Living for Love and Dying for Loyalty

by Mz. Lady P

  “You can go up and see her now.”

  “Aja, I can’t believe that they have her in the psych ward? My baby is not crazy. She did that shit because of me. I broke her heart Aja. She will never forgive me for this.” He started to cry again.

  “Yes she will. you just have to give her some time. I promise she will come around.”

  “I’m about to go see her. Are you coming with me?”

  “Go ahead. I’ll meet you up there.”

  I looked over at Rahmeek who was sitting in the waiting area completely distraught with his head in his hands. Despite what Rahmeek had said and done to me, he needs someone to be here for him.

  I walked over to him and rubbed my hands through his dreads. He grabbed my waist and cried like a baby. I was surprised he didn’t stop me. I wanted to take all his pain away. I feel responsible for this shit. He told me that he needed to meet Hassan, but I just had to get some dick. Hassan and Rahmeek are close as hell. All they have is each other. I sat there with him for about an hour. He wouldn’t look at or speak to me. It hurt like hell, but I sucked that shit up. Finally, a different doctor came out of the double doors and asked for the family of Hassan Jones.

  “Right here. I’m his brother, Rahmeek Jones.”

  “I have good news and bad news, Mr. Jones. The good news is that one of the bullets only grazed his head. The bad news is that the bullet that hit him in the neck traveled to the spine area. It’s so close to the spine that we can’t remove it right now. He is on a ventilator and we have him in a medically induced coma So that he doesn’t move and make the bullet shift.”

  “How long will he be like that?”

  “We can’t say for sure. He needs to build strength before we can do the surgery.”

  “Can I go back to see him now?”

  “Of course you can.”

  Rahmeek and I started walking towards the Intensive Care Unit, but he stopped me in my tracks.

  “Aja, I’m good from this point. I just can’t trust you. You’re part of the reason why my little brother is back there fighting for his life.”

  “Rahmeek, all I can say is I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. Baby, I love you so much. Please don’t treat me like this. We need you,” I cried while tears rolled down my face.

  “Look Aja, don’t cry. It’s not good for your baby. I’m so sorry for putting my hands on you earlier. I would never fight a woman. I was just upset.”

  He walked away just like that. I watched him until he disappeared out of sight. I accepted his apology, but I didn’t accept him saying ‘your baby’ like I’m not carrying his seed.

  Reality set in quickly. I’m going to be a single parent because I’m definitely not having an abortion. Since my brother still hadn’t come down, I decided to go up and see about Trish. The entire elevator ride up, I thought about how my support system is crumbling.

  Pregnancy is supposed to make you happy. Instead, this is by far the saddest day of my life. I rubbed my stomach and told my unborn child that I will always be there for him or her no matter what. My mind drifted off to Gail. It’s been a minute since I have seen or talked to her. A girl needs her mother for milestones like this. I don’t know why, but I’m going to see her real soon. I just need to put my ill feelings towards her to the side. Lord knows I can’t stand her, but I need to forgive her. Life is too short.

  Chapter 16 – Carmen

  Ever since Markese left my house, I haven’t heard from him. He won’t answer my phone calls or my texts. I’m starting to feel like this nigga is saying fuck my kids. They could be in danger and he wouldn’t even know. He is so caught up with trying to make sure Trish’s unstable ass is okay. I heard that she tried to kill herself. I was very disappointed when I heard she wasn’t successful. Trish thinks that she is so much better than me, but she’s not.

  I have no one to talk to. I wish my mother was here. I haven’t seen or heard from her since she was deported years ago. My father kept me so sheltered that I never was able to meet people. I wasn’t even allowed to go to public school. I was home schooled all my life. My mother never wanted others getting close to me.

  Being a part of the Rodriquez family has ruined my life. Maybe if I had had a normal childhood, my adult life wouldn’t be so messed up. The only people I have ever been in contact with are the people who deal with my father. That’s how I met Rahmeek and Markese.

  Despite having kids with Markese, my heart has always been with Rahmeek. He was the first real boyfriend I ever had. What we had was special. When I met him, I already had everything a girl could ask for, but Rahmeek wanted to give me more. He loved me unconditionally, and in return I shitted on him when he got locked up.

  I met Markese at my father’s house one day. He was so damn cute. His dark skin looked so smooth. He had the perfect set of teeth. He invited me out to dinner and we went out that night. The same night he had me bent over the couch in his stash house. Before I knew it, I was pregnant and had fallen in love with him.

  Lately I’m not really feeling any love from him. My father refuses to hear anything I have to say about this entire ordeal. He blames me for Markese leaving. What type of bullshit is that? I have been going crazy without Markese. I can’t sleep, eat, or think. Ever since this shit happened, I have been slacking on my motherly duties tremendously.

  Rahmeek has been on my mind as well. It’s time I pay him a visit. Just thinking about our love making sessions has me feeling all hot and bothered.

  The walls of my house are starting to close in on me I need some fresh air. I simply can’t get out and explore if I’m stuck with two kids. I’m sick of being a single parent to these kids when they have a fuckin father. Since his bitch ass won’t come see his kids, I decided to take them to see his ass. I felt horrible doing this to my kids, but I have to remind this nigga that I didn’t have these kids by myself.

  “Open this fucking door Markese! I know your bitch ass in there!”

  I banged on the door for like ten minutes straight, but I wasn’t leaving without proving a point to this nigga and his bitch.

  Kneeling down in front of my kids so that we were face to face, I explained to them what was about to happen.

  “Look, Gabriella and Juan, Mommy is going to leave y’all here with Daddy for a little while. I promise you that he will open the door in a minute.”

  “But Mommy I’m scared. Daddy is going to be mad,” Gabriella cried

  “Shut up, with that damn crying. Be a big girl and watch your brother.”

  “Mommy, what time will you come back and get us?” Juan asked.

  I kissed both of them and told them that I loved them. Just like that, I walked away and left my kids on Markese’s doorstep. I’m tired of putting my life on hold for other people. Call me selfish, I really don’t give a fuck. I got some major moves to make and I simply can’t carry them out with kids in tow. I left and I have no plans on returning anytime soon.

  Chapter 17 - Trish

  I have been in this hospital for a whole month and I am so ready to get the fuck out of here. The doctors think I am a danger to myself. Ain’t shit wrong with me. I’m just a female who couldn’t take the fact that her nigga had kids on her. I have been thinking about how I could attempt to take my life when I have my whole life ahead of me. The doctors are telling me it simply wasn’t my time to go. The amount of pills I had taken, I should have died instantly. If it wasn’t for Aja, I wouldn’t be here she saved my life. I was ashamed for what I had done but Aja and Mont have really been a good help with me building my self-confidence. Markese has been trying his best to make me look at the brighter side of things.

  Markese has been at the hospital every day since the incident. He will not let me out of his sight. He apologizes every day for everything that he has put me through. At first, I thought it wasn’t genuine, but his eyes told me different. I know Markese; his eyes tell his soul. I might sound crazy, but I still love him and I want to try to make it work.

 
Not right now though. I’m not ready to go back to the house and pretend everything is fine. The doctor came and told me that I can go home today. I’m glad Markese or Aja didn’t come because I’m about to get ghost on their asses. I want to be with Markese, but I’m not ready to go home just yet. I have been thinking of places I could go and decided that I should go stay at Mont house. He told me if I ever needed anything to give him a call so I did just that.

  Mont picked me up and took me back to his house. I was happy when he told me that I could stay as long as I wanted. I knew I could trust Mont. He wouldn’t rat me out to Markese. Markese was about to go crazy because he wouldn’t know where I was.

  “Trish, make yourself at home. I’m about to run out and grab some food. Do you want anything back?” Mont asked.

  “I just need some hygiene products, that’s all.”

  “Look in the bathroom. I keep all those things for my lady friends.”

  “Wow, that’s smart and funny.” I couldn’t help but laugh at his last statement.

  “What’s so funny about that?”

  “It’s just odd that a man would keep things like that in his home.”

  “I’m not like other men. Once you get to know me, you will see.” Mont walked out of the front door.

  Mont was going to be gone for a minute so I decided to take a hot bath and a nap. I definitely needed some sleep. You simply can’t get any rest in the damn hospital. As I closed my eyes, the first face I saw was Markese. I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I also wondered if Markese is looking for me yet. Knowing his ass, he is going bananas and got the whole team out looking for me. I turned my phones off and my shop remained closed down. I planned on being M.I.A until I got my shit together. I hated doing this to Aja because she needs me. Hopefully ,she will understand my reasons and forgive me for it.

  Mont came back about two hours later and brought some Applebee’s takeout. We sat at the table and ate in silence. No words were spoken until he asked me a question. It was the one question I was hoping no one would ever ask.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, why did you try to kill yourself?”

  “I was on some drunk shit and I simply couldn’t take Markese having kids on me.”

  Moving the hair from my face, he grabbed my chin, and looked into my eyes. “Ain’t no man worth you killing yourself over, baby girl.”

  At that moment, I saw something in Mont that I had never seen before. I saw his heart. I also noticed how fucking sexy he was. I found myself staring at him and getting turned on at the same time. I had to hurry up and get that thought out of my mind.

  “Trish!” Mont said, breaking me from my thoughts. “Are you cool? Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine. Just zoned out for a minute.”

  “I’m about to lay it down. Call me if you need anything?” Mont

  ****

  2 weeks later

  Ever since I have been here, all I can think about is everything that has transpired these couple of months. Markese’s deceitfulness and disrespectful behavior caught up with him and ruined us. I still can’t believe that he has kids with another woman. The thought of it makes me sick to my stomach.

  Markese had been leaving tons of voicemails on my phone. He sounds like a sad ass puppy. That shit is making me weak because he was actually crying. No matter what he has done, I’m still in love with his trifling, good for nothing, ass. Mont has been the perfect gentleman the entire time I have been here. When he comes I’m going to let him know that I’m ready to go back home to Markese. Shit, I can’t keep running from these problems any longer. I need to see Markese, face to face. Call me stupid, dumb, and crazy... it really doesn’t matter. I’m going back home to my baby. When Mont got home at about nine with a bottle of Remy and cigarillos, my bags were already packed and ready to go.

  “Hey Trish, what’s up?” he said.

  “Nothing. I was actually waiting for you to come home so we could talk.”

  “Talk about what?”

  “First, thank you so much for hiding me out. It really helped me to clear my mind. I’m going home tonight. Markese is going crazy because he can’t find me and I’m going crazy because all I want is him.”

  “Really Trish? You going back to that nigga after what he did to you?” Mont was so upset with me.

  “Yes I am. It’s for the best. Plus, I can’t hide in your house forever.”

  “I know that damn. Why don’t you wait until morning? You can go home then. The night is young so let’s pop this bottle and smoke this Kush.”

  “Okay, that’s what up.”

  We drank, smoked, and just kicked it. Laughing and reminiscing about the good times we had as teenagers. Before I knew it, I was fucked up and real sleepy. I needed to lay down. I felt like I was about to pass out. I’m not sure what happened, all I know is I woke up naked with Mont on top of me. The crazy thing was that it felt good to me. I wanted more of him. It was like I had popped a pill or something. We were changing positions and everything. All while we were doing it, he kept whispering in my ear. He kept telling me how much he loved me. Something clicked in my mind and I knew I had to get the fuck up and fast.

  “I have to go. Markese needs me.”

  Instantly, Mont jumped up and started going crazy on my ass.

  “What the fuck you talking about Markese needs you? That nigga don’t even want your ass. You aren’t shit but a trophy wife to him. He fucks different bitches all the damn time. Your goofy ass keeps talking about Markese this and that. Fuck that nigga Markese, real talk!”

  At this point, I knew this nigga was crazy. I had to get the fuck out of his house and quick. All this damn ranting and raving made me sober up quick. I got up off of the bed to put my clothes on, but he blocked me from leaving.

  I tried to walk past him, but he grabbed my arm. “Where the fuck you going, Trish?”

  “I’m leaving right now! I should have never come here in the first place. Mont, let me go so I can leave.” I tried my best to get away from him, but his grip was strong.

  Unexpectedly, he punched me so hard that my nose started leaking instantly

  “Your ass not going anywhere until I’m ready for your ass to go. Lay your ass down. I want some more of that pussy.”

  The look in his eyes let me know to lay my ass back down. I cried the entire time as Mont raped me. The ultimate disrespect came when he made me suck his dick and he came all over my face and took a picture of it. He raped me repeatedly until daylight. He was out cold after awhile. I knew this was my chance to get out of there.

  My pussy was throbbing painfully. I barely could walk. I made sure to grab his phone. Markese would never see that disgusting shit. I gathered all my shit and left. I couldn’t wait to get home and wash that nigga scent off of me. This shit was all my fault. I had no business being at that man’s house. Regardless of us being friends, he was still a man. He plotted this shit. He got me at my weakest point. That nigga built me up to bring my man and me down. After hearing all that shit he said about Markese, I knew he was on something personal. My dumb ass just helped this nigga hurt my man. What the fuck was I thinking?

  I cried all the way home. Markese will never want my ass after this. How could I be so fucking stupid and naïve? Driving up to my house, Markese’s car was gone. I was glad cause I looked and smelled like a prostitute who been fucking all week and hadn’t washed her ass. Walking up to the door, I was in complete and total shock. His damn kids were sleep in front of the door on the ground. I couldn’t believe this shit. They looked tired, hungry, and cold.

  I kneeled down and gently shook them. “Hey y’all okay?”

  “Our Mommy left us all by ourselves,” Juan cried

  “It’s okay. I’m going to call your Daddy right now. Don’t cry.”

  I don’t even know these kids’ names. I’m mad at the fact that these are his children. I’m even madder that they have been left all alone. I could just break Carmen’s neck right now. I needed t
o get these kids in the house and call Markese to see where he was.

  Chapter 18 - Markese

  I have been looking everywhere for Trish and she is nowhere to be found. No one has seen or heard from her in two weeks. I got everybody out looking for her ass. I’m hoping and praying that she hasn’t hurt herself. This shit is driving me crazy. I can’t function. Lately, I’ve been so off of my square I haven’t even spent any time with my kids. Despite all that has happened, I’ve been making it my priority to get back on my get money shit.

  After the fight at the hospital, Juan decided that he would cut me and Rahmeek off completely if we didn’t dead the animosity. I definitely don’t have time for that. Today we have a meeting with Juan to discuss new business ventures. I’m really not feeling this shit. All I want to do is find my baby. As soon as I got to Juan’s house, his head of security led me to his office. Rahmeek was already seated when I entered.

  “Markese, my son! I’m glad you could make it. I was just telling Rahmeek how glad I am y’all decided to agree with my proposition. This business venture will bring us in more money than we know what to do with. I also have a side job for you two. I have one of the biggest shipments coming in next week. It’s worth of one million dollars. I will be out of town next week, and I only trust you with it. I need y’all to work together on this. No fuck ups. Are we clear?”

  “Yeah,” Rahmeek and I said in unison.

  “Okay, that’s a deal. Let’s go over all the details.”

  I left Juan’s house quickly after finishing the meeting and getting all the information we needed. I have to get out there and find my baby girl. I have to make this shit right with her. I just hope it’s not too late for us. Killa and me have been smoking, sipping, and riding around looking for Trish and playing Jaheim over and over again

  As I rode the streets of the Chi, I thought about this proposition with Rahmeek. He seems to be an alright businessman. On the other hand, it’s taking everything inside of me not to kill his ass. He is really treating Aja like shit. On several occasions, I have got at him about the way he’s doing her. Each time she tells me to stay out of it, but I can’t do that. What type of big brother would I be if I let a nigga treat my sister like this? Aja is putting on a brave front like she’s cool, but I know she’s hurt. As soon as Rahmeek and I handle this business for Juan, we need to sit down and have a man-to-man conversation. I’m not about to fuck with him if he can’t do right by my sister.