Stryker (Books 1 & 2) (Atrox Security)

by J. C. Cliff

  CHAPTER 9

  ~ Valerie ~

  I struggle, attempting to get out of his hold, but he’s grasping my arms so tightly I wince. “Stryker, let me go,” I whimper in frustration. He pushes me onto my back, forcing me to face him while he hovers over me. His eyes have a confused and wild look about them.

  “No,” he snaps, “not until you tell me what the hell happened here. What’s going through that mind of yours?”

  “I can’t, Stryker. Nothing happened here, okay? Nothing other than I got all caught up in the memories of you, your touch, your kiss, your voice—everything.” I turn my head away from him, not wanting to see him. “Please,” I plead, “let me go.”

  “Wasn’t that the point, Val? To get caught up in each other again?” His voice is taught, and I know he’s trying to keep his anger in check. He forces my chin to the left, and my heart races. He’s too close. This is too intimate, and he’s inches away from my lips. “You even wanted me to take you,” he growls. “Yet another reason why I wouldn’t, because I was trying to avoid this very fall-out we’re having now.”

  One of the imminent panic attacks I’ve grown used to is beginning to surface. I attempt to breathe through the tightness in my chest, willing myself to calm down. I tell myself I can’t let him steal my heart and then shatter it all over again, and I believe he’s very capable of screwing up again. ‘Do it once, you’ll do it twice,’ has always been my motto. After everything I’ve been through, especially within the past year, there’s no way I could handle another heartbreak.

  His penetrating stare drills into me with heated fury now, because I’m avoiding his questions. I don’t know what to do, what to say, and I realize he’s not going to let me go without hashing this out.

  “Are you trying to get back at me, Valerie? Were you only leading me on not ten minutes ago just so you could fuck me and then dump me?”

  “No—God, no,” I gasp. “I would never use you, and I sure as hell don’t have it in me to string you along!”

  “Then what is it?” he demands harshly, his teeth bared as he grips my arms even tighter. He’s full of determination, and he’s scaring me. Tears begin to sting the back of my eyes.

  “I just can’t, okay?” I half-shout, half-cry. I need to get out of here; I’m out of my element. The fast-approaching panic attack is coiling in my chest and growing thicker with each second. I feel vulnerable and raw, and I don’t like it. “I shouldn’t have come out tonight.”

  “But you did come out tonight, and now you’re here—here in my arms.” He takes notice of my shimmering eyes, seeming then to realize how far his frustration escalated and what he’s doing to me, because he then loosens his grip. This time when he speaks, his tone is very gentle and his eyes soften. “Valerie… I’m not going to hurt you, I swear it. I just want to know why you don’t want to see me again.”

  My hands curl into fists against his hard chest. I’m not strong enough to face these demons right now. I choke on a sob, not willing to answer him.

  “Please, Val. Don’t shut this down,” he whispers. “Don’t deny us this second chance.” He leans into my personal space, sucking up all the air, and I can’t breathe.

  “I’m not ready yet, okay?” My voice quivers on every syllable. “I really need to go.” A panic attack is one second from slamming into me. I think he finally gets it and sees the imminent breakdown, because he releases me.

  I let out a sigh of relief and quickly scramble off the table to reach for the bathrobe on the floor. Goal number one is to hide my nakedness from him. With shaky hands, I hastily put my robe on and pull it tight around me. Once I do, I turn my head to the side and glance at him. I calm even further, thankful he’s not advancing on me. He’s lying on his side, propped up by his elbow with his long legs crossed at the ankles.

  He looks calm and collected as he silently studies me, and I him. The way he’s splayed out in those jeans, the dark denim hugging every masculine curve of his, makes him look more than desirable; he looks edible, and I hate it. A large inked design spans across his bronzed chest, but I’m too shaken up to see what it is, and sweet Jesus, his roped biceps are thick, and sporting more tats. He unconsciously flexes those muscles that makes my mouth water.

  I tighten the belt around my waist out of nervousness, my voice shaky as I tell him, “Goodbye, Stryker.” I turn and move for the door, and just as I touch the knob, his large hand slams against the wooden door, preventing me from leaving. I didn’t even hear him get up. Why is he doing this?

  With my heart pounding in my chest, I dig deep down inside myself, searching for strength before I turn around and face him for the last time. “What are you doing, Stryker?”

  “I want to see you again.” It’s not a question, and it sounds as if he’s going to keep me captive until I agree.

  I pinch the bridge of my nose in frustration, as I tell him, “How many times are you going to break my heart, huh? Because I can tell you with certainty that once was very much enough.” I look him straight in the eyes, struggling to finish my next sentence, and fail. “I can’t… we can’t….” My throat has tightened, already clogged up with tears, and I can’t finish.

  He slowly keeps leaning forward, inch-by-inch, stalking me like prey, and before I know it, his lips are poised right over mine. “Our chemistry has always been undeniable, and you letting me touch you the way I did only proves it. It’s all about the chemistry, Val, and I know you’d never let a man touch you unless you trusted him with your body. We haven’t lost anything but time, Valerie. We can get this back, and more.” Oh God, he sounds so convincing, and it’s all too tempting.

  “Chemistry has nothing to do with it, Stryker. You know that. This is about trust, and I’m all out of it.” His masculine scent surrounds me, intoxicating me, and I stupidly ponder what would happen if I allowed myself to indulge in just one night with him. No—I’d only be fooling myself. One night with him would never be enough, and once he gets what he wants from me, he’d go back to his womanizing ways. I’d wind up with my heart demolished all over again. It wasn’t a good feeling the first time, so what makes me think it’d feel better a second?

  “Don’t,” he whispers over my lips.

  “Don’t what?”

  “You’re overthinking shit. I can hear it.”

  “Too much has happened between us. We could never work out.”

  “You can’t, or won’t?”

  “I have to go.” I reach for the doorknob again, and he stops me, his hand encasing mine.

  “You owe me,” he grinds out. “You can’t leave things like this, Valerie.”

  “What?” I blurt out. Anger bubbles up from the pit of my stomach. I spin around to find myself poking a finger into his chest. His eyes go wide with surprise. “I owe you?” I scoff harshly in his face. “I owe you jack-shit!” I yell. “You have no idea what you put me through. How fucking dare you? As if all our past was my fault. You're the one who cheated on me. You’re the one who blatantly dumped me in public, and yet you’ve had every opportunity to explain yourself here tonight, but you didn’t. It appears all you to want to do is brush it all under the table so we can just skip formalities and jump into bed together.”

  “That’s not fair,” he growls, his nostrils flaring. “I didn’t fuck you, even when you begged me to, and you did fuckin’ beg.”

  I roll my eyes at him. “Yet again, Stryker, you missed the point. You have nothing to say to me about the past, about the other woman, about making a fool out of me in public, or why you did what you did, and it pisses me the hell off that I have to spell it out for you.” I’m so infuriated I take a stab at him. “What's the matter, Stryker? Did I deflate your ego? Did you think I wouldn’t be able to live without you now that I’ve seen you again? Do you think I’m this helpless little thing who desperately needs you back?”

  I eye his perfect body up and down, pissed off at how good he looks, but by my scowl, I make him think I’m disgusted. He’s flabbergasted at th
e moment, so I go in for the kill. “And by the looks of it, I believe I made the right choice to marry the man I did. A real man, a loving man who was faithful to me, and one who actually worked for a living running a very successful enterprise. He didn’t get his paycheck from a cheap, get-your-thrills strip bar while sticking vibrating toys in women’s holes like you do.” I steal bit of courage then add, “And apparently that is all you will ever amount to—a womanizing bastard.”

  His eyes take on this ominous look and cloud over. His body is radiating fury I’ve never seen before, and I’m proud of that fact. It means I got to him. Yet at the same time, I think I might have gone too far.

  “Go fuck yourself,” he says in a low, menacing voice.

  I place my hands on my hips, still burning from the inside out. “Oh, I usually do fuck myself, and let me add it’s the most gratifying experience. What you’ve given me tonight makes me yawn.”

  “You’re a real bitch, you know that?” His jaw muscles flex, and his chest rapidly expands and contracts, but his bitter tone doesn’t deter me from my rant.

  I look around the room as if seeing it for the first time, and then spread my arms out wide over the room. “You must’ve gone through all the women in Raleigh, haven’t you? And they all know what a horn-dog you are. I’m sure you lied about filling in for a friend. I bet this is your real job, and it must be the reason why you had to resort to this newfound profession/fetish of yours. You are a sick, perverted fuck. I don't need an arrogant asshole like you to get me off… ever.”

  He grabs me by the elbow, holding me close, his eyes smoldering with something scary, and for a brief second, a chill runs through me.

  “Yeah, I think you do need me, babe. You know why? Because I know for a fact, from this day forward, every time you get off, you're going to think of me. You’re going to think of my kisses, my hard body, the way I move over you, and the way I touch you. So when you stop by the store tonight, pick up an extra pack of batteries, ‘cause you’re gonna need them.”

  I struggle out of his grip, wrenching my arm away. My chest is heaving with too many emotions. “I have plenty of batteries, but thank you for your concern.”

  “I bet you do have plenty of batteries, enough to get you through a fucking apocalypse, because you’re too much of a bitch to keep a man.”

  “Good one, Stryker,” I deadpan. Although, on the inside, I’m a wreck, and each time he takes a dig back at me, it’s like a knife slicing into my heart. I can give it, but I am sure as hell not good at taking it. I have to get out of here once and for all.

  I turn around to leave, and then his voice sounds out behind me. “Well now, that’s a real shame,” he says, sounding as if something really is a shame. Okay, I’ll bite.

  “What is?” I ask, twisting my neck around to look at him.

  “That you don’t have a real man to get you off.”

  A sly grin spreads across my lips, as I respond, “You know what’s really a shame?”

  “What?”

  “That you will never get the chance to be that man.” The dig was meant to piss him off, but instead, he frowns.

  “There was a time I once was that man,” he says in a forlorn voice. The fucker, he knows how to grip at my heart, and maybe that’s exactly what he was hoping to do, play on my emotions.

  “That’s just it, Stryker. The keyword is once. We’re talking past tense, and that is exactly where you’re going to stay, in the past,” I tell him in a subdued tone.

  “I don’t think so, not judging by what I witnessed tonight,” he says, wearing an arrogant smirk.

  “Ugh… you’re such an egotistical pig.”

  “I know you’re going to go home and think of me. And you know how I know?” He moves closer to me, acting very assured of himself.

  “Oh, please, tell me how, Stryker,” I mock.

  “Because one orgasm isn’t going to be enough to satisfy your needs when you think of me.” My eyes grow big as saucers as I soak in the audacity of his words. I open the door, and get one foot over the threshold, when he adds, “Oh… and Val? Be sure to wear an elbow brace when you crank up those vibrators, because you’re going to pull a muscle trying to get off. You’re not gonna reach orgasm again... not without me.”

  I flee down the hall, wanting to get as far away from him as possible, all the while praying I make it to the locker room before the ugly, hot streaming tears take over. We both took equal, hurtful jabs at each other, and he got to me. My hand covers my mouth as I round the corner to the locker room, barely stifling the gut-wrenching cry erupting from the pit of my stomach.

  CHAPTER 10

  ~ Stryker ~

  Since this operation has been thrust upon us last minute, all us men are going to be bunking at Quinn’s house for the next few days as we try to knock out all the last-minute details for this trip. We’re going to need every moment we can to prepare before I have to fly out. His house has always been home base for collaborating about sensitive operations. Not only is his place almost in the middle of nowhere. He has all the computers and gadgets; plus, his recon room has security out the ass.

  I got to Quinn’s house early this morning so I could let my dog, Ranger, enjoy the freedom of running around on the vast property with his best friend, Kimber. She’s a retired military dog who belongs to Quinn, and she’s a real crack up. I sit down at the meeting table in his recon room, holding on to my mug of steaming coffee with both hands, knowing it will appease Quinn. He hates anyone setting their drinks near his electronics, even when they have a lid. The only one who doesn’t get grief about it is his wife, Lexi. I smile on the inside, thinking how his woman has him wrapped around her little finger.

  It feels good to be alone for a minute. Between his wife, their kid, the dogs, and all the guys gathered in his kitchen, it was Grand Central, and I couldn’t think. I take a sip of coffee and close my eyes, reflecting on the major fuck-up that was last night. I never thought I’d see her again, didn’t know she still lived in Raleigh, but that doesn’t mean much. Raleigh is such a large metropolitan city. It’s so overpopulated she could’ve lived in my neighborhood and the likelihood of running into her would’ve been nil, but as fate had it last night, we finally collided. We wound up desecrating each other on impact too. It’s something I’m not very proud of.

  I’ll never forget last night as long I live, especially how off-kilter I was when I walked into the massage room and saw a woman’s body on the massage table, knowing I had to perform. I had procrastinated breaking out into Mr. Chippendale for as long as possible. I knew I was good at giving back rubs, damned good, so that’s what I did to delay the inevitable. I made it my sole focus to find every knot in her body. I found myself not wanting to turn her over onto her back, because that was my cue to start my crazy-assed routine.

  What were the odds that this woman would wind up being Valerie? And God, the way we argued—my insides twist just thinking about it. The hateful words she spewed at me with such venom? I could’ve given her back double the horrible remarks, but I didn’t. I was trying to be the bigger person. In my eyes, what she did to me six years ago was far worse, and I don’t believe there’d be any amount of explaining she could do to redeem herself. At least I could account for myself; I had very valid and legitimate excuses, but she didn’t let me explain back then when I tried.

  Whether or not I addressed our past last night to explain myself was a moot point. I was damned either way, and discussing it in a fucking spa was not the place and she knew it. She couldn’t face her true feelings head-on, and it pissed her off, so she took her grief and anger out on me.

  “How’d it go last night?” Hunter interrupts my musings, as he takes a seat across from me.

  I scratch the back of my neck, not sure if I’m embarrassed or pissed about the entire situation. “Yeah, about that.” I let out a heavy sigh. “I walked in on the wrong fucking girl, and didn’t know it until it was too late to back out.”

  “Nooo,” Hunter dra
wls out the word, his eyes going wide in horror and looking mortified on my behalf. “Tell me you didn’t.”

  “Yep,” I say, popping the p, and then my lips curve into a painful grimace. “It was either that, or my target was put in the wrong room. I went into the room I was told to go into, thinking the workers there couldn’t fuck up something so simple.” I lean back into my chair and close my eyes. “God, I could not do that for a fucking living. I’d rather shovel shit all day.”

  “Well, hell,” Quinn murmurs behind me in disappointment. He walks around the table, wearing a grave expression on his face as he sits next to me. I know he’s thinking about how to fix our failed attempt at establishing a connection. “We should still be good,” he says thoughtfully. “While you and Travis were at the Local Edge, I was able to have equipment installed, had them placed in strategic locations inside her house for surveillance.”

  “That’s good, because I feel all kinds of annoyed right now,” I tell Quinn. “I know with our team just starting this case yesterday we are still trying to get our bearings of the who, what, where, when, and the whys, but I need a shit-ton of light shed on all that and more.”

  “I don’t know why you’re so aggravated,” Hunter pipes in. “I’m the one with my dick back on the line now. You’re most likely off the hook, because the target never saw you,” he reminds me. “Besides, the money from this contract is almost as much as the last big sting operation we had.”

  I peel open one eye and glare at Hunter’s pretty-boy face. “That doesn’t make me feel any better. That job lasted three years.”

  Hunter takes pause, and then slowly but surely, a shit-eating grin begins to spread across his lips. “You didn’t get laid last night, did you?” he asks with accusing humor.

  “Fuck you, Hunter.” Whether or not I got laid has nothing to do with my foul mood today, and he knows it.

  “After doling out all that eroticism,” he air quotes the word, “surely you could’ve moseyed downstairs to the bar and had your pick so you could unload all the pent-up sexual tension you had going on.”