by B. A. Wolfe
My lids peeled open at a blinding flash of lightning, her hands stilling on my chest. With a smirk, she pushed me away and sauntered down the aisle and disappeared around the corner.
She was drawing me into the lion’s den, and I had to pause for a beat. Was I really about to take the bait? As each boot stepped in front of the other, I knew I had just been hooked. Traipsing down the same path she made, my lips curved when I saw a lone pair of cowgirl boots in the middle of the aisle. Snatching them between my fingers, my heart raced, knowing exactly what little game she was playing. And if I was right, I was sure to have a heart attack when I reached the finish line. I rubbed the back of my neck and told myself to keep moving.
Swallowing hard, I grabbed a very wet shirt peeking from a shelf and continued ahead. Picking up her soaked shorts along the way, I rounded the next corner only to curl a fist around the wet clothes. Water dripped from them as I stared at her silky bra dangling from the last shelf.
Damn, could I do this?
I wanted her more than anything. Taking my deepest breath yet, I captured the lacy number between my fingers and told myself it was Cassandra. I’d give her anything and everything I could. Remembering the taste of her lips, I clutched her clothes tighter as I took one step at a time and rounded the last aisle.
Cassandra stood in the middle, giving me a premature heart attack, her arms draped over her bare breasts. Heat seared through my veins, my limbs, and only scorched more the less space I put between us. She wore a confident smile on her face and there was nothing more gorgeous than her sexy like this.
“You are doing a number on me right now.”
She anchored her teeth to her lip, and dropped her arms to the side, exposing herself to me. My jeans tightened around my erection. Releasing her clothes from my hold, I erased every bit of distance there was between us. With my pulse pounding out of control, my breathing staggered, I peered down at her. I hadn’t planned on this tonight. And although it was here, literally standing in front of me, there was one thing I wasn’t prepared for.
“I don’t have a condom, Cassie.”
Her soft sigh fanned against my face. “I had a feeling, but it doesn’t matter, Jason. I know I’m clean. If you say you’re clean, I trust you. It might not make sense to you, but being with you, this way, feels right. I trust you and I want this intimate moment between us.”
Knowing I’d only slept with Anna, and how long ago that was, not to mention my countless check-ups, I was as clean as they came. “I swear I’m clean.” Her confident hazel pools locked with mine and I was certain, nothing would compare to right now. “It does feel right, doesn’t it?”
She nodded, a cute little smile tugging her lips. “Yes. More than you know.”
She and I. This was it. This library was never going to mean the same thing ever again. It would be ours. Forever.
Weaving my hands into her hair, I pressed my lips to hers. I wondered if kissing Cassie would ever get old, because I had a hard time believing it would. The way her tongue caressed mine, her soft lips, the taste of her mouth. It was pure heaven. I didn’t even care that my reaction to her pushed hard against her stomach.
Tearing away from my mouth, she fumbled with my shirt before yanking it over my head, and tossed it to our growing pile of clothing.
I smirked, then dipped down, licking my way from her chin to her ear. “You are so sexy.”
Goose bumps replaced her normally smooth skin. “All you,” she admitted, but I already knew that. Taking her in my arms, I eased her to the floor, ready to take away the only piece of fabric left on her.
After almost every last piece of our clothes sat in a pile to the side, Cassie removed the only article left: my boxers. I lay on the floor as she hovered over me, her fingers curling around the edges, lowering them, inch by torturous inch. She tossed them behind her and they landed effortlessly on top of her lace panties that I swore would be the death of me when I slid them down her silky legs. I was still alive, but barely breathing with her straddling me.
Sitting up, she steadied herself on my lap, and I cupped her cheeks. “Are you sure you want this?” There was no going back after this.
A warm hand covered mine. “I am more sure of this than I am about anything else in my life.”
“Me too.” Releasing her face, I brought her fingers to my mouth and pressed a gentle kiss to her knuckles. With my hands on her hips, I eased her from my lap and onto the floor. Her naked body tucked protectively underneath me, I didn’t want to let it go. “You are so beautiful, Cassie.”
Her cheeks flushed as she wrapped her legs around my waist, and those hands I loved so much linked together at the base of my neck. Sucking in a deep breath, I ghosted my fingers down her stomach with no intentions of stopping until I reached the place that was begging for release. A breathy moan spilled from her lips as I dipped two fingers inside her warmth, sliding them in and out to the rhythm of her gasps. Her nipple pebbled underneath my palm as I massaged it. I lowered my head, taking soft, sweet nips at her prickled skin, making her moans compete with the thunder around us.
“Jase . . .” she cried, knotting her fingers in my hair, yanking on the waves in the back as she got closer and closer to the edge.
“Shhh.” I wanted to be the one to take her to the brink, me inside of her, showing her just how much she meant to me. I removed my fingers and hovered over her with a strong hand on either side. Flashing a naughty grin, I raised my hips and positioned myself between her legs. I dropped my mouth to hers, claiming every slice of heaven on her lips as I eased into her, inch by inch. Taking it slow, loving the way her walls hugged around me as if I was right where I belonged. Never had I experienced anything so raw, so sensual, so perfect. It was like we were made for each other.
Her cheeks flushed as she cried out when I filled every bit of her. Taking a moment for us to adjust, I swept my gaze down to her hard nipples and then to her slender neck, all the way back to her heated cheeks. I reclaimed her lips and rocked my hips, back and forth. It was gentle, it wasn’t rushed, it was everything I never thought it would be, but everything I’d wished for. Cassie wasn’t the girl you hurried with, she deserved a man who took his time. And that’s exactly what I had intended to do.
I trembled above her, my muscles burning, my heart pumping . . . my release ready to shatter as she met my gentle thrusts. Her legs hugged tighter around my hips, her heels digging deep into my ass as she pulled on the back of my hair. Slow and steady wasn’t cutting it anymore. We were falling victim to each other.
Capturing her bottom lip, I sucked it into my mouth and sped up the rhythm, ready to ignite this building the only way I knew how. Her back arched and her breasts pushed into my chest. I couldn’t get enough of her. I swiveled my hips, going deep. Her throaty moans filled my mouth, flowing into me like they were the air my lungs begged for.
By the sounds spilling from her parted lips, she was getting close, as close as I was. I couldn’t hold on much longer. Her walls tightened around me as I thrusted harder. Her nails dug into the back of my neck, her legs turned into a vise around my torso, and then her limbs fell to her sides as her body trembled underneath me.
And then I released everything I had, shockwaves pulsating through my veins. Traveling like its own lightning storm, making me want to do it all over again in this instant.
My body quaked as I held myself above her, trying not to crush her. There was no slowing down from what just happened to me, to us, here in this empty place that was anything but. Inhaling deeply, I shut my eyelids as I tried to form words. “Wow, Cassie. That was . . .” There was nothing I could say that would do what we just shared justice. Actually, I could think of three words . . . eight letters . . . one powerful meaning.
I opened my eyes at the feel of her hand on my chin, pulling me down toward her. “I know, Jase. I know.”
Did she know that I was in love with her? Because there was no turning back now. I was in way too deep.
Easing
out of her, I lowered onto the floor and grabbed her waist, snuggling her to me. The storm was over, but a new one had built and it wasn’t outside, but rather in. Inside my heart. Inside my body. Inside my bloodstream. She was a storm I never wanted to go away. In fact, I only hoped it raged on for life.
Eleven
THERE ARE DAYS WHEN the sun shines, the birds chirp, and there’s not a cloud in the sky. And then there are days when it’s dark, there isn’t a star visible, and the world becomes a murky place. It’s crazy how fast things can go from pure perfection to terrifying just overnight . . .
My heart raced as I stared at her pale face, her arms dead at her sides. “Cassie? What’s wrong? You look like you just saw a ghost?”
“I-I’m scared, I don’t know what to do.”
“What’s going on?” Panic laced my voice.
Her bottom lip quivered. “There’s blood. I’m bleeding, and I know it’s not okay.” She covered her face and cried into her hands. Without question, I wrapped myself around her, holding her tight to my chest. Worry and heartbreak emanating from me as she bawled.
I had to get her to the hospital.
Nothing else mattered as I sat alone in the hallway. My plans to tell Cassie tonight fell through the second she came into my room this morning scared to death. None of it mattered right now. Nothing else existed in my mind but waiting to hear if she and the baby were okay. Mom had immediately taken her to a room and told me to wait. And there was nothing worse.
Waiting . . .
And waiting . . .
And more waiting . . .
For the second time in my life, I sat at the hospital as someone who wasn’t the patient. Instead, I was the nervous, anxious, guy waiting for the doctor to tell me that my person was okay.
I grabbed paper and a pen from the nurse behind the check-in desk and went back to my hard plastic chair next to Cassie’s room. Anxiety stirred within me as my knee bounced, the notepad sitting on top of it. I didn’t even know where to start, but I had to write. Get my mind to calm down the only way I knew how.
Dan,
I’m scared. Not for me, but for Cassie and her baby. The one that she told me she wasn’t sure she wanted, the one that she’d do anything to save, to take back every bad thought she had. She came into my room this morning. She wasn’t okay. I took her straight to the hospital and now I’m passing the time until I can see her.
I’ve never been in this situation before. I’ve always been the one that was in with the doctor. It’s so hard. Not knowing. Being on the other end of the spectrum.
And then I think about how crazy I am for being in this deep. Caring unrealistically hard for this amazing girl I’ve just met. She doesn’t even know how I feel about her. That I am quite possibly in love with her. Actually, the amount of love I have for her is insane, but isn’t love supposed to be that way? Make us all a little insane. Make us happy. Give us something to look forward to each and every day. Love’s the motivation we search our whole lives for and mine finally found me. Or maybe I found her.
I guess as I sit here and write it out, I’m seeing that love isn’t supposed to make sense, it just is.
There’s something else, something huge that I have to do for her. On our way here, I had to find a way to get her to calm down, so I asked her what her favorite memory was. Oh man, the way her face lit up as she told her story, it made me even forget why I was headed to the hospital. She told me about when her Mom bought her a black journal and hid it from her dad because she knew how much she loved to write. It was their secret. And now, I have to get her one. I have to bring that smile back to her, Dan.
Thanks for letting me vent. I needed this.
Miss you, brother.
Jase
I folded the letter in fourths and shoved it into my back pocket, returning the pen and notepad to the front desk. On my way back down the hall, my mom emerged from Cassie’s room. I couldn’t jog over to her fast enough.
“How is she?” My heart raced as I stared at her expressionless face.
Mom’s soft touch warmed my shoulder. “She’s really shaken up.”
My attention fell to the cream colored tile. Just as it always did when tears threatened. “She was so scared.” My chest caved, thinking back. “I didn’t know what to do.”
“You did the right thing.” Mom lifted my chin up and I met that smile I’d seen too many times to count. “She’s okay.” I arched my brows, heart racing a mile a minute. “The baby is too.”
I released a long breath. “Thank God.” I couldn’t think about what Cassandra would’ve gone through had she lost the baby.
“Jason.” My mom’s eyes narrowed. “You have to tell her.” I gripped the bridge of my nose. “I know you don’t want to, but you have to. Don’t let fear consume you, or let it steal anything else away from you.”
The words she spoke settled deep into my heart. Fear had already stolen so much of my life. I had to be strong. Be the man I knew I was and just tell her. “You’re right. I know. But it’s complicated . . .”
Mom brushed her fingers down the side of my cheek. “Oh, Sweetie. Life’s always going to be complicated. But you can’t change that. The only thing you can change is the way you handle the complications.”
“I was going to tell her so many times, and then . . .” I shook my head, hating myself for remembering every single moment I could’ve told her and never did. “Something always came up. Like today, I had planned to tell her tonight, but now I can’t even imagine adding more stress to her day.” Was it a sign?
“Don’t wait too long.”
This wasn’t easy to do. It’s not like I could just tell her over breakfast or something. “I want to do this right, Mom. I want to make it special. And I know that sounds weird, but it’s something I have to do.”
She smiled. “You have such a beautiful soul, Jason.” Mom patted my chest.
I placed my hand over my mom’s hand, which moved with every shallow breath I took. “I’ll tell her. I promise.”
Tomorrow night it will all come out. Things are getting too real.
***
A couple of hours later, they were ready to discharge Cassie. Mom handed me the wheelchair and I smiled. “You all done in there, sweetheart?”
“Yes, but why do I feel like this is the worst case of déjà vu I’ve ever had?”
I wheeled her ride into the room, and she was perched on the edge of the bed, beautiful as ever. “No, it’s really not, because this time, I’ve known you for a lot longer than eight hours. So now, I get to call you much more than just a friend.” The lousy mattress dipped as I sank down next to her, those warm hazel pools I loved staring back at me.
“Oh really? Am I your best friend then?”
I shook my head and scooted in closer. “No, you’re more than a best friend.” My mouth hovering above her shoulder, I whispered, “You’re mine, sweetheart.” And then I kissed her skin.
“I’m yours?”
I lifted off the bed and tucked her knees between my legs as I placed a kiss to her forehead. She moaned softly and the caveman in me loved every second of it. “Yes, mine,” I murmured.
Twelve
YESTERDAY ENDED MUCH BETTER than it had started. But still, I decided I was going to tell Cassie tonight before her friend, Melanie, came down to see her. Everything was falling into place. I left my sleeping beauty a note and headed to my appointment.
Mom said Mel was good to stay here tomorrow. I had to run out real quick, be back soon.
Be ready for our date later.
Jase
***
“She’s okay. The baby and Cassie, they’re okay.” I glanced down at my port and then the dialysis machine. I hated leaving Cassie at home this morning. It took everything I had in me to step out of the house knowing she was there all alone, but she had to rest. And at least she and her baby were fine. That’s all that mattered. Well, there was also the fact that I was almost done and I’d get to see her soon. “I ha
dn’t been that worried in a long time.” I shifted my gaze and met Colleen’s stare.
“Sounds like it was hard.” Her lips pulled down in a frown. “And she’s okay?”
“Yeah. She’s a fighter.”
“Like someone else I know.” A little wink fluttered her right eye and I grinned.
I never saw myself as a fighter, I was just living the hand I was dealt. My lips still bowed, I added, “And tonight, I’m taking her on a date. I’m telling her.” It was a big day. My mind wouldn’t let me forget about it either.
Colleen’s eyes widened. “You are?”
“It’s time.” I swallowed down my fears. I was ready, but that didn’t mean it was going to be easy. “I’ve got it all planned out. I’m picking dinner up at the diner, then I’m taking her out to the farm and we’re going to have a picnic in the back of my truck.” I gulped again. “And then when we’re finished and I’ve got her in my arms, I’ll tell her . . . everything.”
Colleen’s smile reminded me of my mom’s. “It’ll be perfect.”
“She’s perfect. I can’t explain it.” This was it. Everything was falling into place. Like a domino effect since the day she hit that tree.
“She sounds wonderful, Jason.”
“Colleen, you have no idea,” I gushed, grinning like a boy who was talking about his first crush.
It was no secret that this new girl in my life had made the last few dialysis treatments fly by as I thought about her, talked about her, and wrote about her. It was all I could do not to talk about Cassie. Dialysis was my safe zone, I could say anything to Colleen and she’d listened. Not because she had to, but because after all the years of treatments we had become friends.
