by Andi Bremner
Gwen and Olivia placed an array of shot glasses filled with clear liquid on the table in front of us. I raised questioning eyes to them.
Olivia shrugged. “What? We deserve it after singing that shit all afternoon.”
I couldn’t agree more, so as Gwen counted us in I downed the shot with the rest of the girls.
Fire burned my throat and my eyes watered for a moment as I took a second to regain my senses. I’d never been much of a drinker, had the occasional drink at parties or at the bar with girls, but I’d seen my mother wasted too many times. And she was a pathetic drunk. All crying and weeping and feeling sorry for herself. She’d say hurtful things, things spoken from the deepest, darkest place of misery that cut more than her hand. I never wanted to be like that and apart from a drink here or there, I’d never been drunk.
Gwen, however, had other plans for tonight. She pushed another glass toward me. I tried to resist but she insisted.
“Two shots, Trinity,” she told me, “you will feel so much better and I don’t know about you but I need to wash that fucking Mariah right out of my head.”
I laughed. She was right. I wasn’t driving, two shots were nothing really, and god she was right about the Mariah. I would be dreaming of her high pitched voice if I didn’t do something to get rid of it.
Suddenly another shot was in front of me and without too much thought I downed it. The third one didn’t burn as much as the other two and I found a dull warmth beginning to spread throughout my muscles. God, I hadn’t even realized they were tense until they suddenly started to relax.
A great song came on and Molly pulled me to my feet with a “Let’s dance!”
There were more people on the dance floor now, including some boys. There wasn’t a band but a DJ and I enjoyed the latest top twenty hits he was pumping out. It also felt great to be on the other side of the music as well, dancing and enjoying it instead of creating it. God, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d been in a club and not been the one on stage and had been there simply to dance.
It had been way too long.
Shawna and Gwen joined us and the four of us were having a great time, the songs merging from one to the next. A few guys had sidled up alongside our little group and Molly was now dancing with one, although she was keeping him at arm’s length.
“Holy shit,” I heard one of them say and I looked up to see a very tall guy with shagging blonde hair leering at me. “You’re the lead singer of that chick band.”
“Moonstone,” I grinned at him, feeling a little bit elated that we’d been recognized. And in Houdini’s as well which generally attracted a different crowd to the one that frequented The Silver Den.
“You guys are awesome!” he shouted the words into my ear so I could hear him over the music and his hot breath tickled my ear. “And the lead singer is sexy as.”
His words ran like a caress over me. See, I told myself, this is what I needed. To meet someone different, someone else who liked Moonstone as much as Luke. Someone who liked me.
I grinned at him and turned so that I was dancing with him. He returned my grin, looping his fingers into the loops on my jeans and pulling me up against him so that my body was flush against his. He was a little older I guessed, and the smell of grease and oil clung to him even though he was clean, suggesting he was a mechanic of some kind. Glancing down at his hands on my hips I noted the black smudges around his fingernails. Yep, mechanic.
“What’s your name?” he asked, his breath hot in my ear.
“Trinity,” I told him, looking up at him from under my lashes. I’d seen other girls look at guys that way and I’d always wanted to try it, but I’d never been the flirty type. At least not until now.
“Trinity,” he repeated, testing the name, “I’m Harry.”
I tilted my chin up. “Nice to meet you, Harry.”
His eyes dropped to my lips and for a moment I thought he was going to kiss me. For a moment I wanted him to kiss me, I wanted him to press his mouth to mine and chase away any lingering thoughts, any lingering memories of Luke’s kisses. God it would be so easy and then I would never have to think about him again.
Who was I kidding? Even I knew it wouldn’t be that easy.
But at least someone like Harry, with his scruffy blond hair, dirty fingernails, scent of diesel oil and—was that a tattoo under his shirt?—was someone I could imagine myself with. Someone from my world, who probably didn’t come from money and who probably understood the drama that was my life. At least, I could only imagine he did, more so than Luke probably ever would.
“I need a drink,” he murmured in my ear, tugging on my jeans again. I nodded and let me him lead me from the dance floor. Molly caught my eye and frowned but I ignored her. Wasn’t she just telling me that I deserved a bit of romance?
“What will it be?” he asked as we reached the bar. Perspiration traced his hairline.
“Whatever you’re having is fine,” I told him, although I really wanted water and lots of it. Glancing at my watch I was surprised to see we had been dancing for more than an hour. But god it had felt good, so refreshing and alive. And so great to be on the other side of the music where I could blend in with the crowd. As much as I enjoyed being the front runner of the band it was nice to just be myself, and not be the Trinity I was supposed to be when I stepped on stage.
Harry ordered two bourbon and cokes and I wished I’d asked for something less … alcoholic. The shots I had were still warming my body and making my head a little foggy. I wasn’t sure I needed more.
The bartender gave us our drinks and we clinked them together before Harry took a long gulp from his and I sipped mine. As he drank I took a moment to look him over. He was very tall, probably as tall as Luke, although he was thinner and his arms and legs were longer. His face was longer too, with a very definite cleft in his chin. His mouth was wide and his eyes were a dark brown chocolate color.
“Finished checking me out Trinity?” he asked after a moment, a smile tugging at his lips. Oh god, I thought, he’d caught me ogling him. No, I hadn’t been ogling him. I’d been comparing him to Luke. At the realization that I’d been doing something so unfair I blushed.
Harry though, took my blush the wrong way. “It’s okay,” he told me, “I’ve been checking you out all night. You are just as sexy on the dance floor as you are on stage.”
“You’ve seen us?”
“Been the last few Saturday nights,” he told me, “you guys are fantastic.”
“Thanks.”
“You live around here?” he asked me, “are you at the college?”
I shook my head. “I live across town, near the rail yard. I’m not a college girl.” I wished I was, but college had never featured in my future and as a result I had never done that great at school. I’d gotten through but only just.
“You are too much of a talented performer to worry about college,” Harry told me, leaning in closer. “I can tell music is in your soul.”
I cocked an eyebrow at him. “You into music?”
“To watch and dance too yes,” he laughed, “to sing and perform, ah, no. A definite no. I’m afraid guitar hero is as musical as I get and I pretty much suck at that.”
I laughed at that. Harry was easy going and refreshing. I liked him.
“I work over on George Street,” he volunteered, “my dad owns the mechanics there.”
“I know the one,” I told him, “I sometimes take my car there to get fixed, which is quite often.”
“Well next time you bring it in ask for me,” he told me with a wink, “and I’ll make sure we look after you.”
I smiled up at him, feeling my chest lighten for the first time all week. “That’s really sweet. Thanks.”
Chapter Eighteen
Luke
I’d seen Trinity the moment I stepped in the bar. I hadn’t expected to see her at Houdini’s, simply because it was frequented mainly by college students and besides, I’d never seen her here before. But now
, there she was, dancing on the dance floor as if she didn’t have a care in the world.
At first I’d been so stunned that all I could do was simply stand there and stare at her. God she was sexy. Sexier now, caught up in the music, half hidden by the crowd, than she’d ever been on stage. Although, I added, hating how my body reacted to seeing her again, not half as sexy as she’d been with me.
My body hardened and I had to drag my eyes away from her and think about gross things like dead puppies in order to stop myself from going straight up to her and dragging her away.
Instead I went to the bar and ordered a drink. Then another one. Only then was I able to join my mates and our regular booth at the back of the bar and relax a little, although I couldn’t focus on the conversation and my eyes kept getting dragged back across the room to where Trinity laughed and danced with her friends.
God. I felt like a dick. I’d spent the week staring at my phone, dialing her number and then pressing the cancel button before I pressed the call button. I’d barely slept, my dreams a combination of sexy, half-dressed or in some cases completely naked Trinity and the sweet, innocent Trinity who had bruises and a fucked up life and no one to take care of her. In those dreams it was me she turned to, me who took care of her. It was what I wanted to do, I knew it, it was that caveman thing I guess. I wanted to take care of my girl.
But, judging by the way my girl was flirting with that tall, lanky dude on the dancefloor she didn’t need or want me to take care of her.
After five years with Melissa and having my own little sister I thought I had a pretty good grasp of the female psyche. They wanted attention, they wanted a loyal partner, and they wanted someone to love them. Or so I thought. For the past five days I’d been imagining that Trinity was just as heartbroken as I was and that she would eventually realize how much she liked me and call me. Of course she hadn’t, but I had thought, hoped, god even prayed, that she would. It didn’t matter of course, since I would be going to her gig on Saturday night and I intended on making her want to see me again.
I could give up for a little bit, but I wasn’t giving up entirely.
Or so I’d thought, until right at this very moment.
I glowered from behind my drink. They were at the bar now and he’d bought her a drink. She was looking up at him and laughing. Giggling. My chest ached. I fucking loved her giggle and I didn’t want her doing that for someone else. And she was listening to him, her face turned up towards his as if she was inviting him to kiss her.
“Dude, you have to stop staring.” Troy kicked me under the table.
I blinked and sipped my drink, not quite trusting myself to speak.
“Heard she walked out,” Dylan said, “after your charming ex screamed at her.”
I shot a look at Toby who didn’t bother denying his gossip. “Yeah, Melissa had a bit of a go at her.”
Toby snorted. “Dude she basically accused her of ruining your relationship. And you let her.”
I frowned. “No I didn’t. I told Melissa to fuck off.”
“After Trinity walked out the door,” he pointed out.
My frown deepened. It didn’t help that at that moment that guy whispered something in her ear, his fingers lingering on her waist. “She was already leaving. And it doesn’t matter now.”
Toby laughed. “If it doesn’t matter then why are you moping around like a pathetic teenager?”
“I’m not,” I told him although I was only half invested in this conversation. I was watching Trinity. That guy was touching some exposed skin on her back now and she wasn’t pulling back.
“Mate if you like the girl that much you have to let her know,” Dylan said quietly. “Don’t let some other guy come in and take her away from you.”
The guy, as if deliberately trying to provoke me, leaned forward now, bending down at the knees and pressing his lips against her neck, at the sensitive spot right under her ear. Trinity, for her part, seemed to still and not move which made me feel a little better. But not as good as it would have felt if she had moved away. Or slapped him even, yeah, that would have made my day.
I wavered between getting up and going over there or getting up and leaving. A few hours ago there was no way I was giving up on her. I was giving her space, not giving her up. But now, watching her with another guy… My chest hurt. It actually felt like a physical blow and I didn’t know if I was going to altogether stop breathing or just throw up.
My hand tightened on my drink and I downed the rest of the liquid before standing up and heading back to the bar. What I really needed was a clear head, a chance to think, but I was beyond thinking clearly now and so I just wanted to immerse myself entirely in the fog of alcohol.
I positioned myself at the far side of the bar where I had a direct line of vision to Trinity and her … date? No. For some reason I knew he wasn’t her date, just someone she’d met but they did look cozy. Fuck. I downed the glass of amber liquid the barman placed in front of me and ordered another. I could do this all night until I no longer saw what I was seeing.
“Hey there.”
I glanced to my side at Gwen who had sidled up to me. She followed my eyes across the bar to where Trinity still chatted with the boy.
“Oh,” she said simply, “don’t let it get to you. She’s having a tough time at the moment.”
“Doesn’t look like she’s got a care in the world,” I snapped and then instantly regretted how childish I sounded. I took another swig of my drink but that didn’t make me feel any better.
“Trinity has got more to worry about than anyone else I know,” Gwen told me, “look she would kill me if she knew I was talking to you but I think you should know.”
“Know what?”
“That she is pretty much homeless,” she continued, “that her mother is a right bitch that treats her like shit. I’ve known Trin for years and even I don’t know what really goes with her. Sometimes she is living at home, sometimes … well, sometimes her car is piled with her shit and I have no idea where she is sleeping. Sometimes she is all good and other times she is sporting bruises or broken bones.”
“Her mother beats her,” I stated flatly. Gwen was telling me this but I already knew. Her mother hit her, and regularly I guessed. I shook my head.
“She told you?” Gwen asked.
I shook my head. “She doesn’t trust me enough to tell me shit. But I wish she would.” That was the truth, the god honest truth. I wanted Trinity to trust me enough to help her. “What about her dad?”
Gwen stepped closer. “That’s the big mystery. No one knows who her dad is, not even Trin. He’s some bigwig in town and her mom still sees him regularly, although she gets rid of Trinity when she does.”
I nodded. God, that was fucked up. My chest hurt just thinking of the crap she had been through.
I was staring hard at her and I don’t know if she felt me staring or if she just happened to look my way but right then, at that moment Trinity looked up and her eyes locked with mine from across the bar. Briefly, they flickered to Gwen before settling on me once again.
I set my jaw and took another gulp of my drink. I was very drunk and I was feeling worse with every drink I had and yet I couldn’t stop. I wouldn’t stop until I was wiped out.
Trinity had the grace to look guilty. I saw it flash in her eyes before she looked back at the guy near her once again. I might have wished it, but I was sure she moved a little back from him. Good, I thought, uncharitably. I wanted her to feel bad for hurting my feelings.
I kept staring at her until she looked my way again and this time I could see her own level of hurt reflected in her eyes. What the fuck?
Pushing back from the bar I pressed through the crowd heading across the room to where she was, my emotions getting the better of me. She was hurt? I had hurt her? At the very idea my chest felt as if it was being crushed. What did she think I’d done? Why would she be feeling hurt when it was her that pushed me away? I had to fix this, even if I couldn’t h
ave her I wouldn’t have her feeling this way. Whatever way it was.
I got to where she had been but there was no sign of her.
The guy was still though.
“Hey,” I said gruffly, resisting the urge to embed my knuckles in his skull, “where is the girl you were with?”
“Trinity?” he asked with surprise.
“Yeah,” I growled, “Trinity.”
He glanced over my shoulder. “She just went to the bathroom. You know her or something?”
I wanted to tell her she was my girl and if I’d had one drink more I probably would have, but I had enough sober common sense to know when to keep my mouth shut. She wasn’t my girl. Not yet.
“I know her,” I told him and then decided I’d had enough of this conversation. I was going to find Trinity.
Turning around I made my way again through the crowd to the restrooms. I was just approaching the ladies, not really sure what I was going to do when she stepped out. Her eyes found me immediately and she halted, her mouth forming a perfect circle of surprise. Good, I was glad she was surprised.
“Who’s the guy, Trinity?” I snarled and then hated myself for being so gruff. If what Gwen said was true, and I knew it was, then she didn’t need any more assholes in her life.
“Luke I thought we agreed…”she began and her eyes flickered away from mine as she spoke.
“No,” I interrupted, “we never agreed. You said.”
“Are you drunk?” she asked now.
“Yeah,” I told her. “I’m very fucking drunk. And I intend on getting even drunker if I am going to have to watch some other guy put his hands all over you.”
She shook her head. “You should go home.”
“And leave you here.” I grabbed her arm, my fingers curling around the smooth skin on her forearm. “No way. I might be drunk, Trinity, but I know what I feel. I know what I feel when I am sober and drunk. I know what I feel every time I think about you.”
