Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5)

by Amy Clipston

“I’m so sorry to hear that,” Mrs. Anderson said. “Do the doctors know what’s wrong with her?”

  “My parents took her to see a specialist today, and I think they finally got an answer.” Lydia stared down at the frayed napkin on the table. “They haven’t told me what the doctor said yet. I think they want to wait until later when my siblings are in bed.” She dreaded that conversation with her parents but knew she would have to endure it.

  “I’m really sorry, Lydia,” Tristan said. “That has to be really difficult for everyone in your house.”

  Lydia met his kind expression and smiled. “Thank you. It’s really difficult for all of us.”

  “Maybe once your sister is better we can have you and your family over.” Mrs. Anderson looked around the kitchen. “Of course, it’ll have to be after this mess is sorted out.”

  “That would be nice. Tristan told me your husband is starting a new job here in Lancaster, right?” Lydia asked, in an attempt to change the subject from her family.

  “Yes, that’s right. My husband took a job as a professor here,” Mrs. Anderson explained. “We’re making a new start in Lancaster. He’d been on sabbatical for a while.”

  “Doesn’t school end in June for you?” Lydia looked at Tristan.

  “Yeah,” Tristan said. “But I finished up my finals early, so we were able to move before the end of the year. Even though I didn’t have any real classes left, my parents are making me finish out the year here anyway.” He had an annoyed expression on his face, and Lydia swallowed her laughter.

  “We decided to come early before the start of next semester so my husband could get organized.” Mrs. Anderson gave Tristan a little smile. “This one wasn’t happy about the move at all, so his father had to bribe him.”

  “Bribe him?” Lydia was confused. “What do you mean?”

  “He gave me a car as a way to make the transition easier,” Tristan explained. He folded his hands on the table and frowned. “I wasn’t happy about leaving my friends — especially my girlfriend. But I already told you that. Anyway, since he gave me a car, I can drive down and visit them every once in a while.”

  His mother looked at him with serious eyes. “As long as your grades don’t suffer.”

  “Yes, Mom.” Tristan rolled his eyes at Lydia, and this time she laughed.

  They discussed the weather until the children came trotting into the kitchen with Bitsy in tow.

  “You should see the upstairs, Lydia,” Irma said while puffing to catch her breath. “They have a television in every room! Michaela turned hers on, and we saw a program with talking penguins in a city zoo!” She laughed, hugging her arms to her stomach. “It was so funny. Can you imagine talking penguins? Do you think they really talk when humans aren’t around? That’s silly, ya?”

  Titus frowned with frustration. “I told her it was a cartoon, but she doesn’t get it.”

  Lydia smiled and then stood up. “We best get home. Mamm and Dat are going to wonder where we’ve been. Thank the Andersons for inviting us inside to visit.”

  “Thank you,” her siblings said in unison.

  Irma squatted and rubbed the puppy’s head. “Good-bye, Bitsy.”

  “Thank you so much for the treats,” Mrs. Anderson said as she followed them to the door. “It was wonderful meeting you.”

  “You too,” Lydia said. She opened the front door with a whoosh and Irma and Titus scampered out, waving as they started down the porch steps.

  Mrs. Anderson touched Lydia’s arm. “I hope everything works out with your sister. Let us know if you need anything. I’d be happy to help your family in any way I can. I can always bring a meal or babysit your siblings if you need to go to the doctor with your parents.”

  “Thank you,” Lydia said. “That’s very thoughtful and kind.”

  Tristan sidled up to Lydia as his mother walked back toward the kitchen. “I hope your sister is okay too. Can you let me know once you hear the news?”

  “I will,” Lydia said as she hugged her arms to her chest. “I appreciate your concern.”

  “It was great seeing you again.” He leaned against the front door. “Thanks for coming by and bringing great desserts. I had no idea Amish food was so delicious.”

  “The tourists love it,” Lydia said. “My grandmother’s bakery is a well-known place to visit.”

  “I can see why.” He grinned.

  “You’ll have to come by and see it one day while I’m working,” Lydia offered. “It’s called the Kauffman Amish Bakery. I could introduce you to my family members who work there and you could get some treats. I bet Michaela would enjoy it too. You could bring her along.”

  “That sounds like a plan.” He glanced toward the street. “I guess I better let you go catch up with your brother and sister. See you soon. I’ll expect that tour of the schoolhouse too.”

  “I look forward to it.” Lydia said. “Good night.” She followed Irma and Titus down the street. She was thankful for the brief distraction with her new friends before she had to face whatever news was waiting for her at home.

  5

  She’s asleep,” Mamm said as she entered the kitchen later that evening after dinner.

  Lydia held her breath while sitting quietly between Irma and Titus at the kitchen table. The only sound was her mother’s soft footsteps and the scrape of the wooden chair when she pulled it out from under the table. Mamm sank into the seat next to their father, Paul, and her eyes filled with tears.

  “We have some news,” Dat began, his voice soft and thick. “And it’s not gut news.”

  Oh no. This is very bad. Lydia felt her eyes fill with threatening tears.

  Mamm swallowed a sob, and then Lydia couldn’t hold back her own hot tears, which trickled down her face.

  “Your sister has …” His voice broke and he paused to clear his throat. “She has,” he began again in a raspy whisper, “leukemia.”

  Lydia gasped as more tears flowed.

  “Lu-kee-meeeeee-a?” Irma asked, trying to sound out the name. “Is it bad?”

  “Ya,” Dat said, wiping a tear from his cheek before placing his arm around their mother. “It’s cancer, and cancer is bad.”

  “Cancer?” Irma asked. “That means she’s very sick.”

  “That’s right,” Dat said. “It’s cancer of the blood. She has something called acute lymphoblastic leukemia, and the doctor told us it’s the most common kind of leukemia in children.”

  Lydia tried to understand what her father was saying. It sounded like a foreign language. “What does it mean exactly?” she asked. “What is acute lymphoblastic leukemia?”

  Dat cleared his throat. “Leukemia affects the blood and bone marrow. That’s why she’s very sick with fevers, has bruising, and is so weak.”

  Irma’s face began to crumple.

  Lydia sniffed and pulled her little sister toward her. Grief and worry rained down on her. How can this be happening to us? This has to be a bad dream.

  Titus wiggled in his chair, his face grim and his eyes shiny from developing tears. “Are they sure she has this cancer? Could they be wrong?”

  Their father pulled Mamm closer while she continued to cry. “They aren’t wrong,” he said. “They are absolutely certain. We were hoping they would give us gut news today, but the Lord didn’t see fit for that.”

  “What happens now?” Lydia quickly wiped a tear from her cheek. “What can they do for her?” She hoped to hear a happy answer that would cause all of her worry to disappear.

  “She has to undergo treatments,” Dat said. “She’ll have to travel to the hospital and stay there for a while. Your mamm will go with her and stay there.”

  Lydia’s eyes rounded as panic and questions surged through her. Mamm’s leaving? Where does that leave me? “What do you mean? How long will she be gone?”

  “Who is going to take care of us?” Irma’s eyes filled with shock and she mirrored Lydia’s worry.

  “We don’t have an exact date yet, but it will be soon.
” Mamm sat up straight and wiped her eyes. “Dat and Lydia will take care of you, and you know that your aentis and mammi will help out too. You’ll be taken care of.”

  Lydia rubbed Irma’s back in an effort to soothe her sister, even though she still felt unsure of their future. How am I going to get through this? It’s too much to digest so quickly.

  “Will Ruthie be okay with the treatments?” Titus chimed in.

  “The doctor said she should do just fine.” Mamm’s voice was a ragged whisper, audible only because the room was deathly quiet. “Most children survive.”

  Most children? Lydia bit her lower lip and wondered if she were having a horrible nightmare. How is this happening to my family? Why us? Why now?

  “I don’t want her to go,” Irma said with a sniff. “I want her and Mamm to stay right here in our house. Maybe the doctor can come here and make her better.”

  “We’ll be okay,” Lydia whispered to Irma. She felt the need to calm her sister even though she felt as if she were falling apart inside. While Lydia wiped her eyes, her mother’s eyes searched hers as if asking if she believed little Ruthie would be okay.

  “Things are going to be stressful,” Dat said. “Your mamm and Ruthie are going to be gone for a while, and we’re all going to have to do our part to keep this household running.” His voice sounded with authority, and that strength seemed to permeate the room as Titus sat up straight and Mamm wiped her remaining tears.

  “How can we help?” Lydia asked. The question seemed to bubble forth before her brain registered it. But the question gave her a feeling of control despite the chaos of this news.

  Reaching across the table Mamm’s father had made as a wedding present years ago, Dat took Lydia’s hand in his. “You’re such a gut kind.” He looked with love at his other children, his eyes shining with fresh tears. “You all are gut kinner, and we love you very much. But you’re right, Lydia. Your mamm and I are going to need you to do more at home. I’m going to have to work more hours and ask for more jobs. The doctor bills are going to pile up quickly.” His eyes focused on Lydia. “I’m going to need you to take on more chores in the house. You may need to take over the cooking, but your aentis and mammi may also bring us meals. We’re going to share our news with the community, and I assume they will reach out to us and help us in any way they can.”

  “How long will Mamm be gone?” Lydia asked, her voice a strangled whisper.

  “It looks like it will be several weeks.” He paused and turned to Mamm, and they shared worried expressions. “If she has complications, then she’ll have to stay in the hospital longer.”

  Lydia nodded. “I understand.”

  Dat gave her a quick smile, telling Lydia that he was proud of her and causing tears to form in her eyes again. The weight of her parents’ request both frightened and saddened her. Am I strong enough to do all they’re asking? What if I let them down?

  “What about me?” Irma asked. “What can I do?”

  Mamm smiled. “You can help Lydia as much as possible.”

  Lydia touched her sister’s prayer covering. “Maybe you can sweep the kitchen floor every night after supper.”

  Irma looked encouraged. “I can do that.”

  “I’ll take care of the animals,” Titus said. “You don’t worry about it, Dat. I can feed and water them, and I’ll also collect the eggs.”

  “Danki,” Dat said.

  Mamm’s eyes moved to the clock on the wall. “It’s very late. We better get to bed. I have to get up early in the morning to take Ruthie back to the doctor.”

  “Let’s pray before we go to bed,” Dat said. “We have to ask God to hold little Ruthie in his loving arms and give her doctors strength and wisdom.”

  Lydia bowed her head and tried to swallow the lump in her throat while silently praying for her sister. When she heard her father’s chair push back, she knew it was time for bed.

  As she walked past her mother, Lydia stopped and touched her arm. “I’m sure everything will be okay.” Her weak voice betrayed her words. In her heart, she knew there was a chance things wouldn’t be okay.

  Her mother nodded, but her eyes didn’t echo her agreement. “You go on to bed, Lydia. Tomorrow will be a long day.”

  “I’ll tuck Irma and Titus in, and you go on to bed,” Lydia insisted. “You will be tired in the morning.”

  Mamm cupped her hand to her mouth to stop a yawn. “I think I’m going to sleep in Ruthie’s room again tonight. I worry that she’ll wake up and cry for me.”

  Seeing the worry and exhaustion in her mother’s eyes caused Lydia to protest. “No.” She touched her mother’s arm again. “I’ll listen for her. If I can’t handle it, then I’ll come for you.”

  Mamm looked surprised. “Are you certain?”

  “Ya. I can handle it for you.” Lydia kissed her mother’s cheek. “You just take care of yourself.”

  “Danki, mei liewe,” Mamm said softly. “You’re a wunderbaar gut dochder.”

  Unable to speak, Lydia moved toward the door.

  “Wait,” Mamm called to her.

  Lydia turned and found her mother holding up a small booklet. “What’s that?”

  “I thought you might like to read a little bit about Ruthie’s illness.” Mamm stood and brought it over to Lydia. “This has some information on the disease, and it’s fairly easy to understand.”

  “Danki.” Lydia took the booklet and headed for the stairs.

  Once upstairs, Lydia placed the booklet on her bureau, changed into her nightclothes, and headed out into the hallway to tuck in her siblings. She found Titus sitting up in his bed and staring at a book.

  “It’s bedtime,” Lydia said gently. “Mamm and Dat are talking downstairs, so I thought I would come and tuck you in for them.”

  Titus met her gaze and his big brown eyes were glassy where tears had collected. “Do you think Ruthie is going to live?”

  Lydia forced a smile and hoped it was convincing. She couldn’t let her brother know how scared she truly was. “Ya, I do. According to the doctors, most kinner live and the treatments do their job. You have to trust that the doctors know what they’re doing, and they’re going to make her better. It just might take some time.”

  He snuggled under the covers. “I’ll pray for her, and I’ll do my chores too.”

  “Gut,” Lydia said, touching his hair. “I’m going to need your help, so I’m glad you’re going to do your chores.” She kissed his head. “Gut nacht, mei bruder. Don’t forget your prayers tonight. Try your best to sleep and don’t let your worries take over your rest.”

  “I won’t,” he said with a yawn. “Gut nacht, Lydia.”

  She left his room, gently closing the door behind her, and padded over to Irma’s room. Peeking in through the cracked door, she found Irma on her knees while silently praying. With her eyes shut tight and her hands clasped together, Irma looked deep in concentration. Leaning on the doorframe, Lydia waited for her to finish.

  After several minutes, Irma opened her eyes. “Aamen,” she said before standing up and crawling beneath the sheets.

  Lydia stepped into the room, and Irma looked up at her.

  “Where’s Mamm?” Irma asked. “She’s hasn’t come up to tuck me in yet.”

  Lydia stood over her. “She asked me to do it since she and Dat need to talk. Is that okay?”

  “Ya.” Irma gave Lydia a questioning look. “Do you think God will answer our prayers?”

  Lydia sank onto the bed, which creaked under her weight. “I do. Why do you ask?”

  “I’m just hoping my prayers for Ruthie will help.” Irma ran her fingers over the colorful quilt her grandmother Elizabeth had made for her when she was born. “I know God listens to us and he answers the prayers that are in his plan. Do you think he has a plan for Ruthie’s illness?”

  “I do believe he has a plan for Ruthie as he has a plan for all of us.” Lydia brushed Irma’s long blonde hair back from her face. “We have to trust God and let him take c
are of Ruthie. You can pray and think of her all the time. I know that will help.”

  Irma moved under the covers. “I’ll do that.”

  “Gut nacht,” Lydia said before kissing her head. “Sleep well.”

  “You too,” Irma said.

  Lydia exited Irma’s room and closed the door before stepping over to Ruthie’s room. She gently pushed open the door and found Ruthie on her side, sleeping with her blonde curls framing her pale face. Although she looked like a sleeping angel, it was clear she was ill. She looked frail and tiny, sleeping in her crib since she’d never outgrown it.

  Moving to the crib, Lydia peered in, tempted to touch her sister’s head. But she feared her touch might wake her, and the girl needed her sleep.

  She looked at the single bed across from the crib, next to the rocking chair. Her mother had slept in that bed many nights since Ruthie had become ill. Lydia considered sleeping there, but her room was just on the other side of the wall, and she knew she would hear Ruthie if she cried out. Lydia had lain awake many nights in the recent past, listening to Ruthie cry.

  Turning back to her baby sister, Lydia remembered the day Ruthie was born. She would never forget the excitement of waiting in the family room for the news while her mother delivered her in her bedroom with the help of Lydia’s father and a midwife. Lydia was ecstatic to hear she had another sister, while Titus had frowned and bemoaned being the only boy.

  Lydia smiled at the memory and couldn’t resist lightly touching one of Ruthie’s little feet. “We’re going to take gut care of you,” she whispered. “You just rest and keep up your strength.”

  She quietly returned to her room and flipped on the battery-operated lantern by her bedside. After getting ready for bed, she retrieved the booklet her mother had given her from her bureau and began to read it, trying to absorb as much information as she could about the disease and the treatment. She discovered that bone marrow is the spongy center of bones where blood cells are formed. Leukemia is caused when the blood cells produced in the bone marrow grow out of control. She read about the chemotherapy and the different ways medications are administered.