six months along, and at least ten pounds under ideal weight for that stage of pregnancy. She was also diagnosed as being bipolar, and confirmed that she’d been off her meds for months. Which was a good thing, considering that many anti-psychotic drugs are very harmful to developing fetuses, and could have caused severe birth defects or even miscarriage. Between the doctor, the shelter manager, and myself, we managed to convince Gillian to stay put until after her baby was born. With regular meals, pre-natal vitamins, and medical care she put on some weight and looked healthier, but it was obvious that she would be in no condition mentally or emotionally to take care of an infant when the time came. And that’s where the really difficult part of my job kicked in.”

  Ines took a minute to refill their glasses of iced tea, then sat back down to continue her story. “After talking to Gillian for weeks, I’d convinced her that giving her baby up for adoption was the best thing for everyone - for the baby, for Gillian, and for Tessa. As hard as it was for her to admit, Gillian eventually agreed that she didn’t have a job or money or any sort of support system to help her raise an infant. But she wanted my assurances that her baby would be adopted by a good family, someone who’d love the baby like their very own and be able to give the child all the things she would never be able to do.” She smiled at Aubrey. “I’d met your parents a few times through my sister, had seen them with your brothers. They were wonderful people, so kind and caring and generous, and those two little boys looked so happy and healthy and loved that I just knew it was the perfect situation for you, Aubrey. I wanted Gillian to meet your parents face to face, so that she’d be reassured it was the best possible solution. But she refused, something about how it would be that much harder for her to give you up if she could put a face to your adoptive parents. She wanted to keep everything impersonal, couldn’t bear to deal with any of the details, so the adoption attorney your parents hired took care of everything. But then, Gillian being Gillian, nothing was ever quite that easy or simple.”

  Tessa gave a little eye roll. “That’s the understatement of the year. There was never anything simple or easy about my mother. She created chaos wherever she went, and didn’t especially care about how it impacted other people - especially me. But I don’t want to get you off track, Ines. Please, go on.”

  Ines smiled fondly at Tessa. “I will digress for just a moment, though. While Gillian hated being confined - as she put it - at the shelter, hated the rules and lack of freedom and being checked on and monitored, you seemed to thrive there, Tessa. Part of it, of course, was getting to eat regular meals and being given some clothes that actually fit you and were nearly new. You had other children to play with, a little bed of your own, and more than anything I imagine you had a sense of security for once. I never did get your mother to admit just how bad things had become for the two of you, but I’d seen more than my fair share of heartbreaking cases and could take a pretty good guess about what your life had been like. Am I right?”

  Tessa nodded reluctantly. “I mean, I don’t remember that specific time in my life - what four or five year old really does? Though now that you mentioned that shelter, I think I can recall a few details. Like, there was an old jungle gym out in the courtyard. And a couple of cats lived there, I think. Yes, I can almost picture them now. A big fat orange cat and then a smaller black and white one.”

  Aubrey watched as a faraway look came over her half-sister’s face as Tessa continued tiredly.

  “And I certainly don’t remember my mother being pregnant during the time we stayed at the shelter. But then, she was built on the small side, not nearly as tall as Aubrey and myself, and always too thin. Plus, she was also very clever and cagy when she needed to be, and was good at keeping things hidden, good at keeping secrets. Almost as good as she was at causing commotion.”

  Ines grimaced. “That’s putting it mildly. After agreeing to give Aubrey up for adoption, Gillian went back and forth on her decision at least twice a week. Drove us all a little mad in the process. In the end, it was Father Fernandez - the priest who initially found her in his church - who convinced her it was the right thing to do. Within a few hours after giving birth to you, Aubrey, she signed the adoption papers, even though I knew it broke her heart to do so. But I think she realized deep down that she simply wasn’t capable of taking care of you. Not when she couldn’t take care of herself or the daughter she already had. And that was another matter entirely.”

  Ines gave Tessa a look of such sadness and regret that Aubrey’s heart ached for both women.

  “After Gillian gave birth to Aubrey in the hospital, she returned to the shelter to recover. But I knew she’d only be able to stay for a few more weeks at most, since the space would be needed for someone else and she had already been there for more than the allotted time. During those last weeks, I talked to her until I was blue in the face, trying to convince her she now needed to do the right thing for her other child. I pointed out that she didn’t have to give Tessa up permanently, just let her be placed in foster care for a few months while she got treatment for her bipolar disorder. Good treatment, at an in-patient facility where they could finally get her on a good track and on the right meds. And I swore up and down that I would find the best foster home in the state of New Mexico for Tessa, would check on her myself every single week to make sure she was okay. Aubrey, your parents would have been overjoyed to give Tessa a home, whether it was permanent or temporary. It would have been the best thing all around for everyone concerned. But Gillian wouldn’t hear of it, would get hysterical every time I mentioned the idea of being separated from Tessa even for a few days, and would threaten to leave the shelter if I kept at her about it.”

  Ines covered her mouth with her hand for a moment, shaking her head. “And that’s where I underestimated Gillian, where I didn’t take her seriously. And where I admittedly screwed up big time. I decided to give her some tough love, tell her some cold hard facts, and try to shake her out of her self-induced pity party. She was already feeling vulnerable after giving up her baby, telling me she’d made a mistake and wanted to undo the adoption, and then started crying when I told her that wasn’t a possibility. But I forced myself to harden my heart, knowing how manipulative Gillian could be, and that I had Tessa to consider, too. So I told Gillian that she had less than a week before she’d have to leave the shelter, and that unless she wanted to be out on the street again she needed to agree to get treatment and to place Tessa in foster care. And when she balked yet again, I - I told her she was leaving me with no choice in the matter. Told her that she had forty eight hours to think it over, and if she didn’t agree I would have no choice but to call Child Protective Services and have Tessa forcibly taken away from her.” She paused for a breath before telling them the final part. “Sometime during the middle of the night Gillian packed up your things, Tessa, and snuck out of the shelter with you. By the time someone discovered you were missing the next morning, the two of you had disappeared. I’d ruined my chance of helping you to have a better life by losing my patience with Gillian. I made a huge error in judgment by giving her that ultimatum, should have known better. And in doing so I had to live with the fact that I’d most likely just condemned you to a life of poverty and homelessness and God knows what else. I’m so sorry, Tessa. Sorry that I failed you and your mother. Sorry that I couldn’t find a way to save you both.”

  Tessa was weeping by now, and Aubrey wasn’t all that surprised to find that tears
were streaming down her own face. She wrapped her arms around the woman who up until a few days ago had been a complete stranger, but who was now her sister, someone she shared a blood tie with, a bond that both of them had felt but hadn’t been able to properly explain until now.

  “Hey, it’s okay,” she whispered to Tessa. “It’s all okay. You survived whatever happened to you, came through it a strong and beautiful and amazing woman. You have so much now, Tessa - your husband and two beautiful children and a family. And now - well, now you have me, too. We have each other. After twenty-five years I’ve finally found the sister I never knew I had. And you should only be crying tears of joy right now. The bad times - they’re long gone, and they’re never coming back. Okay?”

  Tessa nodded, sniffling and wiping away her tears. “Okay,” she whispered brokenly. She gave Aubrey a weak smile. “And here I always thought a big sister was supposed to look after the younger one. That and braid her hair, things like that.”

  “Nah.” Aubrey shook her head. “It goes both ways. After all, that’s what family does, you know - looks out for each other.” She grinned. “But you can still braid my hair for me if you like, especially since I’m not very good at it.”

  They laughed, then turned their attention back to Ines who was smiling at them tearfully.

  “You’ve both grown up into such beautiful young women,” the retired social worker told them earnestly. “I know for a fact that your parents are so proud of you, Aubrey. And while Gillian was far from an ideal mother, she loved you something fierce, Tessa. In her own chaotic way, she’d be extremely proud of you, too.”

  They stayed for another hour, chatting with Ines and sharing stories about their lives and what it had been like for them growing up. Aubrey’s tales, of course, were far happier and cheerier than Tessa’s, and even then Aubrey sensed that her sister was holding back the worst of it, trying to spare a guilt-ridden Ines’ feelings. But even the little she told of the hard, deprived life she’d led as Gillian had constantly uprooted them from one town to the next, took a visible toll on Tessa, her pallor and emotional exhaustion evident.

  “We should go,” announced Aubrey somewhat abruptly. She got to her feet and picked up the empty iced tea glasses, carrying them into the adjacent kitchen despite Ines’ protests not to bother. When she returned, she hurried over to Tessa’s side, taking her newfound sister by the arm and helping her to stand. Tessa gave her a faint smile of thanks as she made her way over to Ines.

  The older woman hugged both sisters fiercely, wishing them a safe drive home. “I’m so thrilled that the two of you finally managed to connect. Though if Aubrey hadn’t been so fixated on not wanting to know anything about her past, she would have discovered a long time ago that she had a sister out there somewhere.”

  Aubrey nodded. “It’s all I’ve been able to think about, actually. I keep thinking that if I hadn’t been so stubborn, had accepted my parents offer to find out more about my roots, that we would have located Tessa that much sooner, maybe early enough that she could have been living with us, could have been having a better life.”

  “I thought about that, too,” admitted Tessa. “But if that had happened, it’s highly unlikely that I would have ever met Ian. And since I can’t even begin to imagine a life without him, it was probably meant to turn out just this way.”

  They thanked Ines for her time and all of her help, promised to stay in touch, and then groaned a little as the hot, dry desert air blasted them like a furnace the second they stepped outside. They made a beeline for the car, where Aubrey cranked the A/C up to maximum strength.

  “You look like you’ve been through the wringer,” she told Tessa frankly. “And I know neither of us are big coffee drinkers, but I think we could both use a serious jolt of caffeine right about now before making the drive back.”

  Tessa pursed her lips. “Screw that. After what we’ve just gone through, I need something a whole lot stronger than caffeine. Like a Bloody Mary, for example. Maybe a couple of them since you’re driving.”

  Aubrey grinned and gave her sister a high-five. “Now you’re talking! Fortunately for you, I know just the place.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  “Sure you don’t want another one?”

  Tessa nodded, pushing her half-empty Bloody Mary glass away. “I shouldn’t have even had this one since I’ll need to nurse Liam as soon as we get back to the hotel. Normally I wouldn’t be drinking any alcohol while I’m still breast feeding, but - well, I needed some liquid courage after hearing all of that.” She shuddered, picking up her glass of water and drinking half of it down. “I mean, I had a feeling that what Ines told us wasn’t going to be pleasant, and that was certainly the case. But listening to her describing my - excuse me, our mother - brought back so many bad memories, Aubrey. And now it’s like my brain is on overload, trying to absorb too much information at once.”

  “You need some tea instead,” declared Aubrey. “Chamomile, I think. It’ll help to relax you. Come to think of it, I could stand a cup, too.”

  She motioned their waitress over and placed their order, then nodded when the waitress asked if they were through with their food. Aubrey had eaten nearly all of her huevos rancheros, while Tessa had merely picked at her spinach and mushroom frittata.

  “What time is Ian expecting you back?” inquired Aubrey.

  Tessa shrugged. “No particular time. He knows how important this meeting with Ines was, so he cleared his schedule for the entire day in order to watch the children.”

  Aubrey grinned. “I’ve only seen him the one time, but somehow he doesn’t seem the sort who’d enjoy changing diapers or playing tea party with a toddler.”

  “That’s where you’d be completely wrong.” Tessa smiled fondly. “Ian is the sort of man who can do just about anything well, if not perfectly. Fatherhood came as naturally to him as breathing. And despite the fact that he’s got this incredibly high level job, with thousands of employees who report indirectly to him, not to mention growing up with servants and staff all around him, he’s probably the most hands-on father you’ll ever see. He’s completely devoted to our kids, so much that it makes me cry sometimes when I see him rocking Liam to sleep or reading Gilly a story. And Gilly is a total Daddy’s girl, thinks the sun rises and sets on Ian.”

  The waitress arrived with their tea, then asked if they wanted anything else. Aubrey shook her head before turning her attention back to Tessa.

  “Speaking of fathers,” she began tentatively. “I know you said you’d never known your own father, didn’t even know his name. Do you think - I mean, I know you were just a little girl and didn’t even remember that your mother was pregnant - but I don’t suppose you know who..”

  “Your father was?” finished Tessa. She shook her head regretfully. “Not at all. It could have been one of probably a dozen different men. One of the symptoms, effects, whatever the right term for it is, of bipolar disorder is called hyper-sexuality. It means - well, you can probably guess what it means. And it would happen whenever my mother - sorry, I mean our mother - was in one of her real manic phases. There would be a lot of men, in quick succession, and knowing how unreliable she was, I doubt she bothered much with birth control. God, it’s a wonder she didn’t keep popping babies out year after year!”

  “It’s okay,” assured Aubrey, not wanting to upset her sister any more than she’d already been today. “Besides, Kurt Larson is the only father I’ve ever known, and I can’t imagine that I could have ever had a better one. Same thing with my mom. And so far as - well, my real mother is concerned, maybe it would be less confusing if we both just referred to her as Gillian from now on.”

  “I agree. And you’re right about your parents. They are your real mom and dad, Aubrey, and I’m so happy that you have them in your life. You’re so lucky to have been adopted into such a wonderful family, though your parents are equally as lucky that they found their way to you. I wish - ah, never mind. We’ve alrea
dy determined that if things had turned out differently for me when I was a little girl, then I wouldn’t have met Ian. Or had Gilly and Liam. So some things are well worth the sacrifice.”

  Aubrey sipped her tea, studying her older sister carefully. “So just how bad did things get for you, Tessa? I sensed that you were holding back quite a bit while we were chatting with Ines, that you wanted to spare her feelings because it was obvious how guilty she felt about failing you.”

  “She didn’t fail me,” insisted Tessa. “At least no more than the rest of the so-called system did over the years. Nobody else ever seemed to care or take notice, and certainly not as much as Ines apparently did. The fact that I had a severely mentally ill mother, that we were constantly moving from place to place, living hand to mouth – somehow it seemed to escape everyone’s attention, to constantly fall through the cracks. Teachers, doctors, social workers, the men Gillian hooked up with, the people who’d fall for her sob story and take us in - none of them ever seemed to realize just how bad it was. Or, if they did, they chose not to get involved. But of course most of that was because Gillian became a master of deception, a very, very clever liar, and something of a con artist. She was incredibly beautiful, but in a frail, almost angelic way, and everyone always wanted to take care of her. Including me.”