The Girl of His Dreams (Bachelor #1)

by Janet Nissenson

  Once inside Aubrey’s old bedroom, Gilly made a dash for the shelf that still held a few assorted dolls and stuffed toys, though she was mindful to merely pet a floppy stuffed bunny rather than simply grab it. It was only at Aubrey’s gentle urging that Gilly picked up a well-loved Raggedy Ann doll and gave it a hug.

  Aubrey chuckled, rumpling her niece’s buttery blonde curls affectionately. “It’s almost surreal how well behaved this kid is, Tessa. I guarantee any other little girl her age would have automatically started tossing every one of these toys around the second she stepped inside the room. You have very nice manners, Gilly. Better than your Auntie Aubrey’s, that’s for sure.”

  Tessa smiled at her daughter indulgently as Gilly made a little show of introducing her beloved Lambie to the stuffed bunny. “Well, as I said, she is Ian’s daughter, after all. And the only granddaughter in his family, so Gilly tends to get treated like a little princess when we’re all together. And speaking of princesses, is that really a tiara I see on that upper shelf? Old Halloween costume? You don’t seem the sort to have willingly entered beauty pageants.”

  Aubrey wrinkled her nose in distaste. “Ugh! You’ve got that right. And my mother wouldn’t have dreamed of letting me do something like that anyway, even if I’d wanted to. However, neither one of us could prevent me from being elected Homecoming Queen during my senior year. A few of my teammates on the volleyball team thought it would be hilarious to enter my name on the ballot. And the joke was definitely on me when I won.”

  Tessa laughed, touching the rhinestone encrusted tiara carefully. “I’ll bet you looked gorgeous, though. And remind me to ask your mother to show me pictures when we go back downstairs.”

  “If you must.” Aubrey made a gagging motion. “But don’t laugh when you see the dress I wore. Or the guy who was elected Homecoming King who wound up being my date. I like to think my taste in clothes - not to mention men - has improved quite a bit since then.”

  As Aubrey continued to show Gilly some of her old toys, Tessa glanced around the small but cheerful room. The décor didn’t appear to have been updated since Aubrey had likely been in high school, given the posters and photos of rock bands and movie stars that had been tacked up on the walls. The comfy twin bed was covered in a yellow and orange paisley print duvet, with matching curtains hung at the window. The furniture had more than a few nicks and scratches here and there, and overall the room had a very cozy, lived-in look.

  It was the sort of room Tessa would have loved to have for herself while growing up, a place where she could have retreated to read or do homework or chat on the phone with her friends - all the normal, teenaged things she’d never been given an opportunity to enjoy. Instead, she’d been working two part-time jobs, struggling to keep her grades up, doing all the housework and chores, and taking care of a mostly incapacitated Gillian.

  And despite her resolve to make this evening about family, about getting to know Aubrey and her parents and brother a little better, Tessa couldn’t help but feel angry and bitter and resentful as she looked over the impressive display of trophies, medals, plaques, and certificates that her sister had won over the years. The awards were for all manner of achievements, most of them athletic, but others were for academic excellence and community service.

  “I’ve been meaning to clean all that stuff out,” said Aubrey as she walked up behind Tessa. “I offered to box everything up and stick it in the attic, but Mom wouldn’t hear of it.”

  “Of course she wouldn’t,” agreed Tessa quietly. “And why would she? I’m sure she and your father are very, very proud of all these awards, Aubrey, as they should be.”

  “I’m just going to offer up a guess here and say that you didn’t have the opportunity to participate in many sports or activities,” ventured Aubrey.

  Tessa scoffed. “That’s quite the understatement. Not that I didn’t try, of course. When I was around eight years old, I begged Gillian to let me play soccer. All of the other little girls in my class were on teams, and I wanted desperately to be like one of them for once, to try and fit in with everyone else. So she came up with the money to pay for cleats and the uniform and the league fees somehow, probably scammed it off a boyfriend, and I got to join. But then, Gillian being Gillian, she kept forgetting to pick me up from practice after school. After the coach had to give me a ride home six or seven times, he told her that if she didn’t pick me up the next day he was going to call the cops and report her for child neglect. She forced me to drop off the team instead.”

  “I’m so sorry,” said Aubrey regretfully. “You must have been heartbroken.”

  Tessa nodded. “One of many times, unfortunately. I didn’t even try participating in team sports again until I was old enough to get myself to and from practice. The next time I was fourteen, a freshman in high school, and was so thrilled because I’d made the swim team. I was pretty good, too, and won races at some of the meets. But three days before league finals, I got home from practice to find Gillian had packed up all of our stuff and was moving us to another city the next morning. Again. She didn’t even seem to realize I’d been on the swim team, and certainly didn’t care that I had a big meet coming up. It was always about her, you see. About following her crazy dreams and indulging her little whims, no matter how much upheaval she caused as a result.”

  Tessa waved a hand to encompass the shelves that all of Aubrey’s awards were so proudly displayed on. “I could have had all this, too. Or at least some of it. I could have had the life you had, Aubrey. We could have grown up together, been real sisters to each other. Instead, I had chaos and grief and constant stress. How could she have been so selfish, Aubrey? She claimed to love me so much, insisted she couldn’t bear the thought of ever being separated from me, but I realize now that was all for her sake and not mine. A truly loving and caring mother would have done what was best for her child, even if it meant giving her up. In that respect, even though she gave you up when you were only two days old, it feels like she loved you more than me, that she cared more about your well being than mine.”

  “No. No.” Aubrey shook her head fiercely, wrapping her arms around her older sister. “You can’t look at it that way, Tessa. And don’t you think I feel the same way? That I keep asking myself why she kept you but gave me away? And the only answer I can come up with is that she loved you more. I think,” she added gently, “that she did love you tremendously. Yes, it was incredibly selfish of her to keep you with her when she knew she couldn’t give you the right sort of care. But you were all she had, Tessa, and in the end it seems like she just couldn’t bear giving you up. Because you were the only person in the whole world who had ever really loved her.”

  Tessa sniffled, “I know. But seeing all of this up close, how different my life could have been - well, never mind. Water under the bridge now. Besides, I don’t want Gilly or Ian to see me crying, so I’m going to stop now.”

  “Good. Not to mention the fact that we don’t want to be all gloomy and weepy on our last night together,” pointed out Aubrey.

  “Um, about that.” Tessa hesitated. “I don’t suppose - that is, Ian and I were talking about it this morning and he said I should just come out and ask you. Would you like to come back to San Francisco with us tomorrow? You could stay with us, we’ve got plenty of room. It would give us time to get to know each other a little better, spend some more time together. Not to mention the fact you’ve got that follow-up interview with the Gregson Group coming up very soon. As well as a relationship dilemma you can’t keep ignoring forever.”

  Aubrey sighed. “I know. I was just thinking about the rat bastard this morning. And while I’m still not ready to forgive him, I might - just might, mind you - let him begin the groveling process.”

  Tessa laughed, her good humor restored. “I’m guessing Jordan’s been chomping at the bit to crawl, beg, and grovel ever since you left. So - what do you say? I mean, I do hate to take you away from your parents again so soon, b
ut you are going to have to make a decision about whether you want to keep that interview appointment.”

  “I do. Definitely,” Aubrey replied firmly. “Even if I don’t want to stay in San Francisco, I’m not going to pass up the opportunity to get my foot in the door with the company and maybe have the chance to work at one of their hotels somewhere in the world. As for my parents, not to worry. They’ll only be home about a week before they take off on another trip. When you work in academics, you get used to taking most of your vacation during the summer months. And I know my parents will be thrilled about you and I spending more time together.”

  “So that’s a yes?” asked Tessa hopefully.

  Aubrey nodded enthusiastically. “It’s a definite yes! Good thing I never actually got around to unpacking my bags, huh?”

  Chapter Twenty

  “So we’re barely inside of her hotel room, hardly had time to lock the door behind us, when this wildcat is dropping to her knees and unzipping me right then and there. And let me tell you dudes, if giving head was an Olympic sport - but like, at an adults only Olympics - this chick would hands down win the fucking gold medal. No, make that the gold, the silver, and the bronze. Deep throated me without gagging once. Now that takes some real talent. And I’m guessing a lot of practice. But, hey, you know me. It’s not like I ask any of them for references or anything. But that incredible blow job was just a warm-up. I’m damned lucky I can walk today after the workout that wildcat gave me. There’s a reason I like redheads so much.”

  Jordan tried to summon up even a smidgen of interest in the bawdy tale Finn was relating - in ever increasing detail - about his hook-up last night. But Finn might as well have been reading Bible verses to him for as little as it aroused him or even piqued his interest. He stared off into space, eventually blocking out everything Finn was saying, and retreating yet again into his own self-induced state of misery.

  It had been like this ever since Aubrey had fled back to San Diego, ever since that awful night at the charity ball when she’d discovered his deception. It was over two weeks now since she’d left, and he was growing more and more despondent every day that things were well and truly over between them. In all that time there hadn’t been a single word from her - no phone calls, text messages, emails, nothing. He’d promised to give her time, to let her get over her anger and shock and hurt feelings, but he naively hadn’t expected it to go on quite this long. The temptation was growing stronger with each passing hour to just pick up his damned phone and text her, begging her to answer him, pleading with her for forgiveness, and to give him a chance to explain.

  But he’d continued to hold back, wanting more than anything to respect her wishes and give her the space she needed. Now, however, he was really and truly afraid that Aubrey meant to end it for good - that she had no intention of either returning to San Francisco or giving him the time of day ever again.

  Finn and Max had tried to be as supportive as they could, badgering him into going out for lunch or drinks or dinner, but Finn was too self-absorbed, too much of a egotist, to be of much help, while cool as a cucumber Max didn’t have the foggiest idea of how to actually express empathy. They were at present having a quick lunch before going to a baseball game where Finn had managed to snag front row seats behind third base. Jordan had never felt less like attending a sporting event in his life, while Max would probably read over financial reports the whole time, leaving Finn as the only one actually enjoying himself. But Jordan was only going along in an effort to stop his friends from their constant nagging and lecturing, telling him to snap out of it and rejoin the living.

  “Are you even listening to me, Jordan? Have you heard a fucking word I’ve said the last ten minutes? Because you look like you’ve just had a partial lobotomy. In fact, I think that’s drool running down the side of your mouth.”

  Jordan scowled, and would have flipped Finn off had it not been for the two young boys and their father seated at the table to his right. “Fuck off, Finn,” he retorted instead. “And I really don’t want to hear another blow by blow account - no pun intended - of your latest bangfest. Frankly, it’s making me a little nauseated to hear so many details about your escapades. If you can’t keep it in your pants, at least keep it to yourself.”

  Max smirked. “I concur. You should try and maintain a little mystery about yourself, Finn. I understand women find that sort of thing irresistible.”

  Finn gave Max a look of disbelief. “And how would you know anything about what women like, Max the Monk? When was the last time you even went out on a date, much less got your rocks off?”

  Max shrugged, beginning to scroll through his phone. “Some of us don’t feel the constant need to brag about our latest exploits, Finn. Those of us who are actually secure in our masculinity. But this isn’t about you for once, Finn, difficult as that might be to believe. We’re supposed to be cheering Jordan up, remember?”

  “Hey, what the hell do you think I’ve been trying to do for the past half hour?” exclaimed Finn. “Usually Doctor Dreamy here is all ears when I tell you guys about my most recent - uh, what did you call it, Max? Oh, yeah. Exploits. But since Jordan’s been acting like he wants to join the same monastery you’ve committed yourself to, I guess I should keep my mouth shut.”

  Max gazed heavenward. “We should all be so lucky. But you might be on the right track, Finn. Though instead of having to listen to you bragging about your latest conquest, perhaps Jordan should try to find one of his own. I might have a few names and numbers I can share with you, Jordan.”

  Jordan glanced at Max’s phone in disgust. “First of all, I happen to know that any numbers you’re thinking of sharing are at least five years old, and that the names on your very short list have probably all gotten married or moved away by now. Second, and more importantly, the last thing I want to do is even think of becoming involved with another woman right now.”

  Finn shook his head. “Who said you had to get involved with her? What’s the matter with your usual “wham, bam, and thank you, ma’am” attitude? Or has lovergirl ruined all of that for you?”

  “I wouldn’t use the word ruined,” retorted Jordan. “But being with Aubrey all those weeks has definitely changed my attitude towards relationships. I’m done with banging a different woman three or four nights a week, having meaningless sex, and trying to act like I’m still a horny twenty-one year old college student. I want something more. I want - her.”

  Finn had a disgusted look on his cocky face. “So in other words the answer is yes - she has ruined you. God, what the hell happened to you over there in Maui, Jordan? You left here the same happy-go-lucky, fun-loving manwhore I’ve known since we were freshmen at Stanford, and you come back some sappy, lovestruck fool with a conscience. And in case I wasn’t clear about it, you are no fun at all. Between you and Max I’m not sure I’ve ever been this depressed. And I’ll tell you now,” he cautioned, waggling a finger at Jordan. “If I see even one single tear in your eye because of that chick, I am officially disowning you as a friend. You’re a disgrace to bachelors all over the world, Jordan.”

  This time Jordan did flip him the bird, though he made sure that no one else in the vicinity could see.

  “Leave him alone, Finn,” admonished Max. “Just because the longest relationship you’ve ever had is with a tube of hair gel doesn’t mean everyone has to abide by your questionable standards. And mark my words, Finley. One of these days the same thing is going to happen to you. You’re going to meet a woman who’s going to knock you on your arrogant ass, and she’s going to make you forget any other women exist. And if there’s truly a God she’ll kick you to the curb and walk all over you before leaving you in her dust.”

  Finn sneered derisively at Max. “So now in addition to being a monk, you’re also some sort of philosopher? Or worse, a psychic? And what in hell qualifies you to be giving relationship advice anyway, Max? Where do you get off telling me that some woman’s going to knock me on
my ass someday?”

  “Because it happened to me, and I never saw it coming,” replied Max somberly. “And I made a holy mess of it, destroyed it beyond repair. And granted, I have serious doubts that you’ll ever see the light, Finn, but I don’t think it’s too late for Jordan to have hope. That is, if he really does care about Aubrey as he claims to.”

  “You know I do,” grumbled Jordan. “And the only reason I haven’t been acting like a stalker and calling and texting her every few minutes is because she asked me not to. And I’m trying to be considerate for once in my life, to respect her wishes and give her some time to figure things out. But I’m getting real close to the end of my rope here at the same time, and find myself caught between a rock and a hard place.”

  Finn elbowed Jordan in the ribs, a goofy grin on his face. “Betcha I know what place hasn’t been too hard lately. And, speaking of rocks, that’s your real problem, Jordan. For so many years now you’ve been used to having sex almost every day of the week. The real reason you’re depressed is because your body isn’t used to abstaining this long. Use it or lose it as the old saying goes.”

  “That’s an old wives tale,” snapped Jordan irritably. “And it’s only been a couple of weeks, for Christ’s sake. I know that sounds like a couple of decades to you, Finn, but some of us have at least a little more willpower. Now, listen up, both of you. I know you mean well, and that you’re trying your best to boost my spirits - though God knows your methods really need some work. But I don’t need a babysitter, or a shrink. And I definitely don’t need a pimp.”

  Max looked chastised, Finn pissed off, and Jordan just wished he’d never agreed to this pointless lunch and baseball game. All he really wanted to do was just be alone with his misery and regret, and to try and figure out how he could begin to make things right between him and Aubrey again. The problem was he wasn’t even sure where she was right now. He assumed she was still staying with her parents in San Diego, but he also remembered that she was supposed to have a follow-up interview at the Gregson headquarters here in town. He hoped that their fragile, anything but certain relationship status wouldn’t keep Aubrey from going to that interview.