"Call Caden, we have to go to Ireland."
"Just call Red."
"She ditched her phone in Ireland the last time we were there."
"What about Kat?"
I got up from his lap and searched for my phone, eventually finding it on the mantel. Before I got a chance to dial, Caden and Xany walked in. Caden looked rather stoic, which of course meant he was managing something. Xany, on the other hand, bound over to me.
"What's goin' on?" she looked out of breath. "Who died?"
"Xee. Something happened between Vanessa and my mom. I'm not sure what."
She hugged me straightaway. From over her shoulder, Mal and Caden shared a lengthy stare, which meant they were telepathing.
"Caden, can you take me to Ireland?" I asked.
"I think it's best to wait here for Vanessa to return," he said, his tone steady and lacking humor which only made me more nervous.
"No, Caden. I can't just wait." I returned my gaze to Xany. "I can't feel her Xee."
"Yes you can, NeeNee. It's just different when she's far away." Xany rubbed my back. Caden and Mal continued some sort of private conversation while Mal's bond pulsed with a turmoil similar to mine.
"It's all right, love. It will be." Mal hugged me while I hugged Xany. It was the first time I'd ever seen him include Xany in a hug. This is bad. This is really bad.
"It can't be that bad if Ana went for tea," Mal commented as if he read my thoughts.
"Something is wrong, Mal. I know it. I can feel it." I looked between my pack. Their expressionless faces told me they had nothing soothing to say.
"We wait." Caden offered. His final words pressed heavily along my shoulders. I hated it.
Chapter Nine
And wait is what I did. Caden and Xany sat together in his big chair by the fire while Mal and I took turns pacing in the kitchen. No one said anything, not even Xany. At least for the most part. I didn't know what to think or feel. Should I be worried? Angry? Vanessa left, just left me here in the dark. Our mate bond remained a sturdy thread between us. I received nothing from her except the message that she was alive and uninjured.
An hour passed, then two, and four, until midnight brought the silver glow of a full moon through the kitchen window. It set the snow alight, brightening the otherwise somber evening. Mal's restlessness peaked as the moon crawled to a position directly above us. Caden, as always, seemed unmoved by it.
"Do you wanna play cards or something, NeeNee?" Xany was the first to breach the quiet.
"No thanks."
"You're wearing a hole in the floor over there," she said, waving me over. I shook my head and continued to pace. Mal cracked his neck as he sat at the kitchen table, a beam of moonlight highlighting his sharp jaw line. I moved behind him and ran my fingers through his hair. He melted under the graze of my fingertips, our skin-to-skin contact soothed both of us the tiniest bit.
"Mom's not going to come back before Vanessa, is she?"
"Probably not," Mal answered, grabbing hold of my wrist and pulling me into his lap more roughly than I think he intended.
"Let's just go there, Mal. Please." I pleaded with him, dropping my head down on his shoulder. He glanced over at Caden then back to me.
"We can't."
"What do you mean we can't?"
"I mean that we can't follow her," he said.
"I don't understand."
"What these two big lugs won't tell you, Nee, is that Nessa busted their balls. Meaning that she commanded them not to follow her," Xany said.
"She did what?" I said, my confusion trickling more towards fury.
"Don't worry, Nee I got this handled." Xany grinned at me as she waved my phone around. "Good thing I have connections." She giggled as she pranced toward the clinic.
"Precious…" Caden said in a tone of warning.
"I love you too, TB." With that, she disappeared behind the clinic door.
"What the hell is she talking about? What's going on here?" I dropped my fist down on the table in a thud.
"Just what she said," Mal snapped.
"So you're telling me Vanessa commanded you two not to bend and follow her to wherever she went?" I looked between the two of them as they both nodded sheepishly.
"That's it in a nutshell," Mal said, a hint of his anger pushing through.
"Why would she…" Before I could finish Xany came bobbing back into the main room with Gavin in tow.
"See, told you I had this." Her giggle, out of place as usual, did nothing to soothe me.
"So does this mean Vinnie took over the pack?" Caden and Mal both growled at Gavin.
"How could she do that, Caden, just dominate you like that?" I asked, tucking my phone in my pocket and looking at Mal. "Can you come if Gavin takes us?" Mal shook his head.
"I can't even fathom the thought," his voice seemed to growl. He was upset with her, and he let it show. I wasn't any better for it either.
"I'm sorry," I said.
"Vanessa's dominance surpasses mine, Nee, by far. Ana is the only one who broke away from her." Caden gestured freely, a demonstration of his honesty in the statement.
"Why didn't you just tell me?" Gavin took my hand and Xany's as well.
"Are you really gonna let both of us go?" Xany's voice perked up an octave.
"We have little choice in the matter, precious. Shawnee isn't going alone," Caden spoke up to which Mal seemed to straighten. I wasn't sure that he was convinced of my safety with only Gavin and Xany as companions, but he seemed to agree. He held my gaze for a moment, and our bond widened as if preparing for the distance.
"I got them," said Gavin, a solemn oath to protect us if I ever heard one.
"We know. Don't be long." Caden nodded.
"Better or your innards will be the next to hang on my tree." Mal snapped again.
Gavin gave him a firm salute as I took his arm. A rush of warmth filled me as Mal's vocal display of "protect my mate or die" had me feeling pretty safe.
"Don't bend us into somewhere obvious, Gavin. Bring us to your room or the basement," I said.
"Yes, ma'am."
With my heart pounding in my ears, Gavin held tightly to Xany and me then together we spiraled through the inbetween.
We touched down in Gavin's room at Kat's house in Ireland. My feet hit the floor more delicately than usual. Maybe the overwhelming desire to keep quiet had me focused. Even Xany seemed to pick up on the need for stealth and didn't erupt into speech. I let go of Gavin and stepped over a pile of laundry.
"Your room is a mess, Gavy," said Xany as she stifled a giggle.
"Wanna clean it?" He wagged his brows at her and she swatted his arm.
"Shh a minute." I hushed them and took a moment to focus inward on my bonds. Mal's stretched, although he was far away, the flow between us remained strong, a product of our joint effort to remain connected. It also showed me how strongly Vanessa shut me out. Her bond, although no longer stretched, remained thinned and unyielding. "She's here. Let me go to her by myself."
"No way, we're going." Xany shook her head.
"Right, mate. We are," Gavin chimed in.
"Xee, I can't tell an ounce about how upset she is. I— wait… Can you tell?"
"I don't know, give me a sec." Xany took a deep breath and closed her eyes to concentrate. After a few moments, she suddenly bent over, clutched her stomach and vomited. The sudden rupture had me jumping back a step then placing my hand on her back in an all-too-practiced dance.
"Gah! Good thing my room's a shamble." Gavin hurried over to the bathroom and cleaned up the mess. "What happened?"
"Whoa, Xee." I grabbed a tissue from Gavin's desk and offered it to her.
"What the?" Xany wiped her mouth with the back of her hand as she stood back up. "She's scared, NeeNee. Not just scared but terrified. Worse than she ever was with Dugan." Xany took the tissue and cleaned up her face.
"Worse? Is he back from the dead or something?" The idea that my Vanessa was afraid of something
had me reeling. What happened? Did I do something? Did my mother do something?
"No, this is something closer to home, closer inside." Xany gagged. "That's all I can tell. I'm sorry, Nee I have to shut it down."
"Okay, it's okay." I rubbed her back and felt the heat rise against my palm. It startled me but the sudden connection to my gift, to Xany, and my hurt-turned-concern for Vanessa centered me again. "Gavin, can you pick up anything from the Pride?"
"From the Pride, no." He shook his head. I stared at him. He stared back.
"She's your sister. What do you sense?"
"The same thing as Xany, but not until just now." He looked around as if listening to something. "She doesn't know you're here." If Vanessa didn't know I was here, she more than just shut down the bond, she closed it off entirely.
"She's downstairs, right?" I asked, taking a deep breath.
"Yeah." He nodded.
"Let me go alone." I looked between them.
"No way, Nee. Mal will have my guts. It's all or nada." Xany still looked a bit green around the gills.
"Maybe she should go alone," Gavin suggested. "Or at least we should hang back a fair bit."
"Okay, I can agree with that. Just as long as we're in close proximity."
"Vinnie may frenzy otherwise." Gavin nodded. "Go first, Shawnee."
"To the kitchen?"
"No, the white room with the stone fireplace." Gavin's awareness of the situation shone through in that moment and I couldn't help but wonder how much more he knew.
I took a few steps away from them and paused by the door. With a glance over my shoulder, I hadn't any idea what I was about to walk into, but I knew that I had to, at least, walk. The doorknob clicked in my hand and I kept my focus inward on my mate bond with Vanessa to see if it would change. I led Gavin and Xany downstairs with soundless steps on the plush carpeting.
Down and to the right, I heard voices coming from the closed door of, what Gavin called, the "white room." To my surprise, the presence of my mother shot heavily to the forefront. I glanced over my shoulder at Xany, knowing that our cover was surely blown. She shrugged her shoulders as if saying, "well damn." I held my hand up for them to remain back. Walking into a room that contained my mother and mate would be safe enough. At that point, Xany and Gavin obliged.
Most of the words coming from the room were English, all of which carried tones of consolation. Sobs interrupted the voices, and then I heard Vanessa's strained high-pitched words.
"Just get them, Ma. Just please."
"Not until you've had proper time to truly think it through," Kat sounded resigned, desperate even.
"I have, I have!" Vanessa choked. A crashing sound followed as did a frustrated growl.
I couldn't bear to listen to her distress a moment longer. The door required no more than a single finger to slide it open. Three sets of eyes met my presence. Eliseth's eyes widened, though Kat and my mother didn't seem surprised at all. Vanessa stood facing the stone fireplace beside a pile of rubble that I assumed she caused. Shattered remnants of picture frames and glass figurines scattered at her feet.
Eli stepped aside as any smart Breeder would do while my mother moved closer to me. Vanessa hadn't noticed my entry and that sent shockwaves of agony to my heart. She continued to cry, gut wrenching sobs. I moved through the gauntlet of women toward my mate. None of them stopped me. Words wouldn't help Vanessa at this point. Only one thing could override our mate bond… Touch.
A part of me braced for impact, the rest prepared to catch her. I reached out, brushing her hair from her shoulder at the same time that I wrapped my arm around her middle. Every inch of her tensed as if repulsed by the gesture, but the moment my skin met hers, our mate bond flew open, slamming me with the full force of her emotions.
"No," she cried and dropped to the floor, pulling me with her. I could barely breathe, barely see as our bond raged, thrashed, and choked me.
"Easy, baby. Whatever it is, it'll be all right." My words did nothing to soothe her, if anything they only added to her tears. I moved in front of her and grabbed her hands but she pulled them away, over and over until finally she crumbled and dropped her head down in my lap. "It's all right, Vanessa. My god, what happened?" Tears streaked my face from the shock over her state of mind. I looked between the three mothers in the room, all of them including my own, had eyes as wet as mine. None of them answered me.
Kat cupped her hands over her mouth and shook her head. My mom took both Kat and Eli by the elbow and urged them from the room, leaving me alone on the floor with my devastated mate.
I sat there with Vanessa while she sobbed into my lap and stroked her hair. The last time she even came close to a breakdown like this, was after I witnessed her brawl with Dugan for the first time.
"I love you so much, Vanessa." I leaned over her so that my words met her ear in a whisper. She cried harder, but now her fingers dug into my thighs as if begging me to relieve her pain. "Please, baby. Nothing is going to take that away from us. Nothing. I promise you that." I chose my words carefully. Mal's link inside me offered a steady flow of confidence while I was pretty sure Vanessa's chaos leaked through. I drew on his strength to maintain my own composure. "Tell me where you are. I'll come get you." The words tumbled from my lips before I could even think about them at the same time that I heard Vanessa's voice echo in my mind. She'd spoken the same thing to me before. "Take me with you." And so had Mal.
Nothing. No change. I took a deep breath and gave a great yank on Mal's connection at the same time that I slipped my hands under Vanessa's arms and lifted her right up off the floor. Mal's borrowed strength allowed me only a moment's worth of advantage. The movement startled her and I dropped back sitting on the sofa, positioning her to straddle my lap. Just as she'd done to me a million times. She finally unlocked, and I cupped her face before she could turn away. She continued to sob heavily as I wiped away her tears.
"What are you so afraid of, Ness?" I moved in a way that forced her to look at me. "Stop trying to shut me out, I can feel it."
"It'll be easier if you don't know," she spoke between hiccups, her voice deep and raspy like she'd spent an hour screaming.
"We're mates. Eventually, I'll know anyway. You promised me, no more secrets." She was coming around, although very slowly, our link stopped thrashing and settled on uncomfortable vibrations. She dropped her head down on my shoulder and I hugged her, squeezed her to me. She stroked my arm as if she were saying goodbye to a beloved pet she had to euthanize.
"I've ruined everything, Shawnee. Everything," she whispered, and stood from my lap a bit angrily. Her legs wobbled in a way that worried me. I joined her but she avoided looking at me.
"Let's go for a walk," I said.
She nodded and I held my hand out to her. She took it and I led her outside to Kat's snow-covered garden. The fountain in the center continued to run despite the cold. We walked along the gravel pathways, avoiding icy patches here and there. Ahead of us, the purplish-red of sunrise hinted along the horizon. Vanessa led me to a marble bench tucked under the awning of a circular pavilion. She sat down, dropping her head into her hands. The posture reminded me of Mal's the night he asked me to talk. Is this the position of despair? Of worry that what you've worked so hard to build had come crashing down?
I knelt down in front of her, and took both of her hands in mine. She turned her face away again. The shudder in our bond told me the news would soon find its way to her lips. I waited, breathing evenly and working diligently to steady our bond. She had been the rock in my life for years, I owed it to her to return the favor.
In time, her tears slowed and she leaned back, clearing her throat as if she was finally ready to let go. Her eyes never met mine as she released my hands somewhat dismissively.
"I'm pregnant."
"I'm sorry, what?"
"I am pregnant, Shawnee." She dropped her hands down on the bench and shoved herself up to stand. A hot seed of anger pulsed through our connection. "I'm pr
egnant."
"What… how? When?" I stood up, random words continued to fall out of my mouth in the form of a question until I settled on staring at her with my mouth hanging open.
"That's what you felt in the clinic today. That's what Ana knew."
I sat down on the bench, still lost for words. Half of me was furious, not at the information, but at the delivery of it. The other half settled on a low level of betrayal that I'd experienced only once before, a betrayal that I had accepted as part of our relationship long ago. I took a deep breath. Pregnant. Not dead, not gone, not 'I'm leaving you.'
"You… were afraid to tell me this?" Both of my mate bonds settled back into place now, side by side. Vanessa's energy flowing freely, confirming my question before she did. "What did you think I would do, Vanessa?"
"I've ruined everything, Shawnee. You don't understand." She turned around to face me, leaning against the entryway of the gazebo. "The worst thing that ever happened." She shook her head as an eerie calm washed over her.
"Stop, just stop it." I stood again and took my place in front of her. "This is hardly the worst thing that has ever happened."
"It's his, Shawnee. His." When she looked at me, her eyes were bright yellow with thin black slits down the center. "I've been getting an IUD every single year during heat time since I was sixteen. The one time I don't, the one time I let…" She slammed her head back against the wall and the structure shuddered.
"He, who, Vanessa? Did Dugan… I thought you—"
"No!" She grabbed my shoulders, jerking me backward more firmly than she meant to. "The puma. You watched." And then the wave of embarrassment hit me. Her anger, her shame over the one and only misstep she'd ever had in our relationship.
"Vanessa…" I gripped her arms and again, the moment my skin touched hers, she calmed down. Her eyes shifted back to a deeply saddened emerald.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"My god." My fists trembled with the anger I fought to control. "I thought." I gulped. "I thought you were dying, leaving me, severing our bond or some weird cat magic shit. Don't you ever, ever, do that to me again. What were you thinking, leaving me like that? Commanding the wolves not to follow you. Did you think I wouldn't find a way to get here? I would've got a damn plane ticket if Gavin hadn't come."
Bound (Legacy Series Book 4) Page 8
