The Heart of It All (HeartSick Series Book 1)

by Weston Mitchel

  “Bout time you all showed up, can we go now?” Mia said walking out from behind the suburban, wiping unseen tears out of the corners of her eyes, with her other hand already on the door handle to the passenger side back door waiting for it to be unlocked. Austin reached into his pockets and hit the unlock button, a split second later Mia opened the door and hopped in the very back row, followed by Ashley. Both of the girls jumped right into a whispered conversation, most likely about me, Austin thought as he threw the keys to Brian.

  ***

  The ride home in the front seat had been the most awkward few minutes of Austin’s life so far, maybe of all the lives that were in the car that night. Austin couldn’t bring himself to even steal a glance to the back with the rear view mirror. He just stared out the window, watching the world go by as his own seemed to circle the drain.

  When Brian pulled the suburban into the driveway, before he could jam the stick in park, all of the doors besides the driver’s popped open, everyone jumping out like a bunch of springs popping out of a prank can of nuts. Brian turned the engine off and got behind everyone that was heading inside the Kyle house, which was everyone except Mia.

  Ashley told Brian and Austin before the front door opened that “Mia’s gonna wait in the jeep, I’m sposed to get all of our stuff real quick, said it would be too weird to go in there.” She made a quick, barely there try at an I’m sorry shrug of a smile then followed the younger girls inside. Leaving Austin trying to figure out if he should go talk to her which he wanted to do desperately, or go hole up under a rock somewhere until it was all over and he died of old age which he also wanted to do equally.

  Brian looked almost as confused as Austin felt. His sister and friend however, being in the middle row apparently heard every detail on the ride and understood completely, and went straight to her own room to help Ashley gather everything up. Brooke wasn’t taking sides, just wanted her room back, the sooner the better even though it meant her brother would surely be a heartbroken zombie until he went back to college.

  Brian went in to decipher some of what was going on so he could help Austin figure out the madness around him but only got the needed details, getting a cold shoulder anytime he pressed for more.

  Like a messenger in World War II about to deliver news of more casualties, Brian came shuffling back to Austin’s room with his head hung low and waited until he closed the door behind him before he revealed what he found out.

  “So, I guess Ash is gonna hop a flight back with Mia, there’s a flight leaving in a couple hours. Looks like I’m the chauffeur to the airport, but she’s gonna leave us with the car so we have a ride back. I mean damn dude, whadya do?”

  “I told her that I loved her,” Austin said not bothering to look up from the air mattress he was sitting on. His eyes focused on a two inch square of carpet a few feet in front of him.

  “Oh,” Brian said shocked into even more of a confused state, shook his head and said the only thing he could think of at the time, “Women…” and he just let that hang in the air for the next five minutes or so not bothering to try and find any other words,knowing none were needed.

  Ashley then knocked a quick rat-a-tat on Austin’s bedroom door, calmly stating through the door “We’re ready, boo.”

  Another three words, it was just three words.

  Flying Home and Flying High

  Mia was standing alone a few feet inside the small, yet modern airport that now was also a spaceport to take future tourists into space. Since it was nearing midnight on Thanksgiving there were no lines to speak of and only a few workers milling about the lobby.

  Ashley was flying back with Mia, but right now was still outside in the drop off zone, her hips and lips locked to Brian’s. Mia’s defensive plan against her forthcoming hurricane had already gone off the rails, having to push the button earlier than she thought, and not in the right order. She was glad to have Ashley here with here now, though.

  Mia knew she would eventually have to do the same to Ashley as she did to Austin, which would obviously knock off Brian from the radar screen as well, two islands saved with one push. Right now however, no matter what she tried to tell herself, Mia needed Ashley. Without Austin she was rudderless, but if she tried to go without everyone so soon, she would be without a boat as well.

  Mia watched them through the floor to ceiling windows, wishing she was still back at the Kyle house, sitting on the couch with Austin’s arm awkwardly wrapped around her listening to his dad tell bad jokes and hearing Mama K’s snorts of laughter at even the lamest of punchlines. She couldn’t help but wonder what his family thought of her now. Maybe Lucille understood her actions, maybe she didn’t.

  Mia could now see Ashley walking her way through the large revolving doors, as her Jeep pulled away from the curb, Brian giving a half ass salute from behind the wheel as he passed. Ashley sidled up to Mia, laid her bag on the floor at their feet and gave her friend a warm sisterly hug.

  Mia could feel the pull of gravity tugging at the tears now welling up in her eyes. As they pulled apart Mia looked into her friend’s eyes and said “I’m sorry,” the tears in her left eye gave up the fight and gave in to gravity, spilling down her cheek.

  “Don’t worry bout a thing honey,” she replied as casually as she could to let her know it was no big deal, “besides, if I have to look at another pick up truck with the words Oilfield Trash plastered all over the back window it’ll be 85 too many.”

  Mia let out a small chortle, a much needed one.

  “I mean seriously,” she continued letting out her own chuckle, “We get it, you work in the oilfield. You don’t see the words Party Bitch in two foot letters scrawled on the back of my Jeep do you?” Ashley tilted her head in a moment of pretending ponderance then said “I don’t know, that sounds kinda cool actually. Maybe I will put that on there, whada you think?”

  Mia was in full on chuckle mode now, playfully pushing Ashley off from their hug and wiping her tears away. “Ugh, you’re a goof you know that?”

  “Yeah maybe, but I’m most def not putting Goofy Bitch on my car. We can save that one for when Brian gets a car.”

  “Good luck with that one,” Mia said still with a smile and still wiping tears off her face. She picked up Ashley’s bag and handed it to her saying “Come on, Party Bitch. Let’s go home.”

  Thirty minutes later they were airborne, leaving behind Midland and Luckwell and the only real family she felt like she ever belonged to, even if it was for only 24 hours or so.

  ***

  Austin laid on the air mattress in the nearly empty version of the room he grew up in, either staring at the ceiling or the back of his eyelids all night but never coming close to snatching a wink of sleep. He just replayed the night’s events over and over and over in his mind, reliving every word that was said by himself and Mia. His parents gave him as much space as he needed that, his sister telling them bits and pieces as she saw fit.

  In the morning however, the Kyle family tried acting like they knew nothing, serving pancakes and biscuits at the seemingly empty table compared to the night before.

  To Austin the conversations at the table from his family and Brian were hovering over the table in a fog. The only words he could hear were the ones that followed the three words he had been so scared to say, and rightfully so I guess. Afraid for a completely different reason than the fear that took up residence in him now.

  After breakfast Austin and Brian packed up the Jeep, again more emptiness taking up room where the girl’s things should be.

  The heart broke zombie his sister feared she would see today was out on full display in all of it’s somber glory. Hugs, handshakes, and few words were all they got from Austin. Brian felt like it was up to him to take up the slack, boisterously telling everyone how much fun he had and how gracious James and Mama K were and what a great little girl they’re raising. Asking them to spread the love Lucille’s way as well, who was at her own house this morning.

  Jam
es and Mama K echoing his words, telling him that he and Ashley were welcome back anytime whether Austin was with them or not. Mia was just as welcome of course, but they spared Austin the fate of hearing her name spoken in a joyous mood. Brian hugged the entire Kyle family one at a time in huge, warm, familial embraces making sure everyone would be left with smiles and a good time at the core of it all. Everyone except Austin, of course.

  The last in line to be hugged was Brooke. As Brian enveloped her into his friendly clutches she whispered secretly that “I left you a bit of what you asked for in the front pouch of your backpack.”

  Not wanting the exchange to be witnessed by anyone, especially Austin, his only response was a wink that conveniently hidden from everyone else by the ratty, long hair framing his face.

  With the car packed and all adieus bid, Brian and Austin set off for home. Once they were roughly a mile or so away from Austin’s family home Brian, who was the designated taxi driver this time, asked Austin out of the side of his mouth while he kept his eyes on the road “Hey bud, would you mind reachin in the backseat and gettin my bag?”

  Austin said nothing, made no gesture of acknowledgment or acquiescence. He just simply turned in his seat, leaning over the console in between him and the driver, reached out for the bag and plopped it in his lap.

  “Thanks Charlie Chaplin,” Brian knew that wasn’t the best pseudonym but was unable to come up with anything else to call attention to his silent ways. Again without taking his eyes off the road or even pointing his face anywhere but straight in front of him, driving by the book as to not upset Austin anymore than he already was, he reached his hand over to the bag, blindly unzipped the front pocket and twirled his hand inside digging for something.

  Brian thought that Austin would have smacked his hand away screaming out something like “10 and 2” just at this movement, but Austin just sat there, his gaze a thousand yards off in the distance. Brian found what he was looking for, palmed it so Austin couldn’t see what it was and zipped the pouch back saying “K Bro, I’m done with it.”

  Again no sign of Austin hearing what was said until in one motion he just threw the bag into the back without looking or caring where or how it landed.

  “OK dude,” Brian said as he flicked the blinker to the right and pulled the car on to the shoulder of the highway, “think you could use this a bit sooner than I thought.”

  With the car in park, Brian stretched out his legs in front of him as much as he could, the steering wheel making it difficult, so he could dig into his pocket a bit easier. His hand came out with a lighter and then picked up what he had found in the bag earlier, that had been resting near his taint and balls in the space between his legs on the seat.

  Tilting his head to the side so he didn’t he scorch his eyebrows or hair, he put the object between his lips, sparked a flame on the Zippo with an illustrated skull running down the front and lit the joint that Austin’s baby sister had secretly provided him with. This, not surprisingly, got Austin’s attention.

  “What the hell are you doing?” Austin said more in annoyance than outrage.

  “It’s called hotboxin,” Brian said not phased one way or another as he took one more long pull to get the smoke rising.

  “I know what hotboxing is,” Austin said defiantly tired of being the butt of every joke.

  “Good, now shut up and take a hit or just sit there and take it in secondhand, either way I don’t care, but I’ll be damned if you think you’re going to turn this six hour road trip into a pissin and moanin pity party like you’re in some sorta chick flick.”

  “Brian look I-”

  “No, you look, I got the dank from your sis cuz I thought you might need it for the trip back since you gobbled up all the Xanax on the way down here.” The words were coming out of Brian’s mouth fast, as if he didn’t want to give Austin time to think on the matter. “I thought it could help you get over your anxiety, but now obviously that isn’t your main problem. And your in luck, cuz this shit is like a swiss army knife of healing my brudda man,” Brian saying the last part in a bad imitation of a dreadlocked Rastafarian.

  Up to this point Austin had been too far inside his own head dwelling on Mia to even think about the car ride all the way back across the state. He normally wasn’t one for depending on chemicals to help him get over either his panic or heartbreak. Normally he would just deal, push on, letting it effect him as atrociously as it desired, letting the panic or heartache do what it willed. Normally he would-

  Oh what the hell?

  “Gimme that,” Austin declared in a tone that left no wiggle room. Austin took the joint from Brian’s pinched fingers, put it up to his own lips and inhaled, letting the herb do it’s work, coating his anxiety and heartsick in a thick layer of Teflon, not allowing his thoughts the opportunity to stick to either of them.

  Cab Ride Home

  The flight from Midland only took a little over an hour, landing Mia and Ashley at the Austin-Bergstrom International Airport just after 2:30 in the morning. Ashley had gone right to sleep once her head hit the slightly slanted headrest on the plane, and stayed that way until they landed.

  Mia’s life was slowly coming apart at the seems, even if it was her own doing. So she kept her eyes closed but instead of sleep, the only thing that overcame her was pure unadulterated sadness. Images of the night before playing on the backs of her eyelids so bright sleep didn’t come close to her. Once the fight replayed in her mind several hundred times, she began scrolling through the entire Thanksgiving trip, one memory after another.

  A feeling of what must have been something close to homesickness clutched at her heart, knowing that she may not ever have the chance of feeling like she was a part of a family again, not in the quick way she had with Austin’s family.

  It was surreal to Mia at first, the way the Kyle’s had made her feel like she had always been there from the moment she stepped foot of the Jeep. Like she had been a long lost cousin that washed ashore and everyone decided to just pick right back up from the day she left as if nothing happened.

  It happened so fast she didn’t have time at an attempt to put up the stalwart defense she so wanted to have in place. His family overran the hastily erected gates at first hug. His mom gave great hugs, like she had eight arms and would just wrap you up in warmth and understanding. Leaning side to side changing the weight from foot to foot, like the love pouring out of her alone was enough to tip the two of you over.

  Austin’s mom, Crystal or Mama K rather, had given her space that first night after they arrived and settled in to Brooke’s room, and Mia figured that’s how it would go the next day as well. Mama K had different plans however, waking Mia up at 5:30 Thanksgiving morning to help with the cooking. Brooke was apparently supposed to have shown up from her friend’s house early to help her mom in the kitchen. When she didn’t show up, instead of calling her daughter to wake her up and tell her to get her butt home to help, she just went and quite perkily, yet sweetly, aroused Mia out of bed. If Mia thought this had all been just a ruse to see how she would react, just to see if she would help or not, she would have been correct.

  Now, riding in a cab back to the dorm stewing on how the rest of that day went, she realized she still hadn’t been back to sleep since.

  No wonder it feels like the longest day of my life.

  Hours ago when she made it back to the suburban after crossing the damned desert for the second time Mia would have sworn she would sleep for three days she was so bitterly burned out. Here she was however, minutes from her bed yet still miles from sleep. Ashley let rip a tiny snore out of the side of her mouth while napping on Mia’s shoulder, and Mia went back to thinking about helping in the kitchen.

  At first it was a bit awkward just the two of them, her and Austin’s mom, especially since she had never actually cooked before, not like this, from scratch nonetheless. Before she knew it though the pretenses fell away and she was digging around in a turkey carcass coming up with a mesh bag of
gizzards and guts. Then shoving sprigs of this leaf and dashes of that spice into the Turkey’s butt.

  Sort of proud of herself and sort of disgusted by it all Mia accidentally said aloud “I think this is the first time I’ve ever stuffed anything up a bird’s butt.”

  This earned her a nice loud snort of laughter from Austin’s mom, “Oh honey, that’s not the butt… thats the hole left over from rippin’ the poor thing’s neck off.” Mama K waited for what she thought was going to be an appalling gesture of dismay at the indecency of having to picture the killing of this bird so horrifically.

  Mia was certainly grossed out, but somehow liked the idea of her fingers in a neck-hole much more than that of a butt-hole. Relieved she said, “Oh, thank baby Jesus.”

  Which got her another chortle of approval from Mama K who opined with a heartfelt “I like you, Mia.” She then walked to Mia’s side and rummaged around a drawer full of metal, wooden and plastic utensils all clanging around together. She brought up a large plastic tube like thing that looked like a giant’s ear dropper and said “Now… let’s get basted,” then gave Mia a sly smile and wink as she did so.

  Remembering that silly look that Mama K gave her with the baster in her hand made Mia smile. Another pang of homesickness for a family that wasn’t even hers came back stronger this time, wrapping it’s greedy little hand around her heart, squeezing as if it were some play toy. She wasn’t sure if it was the phantom pain from casting aside what little future she would have had with them or if it was the cab coming to such an abrupt stop rocking them on it’s old, creaky shocks that jolted her out of her memory.