You're Mine Now

by Koppel, Hans

  ‘I want to go home,’ Hedda said in a thin, pleading voice. ‘To my mum.’

  ‘Your mum’s coming here,’ Erik said. ‘She’s on her way, she’ll be here any minute now. I’m going to show you something I showed her a few weeks ago.’

  He shifted into gear and wound his way up past the golf course towards the lighthouse.

  ‘It’s fantastic,’ he said.

  ‘I want to have my phone.’

  ‘You’ll get your phone. As soon as I’ve shown you the view.’

  They came to the parking place up by the lighthouse. Erik opened the door and had to hold on to it so the wind wouldn’t blow it wide open. Hedda stayed demonstratively where she was.

  ‘I don’t want to see the view,’ she said.

  Erik closed the door and smiled, in an attempt to recapture the trust between them.

  ‘It’s not dangerous,’ he said.

  Hedda was trembling with tears that were welling up inside. Erik gently stroked her cheek.

  ‘Have you seen Titanic?’

  Hedda looked at him.

  ‘The film, I mean,’ Erik explained.

  Hedda nodded.

  ‘You know the bit when they’re standing right out on the prow, do you remember that?’

  ‘Mm.’

  ‘Well, it’s like that. It won’t take long. A minute or so, then you’ll get your mobile phone back. Your mum loved it. You can stand there and scream into the wind. Everything you’ve got. It feels great afterwards, all the bad things are gone. Your mum wanted me to show you, she asked me to take you here. When she comes you can tell her that you’ve seen it already. It’s not dangerous, I’ll hold on to you.’

  ‘Promise.’

  Erik smiled at her, stroked her cheek once more.

  ‘I promise,’ he said, and opened the car door again.

  ‘I repeat, no blue lights, no sirens.’

  Karlsson was thrown against the window as Gerda took the roundabout by Viken at such speed that the car nearly lifted up on to two wheels.

  ‘Silent after Krapperup,’ Karlsson continued, when the car had stabilised again. ‘He’s threatening to throw the girl off the cliffs if he sees the police.’

  ‘Silent after Krapperup,’ the emergency switchboard repeated.

  ‘And nothing in the air. I’ll ring again.’

  Karlsson finished the call and phoned Anna on the number he’d been given.

  ‘Where are you?’

  ‘Nearly there, we’ve passed the golf course,’ she said. ‘We’ll be there any minute.’

  ‘Don’t challenge him. Talk to him, get him to relax.’

  ‘I can see the car,’ Anna screamed.

  The wind kept blowing and increased in strength when it whipped up the cliff face. It tugged and pulled at their hair and clothes.

  ‘Close your eyes,’ Erik said, with a steady hold on Hedda’s shoulders. ‘Don’t look. I’ll hold you.’

  He guided her in front of him.

  ‘I’m scared.’

  ‘You don’t need to be. I’m here, I’ll look after you. We’ll do it together.’

  He took her right to the edge.

  ‘And now hold your arms out like in the film.’

  ‘I don’t want to.’

  ‘Straight out, don’t be silly.’

  She obeyed reluctantly.

  ‘Now you open your eyes,’ Erik said.

  Hedda had been looking the whole time. She was standing on the very edge of the cliff. It was already dark, but she could see the waves exploding on the rocks below and throwing cascades of white foam high into the air.

  ‘I don’t want to,’ she said, and reversed back into Erik, who didn’t budge.

  ‘Can you feel the freedom?’ he asked, and held her shoulders hard. ‘It’s only when you’re here you really understand everything. How meaningless it all is. Our short lives. What we do and don’t do. How we think, everything we learn, engage in, our feelings. God, our feelings. So petty and unimportant.’

  Erik turned her round.

  ‘We barely exist. The waves down there, they’ll continue. Long after we’re gone.’

  ‘I don’t want to be here.’

  ‘Hedda. Look at me. See me.’

  She stared at him, frightened.

  ‘I’m talking, I’ve got something to say.’

  ‘I don’t want to.’

  ‘You’re an insignificant little girl. You listen to what I’ve got to say, do you understand?’

  She nodded in terror. Erik smiled like a patient teacher who had given his student a talking to and was now generously going to take them back into the fold.

  ‘Do you want your mobile phone back?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then I want you to scream.’

  Hedda didn’t understand.

  ‘Turn round, look out to sea and scream. With all your might, as loud as you can. Scream as if your life depended on it.’

  ‘I can’t scream.’

  ‘You can’t scream?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Your mum screamed. She screamed all the time. Here and other places.’

  ‘I don’t dare. Please, I don’t want to. I want to go.’

  ‘You can go. As soon as you’ve screamed, you can go. I’ll give you back your mobile and we can go. How old are you?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘You’ve got an age. How old are you?’

  Hedda didn’t understand.

  ‘Ten,’ she said, hesitantly.

  ‘Ten years old,’ Erik repeated, and nodded. ‘You’re a child. An insignificant girl of ten. Do you know why I took you here?’

  ‘I want to go home.’

  ‘Do you understand why? Do you understand what it will cost, what I’m prepared to do? What a sacrifice I’m being forced to make?’

  He hit her over the cheek. Hedda couldn’t get a word out. The shock of his slap made her shake. Erik got down on his knees in front of her, stroked her skin.

  ‘I didn’t mean to. You…’

  He hugged her hard, pressed his cheek against her stomach, looked up with pleading eyes.

  ‘Your mother fooled me, got me to believe. She used me. Do you know how it feels to be used? When someone pretends to be your friend, without being one? Imagine if you came home from school and your mum didn’t ask how your day was. Instead she sighed as if she thought you were just a nuisance. Would you like that? I don’t think you’d like that. That’s what it’s like for me. Just like that. Your mother sighs when she sees me. Not at first. At first she came to me. Came to my room at the hotel. To my flat in town. Everything was fine and she couldn’t get enough. Then one day it all changed. And I hadn’t done anything. She’d just got tired of me, regretted it.’

  He laughed, suddenly aware that he was talking to a child.

  ‘You don’t know what I’m talking about, do you?’

  ‘I don’t want to be here, I want to go home.’

  Erik took her hand, held it hard.

  ‘Then your grandmother came. She wanted something as well. Everyone’s the same, they all want something and I’m expected to give. To always be there, to never say no.’

  Hedda was crying silently, gulping in the air.

  ‘Always ready,’ Erik continued, with empty eyes. ‘Mum said I should be happy for what I’ve got. That there was nothing strange about it.’

  He shook his head for himself, looked up at Hedda.

  ‘I want you to jump with me.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘I want you to punish your mother for what she’s done. Like I paid for my mother’s sins, you’re going to pay for hers.’

  Hedda tried to pull back her hand. He was too strong. They both heard a noise and turned. The headlights from a car swept into the parking place and stopped with the beam pointing straight at them. The doors were thrown open.

  ‘Hedda!’

  Anna ran towards them. Hedda tried to wrench herself free, but Erik held on to her without any problem. He swung her round
towards the cliff edge and turned to face Anna.

  ‘One step closer and I’ll let go.’

  Anna stopped, held up her hands in a submissive gesture. The light from the car shone from behind her so she looked almost saintly.

  ‘Please, Erik, listen to me.’

  He shook his head, gave a nervous, accusing laugh.

  ‘You sent your mum.’

  ‘I didn’t.’

  ‘You sent your mum, she threatened me. Said that she knew and would tell. I tried to talk to her, really tried. She refused to listen.’

  ‘Erik. No matter what’s happened. Not Hedda. Do you understand what I’m saying? You can’t, not a child.’

  Erik swallowed nervously and shifted his feet. He dragged Hedda away from the edge and held her in front of him instead.

  ‘Let her go,’ Anna said, gently, and took a step towards them. ‘Let her go.’

  Erik didn’t know how to get out of the situation.

  ‘You fooled me,’ he said in an accusing tone. ‘You made me believe.’

  ‘I’m so sorry for everything I’ve done. But for God’s sake, not my daughter.’

  She took another step towards them, and Erik backed away instinctively, his foot was over the edge and he almost stumbled before regaining his balance. Anna stood with outstretched arms and an open mouth, frozen in terror. Erik pulled himself together first.

  ‘Stop, or I’ll jump. Back off.’

  Anna took a step back, bumped into Trude. They both moved back. Anna still had her hands out in front of her in an attempt to calm the situation.

  ‘Erik, I beg you. Let her go. She has nothing to do with us.’

  He nodded frantically.

  ‘Exactly,’ he said. ‘It’s you and me. Why won’t you see that? We’re made for each other. You can’t deny that it’s us, you and me.’

  Anna nodded.

  ‘Let her go. I’ll do whatever you want.’

  ‘Your mum,’ Erik said. ‘She didn’t understand, refused to see the obvious. She thought that we, you and me… A work do, she said, made it ugly. I tried to get her to understand, she laughed. She forced me, she didn’t give me any choice. But everything’s good now.’

  He nodded to himself several times.

  ‘My mum, yours,’ he said. ‘It’s the same for both of us, the same. We can start again, you and me.’

  He was talking to himself, he wasn’t looking at Anna any more, shaking his head uncontrollably.

  ‘Erik, listen to me. Erik.’

  He looked up. Anna swallowed.

  ‘Let Hedda go. Then we can talk.’

  Erik gave her a strange look, as if he’d just woken up and didn’t understand what she was talking about.

  ‘Let her go.’

  Erik looked down at his arms and discovered Hedda in front of him. Almost surprised, he let go of the girl. Hedda pulled herself clear and ran towards Anna, throwing herself into her arms. Keeping their eyes fixed on Erik, Hedda and Anna backed away. Slowly to begin with, tentatively, but when there was enough distance, they turned and ran. Only when they reached the car did they see that Erik was still standing there holding his arms out towards them, in a theatrical parting.

  ‘Mummy,’ he cried, and fell to his knees.

  He braced his hands on the ground and crawled towards the cliff. It looked like he was praying before he stood up and threw himself over the edge.

  52

  Erik fell silently to a certain death. The wind and the sea paid no heed and continued unchanging, with the same force. A tumult arrived with the police. First Karlsson and Gerda made a dramatic entrance with guns drawn. They shouted out questions and Trude answered as best she could. Anna sat on the ground, holding Hedda close. They were tightly wrapped in a human ball, isolated from their surroundings and impossible to reach.

  Within the next quarter of an hour, several cars turned up with blaring sirens and flashing blue lights, despite orders to the contrary. The place was crawling with apparently disorganised police officers who ordered each other loudly to do various things. Torches danced in the dark. Some officers lay down on their stomachs and looked over the edge, searching for the body, but it was impossible see it amid all the white foam.

  The sudden drama had woken the local youths with wheels to life and they formed a procession up to the cliffs. A young policeman who was so fresh that his uniform still smelt of naphthalene made sure that no one passed the blue and white plastic cordon that had been tied across the road between two trees. The curious onlookers had no choice but to document what was going on with their mobile phones from the parking place, as if they were at a gig.

  Trude told them what she had seen. That Erik had been standing right out on the edge of the cliff with the girl, but then suddenly let her go and threw himself off. Karlsson and Gerda wandered to and fro, circling around Anna and Hedda, who were still sitting on the ground leaning against Trude’s car. The policemen assured them that there was no rush, they would talk to Anna when she was ready.

  Karlsson hunkered down.

  ‘We’ve seized his computer,’ he whispered. ‘Just so you know.’

  ‘My husband,’ Anna said. ‘I want to call my husband.’

  Karlsson patted her on the shoulder and stood up.

  ‘His computer?’ Hedda said, and looked at her mother.

  ‘It’s nothing, sweetheart,’ Anna answered, and pulled her close again.

  A helicopter arrived just as they were being driven away, hovering over the cliffs with a searchlight and a rescue swimmer at the ready to fish out Erik’s body. Trude had to leave her car there for investigation purposes and was given a lift home by a more-than-willing officer. The local youths snapped pictures like experienced paparazzi as the police car left the parking place.

  Karlsson and Gerda drove Anna and Hedda to the hospital in Helsingborg, where Magnus was waiting. The police didn’t need to speak to Hedda and Anna about this right now, the most important thing was that they all got some rest. They would, however, appreciate a few words with Magnus.

  He followed them into an empty reception room.

  ‘We’ve found Anna’s mother,’ Karlsson told him. ‘But sadly, not alive.’

  ‘Right,’ Magnus said.

  The policemen looked at each other.

  ‘Do you understand what we’re saying?’ Karlsson asked.

  Magnus nodded.

  ‘We don’t know the exact chain of events, but we know that Kathrine went to see Erik Månsson and that something went wrong.’

  ‘I understand,’ Magnus said, but his voice indicated the opposite.

  ‘She’s dead,’ Karlsson stated.

  Magnus nodded with dogged determination, repeated what they’d said and looked at Karlsson and Gerda. He started to blink and his face crumpled. Karlsson put his arms round him.

  ‘Come here,’ he said, and stroked Magnus comfortingly on the back.

  They stood like that for about a minute before Magnus pushed Karlsson away. He smiled sheepishly, sniffed and cleared his throat.

  ‘We haven’t told Anna yet,’ Gerda said. ‘Perhaps we should wait?’

  ‘What? Yes. No. I don’t know. Is she here in the hospital?’ Magnus stuttered. ‘Kathrine, I mean. Is she here? Should I identify her?’

  ‘Not just now.’

  Magnus nodded.

  ‘Do you want us to talk to Anna?’ Karlsson asked. ‘We’ve asked for a professional crisis management team. They’ll be here shortly.’

  Magnus pointed over his shoulder.

  ‘My family, I thought that I, we… I think I want, that we, I want to be with them.’

  They went back. Anna and Hedda were sitting huddled together on the edge of a bed. Magnus went over and sat down on the other side of his daughter.

  Anna looked at Karlsson and Gerda, who stood in the doorway.

  ‘You’ve found her,’ she said.

  53

  The crisis management team were no doubt skilled and well suited for their work, but
Anna was not responsive. She didn’t want sympathy, didn’t want to open her heart to strangers, didn’t want to give attention to anyone other than her husband and daughter, and wouldn’t let outsiders intrude on their togetherness, albeit out of concern or kindness. In a few days, perhaps. Now, no.

  The counsellors who had been called in knew when to back off. They left their contact details with Magnus and assured him that they were ready to come at any time of day or night. The period ahead would be intense, with sudden mood swings between emotional extremes, they explained, and asked whether he and Anna would like something to help them sleep.

  Magnus promised to get in touch, and then guided his family out to the car. Anna and Hedda sat in the back. Magnus caught his wife’s eye in the rear-view mirror and she put her hand on his shoulder. He lifted his hand and covered her fingers.

  There was no traffic and they slipped through the north of the town without any trouble, down towards the water and on to the suburban house that had been their family home for so many years it felt like eternity.

  The residential streets were silent and empty. The damp air formed white halos round the streetlights and the cars in the driveways were speckled with dew. They got out of the car, calmed by all that was familiar and safe. Magnus walked in front, unlocked and held open the door. They switched on the lights, and each sank down on to one of the kitchen chairs.

  ‘Little Mummy,’ Anna said, and fought her tears in vain.

  Hedda and Magnus put their arms round her from either side.

  ‘My fault,’ she cried. ‘Mine.’

  Magnus stroked her hair.

  ‘No,’ he comforted. ‘Not at all.’

  Anna sobbed.

  ‘I want to be like her. Brave and kind.’

  ‘You are like her,’ Hedda said. ‘You and Granny are the same, you always have been.’

  Anna pushed them both gently back and stood up. Her breathing was jagged, she shook her head and went over to the sink, tore off some kitchen roll. Hedda put out her hand and was given a piece, as was Magnus. They dried their cheeks and blew their noses.

  Anna looked at her daughter.

  ‘Sleep in our bed,’ she said.