The bar soon starts to empty as the guys head off to their rooms, usually not alone and with a heavy heart, I start to tidy up.
I only have an hour before I need to collect Imogen and Cassie from school and then my evening will be spent being the best mom I can be. When she sleeps, I come back here and serve drinks until I fall into bed exhausted in the small hours.
The kids that live here do so with the knowledge they are protected because nobody gets inside this compound unannounced. Imogen has a camera in her room that’s switched on when I go out the few steps away to the bar. The control room operatives monitor them while they sleep and there’s so much technology surrounding this place nothing will ever harm them. If she wakes, I’m notified immediately and can be with her in no time. Yes, this is the best place for us because we are running, which is why that letter is holding my attention so fearfully.
I see Flash leave – alone, which makes me happy. I know it shouldn’t; I don’t have a claim on him. He is free to do whatever and whoever he wants but it’s hard to see.
I know his reputation and it’s not a good one. Flash is one good-looking son of a bitch and he knows it. A firm favorite with the club whores and an object of affection for the old ladies. Everyone loves Flash because he makes it impossible not to.
As I head to my room to get ready to collect the girls, I feel the nerves inside. As soon as the door closes, I rip open the envelope and try to focus on the words before me.
I know your secret.
The tears fill my eyes and my legs grow weak. He knows—but how?
I feel a panic attack coming on as I try to digest those words. What does this mean, for me and Imogen?
My breath comes hard and a thousand thoughts crowd my mind. The walls are closing in on me and I struggle to breathe. How—he can’t know, it’s impossible?
Trembling, I open the cupboard and reach for the bottle. Just one mouthful is all I need to make sense of a desperate situation.
As the liquor hits the back of my throat, the tears pour down my face. He knows. I take another swig and try to get my reasoning back in control.
I start to hyperventilate as the panic seeps through every nerve in my body. Taking some deep breaths, I struggle to get a grip because I must. I need to walk out of here and pretend everything is ok. I need to collect my child from school and push away the fear. He can’t know, it’s impossible. He must be talking about something else.
The familiar handwriting taunts me as I scrunch the paper into a ball and fling it in the trash. No, Greyson may be my husband but he knows nothing. That sad excuse for a man I married must be talking about something else.
Feeling a little braver, I grab my purse and keys and head outside. I need to fetch Imogen where I know she’ll be safe.
As I rush from the building toward my car, I feel the worry walking beside me.
I flick the lock on my escalade and place my hand on the door to open it. Then a huge hand covers mine and a gruff voice says, “Not so fast.”
In alarm, I look up into the eyes of the man who interests me the most—Flash.
He looks angry and I swallow hard before finding my voice. “Let me go, I need to fetch the girls.”
Shaking his head, he plucks the keys from my hand and says angrily, “If you think I’m letting you drive when I can smell liquor on your breath, think again.”
I think the shock hits me before any smart retort and I stutter, “Um… no… you’ve… um… got it wrong.”
He pulls me away from the car and says in a hard voice, “I’ll drive.”
Feeling a little of the fight return, I snarl, “Great, the fact you’ve just been drinking makes you really suitable for the job. No way.”
He shrugs. “You forget, I only drink non-alcoholic beer. I’m as sober as a judge.”
My shoulders slump as the fight deserts me. Of course, he does. They all do during the day in case they need to head out again.
He says a little more gently, “Come on, I’ll drive and maybe you can tell me what’s worrying you.”
Turning on my heel, I head around to the passenger side with no words spoken. Tell him what exactly? There’s no way I can even form the words in my own mind, let alone say them out loud.
As I buckle up, he starts the engine and as we pull away says gently, “You know, I’m a good listener.”
Sinking back in my seat, I say sadly, “Not this time, Flash. Please, I just need to be left alone.”
The silence sits in the car like a welcome friend. He doesn’t insist and doesn’t pry and I offer no explanations. If anything, I am more mortified that he was right to take my keys. My drinking started way back and is fast becoming a problem I don’t need. It started with the odd sip to dull the pain but as the pain intensified so did the quantity I needed.
Now it’s the first thing I reach for when the going gets tough. I know I need to stop but I can’t because it’s the only friend I can turn to.
The solitary landscape soon turns to civilization and as we drive among the very people who fear the legend of the Reapers, I look about me with envy. Women go about their daily lives with no cares or worries. Children play and life goes on as it should. Without meaning to, I have put Imogen and myself in a cold prison with no way out.
Squeezing my eyes tightly shut, I try to block everything out, especially the man whose presence beside me is making rational thought impossible.
Flash is trouble that I don’t need at this moment in my life but trouble has a way of finding me and tearing me apart.
4
Flash
I’m not sure why I followed her but as soon as I saw Jennifer racing outside, I could tell something was wrong. By the time I caught her up, I could smell the alcohol on her breath and it made me mad.
Not just because she was going to drive and collect two small children but because she is too damned stubborn to admit something’s wrong.
There are no answers at the bottom of a liquor bottle and my resolve hardens. I will find out what’s troubling Jennifer and fuck the lot of them.
She’s silent on the ride to school and I leave her alone. She needs to feel comfortable around me and I need to back off.
I pull up at the school and watch as she heads toward a group of women waiting for their kids nearby.
As I look at the women in the group, I feel proud to have sat beside the woman who joins them. Jennifer is easily the sexiest woman there and looks so good my thoughts have no place in the schoolyard. She is so different from any other woman I’ve met. She’s strong and fearless with a bravery I can taste, wrapped up in so much vulnerability it hurts my heart.
The kids come running out and I watch her smile as Imogen races into her arms. It makes me smile because it’s a sight that settles the rage that burns inside me for most of the day. Being a Reaper is not for the faint-hearted and the usual people we meet are not the sort you want to introduce your family to. Lowlifes and scum that we take the greatest pleasure in eradicating from the lives of the innocent. The trouble is, that makes us no better than them and it’s a bitter pill to swallow.
The doors bang open and the two angelic little girls climb in the back.
Imogen and Cassie are best friends. Cassie is Ryder’s daughter and Ashton is her new stepmom. She’s a feisty little kid, unlike Imogen who has big blue eyes and blonde curls. She’s the image of innocence and looks nothing like Jennifer who appears the embodiment of sin.
A gift from the devil in return for my soul, that’s Jennifer and I couldn’t care less about the warning from the guys because the first shot I get, I’m taking.
Cassie squeals loudly, “Flash!”
I grin. “Hey, how are my two favorite girls?”
They giggle adorably and Jennifer rolls her eyes and whispers, “Even at their age.”
Smirking, I pull away and listen to the chatter of the two little girls as they laugh and giggle at the strangest things. Jennifer laughs softly, “Thanks, Flash.”
&
nbsp; “For what?”
“You know.”
“Listen, darlin’, if I knew, I wouldn’t ask. Thank you for what?”
She sighs. “For driving. You were right to stop me; I don’t know what I was thinking of.”
I say nothing and just reach over and squeeze the hand that settles on her knee.
I almost crash the car.
Just that brief moment of contact makes me want to pull over and be all over this woman like a dog on heat. The soft skin beneath my hard-calloused fingers is like an angel’s. I didn’t miss the way she tensed up and felt the desire heading my way by her sharp intake of breath and I’m guessing she’s not as immune to my touch as she likes to make out.
The little girls’ giggles bring me in line and Jennifer laughs softly. “Kids.”
Cassie shouts, “Can Imogen come for a sleepover tonight?”
Jennifer shakes her head. “You’ll have to ask your mom; it’s not my decision.”
Cassie says excitedly, “I’ll ask her as soon as we get home. I can’t wait to show you my new bed. Mommy made my room look like a princess castle; I love it.”
I laugh. “You are a little princess, darlin’.”
Cassie giggles and Imogen says sweetly, “Am I a princess, mommy?”
Jennifer stutters. “Um… of course, honey. Every girl is a princess.”
Imogen says, “Can I have a room like Cassie’s?”
She says slowly. “I’m not sure, maybe when we get a house of our own, of course you can.”
I can almost taste her disappointment as Jennifer says. “Then you will have the best princess room in the world and that’s a promise; you can count on it.”
It seems to do the trick and they start chatting about some girl called Maddie Taylor and Jennifer smiles sadly.
“It’s hard, Flash.”
I hold my breath as I feel a little of her opening up to me as she sighs heavily. “You know, I think I need to take a night off. Maybe take Imogen to see a movie or something.”
I try to lighten the atmosphere that’s been building since we left the compound.
“Is that a hint, darlin?’ I knew you couldn’t wait to get me on a date.”
She groans. “Not you. Just us. I think I’ll ask Ashton if she can spare me tomorrow night.
Imogen overhears and says sweetly, “Can Cassie come too.”
Jennifer laughs. “Of course, she can. We’ll make sure to order lots of soda and popcorn and watch a movie about princesses just for you.”
It’s all they can talk about on the journey back and when they leave the car, I take a moment to watch them head inside. This is what I want right before me, a family of my own. Just Jennifer and Imogen and me to protect them from the shit life throws at us.
The trouble is, I’m not what she needs right now. Ryder was right to warn me off because even I can see she has a whole lot of something on her mind and I need to back off.
So, as I lock the door and follow them inside, I decide to reach for the first whore I find. Like Tyson said, I’m fucked and I need to get my head back into the game—literally.
5
Jennifer
Ashton agreed that Imogen could sleep over, so I have an hour to myself before I head to the bar. I decide to go for a walk to clear my head and to distance myself from the liquor bottle that’s tempting me from the cupboard.
As I walk around the grounds, I look at the place I now call home. Rubicon. The point of no return and the home of the Twisted Reapers MC. A compound with hidden security that’s never needed because the fearsome reputation of the Reapers serves as its own deterrent.
To the people who live here, it’s home. A large metal building holding the clubhouse and offices, surrounded by various buildings that they call home. The bikers with old ladies and families have custom-built family homes in the grounds like any other neighborhood. The single guys and whores live in apartments inside the main buildings and various blocks dotted around. There’s a gym, a pool and a games room. A large cinema provides entertainment and the people inside try to live as normal a life as they can.
As I pass Brewer and Lou’s house, I see her pegging the washing out in the yard. She smiles as she sees me and beckons me over. “Hey, Jennifer, fancy a coffee?”
Nodding, I head over and smile gratefully. “Thanks, that sounds good.”
I follow her into her tidy home and immediately feel at peace because Lou has a habit of making you feel as if everything will be alright. She’s a fearsome force to be reckoned with and certainly takes no prisoners—she has to be with a son as unruly as Jack, not to mention her husband Brewer. He sits alongside Ryder and Snake at the top of the Reaper Hierarchy and has the respect of every last person here, as does Lou. So, when she fixes me with her steady gaze, I know not to mess her around.
“So, what’s up, Jen?”
A simple sentence loaded with questions. From the look in her eye, she knows something is badly wrong and I squirm on my seat. “It’s fine, Lou. You know, just getting by.”
She shakes her head and smiles wryly. “Still sticking to the story, I see.”
“Excuse me?”
Laughing, she switches on the kettle and then faces me with the look of a woman who’s seen it all. “Listen, honey. I’m not one to pry if you have something you don’t want anyone knowing, that’s fine and I respect it. However, by the looks of you, you could sure use a friend right now and have done for some time. I know you and Ashton are close but I’m guessing you are guarded with her because of her old man. Well, just a word of advice, there’s nothing these men haven’t heard before and nothing they can’t deal with. Whatever trouble you’ve got yourself into, you won’t find your way out of it through the end of the bottle.”
The tears prick my eyes and I say sadly, “Flash told you.”
She looks surprised and shakes her head. “Flash hasn’t told me anything, probably because it would bring the heat on him. When Ryder warns a soldier off, he’s best placed to do as he’s told. No, if Flash knows something, he’s keeping it close.”
Leaning back, I sigh heavily and say sadly, “The trouble is, my problems aren’t the sort the Reapers deal with. I have a child who is number one and I have to consider her best interests. When I came here, I needed a place to run—you know that. Greyson threatened to take Imogen to France and I can’t let that happen.”
Lou looks at me thoughtfully. “Then why are you so troubled? Surely you know you’re safe here and if you’re worried about that husband of yours getting access to Imogen, you needn’t be.”
I know she means well but her words don’t make me feel any better and I smile sadly. “You think so, well, I’m not so sure. Greyson is still her father and has certain legal rights. I can’t change that and if he pursues things through the courts, he could take her and I’m not gonna let that happen, I’d rather die first.”
Lou hands me the coffee and says sympathetically, “The guys have dealt with worse. You know, they have many powerful friends who could make this all go away. I think you know that which is why I’m guessing you’re not filling me in on the whole picture. Whatever it is you’re running from, it’s not that.”
I feel my heart hammering and my mouth turns dry. I try so desperately to hold it together but can feel a panic attack coming on. If Lou suspects, then sure as the mess I’m in, the others know. It’s only a matter of time before I crack and the realization hits me—I need to run. Far away and as fast as possible because I can’t risk anyone else knowing the true secret I hold like a tainted chalice.
Lou takes pity on me and changes the subject. “So, Flash, hey? That doesn’t surprise me but he’s got balls, I’ll say that for him.”
I blush and she laughs softly. “He’s impressive though, I’ll give him that and who wouldn’t want a piece of that action?”
Laughing, I shake my head. “Well, for your information, I haven’t, as you put it, had a piece of that. No, Flash is like that annoying boy in the neighbo
rhood who just won’t take no for an answer. He’s harmless though, so I don’t let it bother me.”
Lou raises her eyes and I can tell I haven’t fooled her in the slightest.
Talk turns to less intrusive subjects and I’m glad of it. I know I hold a ticking bomb in my hand and if it goes off, I need to be as far away as possible from the people I’ve grown to love. I couldn’t bear it if anything happened to any of them because of me and the secret I protect that I must take with me to the grave.
6
Flash
I’m fucked. Well and truly fucked.
The first whore I found, I dragged to my room intent only on wiping the desire for Jennifer from my mind. The trouble is, I couldn’t do it. She tried everything but I just couldn’t go through with it. It was embarrassing and I see the pity in her eyes as she pulls on her clothes and smiles ruefully. “I’m sorry, honey. You’re just not feeling it, are you?”
She looks disappointed and I feel like a first-class bastard. Pulling her toward me, I kiss her lightly on the lips. “I’m sorry, Milly. I suppose everyone has an off day.”
She smiles sweetly, “You’re not having an ‘off day’ honey, you’re in love and no amount of trying to pretend you’re not is gonna change that. If you want my advice, you’ll do everything in your power to get the girl because until then you’re fit for nothing.”
I stare at her in surprise and she laughs softly. “Come on, Flash, we can all see it a mile off. You’ve never been one to sit on the side-lines—hell, you’ve had most of the whores here multiple times. You’re a favorite for a reason and ever since a certain bartender walked through those doors, you’ve changed. There are no prizes for guessing why, so what’s stopping you? Go and get the girl and get it out of your system. If it doesn’t work out, at least you’ll know and then maybe we get you back.”
Flash Page 2
