A Mother's Wish

by Dilly Court

  ‘So you’ve met him then.’

  Effie stared at her, thinking she must have misheard. ‘I’m sorry, what did you say?’

  ‘Beware, little one. The heart leads us down strange pathways, and you will soon have to choose which one to take. You will find love only to lose it again. I see treachery and dark water, mist and hidden danger.’

  Chapter Six

  EFFIE TRIED HARD to put Gert’s grim warning out of her mind, and for the most part she was successful. Her days were filled from the moment she awakened in the morning until late at night when she curled up on the bunk with Georgie in her arms. Each morning she helped Leah set up her stall while Georgie played with the children under Jessie’s strict eye. Then it was time to practise the act with Arnoldo, but first Effie made sure that the interior of his caravan was clean and tidy. Having brought Arnoldo’s home up to a reasonable standard of cleanliness it was just a matter of tidying up after him each day, and Effie found herself slipping into the role of confidante.

  Arnoldo, it seemed, had fallen madly in love with Ethel, the bareback rider, but Elmo was fiercely protective of his sister, and did not consider the strong man to be good enough for her. Effie had tried several times to talk to the elusive Ethel, but she was shy and seemed to be very much under the influence of her brother, although he did occasionally allow her to assist Dr Destiny to peddle his pills and potions. Ethel was also called upon to help Jed when the occasion arose, and this was usually to calm a nervous patient or to spirit them away and help staunch the blood if the afflicted gums continued to haemorrhage. Effie had begun to suspect that Jed also harboured feelings for Ethel, and, as Arnoldo was also aware of this fact, she feared that the two strong men might resort to fisticuffs as they battled for the young lady’s affections.

  Despite all this heightened emotion, Effie considered that she had her own feelings under control. Her heart did a little skip and a jump every time she saw Frank, but although he was always nice to her, there was nothing in his manner to suggest that the attraction was mutual. She tried to convince herself that this was good, although deep down she was a little disappointed, but whatever her own personal feelings might be Effie remained focused on her main aim which was to find Tom. Arnoldo paid her a small wage for her part in the show but it was barely enough to feed herself and Georgie. To her chagrin, she was often forced to rely on the generosity of the other fairground folk who gave her meat for the pot, usually rabbit or pigeon that the younger boys went out on the common to snare. Effie’s lack of anything decent to wear had been noticed by Laila, who came to the caravan one morning with a brightly coloured array of clothes which she said were outmoded. Effie would be doing her a favour if she took them off her hands as they were taking up room in her van and she needed the space. It was all said with such a charming smile and the kindliest of intentions that Effie could not refuse. In fact she was delighted to have something clean and pretty to wear, even if the garments were a little flamboyant for her taste.

  At the end of a fortnight there was still no sign of Toby or Tom. The fair was being packed up ready to leave the next day, but without a horse Effie had no way of moving her caravan. She sought out Frank senior and found him busy taking the merry-go-round apart. ‘Mr Tinsley, may I have a word with you?’

  He looked down at her from the top of the canopy. ‘What can I do for you, Miss Effie?’

  ‘The first thing is that I don’t have a horse to pull my van, and secondly, I’ve never handled the reins before.’

  He climbed down to stand beside her. ‘The two-headed bitch took a couple of our best horses when she ran off with the lizard man, but that’s hardly your fault. We always keep some spare nags so that’s not a problem, and I’ll get Frank junior to show you how to harness the beast. He can drive you tomorrow and teach you how to handle the reins. It’s not difficult, and you seem like a bright girl, you’ll soon learn.’

  He went back to his work and Effie could see that it was useless to protest, and she had no valid excuse for refusing Frank junior’s help. The thought of spending time alone with him was exciting, but admitting her attraction for another man so soon after Owen’s death made her feel guilty. Gert’s grim warning was never far from her mind and that only added to her dilemma.

  ‘Stuff and nonsense,’ she murmured as she walked back to her van. ‘You’re just being foolish, Effie Grey.’ She smiled as she saw Georgie and some of the children playing ring-a-roses under Jessie’s watchful eye, and seeing his happy face made Effie even more conscious of how their lives had changed for the better. Even so, she could not forget that the Margaret should have been Georgie’s birthright. She did not care for herself but she minded very much for her son, and for Owen also. Not for the first time, she was thankful that he could not see how his father had treated them. She went inside the van to finish making everything secure for the journey to their next camp on Wanstead Flats where there was an annual summer fair. Effie had asked Zilla if she thought that Toby might be there, and she had nodded emphatically. Toby Tapper, she had said, was never one to miss a good business opportunity. Effie could only hope that Zilla was right as she packed the pieces of china that Leah had given her by way of payment for helping on the stall. She wrapped them in newspaper and stowed them away so that they would not get broken as the cart rattled over rutted tracks. Having satisfied herself that she could do no more that afternoon, she went outside to sit on the steps and enjoy a brief respite.

  She leaned back against the door, closing her eyes and welcoming the soft caress of the sunshine. There would be one show tonight and then she had been advised to get a good night’s sleep as they would leave early in the morning. Tomorrow she might see Toby and she prayed that Tom would be with him.

  ‘You look so peaceful that it’s a shame to disturb you.’

  Effie opened her eyes and found herself looking up into Frank’s handsome face. She knew that she was blushing but she hoped that he would mistake it for a healthy flush brought about by exposure to the sun. ‘Good evening, Frank.’

  He put one booted foot on the bottom step, leaning forward so that his face was close to hers. She could smell the male scent of him and the salty tang of clean sweat. She smiled shyly. ‘Did your pa send you?’

  He held out his hand. ‘He did, my dear. I’m to find you a good strong horse and show you how to deal with him. Tomorrow I’m to drive you to Wanstead and I’ll teach you how to handle the reins. We’ll have a very pleasant journey, Miss Effie.’

  ‘If we’re to be travelling companions I think you could call me Effie.’

  ‘Effie it is then.’ He took her by the hand. ‘Come, we’ll choose a nice quiet animal that won’t give you any cause for alarm. You aren’t frightened of horses are you?’

  She allowed him to help her to her feet. ‘No, certainly not. I used to groom Champion and sometimes I led him along the towpath, when Owen was alive.’

  Frank met her gaze with a sympathetic smile. ‘Your late husband?’

  ‘Yes. Owen died of consumption before Georgie was born.’

  ‘And you lived on a narrowboat. I’ve always thought that that must be a nice peaceful way of life. Quite different from the hectic way we live.’ He squeezed her hand and his eyes caressed her face. ‘We’ll have plenty of time to talk tomorrow. I’d like to hear every detail of your past, Effie. I’m looking forward to our time together.’

  All next day the cavalcade of caravans, carts and wagons plied its way along the dusty road which crossed the marshes and skirted the deep green depths of Epping Forest. It was late evening by the time Frank drew the horse to a halt, and he leapt from his seat to unharness the tired animal and allow it to join the others as they slaked their thirst in the nearby pond. Having consumed a bowl of bread and milk purchased from a farm along the way, Georgie had been asleep for the last couple of miles and he lay in Effie’s arms, the picture of contentment. She raised herself with difficulty, realising with a feeling of pride that her small son had put
on weight since leaving the Margaret, and she was certain that he had grown at least an inch. She carried him into the van and laid him on the bunk, tucking a blanket around him and dropping a kiss on his cheek. Having satisfied herself that he was safe and unlikely to awaken until morning, Effie climbed down the wooden steps and stretched her cramped limbs. All around her was a hive of activity as the men began to unload the wagons and set up the stalls while the women set about making camp, lighting fires and preparing the evening meal. Set free after a long day of enforced inactivity, the older children shrieked joyfully as they raced about.

  Spirals of smoke began to drift upwards into an opal sky, and the aroma of cooking mingled with the scent of woodsmoke. Effie set about building the fire as Leah had shown her. Orange tongues of flame licked around the kindling and Effie added more wood. Satisfied that it was burning well she reached for the wooden pail, intent on fetching water, but a strong male hand covered hers and she looked up into Frank’s engaging smile.

  ‘Allow me, Effie.’

  Pride would not allow her to accept without a protest, however mild. ‘It’s all right, Frank. I can manage on my own, ta.’

  ‘I’m sure you can, but you must be tired and you don’t want the boy to wake up and find himself all alone.’

  It was the most persuasive argument that he could have chosen and Effie gave in without any further objections. She watched him stride off towards the pond and her heart went out to him. It was a long time since a man had given her his undivided attention and for the most part Frank had been the perfect travelling companion. She had found herself telling him about the hardships of the workhouse, of her time working as a barmaid for Ben Hawkins and her brief marriage to Owen. She glossed over the treatment she had received from Jacob, but she told him about Tom’s plight and her desperate attempts to find him. She ended with the hope that he was safe with Toby. Frank had listened attentively until then, but at the mention of Toby’s name his manner had altered and he had turned to her with a scowl marring his good looks.

  ‘You should not have anything to do with a man like Tapper. He’s a didicoi and a cheat.’

  ‘That’s not true. Toby has been a good friend to me.’

  ‘Don’t ever put your trust in a man like him. He’s bad news, Effie. Very bad news.’

  ‘I think I might know him a bit better than you, Frank,’ Effie had said defensively. ‘And I’m getting a bit tired of everyone warning me about Toby.’ She had realised that he was about to argue and she managed to change the subject, but his words still rankled.

  Even now, as she threw a log on the fire and waited for him to return with the water, she was still a little angry with him. But perhaps Frank was simply jealous? The thought warmed her chilled heart, although she could not quite forget the steel in his eyes or the harsh tone of his voice as he had spoken of Toby.

  Effie sighed heavily as she started peeling potatoes to put in the pot. She had a small supply of carrots, onions and cabbage, bought from a stallholder in one of the many market gardens through which they had passed. There was no meat for the stew but she had flour and lard which she intended to form into dough and bake in the hot wood ash. Zilla had shown her how to make this unleavened bread and it served to fill an empty belly, even if it could not compare with a loaf hot from a baker’s oven.

  Frank returned moments later and set the bucket down on the ground. ‘I’ll get back to my own van now then, Effie. Have you everything you need for tonight?’

  Looking up into his liquid brown eyes, Effie forgot that they had ever had a disagreement and she smiled. ‘Won’t you stay and have supper with me, Frank? It seems the least I can do after you’ve been so good to me.’

  He knelt down by her side, taking the paring knife and the half-peeled potato from her hand. ‘I’d be pleased to, my dear. I hear from Zilla that you’re a very good cook and my old folks won’t mind if I miss a meal with them. It will mean all the more for Pa, who has an appetite like a horse.’

  The supper of boiled vegetables flavoured with wild garlic and mopped up with the smoky-tasting, slightly burnt bread might not have been food for the gods, but seated close to Frank with the sun sinking slowly behind a curtain of violet and crimson clouds, Effie felt as though she was in a delightful dream. She could feel the warmth from his body and as he reached out to place his wooden bowl on the grass she saw the muscles ripple in his sun-tanned forearm, bare to the elbow where he had rolled up his shirtsleeves. As he turned to her with a smile, she allowed her eyes to travel down the strong column of his throat to where the open neck of his shirt revealed a tantalising hint of golden flesh, warmed by the sun like a ripe peach.

  She raised her eyes to his face and almost drowned in the depths of his ardent gaze. His arms enfolded her and she abandoned herself to the moment, parting her lips and sighing as she returned his passionate embrace.

  It was over so suddenly that she opened her eyes, blinking into the darkness that seemed to have embraced the encampment like a velvet blanket. In the glow of the camp fire she saw Frank rise to his feet. He bent down to brush a lock of hair back from her forehead and his lips grazed her cheek. ‘Goodnight, Effie, my love.’

  Despite the heat from the fire and the warmth of the evening, Effie shivered. She felt cold suddenly and very much alone. She leapt to her feet and caught his hand as he was about to walk away. ‘Frank?’

  He glanced down at her hand clutching his arm and he frowned. ‘I’m sorry, my dear. I should not have kissed you. It was a mistake.’

  The whole day seemed to flash before Effie’s eyes; they had been so close, as if they had known each other for years instead of days. Surely he could not have kissed her with such tenderness if he had not felt something for her? ‘A mistake, Frank? I don’t understand . . .’

  He unclasped her fingers, one by one, but he did not look her in the eyes. ‘I like you very much, but I have an understanding with someone else.’

  ‘You are in love with another woman?’

  A wry smile twisted Frank’s lips. ‘I didn’t say that, Effie. We fairground folk marry within our own circle. It makes sense and marriages are arranged by our families long before we are old enough to make a choice for ourselves.’

  ‘But that is dreadful,’ Effie exclaimed, shocked to the core. ‘Who is this woman? It isn’t Ethel, is it?’

  ‘It isn’t Ethel. The young lady in question travels with another fair. We are going to be married when we meet up at Lammas.’

  ‘But that is only a few weeks away.’ Effie controlled her raging emotions with a determined effort. ‘I wish you every happiness then, Frank.’

  She turned away so that he would not see the hurt and chagrin in her eyes but he caught her by the shoulders and twisted her round to face him. ‘I am sorry, Effie. I didn’t mean to hurt you and I didn’t intend to fall in love with you, but it happened all the same.’

  ‘You – you love me?’ Effie raised her startled gaze to look him in the eyes. ‘You say that you love me, Frank?’

  ‘From the first moment I saw you, but I thought I could control my feelings and I find that I can’t. I never meant to hurt you or to give you false hope.’

  His last words stung her like a whiplash and she broke free from his grasp, backing away from him. ‘False hope? You make it sound as though I am desperate. I loved my husband, and this was just a moment of – of silliness. It was nothing, Frank. I am not hurt and I wish you well, but I won’t be here to dance at your wedding. I will leave the fair as soon as I get word of my brother.’

  Frank bowed his head. ‘If it could be any other way, Effie.’

  ‘Go back to your van, please. It’s been a long day and I’m very tired.’ She did not watch as Frank walked away, but turned her attention to dousing the fire and making it safe for the night. She was so absorbed in her task that she did not hear the soft footfalls on the springy turf and she turned with a start at the sound of Leah’s gruff voice.

  ‘I could have told you it would en
d in tears, girl.’

  Effie turned to face her. ‘I hardly know him, so no harm done.’

  ‘You like him though, Effie. I can see it in your eyes, and Frank wants you; that’s clear for anyone to see.’ Leah knocked her clay pipe on the heel of her boot, sending a shower of ash into the embers of the fire. ‘He’s spoken for, but I think he must have told you that.’

  Effie nodded her head. ‘He did, and I understand. It was just a little flirting, nothing more.’