To Trust a Rancher

by Debbi Rawlins

  Otis was out for the day, too, pouring his moonshine. The still hadn’t blown up, which Becca hadn’t realized could happen. But according to Ryder, it not only could but had once, many years ago, when Otis was still a young man. If Amy had told her about it, she didn’t remember.

  The thought of Amy lowered her spirits, but Becca closed her eyes and focused on something else. Last night. She and Ryder in the living room, his arm around her, and a moment that had warmed her all the way to her toes. Until he’d nearly given her a heart attack.

  Good thing she hadn’t asked which lie he meant.

  Later though, after Becca had changed into her nightshirt and slipped into bed, she’d rekindled the wonderful, safe feeling of having his arm around her. She was pretty darn sure he’d been thinking about kissing her. She was equally sure she would’ve kissed him back.

  And after that? She hadn’t dared fill in the blanks.

  Remembering the heat of his chest and the strength of his arm made her warm even now as she opened the door to a past that felt both ancient and like it had happened yesterday.

  If only Grams were still here, Becca would have confessed everything to her. All of it. The promises she’d broken, the love she’d found in Noah, the heartache of Amy’s decline and her own helplessness.

  She’d have confessed her feelings for Ryder. How they’d grown by the day, and the impossibility of her situation. Knowing that there was unimaginable pain in her future, no matter how the lies played out.

  Grams would have comforted her and loved her all the same.

  Becca breathed out as she crossed the threshold of her grandparents’ house. Home, but not.

  It was almost empty. The living room had no couch, just Grandpa’s recliner. That had been ready for the landfill for ages, but he’d been too attached to the old thing. It no longer reclined, and one side of the seat was bent out of shape.

  She could still see him in it. His white rim of hair, his kind smile. It was chilly without electricity, but the windows, despite the dust, let in enough light to see all she needed to. The old wood-burning stove looked to be in good shape. And there was still a half cord of logs in the old copper bathtub that had been there since before she and her mom had arrived in Blackfoot Falls.

  But the pictures on the mantel were gone. Becca could only hope that her mother had boxed them up with the quilt and the pillows Grams had made to go with Becca’s old room. The collectable bells Grams had loved were also absent. Nothing special, just souvenirs from her travels, which had held a place of pride on a shelf above the mantel.

  The grandfather clock wasn’t against the far wall, and that made Becca sad. It wasn’t valuable or anything, but it had belonged to her great grandfather and she’d loved the sound of the bongs throughout the house.

  Of course, she wouldn’t have room for it in her place in LA. She would barely have room for the quilt.

  In her old bedroom, the bed and dresser were gone. So was the old rug she’d made in school. But inside the closet, the boxes her mother had packed for her were labeled with Becca’s name and stacked high, the old rug right on top.

  Wouldn’t it be something if she could move back here? She’d put the bells back on a new shelf, and find a couch that was as comfortable as the old green one she’d loved.

  She’d make this room up for Noah. He’d like the window seat, where he could look out at the trees and watch the seasons change. No canopy bed for him, though. He’d want something with cars or trucks.

  Then again, maybe he’d want something with horses.

  She’d never find a job that would pay enough to support the two of them and pay for the upkeep of the house, let alone the land. She wasn’t sure how her mother was managing, given she mostly volunteered, but maybe Becca’s grandparents had left her something so she could keep the ranch in the family.

  Living there would be a lot cheaper than Los Angeles. Living on Mars would be less expensive. Oh, how Noah would love growing up here. So close to the Mitchells’ ranch.

  Maybe she would find a way to get him his own horse someday. And maybe she wouldn’t feel so guilty all the time. Living here could be a happy medium...giving him the family he didn’t know was his own, but letting her still be his mother.

  Becca sighed.

  Maybe she should start living in reality.

  She had no right leaving Gail and Ryder in the dark. Even if Amy suddenly called, she couldn’t offer Noah a safe environment. The Mitchells would and should step in on Noah’s behalf.

  By keeping the secret, Becca wasn’t just screwing them over, she was hurting herself. Her mindset needed to reboot. Every time she had a thought about her and Noah returning to LA together, she was lying to herself.

  And Ryder?

  Just thinking about him made her heart skip a beat. The relationship that was slowly forming between them was something she’d never expected.

  Of course, nothing could ever really happen between them. Not while she was being so deceitful. Telling the truth wouldn’t be any better. They’d probably forbid her from seeing Noah again. And they wouldn’t be wrong.

  She sat down on the wood floor and pulled out a box, taking every item out for inspection, one by one. It was comforting and sad, which was better than thinking about her uncertain future.

  By the time she’d repacked everything, she’d used up several tissues and decided the best thing to do while she had privacy was to make some phone calls. First, Isabella.

  She answered quickly. “Becca. I’ve been waiting to hear from you. I’ve been worried.”

  “Didn’t you get my text?”

  “Four days ago.”

  “Really?” Four days? Becca rubbed her forehead. “I’m so sorry. I can’t seem to keep track of time. You know, you can call me. Anytime. If I can’t talk, I’ll call back.”

  “Okay, I’m glad to know that. Fortunately I don’t have anything to report. I’ve been keeping an eye on the house. No sign that Derek’s been around. Has he called you again?”

  “Once. He sounded high. Like, really messed up.”

  “That’s good.”

  In spite of everything, Becca laughed. “I thought the same thing. He went to the restaurant a day after we left, but not since then. I know the manager pretty well. She promised to call if he shows up again.”

  “Good. Have you heard from Amy?” Something in Isabella’s voice put Becca on edge.

  “No. Has she been by the house?”

  “Not that I know of. I even asked the neighborhood punks... You know, the ones that hang out at the corner. They haven’t seen her.”

  “Oh, good Lord, please don’t get mixed up with them. I’m already so scared for Amy. I don’t want to add you to the list.” She’d already involved Isabella too much in her life. Now that Derek was a threat, Becca had to be especially careful not to lean on her friend, even though Isabella had always been there for her.

  “Don’t worry about me,” Isabella said with a short laugh. “I gave them a twenty for the information. It was business. That, they understand.” Isabella paused. “Have you made any decisions?”

  Becca sank against the wall. “I don’t know what to do. I’d be back tomorrow if I didn’t have Noah to think about.”

  “It’s probably best you stay there for a little while longer. Maybe Amy is just fine, but to be honest, my gut tells me otherwise.”

  “Mine does, too. Oh, Isabella.” The tears were falling again, and she didn’t have any tissues left. “Maybe I shouldn’t have come. Maybe I should have told Noah’s family everything and gone right back to LA without him.”

  “He’s your son, querida mia. You’ve been a good mother to him from the first day he was born. You’ve done everything you could to help Amy. But she let the drugs and that bastard steal her soul. I can’t think of any friend who could have done more.”

&n
bsp; “I hope that’s true.”

  “How is Noah enjoying the wild West?”

  “He’s loving every minute of it. I should have taken a million pictures by now, and I haven’t. I’ll have to make up for it in the time I’ve got left.”

  “Enjoy him for all it’s worth. Stay for a while. I’ll do what I can to find out about Amy and Derek. I want you two to be safe.”

  “You need to stay safe, too. What would we do without you?”

  “I’ll be fine. Now go back to your boy and take pictures!”

  “I promise. I’ll call you when I know more.”

  They disconnected, but Becca just sat there on the floor, letting a few more tears fall. As she got up to get another pack of tissues from the car, she received a text. It was from her boss, who she’d planned on calling.

  Of course, he wanted to know what her plans were. And when she’d be back to work.

  Instead of taking the easy way out with a text, she returned his call.

  Warren answered with, “I hope it’s good news.”

  “I wish it could be better, but it looks like I’ll be here another week.”

  His silence didn’t bode well. “That’s unfortunate, Becca. We have deadlines to meet. And you still have a lot to learn.”

  “I know, Warren. And I do want to learn it all. I love the new position, but this really is a family emergency, and I’m doing my best to take care of everything so I can come back as quickly as possible.”

  “I’m counting on it. Do you at least have an idea when you’ll be back?”

  Becca held in a sigh. “I’ll let you know the minute I’m sure.”

  “Fair enough. And I am sorry for your situation.”

  She disconnected, knowing it could have gone a lot worse. Apparently her stomach hadn’t gotten the message. It was a roiling mess. She was lucky to have that job. Without a college education, her options were limited. To have gone from waitress to management was more than she’d ever expected.

  But it was time to go back to the ranch. For all she knew, Noah and the tree were already there.

  She ended up following Ryder’s truck, with an enormous Douglas fir tied down in the back. She knew Noah was buckled into his car seat, but she also knew he’d be hopping like a jackrabbit the moment he was free. She parked behind them and pulled out her cell phone, ready to capture everything so she’d remember this day. This visit. This world.

  In no time, Ryder had Noah out and jumping around as if he’d dealt with a car seat all his life.

  Noah ran up and crashed into her so hard she stumbled. “Lookit, Mommy! My tree!”

  “That’s a monster. How are you going to carry it into the house?”

  “I’m real strong. I carried some rope the whole time.” He saw Ryder and Lance untying the tree and made a dash for the truck, but she stopped him before he could get underfoot. “Let’s wait right here until the tree is in the house. I’d hate to have you squashed before you help Aunt Gail decorate.”

  He didn’t run, but he did jump.

  Ryder grinned as he and Lance wrestled the fir off the bed to the ground. It was so huge, she had to wonder if it would even fit through the doorway.

  “Let’s go inside and warm up while I figure out if I have to cut any more off this brute,” Ryder said. “Besides, I know there’s hot cocoa ready.”

  “Me, too!” Noah yelled as if Ryder were miles away. “I’ll be first.” Now, he did run, almost knocking Wiley over.

  “Noah, walk!”

  He was inside before her warning got to him, and she scurried to catch up, but Ryder slowed her down with a hand on her arm. “He’s fine,” he said. “In fact, he was good the entire time. He’s running on adrenaline now. But trust me, I wore him out.”

  “It looks like he returned the favor.”

  “I won’t deny it. He sure does know how to pick good trees, though.”

  “I’ll bet he asked a thousand questions before he made his final choice.”

  Ryder winked. “A thousand and one.”

  “Thanks for being so patient with him. Not that I’m surprised. You were always patient with me.”

  His grimace made it look as if he’d been kicked in the gut. “It’s not easy thinking of you as that kid anymore,” he said, the heat in his eyes making it very clear what he thought of her now.

  “Oh. That’s good. I guess.”

  He smiled, then glanced back. Everyone had disappeared. “Look, Becca, I’m sorry. I was wrong about you. I should’ve apologized sooner. But Amy—well, she’s my—”

  “Please.” Becca saw he was struggling. This time, she touched his arm. “You don’t need to explain. Truly. I’ve blamed myself, too, wondering if I could’ve done more.”

  “You’re an amazing woman, you know that?”

  Becca blushed and would’ve pulled her hand back if he’d let her. “No. I’m not. Trust me.”

  “That’s the thing, I do trust you. I don’t have a single doubt you’ve been loyal to my sister. She’s lucky to have you.” His fingers trailed down her arm, then he squeezed her hand. It was more of a caress than simple reassurance. “I’m lucky, too,” he said. “That you’re here and giving me another chance.”

  Becca’s chest hurt and she was afraid she couldn’t get enough air.

  “Yes, I know I’m not your first priority,” he said with a crooked smile. “You’re here because of Noah and my mom.”

  “That’s not the only reason.” She heard herself speak but couldn’t believe she’d dared to say anything. She wasn’t at all trustworthy, as he’d soon discover. But they’d turned a corner, it seemed. Maybe he would understand. “I’m glad we can be friends again.”

  “Friends.” Ryder slowly nodded as he held her gaze. “It’s a start.”

  “Mommy!” Noah was out of sight, but everyone within a mile had probably heard him. “Hurry!”

  Becca broke eye contact first. She didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

  * * *

  THE MOMENT THEY walked into the house, the smell of pine was replaced by his mother’s from-scratch cocoa. It had always been a favorite, and it brought back memories of his childhood. Of Becca when she used to hang out in the stable.

  “Are you a marshmallow man, or do you take your cocoa neat?” she asked.

  He was relieved he hadn’t made things awkward between them. And not a bit sorry he’d given her something to think about. “Two, and none of those minis. I want the real—”

  “Mommy, Aunt Gail says I have to ask you if I can have two marshmallows like Uncle Ryder gets.”

  “First of all, young man, remember you’re not supposed to interrupt adults. Uncle Ryder was speaking. What do you say?”

  “Sorry, Uncle Ryder.” The words were said so quickly they blurred together. Then he paused, wrinkling his nose. “Can I intrumpt kids?”

  It was clear Becca was fighting a grin. “It’s not polite to interrupt anyone, unless there’s an emergency. Was your interruption an emergency?”

  Noah’s eyes widened. “Yes! The cocoa is ready. And the marshmallows are big!”

  “You may have one, not two.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because you’re only four and one is plenty. When you’re older, you can have two.”

  “How old?”

  “Eighteen.”

  His expression fell and he looked as if she’d taken away his truck. “That’s forever.”

  “Go get your cocoa before it gets cold,” she said.

  He huffed, just once, then dashed back to the kitchen.

  “Eighteen?” Ryder asked.

  “I’m quite sure this negotiation will come up before then. And once again, thank you. His questions can be exhausting.”

  “I honestly don’t mind. I like having him around, and a curious kid is a
healthy kid.”

  “That’s true, but I think the whole lot of you will give a big sigh of relief when we’re out of your hair.”

  Ryder wasn’t so sure about that, and by the way she was studying him, he had to wonder if she was putting out feelers. Trying to figure out if he meant what he’d said outside. Or if she’d understood him correctly. Maybe he should’ve flat out told her how much he’d been thinking about how she’d felt in his arms, and how hard it had been not to kiss her last night.

  “Hey, if it were up to me, you and Noah would move back home,” he said, watching her fight a smile.

  His heart thumped like he was a damn teenager.

  “Mommy!”

  They exchanged looks and grinned.

  In the kitchen, Noah was already in his booster seat staring at the bobbing white glob in his cocoa. Lance had obviously slipped in through the back door and had a mug in hand.

  Gail was getting ready to ladle out more from her big pot and smiled at Becca. “How do you take your cocoa?”

  “Usually plain, but today feels like a one-marshmallow day.”

  “One it is.” As Gail filled the mug, she said, “I need someone to go get the big bucket for the tree. From what Wiley said, we’ll have to cut a hole in the roof to get it inside.”

  “I’ll go,” Becca offered.

  Ryder shook his head. “You don’t even know where it is. I’ll go with.”

  “But the cocoa.”

  “It’ll still be here when we get back,” he said, steering her out the kitchen door.

  Inside the barn, Becca stopped short at the variety of buckets stacked under the stairs to the loft. She pulled one out. Then another larger one. Then a slightly smaller one. Her nose wrinkled like Noah’s as she tried to pick the right size.

  “You’re overthinking this. But hell, it’s clear you’re good at your R & D job. A real detail woman. Not satisfied with just any solution. It has to be the right one.”