Diary of a Survivor (Book 2): Apocalypse

by Pike, Matt J.

  I followed the path we’d found last time, climbing up to level one, making my way to the central stairwell before descending to the food court. The atmosphere was still as dark and heavy as I remembered, and the same stink was still in the air, though maybe not as strong. Or maybe I was mentally prepared for it this time. I made my way to the David Jones Foodhall and began digging through the debris – torch in one hand, trowel in the other. Like last time, there were plenty of discoveries, most beyond salvation. But there were enough keepers to make it more than worth my time. After about an hour I had enough to fill my backpack and a couple of bags.

  Meats, biscuits, olives, even cheeses, jams and chutneys – some of it might not be in the best state, but it if looked half decent it was coming with me. I know I wasn’t being a diligent as I perhaps could’ve, but with Phoenix sitting out of my sight and exposed, well, I just wanted to get in, get food and get out as quick as possible.

  It took a couple of trips and a fair amount of sweat to get the load back up to level one, but I was soon on my way back to Phoenix (still there) and home. I continued my path up Rundle Mall to Rundle St and the parklands. I saw the wandering Malls Ball, that was usually positioned outside ACP, near the Stag Hotel, and wondered if I’d ever see the other one. Honestly, how far could a giant ball of metal roll in a tsunami? I really want to know.

  September 30, 2014

  I slept well last night. It’s been a pretty active week and I think it all caught up with me. Still, I feel great now… a little weary still, but great!

  I’ve sorted through the stash I scored yesterday and it’s good, really good. I had to ditch about 20% of it, but the rest is a perfect mix of longer shelf life food to keep me going for a while to come. It’s not food on the shelf, it’s money in the bank.

  Feeling good as I tuck into some salami and crackers.

  And there’s so much to think about as I feast – the Jamesons, TTP, the watched, the Norwood Hub, the CDB, the lone tracks, other potential places to raid for supplies. All that and I’m still on a buzz from just cruising. I want to do more of it, well maybe combined with some scavenging. I might cast the net further adrift next time, I mean, I know I could get another 2-3 loads out of the plaza at the very least. But no one else is going to find that little gem anytime soon. I need to get all the obvious spots covered first and keep that place as a back-up.

  The Coles and Woolies in the Mall are a great example. Both have potentially far more for me than the ACP. Both are obvious raid locations for anyone who’s dared to head below the tsunami line. I should’ve checked them out yesterday, but instead I went back to what I knew would provide. Sure, it made for a successful trip, but didn’t give me any greater knowledge of what’s out there long term. Meanwhile, someone is traipsing around town right now (or at some point recently), and you can bet your last water bottle they’re sniffing around those places.

  Part of me is now thinking not about what I gained yesterday but the potential stash I missed out on. Knowledge is power – I missed a chance to power-up.

  I’m going to write down a list of all the potential high-yield spots in the city. That will give me something to focus on when I go joy-riding next. I’ll just create a long list and tick each place off as I investigate.

  Beyond that, the western suburbs could be an absolute gold mine. No one would’ve survived the tsunami that side of town – no one. As far as I can see, it offers nothing as a base camp for anyone’s ongoing survival and it’s too far away to get to (unless you have Phoenix). There’s going to be no one there at all. And sure, the devastation must be massive, but, and it’s a big but, if I can find a shopping centre somewhat intact, I will have my personal supply of long-life food – enough to keep me going for months – years even.

  Which reminds me, I need to think about setting up a second safe place – a bug-out location. If I’m going to become resource rich again, it’s really unwise to have everything stashed together.

  I have to start thinking about worst case scenarios again – what if I lost the house, or it was raided, or I lost Phoenix. I need to start building a world where I’m flexible and light enough on my feet to survive those… and any other number of scenarios.

  If I think about it, I probably need a second safe house, somewhere far from here. A place where I can protect and keep enough supplies to get through anything.

  I probably should also hide a couple of supply drops within easy access of both here and the new spot. Just in case I get separated from Phoenix… or who knows what else.

  *

  So many things to organise. I write it like it’s a pain in the butt, but really, I couldn’t be happier right now. Back in the game.

  *

  So, apart from the Coles and Woolies in the mall, there’s a couple of IGA stores on Hutt St, another one on North Tce and another on Gilbert St. The rest of the best options are around the central markets where there’s a Coles and a host of Asian grocery stores.

  For when I decide to head west of the city, I’ve planned a little loop through Thebarton, then down Henley Beach Rd and back up Sir Donald Bradman Drive. It’s not too far to travel and there’s five potential spots.

  Plus, none of the above factors in the various service stations that offered aisles of overpriced food pre-rock. I’m feeling confident I have a couple of potentially very rewarding trips ahead.

  *

  Part of me is still thinking about the oval too. It was such a moment-in-time thing – the joyride, the sun sneaking through to the surface ever so briefly. Makes me feel like it’s a sign… even though I don’t believe in signs. I guess it’s part of the craziness this world brings. It’s trying to find some sense in the solitude and chaos. But, if it is a so-called sign, what is it a sign of?

  Hmmm… I’m going to mull over that for a little while. It’ll probably present itself like destiny usually does. What is destiny after all? No more believable than signs. It’s just looking back on a number of key events that have steered you in a certain direction for necessity, only for you to change or grow in ways you’d never have imagined because of those circumstances. But really, what else were you going to do, crawl up into a little ball and cry? No, you own it, because it’s happening to you whether you like it or not.

  It’s like me becoming the mysterious stranger. I was led to that point by a series of events I’d rather not have experienced. The rock, no family, the trinity massacre, losing Fi, building Phoenix, failing to ride Phoenix through the hills, finding the note from the Jamesons, the bizarre people at the TTP… all of that lead me to a moment. That moment necessitated a change. Is that destiny? Really? Or is it rolling with the punches, surviving?

  Ahh… I’m just blathering now.

  *

  October 1, 2014

  October – the second month of spring. Yay, the warmer weather is coming… supposedly. It has reached a balmy six degrees today, so, ya know, that’s a thing!

  It’s usually already in the twenties this time of year, I’m sure. Six degrees is colder than the worst winter’s day I can ever remember. But a six, here and now, well, that’s pretty good.

  I did a lot of sitting and pondering today. I was out the back again, talking crap to Fi, clearing the ash from the house and watching the weather. This morning was crazy clear… I think I saw a hint of blue again, although it is really hard to tell with so many layers of cloud/ash in the sky. I went and had some lunch, only to come back and find the weather had totally changed. It was thick and heavy. But this wasn’t just ash; it was storm clouds as well. The whole sky turned into a dark soup. Then it got angry, real angry, and unleashed the biggest electrical storm I’d ever seen.

  Not just the usual pre-rock electricity either. It wasn’t bolts of lightning passing from the sky to the ground, there was electricity flying everywhere. Supercharged sky. I bolted inside, watched through the window and prayed the house would stay upright.

  It was spectacular.

  It was like I was a
t the cinema and it was the premiere of a new Star Wars film or something. All I was missing was the popcorn.

  Now that I mention it, it’s funny how I seem to need less and less entertainment from the past these days. When I was settling into the new post-rock normal, I had to get my fix of games, movies and TV to feel as, well, normal as I could. But now I realise I’m changing. Back then (pre-rock), everything was about cramming as much experience and adrenalin into every moment of every day as I could. Now I think I’ve slowed down. I’m more in tune with the world around me. There’s no point trying to run and hide from it… or to wire up on other experiences to escape it. It’s easier to acknowledge the change and slow down a bit, to get into the pace and flow of the world as it is.

  Maybe you can only make peace with it if you take that step, I don’t know. It feels like settling though, in a good way.

  *

  October 2, 2014

  Hit the wall today. I can’t explain it. I’ve just been sucked into a dark, missing-Fi-shaped hole and I can’t get out. Where did this come from? I had plans! I was doing stuff – positive stuff!

  *

  October 3, 2014

  Again! Dammit! I hardly slept last night, my mind churning through all the woulda beens and coulda beens. It was as if I was right back to the early days again. God, I feel so robbed, so cheated by this screwed-up world. It couldn’t even let me have one piece of normal, could it? No, that’s wrong actually, its genius was even better – it did give me a piece of normal – a taste – a delicious taste. Then it took it away. That’s far more sadistic.

  Man, two days ago I was full of ideas, full of ways forward, peppered with hope. I don’t even know how that changed. I’m so flaky right now. The hope, the mystery man, false destiny – it was all a house of cards. I didn’t even see the first one fall, the whole thing came down that quick.

  Who am I? What am I? What’s the point?

  This is stupid. Now I’m wallowing in it. I’m going to fire up some games and shoot some bots to try and take my mind away. So much for settling calm.

  *

  My thumbs ache but I feel a little better for the random digital violence. Better’s not quite the word, but I feel like I’ve buried the worst back again, or steamed it off or something. I’m in no state to do anything, I’m going to grab something to eat, then damage the thumbs some more until I drift off to sleep.

  *

  October 4, 2014

  It was another terrible sleep last night. I woke up on the couch at some unnecessary hour of the morning and transferred to bed where my mind raced again. But this morning I feel a little different. The fog’s still there but I sense it’s lighter today.

  I’m going to get on the front foot. I’m going to set myself a list of things to do. I need to keep busy now, I think that’s important. And there is plenty to do when I think about it. I want to head back to TTP and I’ve got two food runs to make – both the city and west.

  For the TTP trip I really need to suss out how I’m going to approach things. I think my best bet is to bypass the gatekeepers somehow, but how? It gives me a puzzle to nut out, at least. Then there’s the supply runs. Stocking up again makes me think about where I want that second safe house. Again, some thinking is required, but somewhere near, or in, the city seems like a pretty logical choice. It’s less risky than anywhere above the tsunami line and with Phoenix I have reach and access like no one else. Sure, there’ll be random visitors through there, but if I can stay clear of any obvious resource point – places no one would think to waste their time looking – it should be fine.

  I also want to set up a small stash near the house, just in case I need to leave in a hurry, so I don’t get caught short.

  I don’t know, my head’s not totally in the game today, but at least I’ve got things to do to push me forward. That’s the most difficult thing about being alone. You’ve got no one to bounce a mood off, no one to vent a thought with, no one to share with, no one to listen. It means you need to be on your A-game all the time because the gremlins are never lurking too far away. And if you miss a step here or there, well, things can spiral down pretty quickly.

  Thinking back now, I suspect it was chatting to Fi out the back the other night that pushed me over the edge. I hadn’t done it for a while and I reckon it just brought things back to the surface again. The strange thing is, as much as it was bad for me, it was good for me too. Like, I really feel the connection still, when I talk to her out the back. I need that. Maybe it’s just something I should make myself do every day – just a few minutes to catch her up on what I’ve been doing. Enough of a connection with another soul to get me talking, otherwise I can go days without actually uttering words, and that can’t be good. It will also encourage me to want to pursue things too, to give me something fresh to tell her, to impress her with how I’m staying at it.

  Plus, it will give me routine. I feel routine’s important now – patterns, systems. I don’t know, it could all be a terrible idea and just bring the cycle of the last few days around again, but I’m going to give it a shot, at least for a while, to see if it helps. I mean, writing in the diary is one thing, a really good thing, but saying words, expressing them. That’s another level.

  I think how I’m seeing it all now is that I had just gone from having this huge chapter closed on me, then I went through hell, then I came out the other end and tried to move on to the new normal. The problem is there’s baggage with all of that – I pick a little up with each event. That can get difficult to carry pretty quickly. By keeping that connection with Fi, by talking to her, it’ll allow me to lighten the load and stay connected to someone I’ve known pre and post rock. I could be rambling but it sort of feels right. I’m going to start tonight.

  *

  So, a solid day of planning behind me. I needed that, I really did.

  It was difficult to know how to approach the TTP situation. I needed to get past the guards on the wall and try to get direct comms inside the compound (I think I can safely use the word compound). The best idea I could come up with was to work up a little flyer with the picture of the Jamesons and a message to them. I’ll work out the finer points tomorrow when I put it together, but generally just letting them know I’m still alive and giving them a way to get in touch with me … or at the very least let me know they’re alive (that’s the tricky bit I still haven’t worked out yet). Then I can stake out the compound until I know there’s a crowd in the carpark – surely they come outside sometimes (that’s the other tricky situation I haven’t worked out yet). Anyways, when I can see a number of people in the carpark I’ll throw my flyers (haven’t sussed that out either) and hopefully at least one of the Jamesons is there, or someone who knows them is there and they get it.

  Simple as that.

  So, whatever plan I come up with may mean staking out TTP for a while. The only real obvious spot I can think of is the Modbury Hospital across the road. It’s got to be six storeys tall, from memory. If I can get up high enough I should have the perfect view of the carpark.

  Something tells me the watched hang out there. I don’t know why, it just feels like the right spot for them to gather and keep an eye on the TTP crew. Anyway, I’ll make sure I’m armed and careful with every step. I don’t know how I’m going to handle it all, but I know the mysterious stranger will be cloaked and ready for whatever comes his way.

  RE the next city raid, I’ve planned a course that will take me down Hutt St, down Gilbert St and back through the Central Markets. This will get me to most of the other potential shopping centres in the city. I’ll raid what I can, but I think this is more an exercise in seeing what’s out there, what’s most vulnerable to other people and therefore what order I should loot the goods in.

  Then I need to find the safe house. It has to have plenty of places to hide stuff and somewhere with plenty of escape routes, should they be required.

  It seems really odd, and probably a bad idea since I saw footprints there, b
ut I’m drawn to the Adelaide Oval for some reason. Maybe it was the light shining down on it, getting in to my head, making me think it was a sign, but then again, maybe not.

  It does have a lot going for it. With all the players rooms, meeting rooms, members facilities, function spaces and corporate boxes, there’d be plenty of places to split and hide a stash. It’s right on the doorstep of a lot of potential food sources, hell, it may even have its own food sources! It’s under the tsunami line where barely anyone goes and there’s running water nearby (sure it’s nasty running water, but it’s something).

  I think I could make it work. It’s certainly worth checking out at the very least.

  The most important thing is I’m thinking forward again and I feel a whole lot better for it. There’s an uneasy sense that the house of cards is still there, and everything could tumble over at any moment as I build things up again. But, I figure if I take it slowly, keep driving forward and stay connected to Fi, things will become more stable over time.

  *

  October 5, 2014

  So, I chatted to Fi last night. Told her about everything I’d been working on, with the TTP and the city raid. I’m a little flat this morning but definitely not down. I’m neutral. And I have plans for the day. When I start sinking my teeth into those I think it’s upside.

  Awareness is the important thing for me now. I’m aware of how flaky I am and I know I have to pay attention to the little details to make sure I don’t slide down so far again. That or I can limit the damage when I do. I’ve got to treat it in the same way I do my food – I’ve got to make a conscious effort to keep planning ahead. Think about it in advance, predict what I need to do to stay… well, healthy, and stick with it. It’s like that annoying saying Dad used to rattle out just to irritate me when I was stressing for an exam or some equally inappropriate time… Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. Grrr… but I get it now. It’s now part of my life routine.