Aftermath

by Rachel Trautmiller

  Too bad there hadn’t been a protectant for the relationship this garment was supposed to signify. Not that it mattered. Even with every precaution, this dress would someday go the way of all things. It would discolor despite her best efforts. Start wearing away like eroding beachfront property.

  Give out like an old, weathered body.

  And, if she’d listened to her brain, instead of the boiling pot of regret overflowing in her heart, the thing would still be buried in the back of her closet. Not out in the open, where anyone could witness the beginning meltdown of her life.

  Soft fabric met her fingertips. The layers of cotton and silk came together in a way that created the illusion of a million white flower petals floating to the ground. When worn, it hung off one shoulder, suspended by the same type of design.

  A flash of Baker Jackson Robinson in his impressive, black tuxedo played in her mind. All their family—his much smaller than hers—in a church. She walked up the aisle, her hand in the crook of her dad’s elbow. In the sea of all those people, fancy dresses and hairdos, Amanda only saw one person.

  Had only ever seen him, even before she’d realized the truth.

  There was a handsome smile on his face. Jet-black hair was styled beneath layers of gel. The tuxedo highlighted the Caribbean blue, mixed with flecks of green, in his eyes. They were alight with love, because today they pledged themselves to one another. Continued something that had started the first time they’d ever met.

  She brushed a speck of dark lint from the surface of the fabric. The picture of her dress on eBay didn’t do it justice. For the price, it wouldn’t matter. Somewhere out there, a woman deeply in love was searching for it. Hoping and praying for the opportunity to have her dreams come true.

  Amanda clutched the material.

  This shouldn’t be a big deal. People sold things all the time. The beautiful garment deserved to be worn longer than the time it took to walk down the aisle. Be filled with memories of a first dance, celebratory cake and the moment when two people became one, for better or worse.

  She let the plastic fall to the floor.

  Yup, she needed to get rid of it. It couldn’t hang in her bedroom, the closet or anywhere else forever. If she was moving on, it had to go. If she couldn’t marry Robinson, she wasn’t getting married. And she could live with that. Really.

  Liar. Prove it. Sell the ring, too.

  No. The word tore through her heart like an atomic missile. She was halfway across the room and yanking the drawer to her nightstand open before she could stop herself. A picture of herself and Robinson sat, face down, on top of the white cardboard container, begging her to dig inside.

  She placed the frame on the bed. Knew the handsome face in it too well. Every crease of his smile. The slight dimple that appeared when he gave a smirk. The way his eyes practically glowed with every feeling he had. All aimed right at her.

  They were holding each other, gazes locked. A private embrace caught on camera. Perfect in its unsuspecting pose. The moment after she’d agreed to become his wife.

  What would a look at the ring hurt?

  With any luck, it had tarnished over time and she’d be able to convince herself he, and the ring he’d given her, were all wrong.

  Shaking fingers opened the container. She dropped to her knees and tore the black velvet box from inside. It held a half-carat solitaire, wrapped in white gold. Tiny diamonds surrounded it, spread out on metal designed like flower petals. They’d had the complimenting wrap, with more diamonds, soldered to the band a week before the wedding.

  Had joked it was probably bad luck to do it beforehand. But Robinson didn’t believe in that type of thing. Neither did she. For them, this was it.

  In her fingers, the ring sparkled with each touch of light. A symbol of love. Future. And so far from tarnished.

  “Marry me, A.J.” The man asking was not on one knee, but both, his hands resting on her hips. Those eyes captured hers, every emotion clear in their depths. “Please. I want to do this right. Say you’ll be my wife.”

  A huge smile moved across her mouth. Her heart mirrored the weight. “Really, Robbie?”

  A swallow. “Really. I want all of you. Even that sassy counterpart.”

  “You bringing The Jerk?”

  “Is that a yes?”

  Duh. The ball of emotion in her throat made it difficult to speak. She’d never imagined falling this deeply for anyone. Losing herself so completely to another person. Love, she’d expected. Not this soul-deep need to see him happy—no matter the cost. So, she nodded.

  He stood. “You haven’t seen the ring.”

  “For you, I’d wear a rusted piece of metal.” She pulled his head toward hers, their lips meeting in need.

  That ring was on her finger, now. Six months without it. Without him. Something wet hit her leg and soaked through her jeans. Amanda wiped her cheek. Rubbed the wetness between her thumb and pointer finger.

  Crap. The tears should be gone. She should be past the crushing loss. Beyond overwhelming grief—the kind she imagined rivaled that of losing a loved one to death.

  Except no one had died.

  A hot lick of shame crawled up her spine. She’d never been the type to wallow in could’ve beens. Always been more fixated on moving forward. Seeing a way through any mess.

  And, in the last few months, she’d done a bang-up job of doing the exact opposite. So much for that winning attitude. The I’ll-look-danger-and-heartache-in-the-face-and-laugh mantra she used to wield like a sharp dagger.

  Time to get it together, Nettles.

  She tried to yank the ring from her finger. It wouldn’t go past her knuckle.

  Really?

  Another hard tug did nothing to loosen the piece of jewelry.

  Not now. McKenna would be here any minute.

  Soap should do the trick. As she headed toward the kitchen, she continued struggling with the metal. Had to get it off. Put the stupid dress in a shipping box. Auction the ring on eBay, too. It was time to grow up and face her future like a confident woman.

  Accept the way things had turned out. And be thankful for what she had. Family. Friends. Her health.

  Amanda squirted some soap into her palm, flicked on the water and began working a lather around her digit. She adjusted the temperature. Ice, cold liquid rushed over her skin, but the ring wasn’t budging. Her knuckle already looked red and swollen, each beat of her heart pounding through it.

  It served her right. Nothing good came from dwelling on the past. Lesson learned and repeated in unnecessary fashion.

  Might as well have a blinking neon sign: Moron right here.

  MCKENNA BENING APPROACHING FRONT ENTRY.

  Amanda froze. The rush of water splattered across her fingers and hit the counter in flying droplets.

  Thank God for AtEase. The security system ensured no surprises. Or at least, almost no surprises.

  Like announcing her childhood friend’s arrival and Amanda’s subsequent hell on Earth. One million badgering questions, worse than any cross examination, if her best friend saw this ring.

  Okay, maybe hell wasn’t strong enough. “She couldn’t be late. Just once.”

  She gave the ring one last tug. It slipped forward, but got hung up halfway over her knuckle. Pressure made the throbbing worse. It sent sharp pain racing up her finger.

  She couldn’t open the door like this. McKenna would see it in two seconds. Ask those questions. Want to look deeper into the reason Amanda had even opened the box and slipped it on.

  She didn’t have any answers. Nothing that didn’t lead down a dangerous road with an eighteen-pronged fork, each destination less satisfying than the last. Standing at the crossroads was better. Or plain going back the way she’d come.

  She pushed the ring back, instant relief coursing through her finger. Flicked the water off. And then grabbed a paper towel and dried her hands.

  It was only a matter of time before someone noticed. But she could try to stave off the i
nevitable for a while longer. Amanda stole the towel from the oven handle, to her right, and piled ice from the freezer, inside.

  Maybe her best friend would buy some line about a burn.

  The buzzer filled the room with a loud peel. Amanda slapped the makeshift ice pack on her hand. Headed for the door and opened it. McKenna stood with a tow-headed little girl in her arms. A full diaper bag hung across the opposite shoulder.

  Dark circles rimmed her friend’s eyes. Riley had one chubby thumb in her mouth. A small smile, complete with eight pearly white teeth, formed around it.

  Need for under-eye concealer, confirmed. The cutest toddler on the planet.

  “Hey.” McKenna’s eyes darted to the fabric in Amanda’s grasp. “What’s with the kitchen towel?”

  Riley wiggled in her mother’s arms. The finger in her mouth moved toward Amanda with a healthy dose of saliva attached. “Aha-tee.” The toddler bridged the gap between the women, trust in her sudden movements. As if she knew one of them would catch her.

  Oh, crap.

  McKenna jerked to avoid the child’s descend. The diaper bag slung down her friend’s arm and hung at her elbow. The other woman’s balance wavered. Amanda dropped the towel in her hand. Iced scattered across the entry as she reached toward a smiling Riley. Scooped her up as McKenna lost her hold.

  The toddler’s grin grew larger. She clapped as if they’d finished a game.

  And Amanda sent a grin back at the little girl as if she hadn’t had a whole bunch of hair turn gray somewhere on her head.

  A harsh exhale came from her friend. She placed a hand over her chest. “She takes ten years off my life, every day.” McKenna picked up the towel and the ice, then stepped into the apartment. Didn’t ask any other questions. Got rid of both items and deposited her bag near the island as if Amanda were one of her children who’d made a mess.

  Odd. “Have you been harassing your mom, cutie pie?”

  The toddler tucked her head to her shoulder and fiddled with the necklace around Amanda’s neck.

  “Thanks for letting us hang out while they fumigate the house. The next time Jordan brings home a stray animal, it’s staying outside.”

  “No problem.” Amanda shut the door and flipped the lock.

  “I told him that dog had mange or something, but he insisted every family needs a pet. And he’d be fine after a good bath.”

  “Puppy cute.” Riley’s wide and beaming smile accentuated her words.

  “Puppies are cute. Fleas are not.” Amanda tickled her honorary niece’s chunky belly.

  The toddler squirmed and let out a giggle. Tugged on the chain still in her grasp. Stuck the circular pendant, Robinson’s niece had given her on her birthday, into a mouth full of drool.

  Pride had shone from Ariana’s eyes when she’d demonstrated how their matching pieces fit together like a puzzle. The girl hadn’t picked it out in a cheesy mall shop, but found a place that hand-made such trinkets. Their respective birthstones nestled on part of the surface.

  Friends, no matter what, right?

  Man, she missed the girl. Full of spunk with brains that kept even Robinson on his toes. Enough heart to keep smiles in permanent residence. Even when her mother had been in a coma for over a year.

  Riley gave another firm tug.

  “Hey, kiddo, that’s mine. You wanna slobber on something, how about using one of those teething rings Auntie keeps on hand for you?” Amanda removed the metal from the toddler’s mouth.

  One quivering lip protruded outward, her face crumpling as if Amanda had shouted at the top of her lungs. Oh, boy.

  “That’s a big boo-boo face.” And any second now there’d be epic waterworks. She contemplated handing the necklace over. “How do they say no to you?”

  “Carefully.” McKenna scooped up her child. “Hey. No fussing. Auntie Amanda is right. You don’t need that in your mouth. Okay?”

  “’Kay.” The impending meltdown disappeared. She wiggled down and toddled for the couch in the living room. A stack of children’s books hid in a basket, under the coffee table. One tug brought them out and soon Riley was surrounded by Dr. Seuss and other various picture books.

  Then her chubby fingers reached for the decorative bowl resting on the table. McKenna swiped the glass container from her daughter.

  “She’s got a great memory.” Amanda folded her arms across her chest, hiding the hand with Robinson’s ring still attached, beneath her elbow. If only she could hide everything else so easily.

  “Tell me about it. I put her Easter candy on top of the fridge where even I can’t see it. Every morning, she goes right for it. Starts pointing and gets all excited.” McKenna turned. Set the breakable item on the countertop, next to the laptop. And the giant picture of her wedding dress on eBay.

  Amanda froze. Danger alarms blared in her head. She held her breath and waited for the other woman to notice. She should have shut the thing before answering the door. Hidden all the other evidence.

  McKenna kept her hand on the bowl a second, her head a short turn from the eBay acceptance screen. “Before I forget, Jordan and I have a babysitter for tonight. Feel like coming out?”

  Amanda moved around her friend. Slipped her laptop closed and pushed both it and the decorative table setting farther back on the surface.

  McKenna turned toward the place she’d moved, but didn’t say anything, expectation written all over her face. “So?”

  Amanda released a breath. One near-crisis averted. Another to go.

  The last time her friend had suggested an outing hadn’t ended well for Amanda. It wasn’t McKenna’s fault. Her bossy, take-charge attitude came naturally. So, she’d assumed Amanda and Robinson needed direct contact, in a situation they wouldn’t be able to easily escape.

  Which may have worked, if there were some sort of miscommunication between them. But that had never been the main problem. “Where are you headed?”

  “We were thinking about Gemma’s. There’s gonna be live music. Some of Jordan’s old band members.” McKenna mirrored Amanda’s stance, arms folded, feet braced apart. “A drink, some fun and no kids.”

  How did she say no to that? “Maybe.”

  “That means no.”

  Amanda rolled her eyes. “It means, I have to look at my schedule.”

  “Come on, Amanda.” She threw her hands toward the ceiling. “We haven’t been out in forever. I miss you.”

  Danger. Guilt imminent in less than five.

  No wonder Riley was a pro.

  “Who’s all going?” Amanda fingered the piece of metal cutting into her skin. Hated the fact that she’d even asked. Hoped it sounded like a nonchalant inquiry instead of the direct question she sought.

  Would Robinson be in attendance?

  “Me, Jordan, Rupert and a few people from work.” She ticked the names off on her fingers as she went. As if realizing a detail she’d forgotten and didn’t want to admit, she paused. Her blue eyes connected with Amanda. “Don’t say no. Think about it.”

  It wouldn’t change her answer. Another run-in with the most handsome agent the FBI had might destroy her. She couldn’t risk breaking down and admitting every desire she had, to the one man who would understand the messiest of sentences. Pick them apart until he got to the crux of any dilemma.

  McKenna hadn’t moved, her lips a firm line. “This isn’t like last time.”

  Forgetting that disastrous night was second hardest on her current list. It burrowed under the-wedding-that-wasn’t and kept kicking like an angry kid in the backseat. “I know.”

  Moving on. Yup. She’d get right on that.

  “Amanda, I thought it would help, I didn’t...”

  “Don’t worry about it.” When was the last time she, Jordan and McKenna had hung out, outside of work? The last time she’d done something besides try hard not to screw up? To toe the line and never cross it, all while putting criminals behind bars.

  All that work meant so little when she knew there were felons escapi
ng their notice. And certain people who weren’t sure if she shouldn’t be investigated further. Even after she’d withstood several intense bouts of character defamation and come out the victor.

  At least in her own eyes. And to those closest to her.

  One of McKenna’s dark eyebrows rose higher than the other as if she knew every thought Amanda had. “Then you’ll come?”

  The options were limited. Accept this offer of friendship or deal with never-ending, soul-searching questions.

  “Gemma’s?” She moved into the open kitchen, behind them. Reached in a cupboard, for two glasses. Then filled them both with the fresh sweet tea she’d made earlier.

  It shouldn’t matter who was going. If he was going. What a terrible position she’d put her friends in.

  Choosing sides in a complete stale mate.

  And really, what did she have to do here? Watch the minutes tick down on her eBay bids?

  They were adults. So, if he showed up, she and Robinson could handle a little interaction without the world coming to an end, right?

  CHAPTER THREE

  BEING A KID was reminiscent of a person stuck between two plates of scorching metal with enough chewed gum to keep a body in place. Even if there was clearance for an escape, it wasn’t possible.

  There wasn’t any way around it, either.

  And that would be fine if Ariana Gabriel didn’t have to suffer with the stigma attached to being an almost fourteen-year-old girl with no boobs.

  Surrounded by plenty of girls her age filling a B-cup. Some of them flaunting what Mother Nature had given them like weapons meant for torture. And the only way into the club was to have an all-access pass.

  Short of stuffing her bra and using her allowance to buy makeup her uncle would never let her out of the house wearing, it wasn’t happening.

  Ariana glanced around as if anybody could hear her thoughts. Like Uncle Robbie, who corrected her language even if she didn’t swear. Or her mom, who never left the house anymore. Or Miss Amanda, whom Ariana hadn’t seen in months.