Other People's Bodies

by Amy Cross

  "I'm afraid she's in my soul," he says. "I don't know if I'll ever be able to stop thinking about her. I've had to hide all these feelings from my family, of course. They'd think I'm a monster. My brother, I suspect, knows that I loved his wife, but it would be another thing entirely if I came out into the open and affirmed as much. Elizabeth was a remarkable woman, and I treasure every moment I ever spent with her. She enlivened this place, and I have no doubt that she was capable of transforming the Heights and helping it to become a proper home for our family. Instead, following her departure, it became a mausoleum".

  I wait for him to continue.

  "Maybe she'll come back," I say awkwardly, after what feels like an eternity. "I mean, maybe..." My voice trails off as I realize that my words sound hollow.

  "Maybe she never went away," he replies, taking another sip of wine.

  "Do you think -"

  "It's not about what I think," he says, interrupting me. "Everyone has their own theories about what happened to Elizabeth. Some believe she walked out the door and abandoned us all. Others believe she ran screaming from the Heights and ended up in some kind of mental institution, hidden away by the family in an attempt to avoid embarrassment. Then there are those who think that she was murdered, or that she committed suicide and her death was covered up. I'm sure there are even people who think she was abducted by aliens, or that she turned into a mermaid and swam away. Some of the ideas are just ludicrous, and yet..." He pauses. "Do you know the strange part of it all, Laura? No-one has ever guessed the truth. All these ideas, and no-one has ever got it right".

  I stare at him. Is he saying what I think he's saying? Does he know what happened to Elizabeth?

  "Perhaps it's all in the past," he continues. "I know what people think. They're convinced that the Bannisters, as a family, are frozen in time, unable to move on. That might be true of my father and my brother, but as for me... I'm perfectly capable of moving on. I just want to wait for the perfect moment".

  "Because you know?" I ask. My heart's racing, and although I keep reminding myself not to panic, I can't help wondering if Edward's about to tell me something important.

  "Know what?" he replies.

  "What happened to her," I say. "Do you know what happened to Elizabeth?"

  He stares at me. "Of course," he says eventually. "I've always known. I was the one who..." His voice drifts away from a moment.

  "Is she alive?" I ask.

  He takes another sip of wine. "Yes," he says with a sigh. "She's still alive".

  "Then she ran away?" I continue.

  He shakes his head.

  "So where did she go?"

  "What do you think of the meal?" he asks brightly, as if he's trying to change the subject. "It's my specialty dish. I must have made it a hundred times or more over the years, each time perfecting the recipe a little further until..." He pauses. "Well, I don't want to sound arrogant, but I feel as if I've got it down to a fine art. Then again, what do you think? Does it meet your standards?"

  "It's great," I say, even though my appetite has been entirely lost. "Edward," I continue, "I have to ask you something. Did you invite me to dinner tonight because -"

  "To confess?" He stares at me. "I invited you to dinner because I always knew, from the moment you came to the Heights, that this night would happen".

  "Huh," I say, starting to feel extremely uncomfortable. To be honest, I'm worried that Edward has somehow managed to get me mixed up in his emotional connection to Elizabeth. After all, something tells me he probably didn't accidentally use Elizabeth's name while he was sleeping with Rachel. I feel as if I need to be careful in order to make sure that I don't end up in an even more uncomfortable situation. I need to be polite, finish my meal, and go back to my room.

  "Let me tell you something about Elizabeth," he says. "She was a kind woman. She was lost and confused, and she didn't know how to deal with this family, but she had a kind and good heart, and she was blindingly intelligent. She was also very beautiful. I know that it's a terrible burden to place on a woman, to claim that she's perfect, but there was really no weakness in Elizabeth's personality. Perhaps she could have dealt with the Bannisters better, but then she would have had to have been harder and more devious, and I'm not sure that would have suited her at all. It's better that she wasn't able to fit in with our way of doing things. When I sent her away -" He stops speaking suddenly, as if he's aware that he's said too much.

  "You sent her away?" I ask.

  "Would that surprise you?"

  "So she did leave?"

  "Not for long". He pauses. "I couldn't stand the thought of losing her, but at the same time I knew that things had run their course. She was being driven mad by this place, and we all - myself included - had made some terrible mistakes in our dealing with her. By the time of her departure, she was almost insane. She hated my brother, and she hated me. I don't blame her. It was our fault, but whereas my brother became angry and morose, I knew that there was still a chance to set things straight. I grew up believing that second chances were impossible, but finally, with Elizabeth, I saw that there might be a way..."

  I take a sip of wine.

  "I'm sorry," he continues. "I meant to explain this all in a more rational manner".

  "So she came back," I reply, "and then... she left again?"

  He shakes his head.

  "She can't still be here -"

  "Can't she?"

  "No," I say firmly, before waiting for him to continue. "Maybe we should talk about this another time," I add, feeling as if I need to get back to my room. This meal has rapidly become way too intense for my liking, and I definitely don't want to get dragged too deeply into whatever mess Edward has created. In fact, I'm starting to feel as if I should pack my bags and get away from the Heights forever.

  "Stay," he says.

  We sit in silence for a moment.

  "You were thinking of leaving, weren't you?" He stares at me. "I'd like you to stay a moment longer".

  "I've waited so long for this to happen," he says eventually. "I always knew that one day I'd have the chance to put things right, but still, it's hard to deal with the truth when it finally arrives. I'm afraid you're going to think that I'm an awful monster, Laura. You're going to see a side of me that you could never have even guessed existed, but it's time for the truth to come out".

  "It's okay," I say. "You don't have to -"

  "Yes," he says firmly. "I do". After carefully folding his napkin, he stands up. "I want to show you everything," he continues. "I want you to understand what happened here. Everything has been leading up to this moment. You'll understand soon, I promise. All that remains is for me to show you a part of the hotel that you never knew existed, and then I can make you understand the truth about what happened all those years ago". He pauses for a moment. "I think, Laura, that it's time for you to meet Elizabeth".

  Elizabeth

  Five years ago

  "You can't leave," Edward says, staring at me as if it's the most horrific idea he's ever heard. "You... You just can't!"

  "If I stay," I reply, speaking slowly and trying to hold myself together, "everyone's just going to get hurt. It's best for Luke if I go. This marriage was a mistake. I took the easy route, but now I have to do the right thing, even if it's hard".

  "It'll get better," he says, getting up from his chair and coming over to join me on the sofa. "I know Luke can be immature sometimes, but he'll change. I'll speak to him. We'll all speak to him. We'll make him see sense. The last thing that can be allowed to happen is..." His voice trails off, and he seems to be genuinely in shock.

  "I'm going to start working out where to go," I continue. "Originally I was going to give it three months, but now I see that there's no point waiting. There's something about him that seems different these days, as if he changed as soon as we got married. Luke just expects very different things from me. It's as if he thinks I've got this role to fulfill, and any time I step out of that role, he gets
mad".

  "I'll talk to him," Edward replies.

  "That's sweet," I tell him, "but in a way, it's part of the problem".

  He stares at me, and it's clear that he doesn't understand.

  "This is about Luke and me," I continue. "Not Luke and you, or Luke and your father. It's about him and me, and it shouldn't have to involve the rest of the family. If we can't fix this without you all getting involved, then it's already too late. I mean, what are you going to do next? Phone Juliet at boarding school and get her to come and fix things? This marriage isn't a family project, Edward".

  "I know my brother," he replies. "I know what he's like, and how to -"

  "He has to change," I say firmly, managing to hold back the tears. "People change when they get married. It's inevitable. I want my husband to be a man, instead of being a kid who still gets into fist fights with his brother. You can understand that, right?" I wait for him to answer, but I can tell from the look in his eyes that he doesn't really get what I'm saying. I swear to God, sometimes I feel as if Edward and Luke are both emotionally stunted. I find myself constantly having to explain proper adult emotions to them, and I'm sick of feeling like I have to be their mother or their therapist.

  "Let me talk to him one more time," Edward says eventually, "and maybe -"

  "That's not the answer".

  "Why don't the pair of you go away?" he asks. "Maybe on holiday? You could -"

  "That's not the answer either. It doesn't matter where we go. We'll still end up having to come back here, to the Heights".

  "Then..." He pauses, and it's clear that he's lost. "What is the answer?"

  I pause, and after a moment I bite my bottom lip. Edward seems so helpless and confused, and I feel as if I'm getting through to him for the first time. He's usually so calm and controlled, but now it's clear that at heart he's just as uncomfortable with real human emotions as his brother.

  "I want to fix this," he says. "I don't know how yet, but I want to fix it. You can't leave".

  "I can".

  "But if you leave..." He pauses, and for a moment it seems as if he might be the one who breaks down. Finally, after what feels like an eternity, he leans closer and kisses me gently on the lips for a couple of seconds.

  "Edward..." I start to say, pulling away.

  "Just reconsider," he whispers. "Things can be sorted out. Problems can be resolved. If you stay, everything will be okay". He pauses. "My brother doesn't deserve you, Elizabeth. He's a fool, and he doesn't see that he's the luckiest man in the world".

  As he leans closer again, I know I should pull away, but instead I allow him to kiss me. I don't actually kiss him back, but I certainly don't push him away or make him stop. Somehow, I've managed to convince myself that this is okay provided I don't participate, but finally I feel one of his hands starting to slip under the bottom of my shirt. I'm not wearing a bra, so after a few seconds his fingers brush against the nipple. I know this is wrong, but I feel as if I've been starved of human contact while I've been at the Heights. My mind keeps telling me to stop this, but my body wants to be held and loved.

  A few seconds later, after he's pulled my shirt away entirely, I'm sitting topless next to him. His hands caress my waist, while he leans down and kisses my breasts. I keep telling myself that this is okay, that I haven't done anything to encourage him or to join in, and I manage to suppress the voice in the back of my mind that keeps trying to get me to stop. I don't even know why I'm letting this happen, but it feels good to be touched so tenderly, and I feel as if he's slowly wiping away the memory of Luke's rough hands on my body. I need this. I need to do something that proves my marriage is over.

  The sofa creaks a little as I sit back, and I watch as Edward carefully and slowly slips my skirt down to expose my underwear. Every second seems to last forever, and as he removes my panties to reveal my full naked body, I realize that I'm never going to tell him to stop. My mind feels strangely tense, but it's as if my body has taken control, demanding the passion and tenderness that it's been missing for so long. As Edward's fingers move closer to my crotch, I realize that there's -

  "Edward?" asks Victor, pushing the door open before stopping as he sees what we're doing.

  "Jesus!" I shout, grabbing my skirt from the floor and trying to cover my naked body.

  "Get out!" Edward screams at him.

  "What the hell are you two doing?" Victor asks, staring at us.

  "Get out!" Edward screams again, running across the room and physically forcing his father out into the corridor. "This is none of your business!" he shouts, before stepping back inside and pushing the door shut.

  I sit in silence, with the skirt clutched to my chest.

  "He won't tell him," Edward says breathlessly, standing with his back to me.

  "What?" I ask, feeling as if my mind is completely blank. My heart is pounding in my chest, and I feel as if, at any moment, I'm going to realize the true enormity of what just happened.

  "My father," he continues, finally turning to me. "He won't tell Luke what he saw. Trust me. I know him".

  "But..." I pause, still waiting for the panic to hit me. I know it's going to happen, but right now I'm still in the blank, shocked phase. "We..."

  "I'll deal with it," he says. "Don't worry. I'll fix everything".

  "No," I reply, struggling to know what to say. "You can't fix it".

  "I can," he replies firmly. "Believe me. I know what to do. I've been waiting my whole life for this day to come". He watches for a moment as I start to get dressed. "You don't need to do that, Elizabeth. You can wait right here while I make sure everything's okay".

  "I have to go," I mutter, panicking so much that I can barely get my clothes back on properly.

  "No," he says, hurrying over to me and grabbing my shoulders. "If anyone has to go, it's him. Luke can leave, and you can stay. This can be our home".

  "This was a mistake," I tell him.

  "Of course it wasn't".

  "Yes!" I shout, pulling away. Close to tears, I finally manage to start re-buttoning my shirt. "We should never have done this! I came here to talk to you, not to end up..." I look over at the sofa. "If Victor hadn't walked in," I continue, "you know what we would have done. No matter what's happened to my marriage, I'm not the kind of person who cheats. You know that, right? I'd leave Luke, but I'd never cheat on him". I pause for a moment, and it's clear from the look of blank incomprehension on Edward's face that he doesn't understand. "I have to go," I say, pushing past him.

  "Wait!" he says, grabbing my arm.

  Without answering, I hurry out into the corridor and run toward the elevators. I don't even know where I'm going, but I know I can't stay here. I think I just made the biggest mistake of my life, and I might have set in motion a chain of events that I won't be able to control.

  Laura

  Today

  "The basement has always been mine," Edward says as he leads me along one of the hotel's many abandoned corridors. "Ever since I was a child, I've been careful to ensure that others keep out. Luke was always more interested in playing outside, of course, and our sister Juliet, before she left for boarding school, preferred to spend her time upstairs, talking to the guests. The basement was my refuge, and over time I was able to lock the rest of the world out. It was a remarkable achievement, but at the same time, I think that perhaps it reinforced certain undesirable traits in my personality".

  Stopping by a small door, he takes out a key.

  "Maybe we should do this another day," I say, figuring that Edward seems to be emotionally overwhelmed right now. I don't quite know what's caused this change in his character, but I can only assume that the renovation work has encouraged him to start dwelling on the past. Although I'm wary of overreacting, I feel as if I'm edging toward the point at which I'm going to have to accept that this place has become way too crazy. Maybe it's time to try leaving again.

  "No," he says quietly. "Right from the start, this was always supposed to be the moment".<
br />
  "The moment for what?" I ask, noticing that his hand is trembling as he holds the key.

  "You'll understand," he mutters. "I know it must all seem very strange right now, but I swear, when you understand what's really happening here, you're going to be so relieved".

  "Can't you just tell me?"

  "I want you to know that there's..." He pauses. "Laura, I want you to feel absolutely safe. If you're worried about me, if you're scared that I might hurt you or that you might be in any danger, I'd rather you said so and returned to your room. I can assure you that I merely want to show you something that will help you to understand the truth about Elizabeth, and about this family, but you must only come down here with me if you do so of your own free will, and without fear".

  "It's fine," I mutter, figuring that while Edward might be strange, I'm still convinced that he's a good man at heart. Besides, I can't shake the feeling that this situation is strangely familiar. Hearing a faint noise nearby, I turn and see that Luke is at the far end of the corridor, watching us. He clearly doesn't mind us knowing that he's here, and to an extent I'm slightly relieved by the fact that he seems to be behaving strangely not only around me but also around his brother. Still, I'd rather not have attracted his attention at all.

  "Don't worry about my brother," Edward says. "He's a ghoul. He wants to watch, but he's too scared to come close. He's always been like that, even before..." His voice trails off.

  "Before Afghanistan?" I ask.

  "Not quite," Edward replies, unlocking the door before pulling it open. "I'd let you go first," he says, "but you don't know the way and, besides, I have a feeling that you'd be more comfortable if I took the lead. The basement here is huge, and I really only use a small part of it".

  As he steps through the door and starts walking down the steps, I glance back at Luke. I know that following Edward into the basement might seem like a bad idea, but at the same time I feel as if I can trust him. Maybe I'm insane, and maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think he's evil. Misguided, maybe, and haunted by the ghosts of his mistakes, but I don't for one moment feel as if he'd ever hurt me. Taking a deep breath, I start making my way down the steps, while reaching into my purse and double-checking that I still have the knife I grabbed from the table before we left the bar.