A Mother's Wish

by Dilly Court

  Ben greeted them enthusiastically, calming Effie’s worries about upsetting his wife with the news that Mrs Hawkins had gone to visit her sick mother and was not expected back for an hour or more. He drew a pint of small beer for Tom, a glass of port for Effie and lemonade for Georgie. ‘Now then,’ Ben said, leaning his elbows on the bar counter. ‘I hear that you’ve set up home. Betty keeps me up to date.’

  ‘She’s been a marvel,’ Effie said sincerely. ‘But we need to find work, Ben. We’ve been out since first thing this morning and tried just about everywhere.’

  His good-natured face crumpled into a frown. ‘I’d take you on here like a shot, Effie, but the wife wouldn’t stand for it. She’s taken against you for no good reason other than your pretty face, and it would be more than my life is worth to give you work. It’s a crying shame, because you drew the punters in like bees round a honey pot.’

  ‘And that’s the trouble,’ Tom said, winking. ‘My sister has all the blokes running after her.’

  Effie felt the blood rush to her cheeks. ‘That’s not funny, Tom.’

  ‘He’s right,’ Ben said, nodding his head in agreement. ‘You’re a fine-looking woman, Effie. Your pretty face works for you and it works against you.’

  ‘You could go on the stage,’ Tom said, grinning. ‘Only you can’t sing and you’ve got two left feet.’ He dodged Effie’s hand as she went to cuff him round the head, but in doing so he knocked his tankard over and the beer spilled in a cascade over her blouse and skirt.

  ‘You’re soaked to the skin,’ Ben said sympathetically. ‘Betty’s in the kitchen. Go through, Effie.’

  Tom scooped Georgie up in his arms. ‘You stay with me, young man. Give your ma a bit of peace and quiet for a change.’

  Effie did not stop to argue. She went through to the kitchen, leaving a trail of beer in her wake. Betty took one look at her dishevelled state and threw up her hands. ‘Lord, girl, you smell like a brewery. Take them wet things off.’

  ‘I can’t walk about half naked,’ Effie protested. ‘What if Mrs Hawkins comes home early?’

  ‘She won’t, and you can’t go traipsing about London like that. You’ll catch your death of cold if you go out in that state. Now take everything off that’s wet and I’ll fetch a towel.’ Without waiting for an answer Betty hurried from the kitchen.

  Effie was cold and wet and the smell of ale was making her feel queasy. Glancing nervously over her shoulder to make certain that there was no one about, she took off her clothes and hung them over a chair near the range. She moved closer to the fire, shivering and holding her hands out to the blaze, but the sound of footsteps in the stable yard made her turn with a start. She stared helplessly at the outer door as it opened and a tall man strode into the kitchen, shaking snow off his caped greatcoat and stamping his boots on the floor. He took off his hat sending a shower of ice crystals into the air. ‘By God. It’s you, Effie, and you’re half naked.’

  Chapter Eighteen

  HE WAS STANDING in the shadows outside the pool of light created by the fire and the oil lamp hanging above the kitchen table, but Effie would have known him anywhere. It was as if the genie had suddenly appeared without being summoned. A jumble of emotions left her confused and not a little embarrassed to be caught in a state of undress. She crossed her arms over her breasts, which were partly exposed above the tight confines of her stays. ‘Toby. What are you doing here?’

  He tossed his hat onto a chair. ‘I might ask the same of you.’ He shrugged off his greatcoat and wrapped it around her shoulders. ‘Why are you standing half naked in Ben Hawkins’ kitchen?’

  ‘I don’t think that’s any of your business,’ Effie said, clutching the garment around her shivering body. It was still warm and it hung to the floor in heavy folds enveloping her like a hug. ‘You can’t just walk in and out of our lives and expect to pick up where we left off.’

  ‘I went to Marsh House but Nellie told me you’d moved on. I thought that Ben might have seen you, although I didn’t realise quite how much of you was on view.’ Toby’s lips twitched and his eyes twinkled. ‘I assume that the good Mrs Hawkins is not at home.’

  ‘Don’t be ridiculous. There’s a perfectly simple explanation.’

  He folded his arms across his chest, angling his head. ‘I doubt if the excellent Maggie would see it that way.’

  ‘Stop teasing me. You know it’s not like that. Tom accidentally spilt beer all over me and Betty has gone to fetch a towel. Are you satisfied now?’

  ‘Completely. I never doubted your innocence, Mrs Grey.’

  His mock serious expression elicited an unwilling giggle from Effie. She had been feeling tense and agitated after the frustrations of the day, but in happier times Toby had always known how to make her laugh. She realised with a jolt of surprise that she had missed his company, but she was not going to let him get off so easily. ‘l think you owe me an explanation, Toby Tapper. You left without a word and you took the mare, even though I’d asked you if I might keep her for a while.’

  He shrugged his shoulders. ‘And where would you have gone if I had done as you asked? You’d have chased after Frank and found him to be a happy bridegroom with a doting young wife.’

  The truth of this statement hurt and she reacted angrily. ‘If I had chosen to return to the fair it would have been my business. You waltz in and out of our lives as and when you please and then you have the nerve to tell me what to do.’

  ‘I’ve tried to take care of you and the boys.’

  ‘If you think that abandoning us in that sad house on the marshes was looking after us, I’m afraid you’re sadly mistaken.’

  ‘I’m not used to taking responsibility for anyone other than myself, I admit that, but I knew you would be safe and well cared for.’

  The teasing look had gone from his eyes and Effie knew that her angry words had hit a raw spot. She pursued her advantage ruthlessly. ‘You ran away, and you keep running from the truth, just as Mr Westlake does. You are so obviously father and son and yet neither of you will admit it. Do you know what I think, Toby?’

  ‘No, but I’m sure you’re going to tell me.’

  ‘Yes, I am. It’s time someone told you a few home truths. I think that Mr Westlake loved your mother very deeply and is too frightened to let himself love again. He has closed his heart to emotion and taken refuge in drink and drugs.’

  ‘That may be true of the old man, but it has nothing to do with me.’

  Forgetting that she had next to nothing on beneath his heavy coat, Effie let it fall to the ground as she moved towards him with outstretched arms. ‘It has everything to do with you, Toby. You were just a child when your mother died and he sent you away. I think you are equally afraid to risk loving someone again as you loved her. She wouldn’t have wanted you to live like that.’

  Toby grasped her hands, looking deeply into her eyes. ‘You don’t know me, Effie. I left that poor little broken-hearted boy behind many years ago. I’m not the sort of fellow you should associate with. I’ve left a string of unhappy love affairs behind me.’

  ‘That’s as maybe, but I don’t think they meant anything to you.’ She drew one hand free from his grasp and laid it on his chest. She could feel his heart beating in time with her own. She met his intense gaze and experienced a surge of sympathy for the abandoned child she saw behind his carefree façade. ‘You need each other,’ she whispered softly. ‘The house on the marsh calls you back again and again. Go home, Toby. Give him a chance to explain his motives for sending you away. Get to know your father before it’s too late.’

  He was silent for a long moment but Effie held his gaze, stubbornly refusing to release him. She raised her hand and touched his cheek. ‘You are a good man, Toby. For all your faults you are the best friend I ever had.’

  His eyes darkened and he drew her into an embrace, kissing her softly so that her lips parted in a sigh. ‘Effie, you witch. You’ve cast a spell binding me to you so that I can never break free.’ He bre
athed the words into her hair, holding her so close that she could feel the warmth of his flesh beneath his thin cotton shirt. She made a vain attempt to pull away but his mouth was on hers, seeking, demanding, and robbing her of free will. She slid her arms around his neck, losing herself in his fierce embrace.

  ‘Good Lord give me strength.’ Betty’s shocked voice from the doorway made them draw apart.

  ‘Good day to you, Mrs Crooke.’ Toby released Effie, placing himself resolutely between them in an attempt to shield Effie from Betty’s shocked gaze.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Betty demanded. ‘Effie, have you lost your mind? You ought to know better than to act like a loose woman, and in my kitchen too.’

  ‘That’s not fair,’ Effie protested. ‘It was just a kiss.’

  ‘It looked like more than that from where I’m standing.’ Betty pushed Toby aside and she thrust a bundle of dry clothes into Effie’s hands. ‘Make yourself decent, and you, Toby Tapper, can go outside and wait in the yard until I call you in, although I don’t know what you’re doing in my kitchen in the first place.’

  ‘Why, I came looking for you, Betty my love,’ Toby said with a disarming smile.

  She shooed him out of the door. ‘Get on with you, you libertine.’

  ‘It wasn’t what you think,’ Effie said earnestly, as Betty turned on her with a worried frown. ‘It was just a little kiss in the heat of the moment. It meant nothing.’

  Betty shook her head. ‘It’s never nothing with a man like him. He’s a philanderer, Effie. I’ve known Toby for years and he’s kissed and run a dozen times or more, and that’s the ones I know about. Don’t let his handsome looks and sweet words fool you into believing him.’

  Effie turned away to hide her blushes. She might try to convince herself that it had been a casual embrace but the intensity of feeling that had passed between them could not be written off so easily. She covered her confusion by examining the garments that Betty had given her, holding up a dress of fine grey merino that looked almost new. ‘Whose is this, Betty? It’s not hers, is it?’

  ‘Well it ain’t mine and that’s for certain,’ Betty said, moving to the table where she had been preparing meat for the pot. ‘It is one of hers but she took a dislike to it although she’d only worn it the once. She said it made her skin look sallow and she put it out with the other things to be given to the poor.’

  Effie slipped the gown over her head. Her heartbeats had almost returned to normal and she managed a wry smile. ‘I think I qualify then. We’ve little money left, and if I don’t find work soon we won’t be able to pay the rent, let alone eat.’

  ‘Don’t do nothing silly,’ Betty said, jerking her head in the direction of the outer door. ‘Don’t let him lead you astray.’

  ‘I don’t know what you mean,’ Effie protested, although she had a fair idea and it was too embarrassing to acknowledge. ‘I told you, there’s nothing between me and Toby. It was a mistake.’

  ‘And it might have led to a bigger one if I hadn’t come in when I did. You’ll find there’s plenty of blokes who’ll try to get their feet under your table, and they won’t all have honourable intentions.’

  ‘Betty, please. I think I can take care of myself.’

  ‘You’ve never lived on your own until now and I’m telling you for nothing, it’s not easy bringing up a youngster without a man to protect you.’

  ‘I’ve got Tom.’

  ‘And he’s just a boy. I’m not joking, Effie. There’s men who will take whatever they can get, and if you let them have their way it’s you who’ll be left with more mouths to feed, if you get my meaning.’

  Effie was spared from answering by Toby. He put his head round the door, giving Betty his most appealing smile. ‘Is it safe to come in now, Betty my duck?’

  ‘Yes, come in, young man. I have a few words to say to you.’

  Effie snatched up the bundle containing her wet clothes. ‘I think I’d best be going now, Betty.’

  ‘I’m coming with you.’ Toby moved swiftly to Betty’s side and kissed her on the cheek. ‘The lecture will have to wait, but don’t worry, my intentions are totally dishonourable.’ Laughing, he dodged her hand as she went to cuff him round the ear.

  ‘They’d better not be,’ she retorted. ‘If you step out of line I’ll set my boys on you.’

  ‘I’m going,’ Effie said, making for the door. ‘I’ll see you again soon, Betty, and thanks for the gown and shawl.’

  ‘Maybe you’d best go out the back way,’ Betty suggested. ‘We don’t want you to bump into her ladyship when you’re wearing one of her cast-offs.’

  ‘I’ve stabled my horse here for the night,’ Toby said, slipping on his greatcoat. ‘I’ll go and see Ben about a room for myself and I’ll bring Tom and Georgie round to the stable yard. We’ll meet you there, Effie, and I’ll see you safely home.’

  With a fire burning merrily in the range and candles on the table, the small kitchen took on a homely atmosphere as they prepared to sit down to a meal of eel pie and mash, purchased by Toby who had invited himself to supper. Georgie’s head kept lolling sideways as he sat at the table, fighting to keep awake, after consuming a bowl of bread and milk. Finally Effie carried him upstairs and put him to bed. She bent down to kiss him goodnight, but he was already asleep. She tucked him in and tiptoed from the room, closing the door softly behind her.

  Downstairs Toby and Tom were sitting at the table waiting for her, their food as yet untouched.

  Toby leapt to his feet and pulled out a chair. ‘Sit down, my lady. Dinner is served.’

  ‘And I’m blooming starving,’ Tom said, attacking his meal with relish.

  Effie experienced a frisson of excitement fizzing through her veins as Toby’s hand grazed her shoulder, whether by chance or deliberately she had no idea, but either way the effect was startling. Her lips still tingled at the memory of his kiss and she met his gaze with a shy smile as he took his seat at the table. There was no hint of mockery or teasing in his eyes and they reflected the candlelight with a warm glow that melted her heart.

  ‘Eat up before it gets cold,’ she said, making an effort to sound normal although her heart was beating like a hammer against her ribs. She looked away, dazed and unsure of what had just passed between them. It must be hunger, she told herself as she attempted to eat, but it seemed that her appetite had disappeared together with commonsense and good judgement.

  Toby reached out and laid his hand over hers as it rested on the table. ‘This is the best eel pie in town,’ he said softly. ‘Don’t let it go to waste.’

  Her hand seemed to have a life of its own as her fingers curled around his. ‘I – I’m not as hungry as I thought I was,’ she murmured, losing herself in the depths of his gaze. She realised dimly that he had long, thick eyelashes that would have been the envy of any girl, and that tiny laughter lines radiated from the corners of his eyes. He raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. The tingling sensation went straight to her heart, making her gasp, but she drew her hand away quickly when Tom looked up from his plate, staring at them as if they had gone mad.

  ‘What’s up with you two?’ He eyed Effie’s full plate, licking his lips. ‘If you don’t want your grub, I’ll have it.’

  Effie forked up a piece of pie. ‘Eat yours first, greedy boy,’ she said, hoping he had not noticed the slight tremor in her voice. She put the food in her mouth but it stuck in her throat when she attempted to swallow. She took a sip of tea, trying not to look at Toby even though she could feel his eyes upon her.

  ‘It’s snowing again,’ Tom said, glancing out of the window at the white flakes hurling themselves at the glass panes.

  ‘I booked in at the pub,’ Toby said casually. ‘But perhaps you could put me up for the night. I can sleep on the floor; I’m used to roughing it.’

  Effie shot him a sideways glance beneath her lashes. ‘You’re welcome to stay, but we’ve only one chair in the front parlour. We haven’t managed to furnish the house properly
.’

  ‘He can have my bed,’ Tom said through a mouthful of pie. ‘I don’t mind dossing down on the floor. It wouldn’t be the first time.’

  ‘Thanks, Tom, but the chair in the parlour will suit me fine. I’ll be on my way in the morning.’

  Effie’s breath hitched in her throat. ‘You’re leaving so soon?’

  ‘I thought that was what you wanted, since I let you down so badly.’

  ‘You know you did. You left us at Marsh House without a second thought.’ She rose to her feet, unable to trust herself if she stayed to argue the point. ‘I’ll fetch some blankets and a pillow, but I’m afraid there’s not enough coal to light a fire in the front room.’

  ‘Can I finish up your supper now?’ Tom demanded.

  ‘Eat it if you like. It would choke me.’ Effie left the room heading blindly for the stairs, her emotions jumbled into a confusing tumult. The memory of that kiss was still uppermost in her mind, but it was her reaction to it that shocked her to the core. Toby caught up with her before she had a chance to mount the staircase and seized her in his arms. This time his kiss was neither gentle nor tender. His hands raked through her hair, sending pins flying in all directions, and he pressed her against the wall kissing her with a passion that made her weak at the knees. She knew she ought to resist. Betty’s warning rang in her ears but Effie was deaf to everything but the pounding of the blood racing through her veins. She had never been kissed like this before; neither Owen nor Frank had excited her to the point where she was ready to abandon everything to the moment. There was something feral and primeval in their mutual need for each other.

  Toby lifted her off her feet and carried her upstairs. ‘Which room?’ His voice was thick with desire and his breathing was ragged as he hesitated on the tiny landing. She clung to him, inhaling the scent of him until she was dizzy with longing. ‘The front room,’ she murmured, rubbing her cheek against his. He pushed the door open with his shoulder and laid her on the bed. The room was bathed in a white light reflected from the snow outside and warmed by the golden glow of a gas lamp a little further along the street. Effie stared up at him and she could see her face mirrored in his eyes. She knew that she ought to send him away, but a power stronger than herself had taken her over, body and soul. She reached up and drew his head down so that their lips met. ‘Don’t go,’ she whispered. ‘Don’t leave me again so soon.’