Isabella walked to the door, but she didn’t open it. She made sure she was looking straight at Ryder first. “Would I like to see Becca and Noah living in a better neighborhood? Of course. But for what it’s worth, I’ve raised three children not far from here. An obstetrician, a wonderful wife and mother and a proud Marine.”
Ryder nodded, regretting his words. “I don’t doubt it. Thank you for telling me.”
She bowed her head graciously and left him to his thoughts. Which centered directly on Becca and Noah. Who, dammit, didn’t belong here.
They shouldn’t come back to Los Angeles, and they wouldn’t. Not if he could help it.
Chapter Sixteen
“I promise, sweetie, we’ll be home really soon.”
“Did you miss me?”
“So much,” Becca said, hoping her voice didn’t sound as weak as she felt. The flights from LA to Kalispell had been exhausting. They’d crisscrossed half the country, and it had been tense and awkward and she’d almost ordered alcohol in hopes that she would sleep. But instead, she’d pretended to read magazines while Ryder drank coffee after coffee.
At least they were on the road home now, in his familiar truck, and Noah was waiting for her at the other end. One bright light in a world of dark gray.
“I have a hug to give you from Señora Rios,” Becca told him over the phone. “She misses you a lot.”
“Does she know I saw cows? And horses?”
“Yep. And she also knows you picked out the Christmas tree.”
“I know! But I wanted to tell her.”
“You can tell her when you see her. She’ll like hearing about it from you.”
“Did you tell Aunt Amy?”
Becca’s throat closed and she pressed her palm to her eyes to stop the sudden flood of tears.
“Mommy?”
She couldn’t. It was as if a dam had broken.
“Put him on speaker,” Ryder said. “I have something to ask him.”
She ended up just putting the phone in his hand, and he put it on speaker. “Hey, buddy, what are you doing up so late?”
“’Cause Mommy’s coming home. Then I have to go straight to bed.”
“Have you been taking care of Aunt Gail?”
“Me and Uncle Wiley have. We cooked her dinner last night.”
“Really?”
“I don’t think she likes hot dogs and beans, though.”
“I’ll bet she loved that you cooked them.”
“I got to eat almost two hot dogs by myself.”
“Wow. You’re getting big. Now, you need to go get ready for bed because we’re going to be there in a few minutes. Say bye to Mommy, real loud so she can hear you.”
“Bye, Mommy!”
“Bye, sweetie,” she said, although she had no idea if he heard her through her snuffling.
Ryder handed her back the phone, and she put it in her pocket. “I’m sorry. I promise I’ll pull myself together before we get home. I’m not even family, but I can’t help—”
“Hey,” he said, his tone low and calm. “Amy was as much your sister as mine. You knew her better. And at least you tried to get her help.”
A sob wracked Becca’s body, and it was as if she hadn’t grieved at all. The tears wouldn’t stop. She was doubled over, the seat belt cutting into her neck, but she couldn’t stop. She might never stop.
When Ryder stroked a hand down her hair, she realized the truck had pulled over to the side of the highway. He released her seat belt and eased her into his arms, holding her tight.
Still stroking her hair, he didn’t try to shush her but whispered softly that it was okay. “I’m sorry for all the grief I gave you. I know you didn’t deserve it. Detective Richardson was absolutely right. You were a good friend. You did your best.”
Instead of making her feel better, his kindness made her sink even lower, but after using every bit of fortitude she had, she managed to stuff the feelings down. “It’s a terrible time for everyone,” she said, sounding as if she’d forgotten how to speak. “We all say things we regret.”
He nodded, his stubbled chin scratching against the side of her cheek. She hadn’t realized he’d gotten that close. He kept petting her, holding her, and it seemed as if the world had slowed. It was a gift, being in his arms. All she wanted to do was let go, rest her head on his chest until she fell asleep. Forget everything but how he made her feel right this second.
But of course, she couldn’t. There was a wall between them, no matter how tight his arms. The big lie was still there, and the second she told him, he’d hate her so much worse than he had. There would be no comfort offered. Ever again.
And then she’d lose the one person who made her want to get up every morning. Who made it all right that Amy had tricked her into leaving her future behind. Noah had become her reason. Her life. She’d wither and die without him.
But he’d never been hers to keep.
Lifting her head up and leaning away from Ryder, she dug another tissue out of her purse. It didn’t help all that much, but at least she’d sobered enough that she could respond appropriately. “Thank you. But we really do need to get home. Noah’s up so late, and I’m anxious to see how your mother’s doing.”
“Sure you’re all right?”
A single nod was all she could give him, but after another squeeze of her hand, he got them back onto the highway.
Time blurred and then they were pulling up in front of the house. The moment Ryder parked, the front door opened, and there was Gail, holding Noah’s hand. He was in his pajamas and had on a thick robe, one Gail must have bought for him. The slippers were still his Disney Cars red ones that he loved so much.
Gail, though, was leaning heavily on her cane. It could have been the overhead light, but she looked older than before they’d left. Yet she still managed a strained smile.
Becca jumped out of the car and rushed to hug Noah—so hard he whimpered.
“Mommy, too tight.”
“Sorry, baby. I just missed you so much.” She held him at arm’s length so they could look at each other, and then she noticed that the whole front of the house was strung with lights. “What’s all this?”
“Christmas!” Noah said, very loudly. “Me and Uncle Wiley did it all.”
“I’ll bet you did,” she said, noticing also that Uncle Wiley looked about ready to drop from exhaustion. But he stood behind Gail, a firm hand on her shoulder.
Becca and Noah led the way inside, where she discovered that the tree had been put in the bucket, and the lowest branches had been decorated in a very Noah sort of way. The whole living room was filled with little snowmen and angels and different Santas. It all seemed too cheerful. Enough of a distraction, Becca supposed, for the forty-eight hours they’d been gone.
“I made coffee, and I’ve got leftover beef stew if you’re hungry.” Gail made a move toward the kitchen, but before she could get far, Ryder stopped her and gave her a hug that was so loving Becca had to leave the room. At least she had the excuse of putting Noah to bed.
Of course he didn’t want to sleep, not with so much excitement. But she let him tell her all the details of the decorating and cooking and hanging lights with Uncle Wiley.
“Did you miss home? Because Señora Rios misses you a lot.”
Noah thought a few seconds. “I miss her, too, but I like being here with Aunt Gail and Uncle Wiley and Uncle Ryder and the horses better.”
Her heart sank, and it was hell to hide it, but she did. For him. Of course he’d say that. It was only natural. They lived in a horrid tiny house, with gunshots and sirens and danger. She was gone so often for work, and here, he was loved every day by so many people, and he was free to run and play and explore.
Noah tugged on her arm. “I have a secret.”
“You do?”
He nodded, his eyelids starting to droop.
She leaned down close.
“I heard Aunt Gail and Uncle Wiley, and they said Uncle Ryder’s getting me a pony.”
Becca could barely breathe. Ryder knew they had to leave. She had no choice. Her job. Her house. Her bills. Her life. It would be cruel to get Noah a pony when they’d have to leave it behind.
Inhaling sharply, she sat up. Noah was having trouble keeping his eyes open. “We’ll talk about that later,” she said, brushing his hair off his forehead.
He almost nodded, but she knew he was down for the night. She still kissed his cheek and told him she loved him, and even though all she wanted to do was crawl in next to him, she couldn’t.
Especially after realizing she’d already made up her mind to take Noah home. It hadn’t been a conscious decision...but she knew in her heart Noah belonged with her. That didn’t mean she would keep the Mitchells out of his life. They just couldn’t know everything.
She couldn’t face the consequences of that train of thought tonight, not when she was so exhausted. But she would have to speak to Ryder about the pony. Perhaps Noah had misunderstood. At least, she hoped so.
* * *
“IT JUST DOESN’T seem possible.”
Ryder didn’t even blink when his mother looked at him as if he was supposed to have the answers. That he could fix this if he really tried. The knowledge that he was helpless nearly crippled him, but the truth was, all he could do was be there. Just like he’d done when his father had died.
So useless.
“I know it’s unreal,” he said. They were in the kitchen. Both their coffees left untouched. His mother’s eyes were puffy and rimmed with red, her silent pleas heartbreaking. He had no idea what to say to her. Tell the truth? Lie? Make something up so she could get some sleep? If he had the words, he’d use them, but he had nothing to offer.
“Becca must have felt so terrible, not being there for her.”
“She had to make sure Noah was safe. She did the right thing, Mom.” He covered her hand with his own. “But I saw how hard she tried to get Amy help. She tried to talk her into going to rehab or a shelter. She offered to bring her home, but Amy was more stubborn than I ever realized. You were right.”
His mother winced. “I wanted to be wrong. I should have gone to see her. I could have traveled, even after your father died. But I should have gone long before that.”
“No. That was supposed to be my job. I’m your son. I should have been there for my baby sister. I could have made her come back.” That he’d actually been in LA on business and he’d let her brush him off had taken a bite out of him on the last connecting flight home. It was still eating at him. He’d had a hell of a lot of nerve tearing into Becca.
“No, don’t. Don’t. We all failed her. Probably because we all thought she could conquer anything. She was so headstrong. So determined.”
Ryder nodded, even though he didn’t like her blaming herself. He’d talked to Amy when she was obviously drunk. High. But the minute he’d put down the phone, he’d gone right back to ignoring the problem. He’d shaken his head. Then gone on with his life.
“So, this man, this evil man. He’s dead now, and he won’t have to pay for hurting my child?”
Ryder smiled. “He didn’t get away with anything. He got what he deserved, and once the police finish their investigation, the record will be set straight. She tried to get away from him. But he caught her. At least she did try in the end.”
“You know that?”
“She went to see Becca. She even got Noah a toy and gave Becca some money. Amy had a plan. She was going to run away. Once she was safe, she was supposed to let Becca know where she was.”
“But he caught her.”
Ryder nodded. Noticed the trembling again. According to Wiley, she’d been doing it often. Trembling all over, her face getting red. “I think we should go see Dr. Heaton tomorrow.”
“No, I’m not going. Anyway, you have that meeting in Evergreen.”
He’d completely forgotten. “I’ll put off the meeting. You’re more important.”
“Listen, I’m a grown woman and I’m telling you I don’t need to see the doctor. All that’s wrong with me is heartache and fatigue.”
Ryder leaned back in his chair. It would have felt better to walk around, move his muscles, after all the time he’d spent in cars and planes. But he wasn’t getting up except to help her to bed. “I’m sorry I left you to watch Noah. I should have realized he’d wear you out. I know what that kid’s like. He’s too much for you.”
She laughed. “It was the other way around. Noah was an angel. He tried to help me do everything—decorate, cook. He told me stories about the moon and about the truck that Amy got him. I’m surprised he lasted so late tonight. I don’t know what I would have done without him.”
“So he distracted you, huh?”
“Honestly, he was good for me. I didn’t want him to see me so sad. For him, I smiled. I hung up ornaments. He chose where to put every single Christmas trinket we have. They’re not just out here. You obviously haven’t been to your room yet.”
“No, I haven’t. What did he put in yours?”
She looked a little better when she talked about Noah. “Two toy cars. They’re his favorite ones. And remember that old Christmas tree blanket we had?”
“The one we used to put around the base of the tree?”
She nodded. “He found it, and insisted I needed it for my blanket, so I wouldn’t shiver so much.”
Why in hell did Becca keep insisting she needed to go back to California? She didn’t have anything to go back to. Isabella was nice, but now that Amy...
It didn’t make sense for Becca to stay in LA. She’d even told the detective that she and Amy had talked about how they wished they’d never left Blackfoot Falls. Now, she was talking about her work as if it was something special. From what she’d told him, she couldn’t be making any kind of decent money.
Besides, the only reason she was so happy to have that job was because it let her see Noah more. If she stayed in Blackfoot Falls, it would be cheaper to live, no long commutes...she’d see him all the time.
And it would mean the world to his mother. She wasn’t half as old as she looked, or as feeble. All that had come about after his dad died. Gail had always been as strong as an ox. Until she’d lost a daughter and a husband, and her son had ended up childless and divorced.
Ryder needed to figure out a way to convince Becca to stay. That was as clear as the sadness in his mom’s eyes. There had to be something for her here that would be more satisfying than being stuck in an office.
Even if he had to create a job and hire her himself, it would be worth it. Everyone would be happier. Including him.
Hell, especially him. Despite all the crap he’d given her, all the nasty accusations—some of which he had truly believed, and which could be the very thing that ended up chasing her away—it was hard to think back to how things were before she’d returned.
Noah might be his mom’s tonic but Becca was Ryder’s.
Grief had temporarily turned him into a real bastard, and he hoped she could forgive him. Because it wasn’t grief making him feel the way he did about her. It might not be love yet, but...
“You know what we’ll have to do?”
“What?” His mother looked at him with such indulgence. Even she knew he had no answer. Not that he would tell her outright what he was thinking. There was always a chance he wouldn’t be able to sway Becca, although he’d give it everything he had.
“We’ll just have to think of a way to keep them here. Right?”
She patted his hand and reached for her cane. “Right,” she said. “But tonight, I’m going to go to bed.”
“Let me walk you,” he said, rising as she stood.
“No, go get some
sleep yourself. That meeting of yours is early, and you look terrible.”
“Thanks.”
“I love you, son. Thank you for all you’re doing for us.”
He couldn’t even speak after that. All he’d done was so far shy of what he should have. Instead, he watched her make her way down the hall, to the master bedroom at the end.
But just when he was about to head up himself, he caught Becca standing midway down the stairs. He had no idea how long she’d been there, or what she’d heard. But she didn’t look happy.
Chapter Seventeen
It was almost 10:00 a.m. when Becca opened her eyes. She hadn’t slept that late in ages. As tired as she’d been last night, she’d lain awake for hours, worrying about Gail, thinking about Amy and how Becca had let her down.
This situation with Noah had to be resolved. Soon. Because all the flip-flopping was killing her. Eating away at her soul.
She’d ended up changing her mind again, decided she definitely would tell them, no matter the consequences. But then she’d panicked. Literally. It had felt as if she was having a heart attack, and she couldn’t breathe, and the walls were closing in on her. It was horrible, and it had happened twice last night.
The problem was, she couldn’t imagine a life without Noah. He’d been hers from the moment of his birth. Amy had basically given him to Becca. In her heart, in her every decision and action, she’d been living for Noah. She hadn’t hesitated for a second to use all her meager savings to take care of his needs. Thank goodness for charity shops. They’d been her source for everything from clothing to his crib to his car seat. The only new toys he’d ever gotten were gifts from Amy.
But Gail and Ryder would want to know why she hadn’t called them to take over.
She’d never planned on telling them about Amy’s lies about her family, and now that Amy was dead, Becca would rather die herself than ambush Gail, or Ryder, with something so horrible.
To Trust a Rancher Page 15
