Because of Ellison

by Willis, M. S.

  Burying my head even farther beneath my crossed arms, I attempted to hide the shame reddening my cheeks. “Almost.”

  Lily sighed, but then reached out to rub my head. “Well, almost ain’t all the way, so you shouldn’t be hidin’ your shame just yet.”

  She knew me so well.

  Looking up again, I held the ice closer to my throbbing hand. “It might as well have been all the way. There wasn’t an inch of me he didn’t see or touch.” We sat in silence for a few moments while I gathered myself together. It wasn’t the end of the world. Hunter was never going to be anything more than a summer love and I was more mad at myself for having fallen for someone who’d be leaving. This was the same, just earlier than expected. Whether it was the end of summer or the arrival of Tiffany, Hunter McCormick was going to leave my life. But, it was also knowing that we’d done things just a few hours before while he knew full well he had a girl back home — that enraged me and I thought maybe her arrival was a blessing in disguise. My heart would still grieve, but it would be an angry grievance, the kind I could push past me. It wouldn’t be the longing grievance — one where I was angry that fate had been cruel and made it impossible for me to be with someone I loved.

  “Are you still going to the bonfire tonight? I can have Ryan pick me up if you aren’t feeling up to it … or I could just stay here and take out a few gallons of ice cream with you until you’re better.”

  I looked up into the kind eyes of my friend and decided that I didn’t want to be one of those women wallowing around in misery. “I’m still going, Lil. Hunter is a lesson learned and nothing more than that. Can’t stop moving forward because of an arrogant asshole that crossed my path. I’m sure there will be plenty more of them by the time we finally start back at school. I might as well learn to get past it now.”

  “That’s my girl. Okay — I’m going to go next door and start getting ready.” She eyed me. “You should probably get a shower. You’ve got grass and dirt all over you. What were you doing? Rolling around in the … ” Her eyes got wide. “Oh.”

  I wanted to smack her. Gently, of course.

  “Okay, well, I’m leaving.” She bounced out of her chair, leaned down to give me a quick hug, and then bounced her little butt right out the front door. Sasha and Bear came up to me after she left and gave me little sympathy licks on my legs. I reached down to pet them and then pushed myself up from the table to feed them. I didn’t really feel like going to a bonfire, but I figured it was safer to hang out there than to stick around and risk running into Hunter and his girl.

  ~ ~ ~

  I’d showered and dressed, paying particular attention to drying my hair into loose waves and throwing on the tiniest amount of makeup. I was upset, but I wasn’t dead and there was no reason to go out in public looking like someone had just run over my puppy.

  Stepping into the living room, I found my dad sitting in a chair at the table in the adjacent dining room. He was looking over paperwork and his facial expression screamed fear and frustration.

  “Daddy? Why are you home so soon from work?” It was only six in the evening and normally he wouldn’t arrive back for another hour or so.

  “Hey, Ellie baby. You should probably take a seat. I need to tell you something’.”

  I didn’t like the defeated tone to his voice, but I slowly made my way over to him and sat down. “Everything, okay? Did you get news from the doctors?” Looking down, I noticed that the papers in his hands were bills and financial ledgers. I didn’t see anything medical within them and that made me feel better about his mood. If it was money problems, those could be solved. They weren’t something that would crush me.

  “Baby.” He paused and sighed. Placing his hand on mine, he continued, “Baby, the doctors are sayin’ that I have prostate cancer. It’s at an early stage and they think it’s operable and I’ll be fine — but they want to run a few more tests to make sure that it isn’t anywhere else. They said my heart and lungs are good, so that’s a good sign.”

  “Okay.” My throat closed up suddenly with fear and I choked back some tears that were threatening the back of my eyes. The doctors said they could fix it — and I had to rely on that. “So, when I are they running the next tests?”

  “Tomorrow. I know you kids have plans tonight, but I was wondering if you could be sure to come home early enough that you can drive me to the hospital in the morning. I’d ask your brother, but I don’t want this getting out and worrying people until we know more. I hate to worry you, but I know you’ve got the best head on your shoulders than any of the other clowns in this family and you’ll take it in stride.” He pinched my cheek.

  My father’s health was more important than a stupid party and I made the instant decision to stay home and take care of him rather than go out. “I’ll stay home. I don’t want to chance not being able to take you.”

  His expression softened and he squeezed my hand. “Baby girl, you’re young and it’s the summer before college. There’s no reason for you to be sitting around here worrying over an old man. Go out tonight, have fun … just not too much. I’ll be sitting here for a few more hours figuring out the medical bills and making sure I can still put you through college. You got a bright future ahead of you and I’ll be damned to let my illness get in the way of that.”

  It was just like daddy. He’d spent his entire adult life putting his problems aside to raise his kids. And even now, when he was facing a potentially fatal disease, he was still only concerned for his kids. The man would work himself to death if it meant giving his children what they needed and it broke my heart to think about it. Someone needed to be worrying about him as much as he was worrying about us.

  “Are you sure, Daddy? I don’t mind stayin’. We could hang out and watch a movie or something’. Tell you what … I’ll even sit through a black-and-white war movie without complaining if that’ll make you feel better.”

  He chuckled and ruffled my hair with his hand. “There’s no need to torture yourself like that right now, baby girl. Your old man isn’t dying tonight. I’d prefer you go out and have a good time. Keep an eye on your brother for me. That would make me feel better.”

  I nodded just as someone knocked on the door. Lily entered without waiting for a response. “Hey, El and Mr. James.” She bounced over to the table and took a seat by daddy. Giving him a quick hug, her big blue eyes next turned to me. “You ready? … ”

  The funny expression on her face told me something was up.

  “’Cause I kinda mentioned the bonfire in front of Hunter and his girl and she’s dragging him out to it. You shoulda seen the fit she threw. Poor guy didn’t hear the end of it for almost two hours. I had to throw on some headphones just so I could get a break. She’s got some lungs on her, that’s for sure.”

  And an annoying fucking voice — I remembered that much from the little bit she said at the car. “Serves him right. Hopefully, she’s still blasting him now that you left. What was she yelling at him about it, I thought he wanted to go even before she got here.”

  “He doesn’t want to now. He kept trying to convince her to go back home. Claimed he broke up with her over a voicemail, but she wasn’t hearin’ it. He’d just broke down and agreed to go around the time I left. But, I promise you, that boy didn’t want to get her anywhere near the bonfire tonight. Thank goodness Dad wasn’t around ‘cause he would have thrown a fit over the fighting they were doing.”

  Daddy looked between Lily and me. “What’s it matter if that boy has a girl back home?” His eyes locked to mine. “Especially, considering he’s nothing more than a friend to you, right?”

  “Right.” I hated lying to my dad, but there was no point bringing up mistakes that wouldn’t happen again. “We should get going, Lil. Finn, Ryan and Jake will be looking for us once they help get the fire built.”

  “Well, you two girls have fun. Be sure to act like ladies. I know those kids are drinking and carrying on down there and you’d better act like you’ve been ra
ised better than that. I trust you girls to make your own decisions, but don’t think I’m not aware of what’s going on at those parties. Hear me?”

  “Yes daddy.”

  “Yes Mr. James.”

  I hugged my father and dragged my feet as we walked towards the front door. Taking a deep breath, I called the dogs to follow me, I opened that door and I stepped out into what would end up being an emotionally exhausting night.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Hunter

  Tiffany.

  Of all the people that could have pulled up and invaded my little piece of paradise, it would be Tiffany. It could have been my parents and it could have been my friends. But, no! It had to be a girl I felt obligated to! Even though I couldn’t stand to be in her presence.

  “Want another line before we go. I just need to fix my makeup real quick and brush my hair.” She fished around in one of the countless suitcases she’d dragged inside. “I can’t wait to get to a hotel tonight. This place is a fucking dump.” She pulled out a pair of fuck me heels from the suitcase she was searching. “I’m going to change my shoes as well. Can’t go to a party looking like a slob.”

  She winked, but it didn’t do the same things to me that it did when Ellison was winking.

  Almost immediately after she’d arrived, she’d pulled out a couple of grams of coke she’d brought along for the trip. She must have flown down on her parents’ private plane because there was no way in hell she’d snuck that past security at a regular airline. She’d offered it to me before Lily arrived back at the house and I’d sucked it up into my nose as quickly as I could get the dollar bill rolled up. I felt guilty as shit for doing it, but I needed it to help numb me.

  I couldn’t stop imagining what Ellison was doing at her house. I’d seen that look on her face when Tiffany’d introduced herself. It was a look of sadness and anger mixed into one. It was desolation and it was betrayal. It was everything she’d thought I’d done to her. And somehow I knew, it would be a fight to get her to give me the chance to explain. Ellison was the type of girl who gave you one chance — and if you fucked it up, you might as well pack your shit and move along. And I’d fucked it up. Big time.

  However, even knowing that, I was still determined to explain.

  I didn’t want to take Tiffany to the bonfire. I wanted her out of Florida and out of sight of Ellison. I could handle waiting it out for Tiffany to leave before making Ellison understand, but having to drag Tiffany around Ellison, and not having had the chance to explain, that was a recipe for disaster. I could have kicked Lily for even mentioning it in Tiffany’s presence. I was about 10 seconds away from convincing Tiffany to stay the night in a hotel and go home … but then Lily had to go and open her big mouth. I didn’t even know why Tiffany was interested.

  “You do realize that this party is out in the woods right? Like with grass and trees and shit. Those shoes are going to suck if you wear them, Tiff. Plus, I don’t even think you’ll have a good time. It’s just a bunch of rednecks drinking beer out of plastic cups.” I yelled at her across the house praying that she’d change her fucking mind and drive us into town.

  “No way, Hunter! I want to see what you’ve been doing all this time — or who you’ve been doing. There has to be some reason you felt the need to break up with me over voicemail. It’s a good thing I came down here to show you that you didn’t really want that. Distance is hard so I forgive you.”

  Fuck, she was stupid. I’d tried everything I could besides throwing her out on her ass to convince her that things were over. She wouldn’t believe me. She kept arguing that it was because we weren’t around each other and that a night out would show me how much I’d missed her. Three hours in her presence and I knew for a fact that I hadn’t missed her at all.

  “Ready to go? Let’s get our party on!”

  “Yeah, let me finish up what I’ve got laid out.” I quickly snorted five lines.

  “Jesus, Hunter. You’re acting like a junkie who hasn’t had his fix.” She knelt down between my knees where my legs hung over the bed. Spreading them apart with her hands she smiled before licking her lips and smacking them together. “I bet I know something you’ve missed.” She reached up to unbuckle my belt and open my pants. Her hands immediately were on my cock and it hardened at her touch.

  That’s the thing about coke. It might numb the soul, but it made the nerve endings hypersensitive. Sex was amazing on it. I hadn’t forgotten that and neither had Hunter Junior.

  She freed me from my underwear and immediately wrapped her mouth around me. The wet heat felt so fucking good that I moaned and allowed my head to fall back. I didn’t want to see the girl that was sucking me off. I wanted it be Ellison — and despite how good it felt, I had to stop it.

  “Tiff stop.”

  She reached up and worked her hand and mouth on me at the same time. Holy fuck, it felt good.

  “Tiff. Fucking stop.”

  She didn’t listen.

  I grabbed her hair and tugged her off of me. “Tiff! I said to fucking stop.”

  “Ow! What the fuck, Hunter?!” Standing up, she reached back to smooth down her hair. “What the fuck is your problem?”

  My hands worked quickly to shove everything back into my pants. “I don’t want a fucking blow job, okay? Let’s just get going so we can get through this fucking night.”

  . . .

  The drive to the bonfire was an exercise in self-control. I can’t tell you how many times I had the overwhelming urge to pull the car over and dump Tiffany on the side. But, it was her car and luckily, that left me with no choice but to refrain from ditching her.

  “I don’t see why you didn’t just run their fury little asses over. It’s our road. They deserve to get hit if they are stupid enough to sit around on it.”

  I hated her.

  She bitched the entire drive over. I’d demanded to drive just because of the type of rental she had, and I’d played the usual game of Frogger on the way out. Tiffany was annoyed that the car kept coming to sudden stops. She yelled at me each time I did it and she about lost it when I stopped the car for something as small as a lizard at one point. It didn’t matter if it was a raccoon, an opossum, a squirrel or a duck … if it was on the road Tiffany believed it deserved death for being stupid.

  “Just drop it, Tiffany. We’re here now and there’s no point in hashing it out. Try to have some fun or just shut up or something.”

  “Whatever; where’s the beer? If I have to party with hillbillies, I may as well see what it’s all about.” She started to walk in the direction of the kegs but the heels of her shoes kept sinking into the dirt. “Fuck! Haven’t these people ever fucking heard of cement or pavers?! Seriously, they are living like fucking homeless people or … well … hillbillies.”

  She took off her shoes and bare-hoofed it to the kegs. I raised a brow at that maneuver and gave the girl some credit for not be afraid to get her feet dirty.

  But I still hated her.

  My body rotated around while I searched out El. I didn’t see her in the same area she’d been at the last bonfire and I wondered if her and Lil were running late. Or maybe Lil had told her that I was bringing Tiffany, and Ellison decided to skip it all together. I was giving up hope when, in the distance, I saw Ellison walk by carrying her guitar with Finn following closely behind with a blanket in his hands. So much for avoiding him like she’d said, but I guess circumstances had changed since the afternoon.

  She looked beautiful. She had on a short dress, her cowboy boots and her straw hat and it felt like someone had shot me in the chest to see it. Her blond hair blew out behind her in soft waves and she had a smile on her face that burned brighter than the large bonfire ever would when it was finally lit. It was still light outside and the brilliant sunlight shone off her skin as she laughed and talked to Finn who’d caught up to walk beside her. The dogs followed at their heels. They looked one big happy family. And I hated it.

  I started to move in her direction.
I had to talk to her. She didn’t seem upset, but I knew she was good at hiding her emotions when she didn’t want a person to know what she was thinking. The blow I’d done before coming here wasn’t helping my thought process either. It would have been best for me to leave her alone, but I couldn’t. I just fucking couldn’t. I had to explain.

  I started to run, but my arm was suddenly grabbed and I was jerked back. “Where are you going? You’re not bringing me out here just to ditch me with a bunch of redneck idiots.” She took a swig out of the solo cup and made a disgusted face. “Least they could do is have imported beer.”

  I rolled my eyes. “I didn’t want to bring you out here in the first place. I have someone I need to talk to. Just stand around and look pretty until I get back.”

  If there was ever a time where I felt like I’d been cut a break, it was at that moment. Lily and Ryan walked past us on their way to the kegs and I grabbed Lily around the arm. Pulling her to me so I could whisper, I begged, “Please, please, please, fucking, puh-lease, will you distract Tiffany for a second? I need to to talk to Ellison.”

  Lily looked up at me with an angry expression. “Hell no you don’t. I think you’ve done enough to that girl, Hunter. I haven’t had a chance yet to get you alone and away from your raging bitch of a girlfriend, but you can bet that when I do, I’m ripping you a new one for what you’ve done!”

  “Fine … rip me a new one, rip me a few new ones, but only after I’ve had a chance to talk to Ellison. Lily, this isn’t what it looks like. I broke up with Tiffany when I came down. I didn’t think she’d show up. I need to explain it to El.”

  Lily eyed me suspiciously. “You broke up with her before you left New York?”

  “No. I broke up with her three days after coming down. The night of the last bonfire. I left her a voicemail.”

  “Are you fucking kidding me Hunter? You broke up with the girl over voicemail and you expected her to be okay with that? I know you’re smart and all, but you sure as hell don’t act like it.”