by Andi Bremner
She blinked, her eyes going round but she didn’t say anything.
I took this as a good sign and stepped closer. “I know the way you make me feel. I know that I have never felt this way about anybody, you hear me? Anybody. And I am not sure if I am excited or scared. I’m excited because when I am with you it feels so fucking good, Trinity, but I’m scared because no matter how close we get, you won’t let me in. You won’t trust me.”
She shook her head now, as if clearing her thoughts. “Luke, you really should go home.”
I ignored her. The alcohol had loosened my tongue and now there was no stopping me. She was going to hear what I had to say. “I want to help you, Trinity. I want to protect you and make you safe from the world. I want to take care of you and make you giggle every fucking day of your life. I want to be the one that makes you smile and giggle, not watch some other dude from across the bar. It’s me Trinity. It has to be me.”
Her eyes shone bright and in my drunken stupor I took them for tears. Fuck, I’d made her cry. I wanted to make her smile not make her cry.
I stilled and for the first time saw what she saw. A drunk guy, a guy who was pretty much declaring his love for her and telling her he wanted to keep her, like a trophy or something. That wasn’t what I meant, but fuck if that wasn’t what it sounded like. I should have listened to her—I shouldn’t have said what I just said.
“Oh shit, Trin, I didn’t mean…”I began but she managed to wrangle herself free of my grip, wiping at her face. My heart cracked. I’d made her cry.
I felt like shit.
“Just go, Luke,” she said, not looking at me, “just go and please, just leave me alone.”
Chapter Nineteen
Trinity
I couldn’t escape fast enough. Suddenly the bar was too small and too crowded and the air was too thick. I couldn’t suck in enough to air to ease the pain in my lungs. I needed to get outside and I needed to breathe.
Pushing open the back door I stepped out into a darkened alley and the cold, crisp night air. Inhaling deeply I leaned forward, my hands pressed into my knees and focused on my breathing. Something wet touched my cheeks and I knew they were tears.
God, Luke had said some words. Some words that made me react in ways that I had never imagined I could react.
He wanted to protect me. He wanted to save me.
Did he even know what from? Did I?
He was very drunk. I’d never seen him like that, but then I’d been drinking too although I’d sobered pretty quickly at his words. Luke had feelings for me. I felt a bubble of hope rise up in my throat that refused to go away despite my rational thoughts battling against it.
Dragging my hand across my face I stood up just as the door to the club swung open and Luke emerged. He didn’t hesitate but came straight for me, a determined, almost furious look on his face that made me step back a little.
Just as I opened my mouth to ask why, he was there, right in front of me, kissing me. Strong hands gripped my waist holding me steady as his lips crushed down on mine with a force of their own, demanding I open for him and yield. My first reaction at being so forcefully kissed was to push him away but I soon forgot about escape as I succumbed. His mouth moved against mine, his tongue tangling with mine. I could feel his heart beating a rapid, almost frantic pace in his chest as he pushed himself up against me. I gripped his arms to hold on, the kiss was making me dizzy and confused. I couldn’t think about anything other than how I was feeling, how he was making me feel. I was overwhelmed by him.
Luke’s arms wound around me, his hands pressing into the small of my back as he deepened the kiss even more. He smelled like bourbon, the musty scent of the bar, and him. He smelled like him and it was that scent that was making me lose my mind. God, I wanted him, I wanted him so bad. I could feel that burn start to build in the pit of my stomach, the ache heating my blood. I sucked in air whenever I could, as if I was drowning and trying to stay afloat. And I was drowning. I was drowning in Luke.
Suddenly I found myself lifted and I wrapped my legs around his waist as he carried me back, pressing my back up against the wall of the alley. His lips left mine, raining hot kisses down my throat, his tongue scraping against my skin. I clutched at his hair, my fingers curling through the strands as I held on.
“God, Trinity, what you do to me,” he murmured against my throat.
I nodded. I knew. I was here too and knew that whatever was going on between us was incredible. The chemistry was alive.
He pulled back a little and looked at me, his eyes dark and hooded, the pupils dilated. He was breathing heavy, his lips smudged red from my lipstick. I wiped at them, a smile on my face.
“I need you,” he rasped as if in pain.
I nodded. I understood. I needed him too. I needed him more than I realized and more than I ever wanted to need anybody.
****
I woke up to the sound of singing. Someone was singing, very loudly, and not very well. Opening my eyes I rolled over in the bed, Luke’s bed, and snuggled down into his pillow that was still warm. He must have only just left and was now singing, in the shower. I giggled to myself and snuggled lower in the bed letting my mind wander back over the details of last night. Of his mouth on mine, on my body, kissing and teasing me, opening me. His hands caressing every bare inch of skin, peeling my clothes from me, and covering me, holding me. The way his eyes looked as if he would devour me and the words, the sweet beautiful words that had tumbled from his lips.
This was no good. I could feel my body react to the memories and I wasn’t in a position to indulge my fantasies right now.
Opening my eyes I gave them a minute to adjust to the light before I took in my surroundings. Last night when we’d gotten back to his flat we were so caught up in one another that I hadn’t even bothered to look around. I flushed as my eyes landed on my underwear that was discarded on the floor by Luke’s shirt. If I guessed rightly then that shirt would need some buttons sewn on before it could be worn again.
Climbing out of bed I grabbed a white t-shirt that lay discarded on the end of the bed and tugged it over my head. Luke’s room was neat, very neat for a guy, I noted. Apart from our discarded clothes the rest of his were folded neatly in draws or hanging in the wardrobe. A large TV sat on top of the dresser as well as an iPod docking station. There was a desk and a bookshelf and even that was quite neat—a far cry from the pile of books and papers that most college guys considered their organization system. On a pin up board over his desk was a calendar that I only glanced at but when the name Melissa caught my eye, I turned back.
There written in black marker on the last Saturday of the month was her name. Nothing else was written there, just her name. What did that mean? Was that her birthday? A special anniversary? A date? A cold knot formed in my gut but I swallowed it away as I turned away from the calendar. I was sure it wasn’t a date. I was also nearly one hundred percent certain that he and Melissa were over. I might not have been so sure yesterday but after last night … I was sure.
We’d talked, later when we were both so satiated that I wondered if my body would ever feel the same. He’d told me about Melissa and about their relationship. I understood better and I felt sorry for her, I even understood how devastated she must be feeling to know that she has lost Luke. That he doesn’t love her anymore. He told me about his family, about his plans for the future, beyond college. The whole thing sounded surreal—going to college and then grad school to become an engineer. That was what his father wanted him to do, but he wanted to follow into the world of music somehow. He wanted to produce, to create music, to learn more instruments. It was his passion but he knew he had to be an engineer. Music would be second. Luke’s world was bigger than I could even imagine, the opportunities open to him were infinite.
As I listened to him I waited for that sinking feeling to overwhelm me again, the knowledge that we were from two different worlds and that this could never work, but surprisingly it hadn’t. I was
n’t sure if it was the alcohol or the post orgasmic glow or what it was, but I found myself talking to him. Really talking. I told him about my grandparents, my friendships with the girls, my dreams for the future, for the band. The hopes I had that one day I would find a way to get out of here, to travel and see beyond this small town.
Luke had kissed my fingers that were entwined with his and told me he’d take me away from here.
“What are you doing today?”
I jumped at the sound of his voice and gave a small yelp as Luke startled me from my musings. I spun around to find him loitering in the doorway with a towel wrapped around his waist. Water glistened over his bare chest and shoulders and his hair was damp and tousled. God he was sexy.
“Trin? When you are finished checking me out do you mind answering my question.”
I flushed, and brought my eyes to his face which was grinning wickedly at me. “Sorry. What did you say?”
“I said,” He drawled very slowly, “what are you doing today?”
I frowned at this. Oh. Today I was going to visit my mother. I didn’t really want to go but I knew she wouldn’t let up until I did and when I spoke to her yesterday she sounded like she was in an okay mood. Not a great mood, they were few and far between, but at least she didn’t sound too distressed. Kent had obviously been visiting lately.
“I’m actually going to visit my mother,” I told him, keeping my voice as neutral as possible. I hadn’t told him about my family life and he hadn’t asked. He knew that it wasn’t ideal but he just didn’t know how dysfunctional it really was and to be honest, I was ashamed to tell him. After listening to him tell me about his parents, his sister and the house they grew up in I didn’t want to tell him about my mother who pushed, shove, and spat at me or worse, completely ignored me at times.
“I’ll come with you,” he said simply dropping his towel and making his way over the chest of drawers. I swallowed as my eyes landed on his butt. He had a great ass.
“No, that’s all right,” I told him, “I’m just going to collect a few things and say hi. I won’t be there long.” That was all true. I didn’t plan on being there any longer than I needed to be.
“Then you won’t mind if I come along,” he pointed out, “besides I can drive you. “
I shook my head. “I’d really rather go alone Luke.”
He pulled on some jocks and jeans and came over to me, his eyes burning into mine, searching. He reached up and cupped my face, angling it up to meet his probing eyes. “You don’t want me to meet your family?”
“It’s not like that,” I rushed to reassure him, “and I wouldn’t say it was family. It’s just my mom and me. That’s it. And to be honest, we don’t get along that well.”
His eyes flickered to the healing scar on my forehead and I wondered if he knew. But no, he couldn’t know, he could only guess and even though he guessed correctly I would burn in shame if he knew the truth. He might suspect but he would never know.
“Okay,” he said after a few minutes, “I’ll wait for an invitation.”
I managed a tight smile. He’d be waiting a while if I had my way but at least for the moment the conversation was over.
“But in the meantime, Trinity, I want you to meet my family,” he said easily, “I’m having lunch over there today and I want you to come with me.”
Panic swelled in my chest. “Oh, Luke I don’t think…”
I began to move away but his hands still held my face and now they dropped to my arms, holding me still in front of him, forcing me to hear and see him. “No you don’t, Trinity. I have never felt like this before, I told you that, god, I showed you that surely. Last night. You are what I want and I want you in my life. Part of that means you have to meet my family.”
I bit my lip. I didn’t see any way out of this, not without telling Luke I wanted no part of a future with him, which was wrong. I wanted a future with him and I wanted him in my future.
“My family are really nice, Trin,” he said with a wink, “I promise. And they are gonna love you.”
This last part I wasn’t too sure about but I didn’t want to argue with him. It seemed Luke had blinkers on when it came to us and the world. He’d been brought up in such a rose-colored world that it didn’t even seem imaginable to him that we weren’t meant to be. I shook my head. His optimism was something I really loved about him.
I paled. No. Not love. Liked. That was a quality I really liked in him.
“Say you will come,” he pleaded, his gaze dropping to my mouth, “please.”
I nodded, just as his head tipped down towards mine and I lost myself one more time in his kisses.
Chapter Twenty
Luke
My mother was being a bitch. I wasn’t sure if she was doing it on purpose to make Trinity feel bad, to make me feel bad, or if it was just something inherently natural in her behavior when she wasn’t pleased.
And she wasn’t pleased.
I’d called to let them know I would be bringing my new girlfriend home with me for lunch. My mother had been politely curious at the time and asked only a few questions. A few minutes later though and I got a call from Brooke who had a master list of questions for me to answer. Brooke had been mighty impressed when I said she was the lead singer for an all chic rock band and I had a feeling that was what pissed my mother off the most.
“A rock band?” she’d said in a tone higher than her normal voice as we all sat around the patio table enjoying lunch.
“Yes,” Trinity replied, “Moonstone.”
“And can you play an instrument or do you just sing?”
“I just sing,” Trinity replied politely, although I could hear the edge in her voice. I glared at my mother but she was evading my gaze. “Although I can play piano too. I tutor kids in piano, but in the band I sing and another girl plays keyboard.”
“And you don’t go to school at all?” my mother spoke like she was disgusted with the idea.
Trinity shook her head and pushed the food around on her plate. “No.”
“Oh. I see.”
“That’s so cool,” enthused Brooke and at that moment I could have kissed her, “to be in a rock band. Have you met anyone famous?”
“No,” Trinity replied and offered Brooke a small smile, “hopefully one day though.”
“So this is your career then?” my mother asked, blinking benignly at Trinity.
“Yes.”
I wanted to tell my mother off, to berate her for being so rude but I couldn’t do that in front of Trinity. That would only make an already awkward lunch more awkward. And besides, my mother hadn’t done anything besides ask questions. She’d just done it in a tone that made me want to glare at her, hard.
“So I heard that you play at Tony Hurst’s bar?” Brooke was saying now.
“I do,” Trinity replied, offering her a small smile. “The Silver Den. We play every Saturday night.”
“What’s he like?” Brooke leaned across the table conspiratorially. “I heard that he’s been to prison for drug dealing and that he knows mobsters and stuff.”
“I don’t know about any of that,” Trinity replied, “but he’s always been pretty good to us.”
“My sister,” I explained to Trinity, “is the biggest gossip in town. She knows everything, or at least, she likes to think she knows everything.”
Brooke shrugged. “I do know lots of things. I know that your roommate Toby has been seeing the same girl for a few weeks now.”
I frowned. “How do you know that?”
“I just do,” she told me with a pleased as punch grin on her face. “I know that he used to be a man whore but now he’s been tamed by a girl with long black hair. She’s been seen leaving your flat about five times.”
“Brooke!” my mother interrupted, her hand going to her throat, “what sort of language is that?”
“What language?” Brooke challenged and then her smile faltered, “Oh, you mean man whore? Is that considered bad language
now too?”
“It is certainly not the way we talk in this family,” my mother told her stiffly and then shot a look over at Trinity as if it to suggest it was Trinity’s fault that Brooke had suddenly developed a potty mouth.
“So we are going to the Newtons’ for dinner on Thursday if you’d like to join us,” my mother said after a moment.
I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. “Nope. Busy.”
My mother’s eyes flicked to Trinity. “You can bring her if you like. I am sure that they would like to meet your new friend.” She paused, before plowing on this time addressing Trinity. “The Newtons are like family to us. Our families have been very close for years.”
“Oh,” Trinity replied, smiling pleasantly, although I could tell she wasn’t quite sure what to say to that. And she had no idea that the Newtons meant Melissa.
“I don’t think she wants to go there,” Brooke interrupted, “and meet the old girlfriend.”
Realization flickered in Trinity’s eyes. “You mean Melissa?”
My mother smiled at Trinity. “So Luke has told you about Melissa then? Oh that is such a relief, I was wondering if you knew about her.”
“I know about her,” Trinity informed her, “and I’ve met her too.”
“Where did you meet her?” Brooke asked, her eyes going round. She could sense that this was drama and some good gossip and you could practically see her salivating over the details.
“In Luke’s apartment,” she told them easily, “early one morning.”
“My dear,” my mother informed her tightly, “you really shouldn’t just rock up on a young man’s doorstep early in the morning—you should always call first.”
Trinity smiled, her face brightening for the first time in ages. “Exactly what I was thinking! Perhaps you could have a word with Melissa and let her know it was entirely inappropriate.”
My mother’s mouth dropped open but Trinity ignored her, turning toward me. “If you will excuse me, I need to use the bathroom.”
