Reckless Heart (Kauffman Amish Bakery 5.5)

by Amy Clipston

“Michaela!” Irma shouted.

  Before Lydia could grab her arm, Irma took off running toward the little girl, who grinned and waved as Irma approached. When Lydia reached them, the girls were hugging.

  “Today’s my birthday!” Michaela said. “I was hoping to see you when you walked home.”

  “Happy birthday!” Irma said, and Lydia and Titus echoed the wishes.

  “Would you come in and have a cupcake with me and my mom and my brother?” Michaela asked. “My mom made them, and they’re my favorite — vanilla cake with chocolate icing and rainbow sprinkles.”

  Lydia turned to Irma. “We really need to get home. Mamm was up most of the night with Ruthie, and I’m sure she’s tired.”

  “Please,” Irma said, giving them her best puppy dog eyes, as their father called it.

  “Mamm won’t be froh if we’re late,” Lydia repeated. She turned to Michaela. “I’m very sorry, but we must get home. Our baby sister is very ill and—”

  Michaela’s big, blue eyes filled with hope. “Please, Lydia. I haven’t seen you in forever.”

  “Please, Lydia?” Irma chimed in. “Just one cupcake? I promise I’ll eat fast, but I won’t get a bellyache.”

  Lydia blew out a sigh and looked at Titus, who offered a noncommittal shrug. The girls continued to beg until Lydia finally gave a quick nod.

  “One cupcake,” Lydia said. “Then we must hurry home.”

  The girls cheered and skipped up the front walk while holding hands.

  Lydia and Titus walked side by side up to the house and followed them into the kitchen. Mrs. Anderson stood at the counter shaking a container of rainbow sprinkles over the cupcakes, causing the flakes to fall onto the pastries like colorful snow.

  “Why, hello!” she called. “I’m so glad you could join us. Michaela had a party at her preschool class today, but she wanted to have a party at home too and hoped you could come.” She picked up the tray full of cupcakes and motioned toward the table. “Please sit down.”

  “Thank you,” Irma said, sitting next to Michaela.

  “How is your sister doing, Lydia?” Mrs. Anderson asked.

  “She’s doing better,” Lydia said, moving to the table. “She and my mother just got back from Hershey last Tuesday. Ruthie’s chemotherapy went pretty well. We’re happy to have them back home.”

  “I bet you are.” Mrs. Anderson smiled. “It’s really good to see you again. I’ve been praying for your family.”

  “Thank you. We have to be home soon, but I told the girls we could have a quick cupcake.” Lydia wondered where Tristan was and hoped he was not at home. Sinking into a chair by the window, she looked out and saw him in the garage. The hood of his car was up, and he stood looking down at the engine.

  Then Lydia noticed Titus was looking at her awkwardly from the other side of the kitchen. Patting the bench, she motioned for him to sit with her. With a reluctant expression, he joined her.

  “Here we go,” Mrs. Anderson said, placing the cupcakes in the center of the table. “Let’s sing.”

  “Wait!” Michaela hollered, holding her hands out in a dramatic attempt to garner attention. “What about Tristan?”

  Lydia’s shoulders tensed. Please don’t invite him in to join us.

  “Oh,” Mrs. Anderson said. “I thought we were going to sing with Tristan and Daddy tonight.”

  Michaela frowned. “We can’t leave him out. It’ll hurt his feelings.”

  “All right.” Mrs. Anderson pushed open the back door and the screen door leading to a porch that sat in front of the detached garage. “Tristan,” she called over the blare of rock music emanating from the garage. “Please come in and help us sing to your sister.”

  Tristan said something in return and then wiped his hands on a red shop rag before heading toward the house. Lydia felt almost sick. Seeing him again would be uncomfortable.

  “He’s coming,” Mrs. Anderson said as she crossed back to the head of the table.

  The screen door opened with a loud squeak and then slammed shut. Tristan stepped into the room, stopping when he saw Lydia and her siblings. “I didn’t realize we had company.”

  Lydia held her breath as awkwardness between her and Tristan filled the room like a thick fog. This was a very bad idea. She shouldn’t be inside Tristan’s house. She would run the risk of being spotted by Barbie’s aunt when she left, and the consequences of arriving home late would be much worse than the rumor mill.

  “Hi, Tristan,” Titus said.

  “Hi, there, Titus,” Tristan said while moving to the sink. “How are you all doing?” He washed his hands with soap and water.

  Lydia couldn’t bring herself to force a smile. She absently ran her fingers over the wooden tabletop as she waited for the birthday song to begin. She had to keep her hands busy to prevent herself from bolting toward the front door.

  “We’re fine, thank you,” Irma said with a grin.

  Michaela wrapped her arm around Irma. “I invited them to come in for a cupcake since we haven’t seen them in a while. I waited in the driveway until they walked by.”

  While drying his hands with a paper towel, Tristan met Lydia’s gaze, and her cheeks heated. “That’s a good way to see them,” he quipped before sitting across from Lydia. “That way they can’t sneak by, right?”

  Lydia turned her gaze to the cupcakes and hoped Titus and Irma would eat quickly. What am I doing here? We should’ve gone straight home. But she knew why she’d come into his house — she couldn’t disappoint Irma. She knew Irma had also suffered while their mother was gone. How could she not let her sister enjoy a quick cupcake with their friend?

  Mrs. Anderson put a large candle in the shape of a five on top of a cupcake and pushed it in front of Michaela. She lit the candle with a match and raised her hands in the air as if she were conducting an orchestra. “Let’s sing!” she called before starting a loud and off-key rendition of “Happy Birthday to You.”

  Once the song was over, the children each snatched a cupcake from the tray, and Mrs. Anderson handed out paper plates featuring animated female characters dressed like princesses, along with matching napkins.

  Lydia did her best to avoid Tristan’s gaze while she picked at her cupcake. She was thankful the girls talked loudly about their cupcakes. Once they finished discussing the delicious icing, Michaela recited a long list of all the gifts she hoped to receive this evening when her family celebrated her special day with her.

  When they were finished eating, Lydia glanced at the clock on the wall and realized that they’d been at the Andersons’ home for nearly an hour. Her stomach tightened at the thought of her mother’s anger and disappointment when they arrived home later than expected.

  “I’m sorry,” Lydia began loudly in an effort to get the girls’ attention. “We have to head home. It’s been nearly an hour since we left school, and our mother is going to worry about us.”

  “Oh, dear.” Mrs. Anderson popped up from her chair. “May I put a couple of cupcakes in a container for your folks?”

  Lydia hesitated, but Irma piped up.

  “My mamm and dat love cupcakes,” Irma said. “Would you also include one for our baby sister?”

  “Of course. I bet your sister would love a cupcake,” Mrs. Anderson said. “I’ll be certain to pick one with extra icing just for her.”

  After putting the cupcakes into a plastic container, Mrs. Anderson and Michaela led Lydia and her siblings to the door. Irma thanked them both and hugged Michaela before skipping out toward the sidewalk. Titus mumbled a thank-you and happy birthday before sauntering after his sister. Lydia wished she could run after her siblings to avoid more awkward moments with Tristan.

  Mrs. Anderson handed the container of cupcakes to Lydia. “Thank you for coming in. I know Michaela was thrilled to see you all.”

  “Thank you for having us,” Lydia said, hefting her bag onto her shoulder and taking the container in her hands. “My family will extend a thank-you for the delicious cupcakes too.”
She looked at Tristan leaning against the banister and gave him a halfhearted smile.

  “Good to see you,” he said with a wave. “Don’t be a stranger.”

  Lydia hurried down the path, wishing her heart would stop thudding in her chest.

  17

  While Irma and Titus hurried ahead of her down the road, Lydia walked at a slower pace. Her stomach was in knots after seeing the hurt in Tristan’s eyes, and her stomach fluttered more as her rock driveway came into view.

  Irma and Titus hurried up toward the house. Balancing her heavy tote bag and the container of cupcakes, Lydia followed them. Her heartbeat accelerated when she saw her father and Joshua talking by the barn.

  Clad in work pants and a blue shirt, Joshua’s brown hair stuck out from under his straw hat while he leaned against the barn. His eyes seemed a deeper shade of blue due to the color of his shirt, and his face displayed serious concentration while her father talked. Somehow he seemed taller and more muscular than before. His shoulders and chest filled his shirt and his arms were bulkier. How long had it been since she’d seen him? Had he grown and bulked up within the past week or had she not noticed him at the last Sunday service?

  “Dat!” Irma yelled as she approached him. “You’re home early.” She hugged him. “We just went to a party.”

  Oh no. Lydia groaned to herself. Irma needs to stop talking!

  “A party?” Dat looked from Irma to Lydia as she moved toward them.

  “Ya!” Irma pointed toward the road as if in the direction of Tristan’s house. “Our freind Michaela’s birthday is today, and she invited us in for cupcakes. They were appeditlich.” She looked at her brother. “Right, Titus?”

  “Ya,” Titus said. “They are almost as gut as the ones Mammi and Mamm make for our birthdays.”

  Lydia bit her lower lip. Not even Titus knows when to stop talking!

  Dat’s frown deepened and his eyes met Lydia’s, causing her shoulders to tense and her heart to jump to her throat.

  Unaware of the disapproval in her father’s eyes, Irma continued to talk. “Lydia brought home cupcakes for you, Mamm, and Ruthie.” She frowned. “I wish we had one for you, Josh. Maybe we can cut one in half? Mamm always says she’s watching her weight.”

  With each of her sister’s words, Lydia wished she could disappear into the barn. Did her sister know how much worse she was making this situation?

  Josh gave her a tentative smile. “Danki for thinking of me, but a cupcake would ruin my supper.”

  Dat looked at Titus and then Irma. “Go in the house, kinner, and start your chores. Be sure to keep quiet. Your schweschder may be sleeping. She had a rough day.” He turned to Lydia. “You went to a party?”

  “No.” She shook her head. Although her eyes were focused on her father, she was aware of Joshua’s probing stare, causing her heart to thud in her chest even more. “We were walking home, and Michaela invited us in. She begged us to come, and Irma also begged me. I couldn’t bring myself to say no and disappoint them.” She knew her excuse was lame, but it was the truth. She’d only had the best intensions.

  “You were worried about disappointing two little girls?” Dat’s scowl deepened. “Lydia, you know that your mamm has been struggling to care for Ruthie.” He pointed to her. “You’re the oldest. You had the authority to tell the kinner that a party is out of the question and to bring them straight home after school.” His voice rose and shook with his growing anger. “Did you even think of your mamm? Did you even think about starting supper for the family? You have obligations here.” He jammed his finger toward the ground for emphasis.

  “I know, but I didn’t think we’d be gone so long. We lost track of time.” Lydia took a deep breath to try to stop the lump in her throat from swelling. Why did her father have to explode and humiliate her in front of Joshua?

  “We will finish discussing this in private.” Dat looked at Joshua. “Danki for coming over. I’ll speak with you later about working for me.” He turned to Lydia. “Let’s go inside and finish our conversation.”

  Lydia hesitated. She couldn’t let Joshua walk away without talking to her after witnessing this embarrassing scene. “May I have just five minutes with Joshua? Please?”

  Her father touched his beard while considering the request. “Five minutes. Then you’d better be in the kitchen.” He stalked toward the house without another word.

  Lydia’s thundering heartbeat echoed in her ears, and her shoulders tensed even more. She waited until he was out of earshot and then shook her head. “I’m in a lot of trouble,” she said, cupping her hand to her neck in an effort to relieve the stress building there.

  “What did you expect?” Joshua asked with a palms-up gesture. “Did you think it was smart to detour at the Englishers’ house instead of coming home to your sick schweschder?”

  Lydia glared at him and her anger flared. “How dare you judge me, Joshua Glick? Where have you been through all of this? I haven’t seen you in weeks, except at church. You haven’t offered my family any support at all.”

  “Whoa!” He held his hands up to stop her from speaking. “You’re the one who made a lousy decision. Don’t take it out on me.”

  “Excuse me?” She placed the container and tote bag on the ground and slapped her hands on her hips in defiance. “I thought we were freinden. I thought you were one of my best freinden, yet I haven’t seen you come and visit once. Today is the first time I’ve seen you offer to help my dat.”

  Lydia was on a roll, and she couldn’t stop the words from flowing from her mouth. She gestured toward her house with one hand. “Where were you when my sister came home from the hospital? Most of the community was here, but you were nowhere to be found. You used to act like you cared about my family. Now I never see you. You say you’re busy, but can you possibly be that busy, Joshua? It sounds more like you don’t care about us anymore.”

  He scowled. “I do care about your family, and I’ve prayed for you, your schweschder, and the rest of your family. But we couldn’t make it over the night your schweschder and mamm came home. We had to go to my grandparents’ house, but my mamm sent a dish over with your mammi. She stopped by the bakery to give it to her.”

  “Oh.” She felt bad for a second but then her anger began anew. She continued her rant, now gesturing toward his house. “You said you’d come visit me over a month ago, but you never did.”

  He shook his head. “Maybe I’ve had problems of my own.”

  “What does that mean?” she demanded, crossing her arms across her chest and glowering.

  “My daadi fell and hurt his back about a month ago,” he said. “My dat and I have been spending a lot of time over at his farm helping him with his chores. He lives on the other side of Gordonville. That’s why I haven’t been here. I really have been busy, Lydia. I’m telling you the truth.”

  Lydia blinked. Now she remembered his telling her he’d been helping his grandfather. Still, her heart sank. Gordonville. Did that mean he was also visiting Mary?

  “He’s feeling better, so I stopped over today to see if your dat needed anything,” Joshua continued. “I’m going to start helping Titus with his chores tomorrow. Your dat said he still needs to work long hours and take on more jobs because of the medical bills.”

  “Oh,” Lydia said, feeling a mix of guilt and anger. But she couldn’t stop wondering about his relationship with Mary. Although Joshua said he cared about her family, he never said he wanted to be more than friends with Lydia. He must be dating Mary. He likes her more than he likes me. “I bet you like going to Gordonville.” She felt tears fill her eyes, and she hoped she wouldn’t cry in front of Joshua. She’d been humiliated enough for one evening.

  He raised an eyebrow. “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing,” she mumbled. “I pray your daadi is better very soon.”

  He shook his head and crossed his arms over his muscular chest. “What’s going on with you?”

  “What do you mean by that?” She studi
ed his face, wondering what he was thinking about her.

  “What’s going on with you and this English bu?” Joshua asked, pointing toward the road. “You’re celebrating his sister’s birthday now. You’re getting pretty cozy with his family, ya?”

  “No,” she said shaking her head. “I’ve already told you, Josh. Tristan and I are freinden and nothing more.” She paused and considered the heated conversation she’d shared with Tristan, and her frown deepened. “Actually, I’m not sure we’re still freinden.”

  “What?” Joshua looked confused. “Now, you’re really not making sense. You’re freinden with him, but you’re not freinden with him. Yet, you share cupcakes for his sister’s birthday. What is it then, Lydia? What’s really going on between you and him? Do you have feelings for him?”

  “No,” she said. “Like I’ve said over and over, we were freinden. That’s it.”

  “I heard you were alone in the schoolhouse with him,” Joshua continued, his eyes flashing with something that resembled jealousy. “Are you sneaking around with him?”

  “What?” She shook her head with disbelief. “No. I was never sneaking around with him. He wanted to see the inside of the schoolhouse because he’d never been in an Amish school. He’s English, and you know the English are fascinated with us. I showed him the schoolhouse and he walked home. That was it.”

  He studied her. “Who have you become, Lydia?”

  “What are you saying, Josh?” She eyed him with suspicion. “You’ve known me my whole life. Doesn’t our friendship still mean anything to you? I thought what we had was special.” Her voice was thick, and she wished she could keep her composure. She didn’t want him to know how much this conversation was hurting her.

  Joshua was silent for a moment as if considering his words. “I talked to Mahlon.” His eyes were accusing. “I found out why he’s so interested in having you come to the youth gatherings with him.”

  The words were simple, yet the insinuation ran deep. Lydia studied his eyes, wishing she could read his thoughts. Did he know the truth about that night?