“Are you okay?” he asked.
“I’ve never felt better,” she whispered, barely able to whisper the words.
She clung to him, matching him thrust for thrust, ebbing and flowing over and over until waves of pleasure crashed around her.
Finally, it could’ve been minutes or hours later, Tanner’s breath was ragged and hot against her cheek and he gently increased the speed of his thrusts until he gave a final plunge and a long, satisfied groan erupted in his throat. He collapsed next to her, turning her body to face him so he could kiss her tenderly, possessively, as they reveled in their spent pleasure.
Chapter Twelve
Tanner pulled back a little so that he could revel in the beauty of her face as his lips still brushed hers.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Yes. I’m fine. I’m better than fine. The baby and I will not break, okay?”
He loved the fact that she had a mind of her own and that she wasn’t afraid to speak it. He’d always heard that the key to any good relationship was communication. If that was the case, they would be just fine.
“So, when is your next doctor’s appointment?” He pulled her tighter against him. “I want to go with you.”
“I’d love for you to come with me. Then you can hear with your own ears that lovemaking will not hurt the baby. In fact, it will be good for him or her.”
“Good for him? How so?”
“Are you familiar with the saying A happy wife makes a happy life?”
He laughed. “Very funny.”
“Actually, since I have to carry the child, lovemaking can be your contribution to the pregnancy.”
“Oh, I see where this is going. You’ll carry the baby and I will be your personal sex slave?”
The mere thought had him primed and ready to go again, but even though she’d assured him that gentle lovemaking was fine, he wasn’t sure about how often was healthy for the child. Jordana could be pretty assertive—that was what had turned him on that night of the storm; memories of that night had kept him going as he pursued her.
And now she was in his bed where she belonged…
Still holding her, he angled his hips to give himself space to come back down to earth. She snuggled in closer to him, breathing a contented sigh.
“Let’s never wait that long again,” she said, her breath hot on his neck.
“I’m with you on that,” he said. “If I mess up again, you have to tell me.”
“What do you mean?”
“Sometimes I can be a little dense. You know, sometimes I’m not very good at reading the handwriting on the wall. Especially if the writing is subtle.”
“So, you’re saying I need to spell things out in large, bold strokes?”
“Exactly. Like our first night together…the night the tornado hit and we ended up in the hunting lodge. You let me know in large, bold strokes exactly what you wanted. Very sexy, by the way. I’ve been dying to tell you that.” He planted a slow, lingering kiss on her lips to drive home the point. The way she responded to him did not help his resolution to limit the lovemaking until he could talk to the doctor about frequency and intensity.
So, he pulled away and resorted to talking to regain control of himself.
“All right, so you’ve told me how you were feeling—and I do hope I’ve proven to you that I am a good listener, that I understand everything you were saying.”
She laughed and the sound of her voice infused him with a longing that couldn’t be quenched by making love all day, every day. It sort of took him by surprise, stole his breath for a minute, in the same way a well-placed kick in the gut will leave you breathless.
The feeling was foreign and a little bit uncomfortable, but he tried to ignore it.
“As I was saying, I have a question for you.”
“Okay,” she said. “Fire away.”
“That first night—the one with the big, bold strokes—how come you haven’t been that…umm…well, for lack of better words…how come you haven’t been that sexually assertive since we’ve been back together? I like that side of you.”
The hand that had been stroking his chest stilled. He felt her tense, pull away ever so slightly.
“Well, I guess if this is the night of full disclosure, there’s something I need to tell you.”
She shifted and lifted herself up on one elbow so that they were looking at each other, face-to-face.
“That sexually assertive side of me that you just mentioned…”
“Yes…it’s one of your best sides, if I may offer the compliment.”
She didn’t laugh or even crack a smile, for that matter. What he could see of her expression in the dim light of the bedroom looked solemn and serious.
“Yeah, well, I hate to tell you this, but that’s not me.”
Huh? He didn’t understand where she was going with this. At least he had good sense to keep his mouth shut while she expounded, because his attempts at humor were missing the mark.
“What I mean,” she finally said, “is that’s not usually how I am. Or I don’t know, maybe it is given the fact that it was my first time making love. The reason I was so sexually aggressive, as you put it, is because I was out of my mind with fear that night. I was afraid of the storm, and most of all, I was afraid I was going to die a virgin.”
He was quiet. Mainly because he had no idea what to say or how to respond. For a long moment, he felt as if he were paralyzed.
That earlier well-placed kick-in-the-gut feeling that had messed with his head for a bit had returned. Only this time, it was more like someone had taken a ramrod and run it right through his center.
“I wish you would say something.” Her voice was hoarse and throaty. “It wasn’t easy telling you that the last time was actually my first time… Are you okay?”
* * *
There was no other way to describe Tanner’s demeanor in the week since she’d told him her secret other than to call him distant and…well, just plain odd. When she asked, he kept telling her he was okay; he was still sleeping in her bed…or his bed, actually. The point being that they were still sharing the bed in the master suite, even if they hadn’t made love since that night.
This was another that night.
Now they had two in their repertoire. Two for two. If you were able to keep score in the bedroom, it couldn’t be a good thing.
He was polite, but preoccupied. And when she tried to talk to him about it, he always managed to come up with a convenient excuse: he was tired or there was an issue at work. It was always something.
This bed that they shared was getting to be a cold, lonely place.
Tanner had been working awfully hard. That’s why she was glad when he’d agreed to go to the annual Red Rock Spring Fling. He might be able to run away from his fears by hiding at work, but there was no escaping Red Rock’s annual festival. Jordana’s sisters had been telling her how much fun it was and she was eager to experience it for herself.
Maybe a night out, away from the everyday grind, would pull them out of their funk.
They made small talk on the ride from the house to the fairgrounds. She talked about the phone calls she’d been getting from her staff at Fortune South and how nice it felt to still be needed.
“In fact, I think I’m going to talk to my father about telecommuting. If it works for me to give advice over the phone, then there is no reason I couldn’t work at least part-time.” Over the past week, she’d painted the room that used to be Tanner’s office, put up a border with teddy bears and rocking horses. The nursery was starting to take shape.
She’d also planted the pink rosebush he’d brought home that night when everything had sprung from bad, to temporary Nirvana and the
n had plummeted to the depths of despair.
But the one thing that had become crystal clear since she and Tanner had taken their most recent wrong turn was that she needed more to occupy her time. At least until the baby arrived.
Tanner had only grunted when she told him of her plan to talk to her father. His unresponsiveness set her on edge, and they needed to maintain a picture that everything was fine—at least for the time being. So Jordana decided it would be best to stay silent for the rest of the ride so that she could collect her thoughts and put on a good front.
But despite how she tried to gather herself, she couldn’t escape the nagging fact that remained: she wasn’t the bold-stroke, handwriting on the wall kind of girl that Tanner had pegged her for in the beginning, and it was a problem because she never would be that kind of woman—at least not when it came to matters of the heart.
* * *
If marriage was such a great thing, then why the hell did it make Tanner feel so bad? He suspected a big part of the reason he felt so paralyzed might be because he was making Jordana feel bad. He recognized this, but he couldn’t seem to fix the situation. It was nothing specific he was doing on purpose—like saying cruel things. It was just that he needed a little space lately to process things.
Something stirred deep inside of him and a niggling feeling urged him to reach out to her—maybe just for today he could try a little compassion…to whatever end that would take them. So, when he walked around the car to open Jordana’s door, he grabbed her hand as they walked toward the fairground entrance. It was a simple gesture, really, but he was surprised when she didn’t pull away. She just simply held his hand.
“Where are we supposed to meet everyone?” he asked.
“Wendy said they were reserving some tables in the pavilion area. I’ll call her, she can direct us in.”
In the distance Tanner could see the blinking, colored lights of the rides and the midway. He’d never really been a big fan of fairs and events like this, but according to Jordana, the Spring Fling was a Fortune and Mendoza family tradition, and tonight, roll would be taken.
All the Fortunes and Mendozas would be there. Even though he wasn’t very keen on going, since he’d married a Fortune, he knew he didn’t really have a choice. It was times like this when he wondered what he’d gotten himself into by marrying into such a tight-knit—some might even say controlling—family.
“When we get inside past the ticket booth, Wendy said to follow the midway to the end and take a right. That will bring us to the pavilion.”
Tanner paid for their tickets and once inside, he let Jordana lead the way. He recognized their party by its volume of people before he’d been able to pick out individuals. Jordana was all smiles, greeting her sisters and her cousins. From the looks of her, Tanner guessed no one would know they were having a hard time adjusting to marriage. In fact, by all outward standards, it appeared as if Jordana had adjusted well to married life and was now in the midst of living her very own happily ever after.
A pang of guilt washed over him. What was wrong with him? Ever since he’d discovered the truth about their first night together, it was as if something inside him had snapped. He hated the feeling of vulnerability that tended to render him helpless. Was that what love was supposed to be about? If so, no wonder common sense had stopped him before he’d fallen…well, until now, at least.
What scared him the most about his situation was putting his happiness, his emotional well-being in someone else’s hands. When it came to that, it was as if there was an automatic kill switch inside him that shut down.
Actually, what really scared him the most was maybe this was what happened to his father—this same kind of raw, ripped-open feeling of being stuck in emotional purgatory—and maybe that’s why he left.
He couldn’t take feeling so open and vulnerable so he left first, before the situation could snowball and bury him alive.
As they made their way inside, Tanner noticed that the Fortunes were well represented—and this was only a small representation of the entire family, which was big enough to build its own army. Flint and Jessie were there with their brood of kids; Cooper and Kelsey were there with baby Anthony in tow; Jeremy and Kirsten were there; and, of course, the patriarch William Fortune and his grand dame, Lily. The Mendozas were represented, as well. Marcos and Wendy were there with baby MaryAnne; Rafe and Melina were there; as were Miguel and father, Luis.
But it was Javier Mendoza, who seemed to be in wonderful shape after recovering from the injuries he’d sustained during the tornado, who seemed to be at the center of attention. He and his fiancée, Leah, were filling glasses with champagne—or sparkling cider, for those who didn’t drink alcohol.
After Javier made sure everyone had a glass in hand, he called the crowd to attention. “I’m so glad we could all be here together tonight. The end of last year started on such a happy note when we celebrated Wendy and Marcos’s marriage. Unfortunately, events turned south very fast and left a lot of us in a bad way. I don’t think there is a single person here who wasn’t touched in some shape or form by the tornado. But sometimes good fortune masquerades as tragedy. I may never have met the love of my life had I not ended up in her care because of the injuries I sustained during the storm.”
He put an arm around Leah and pulled her close. The crowd whistled and cheered, egging him on until he planted a kiss on Leah’s lips. Then the Fortunes and Mendozas nearly brought down the house with their approval.
Finally, Javier continued. “What I’m trying to say is just because a situation may look bleak or tragic, it doesn’t necessarily have to be. I am living proof of the power of love. If I have learned one thing through the adversity I have faced, it is to never give up on love and never underestimate its power. Life is uncertain. So if you’re lucky enough to find true love, don’t let a day go by where you take it for granted, because if you do you could lose it in the blink of an eye. That is why tonight, surrounded by my family and closest friends, I want to reaffirm my love for Leah and celebrate the joyous fact that she has agreed to do me the honor of spending the rest of her life with me as my wife. Leah, I vow to be worthy of your love.”
With that, Javier dipped a stunned-looking Leah into a kiss that made the first one look like a handshake.
Tanner chuckled along with the hooting and whistling crows, but something inside him felt a little hollow…perhaps, a little guilty? It was a lucky person who was sure of not just his own feelings, but trusting that the object of his affections felt the same way, too.
He hadn’t been able to fully trust many people in his life, but he suddenly knew without a shred of doubt that he could trust Jordana.
A warmth that was somehow foreign and strangely familiar coursed through Tanner. Reflexively, he turned to smile at…his wife, but she wasn’t there.
Sometime during the course of Javier’s speech, she’d moved from Tanner’s side. She’d slipped away.
He glanced around, searching the pavilion for Jordana, but he couldn’t find her. He had a sinking feeling she hadn’t simply slipped out to buy a Spring Fling funnel cake.
Was she gone? Something shifted inside him—a near panic that turned his blood to ice.
He wouldn’t blame her if she’d left. He hadn’t been very easy to live with recently. He glanced at Javier and Leah, so obviously in love. A relationship like that didn’t come along every day.
If he would just let himself, he could share that same closeness with Jordana. God knew she’d tried. She’d been as patient with him as a saint, but he’d acted like a jackass.
What the hell was wrong with him? He was married to the most wonderful, giving woman in the world, yet he couldn’t seem to get his own emotional act together. A voice of reason he didn’t recognize that seemed to come from a place deep inside of him that he’d never known existed sco
lded him and told him if he didn’t get himself together he was going to lose the one woman in the world he could ever love.
He started to set down his champagne glass, but Luis Mendoza raised his own to toast his son’s love. Scanning the tent for any possible trace of Jordana, Tanner edged his way toward the exit as Luis saluted his son and future daughter-in-law. “It is evident that my son Javier’s remarkable transformation is not just physical,” said Luis. “It’s simply amazing what the power of love can do for a person. So, tonight, please join me in raising a glass to Javier and Leah. May their love be blessed with many children and an eternity of happiness that they can only know with each other.”
As Tanner reached the tent’s exit, he hoped and prayed that he wasn’t too late to save his own marriage.
Chapter Thirteen
Jordana hated to run away from such a romantic declaration, but if she’d stayed, her tears would’ve done more harm than her presence would’ve done good.
Javier’s words had opened a place in Jordana that she knew she’d been ignoring for far too long. It was time to stop kidding herself. Tanner Redmond did not love her. He didn’t even remotely like anything about who she was or what she represented.
He was a guy who liked bold, sexy and forward, when she was timid, two steps removed from virginity and a little prudish when it came to sharing her body. Well, maybe not prudish, just conservative. But Tanner made her feel prudish and that was no way to spend the rest of her life. As she was standing under the pavilion listening to Javier, all she could think was, Yes, this is the way love is supposed to be. It didn’t have to be twisted and painful. Love should be the natural merging of two souls. It should be so strong that even tornado-force winds can’t tear it apart.
Javier and Leah were the picture of everything that was right with love. She and Tanner were an example of a great big don’t.
And to think she really had believed she could love him. Well, she did love him. That was the pathetic part. He didn’t love her back. He may have been willing to stay in a relationship that was more business arrangement than it was affair of the heart, but just as Javier had pointed out, life was too short.
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