"I... you." She leaned back and looked at me like she didn't recognize me.
"You have to start trusting me, and that's the bottom line." I grabbed her hair in both my hands and pulled her forward so that her forehead pressed against mine.
A sob caught in her throat again. "I'm sorry. I do trust you."
"No, you were terrified to tell me this. What did you think would happen?"
"I… I don't know, I don't." Finally, a hundred years later it seemed the ebb and flow of her energy returned. "I'm sorry."
"Stop apologizing." I yanked her hair again, leaning her back to look at me. My rough treatment of her surprised me. I was angry but was hurt more by her distrust.
"Ma said." She sniffled. "That she'll get me pills to make it go away."
"Make what go away?"
"Being pregnant."
"What?" I dropped my grip on her and stared.
"It'll be easier that way."
My fists tightened as hot-seeded rage sizzled from the depths of my soul. I sent both of my fists slamming into Vanessa's shoulders, knocking her backward into the wall. Her eyes widened as she caught herself. "A tiny piece of you is growing in there. A piece of you that…" Now the onslaught of emotions hit me and I started crying as I realized that a baby was growing inside my mate. "That I would like to meet some day." I covered my mouth and looked at her stomach. Was that the ball of heat that I felt against my hand?
"You would?" her voice was barely a whisper.
"Yes." She met my gaze again and something shimmered in her eyes. "Wouldn't you?"
She didn't speak, but the faintest nod had her crying again. We embraced and for the first time tonight, finally shared a mutual sentiment.
"Do you mean it?" she croaked.
"Vanessa, we share a mate bond. You know I mean it." I wiped my eyes and watched as some semblance of color returned to her features. "Just like I knew you didn't mean it when you said that you wanted it to go away. How would you feel if Mal got me pregnant and I told you that I was going to abort it?"
"You…you wouldn't do that." She swiped at her eyes. "And… I did mean it."
"To make things easier, to preserve our normal. No woman who runs into a burning building and shoves her arms into the flames to save a kit would make that decision if she was thinking about the baby, and not about losing her mate," I said. "Kat was right. You weren't thinking. Acting out of fear is not thinking."
Silence hung thick between us. Vanessa sat again on the marble bench, I settled beside her.
"Selfish," she said.
"There's never going to be normal between us. Our normal is what we're given." I nodded, staring at the tips of my sneakers buried in a small patch of snow.
"You sound like Ana." She swiped at her eyes again.
"What else are you afraid of? I can still feel it."
"I'm not fit for kits." She shook her head.
"I'm calling bullshit on that one."
"I'm not. My mother left me. Cats leave their kits. We're not good with them, Shawnee, look at the orphanage. It's full of us."
"Your mother is Katherine. She's part of your blood. You're most like her and she takes in all the kits like that old lady in a shoe story." I nudged her with my foot. "Your birthmother chose not to be fit, Vanessa. You know that."
She grew quiet again.
"You knew?" she asked, glancing at me.
"Kat told me by accident."
"She meant for you to know, I'm sure."
"Well, now I know. I've seen you with Erin, Vanessa. You're not going to abandon your kit."
"I can barely take care of myself half the time."
"That baby is a pebble in your uterus and you already doubt yourself. Stop it." This is as close to having my own kid as I'll ever come. She doesn't know how lucky she is. Maybe one day she'll realize it. "Besides, what am I here for? We're doing this together."
"Mal's going to be mad."
"Only about you dominating him."
"Oh… yeah."
"That was a bad thing to do, Ness. Lift it."
"I had to be sure." She took a deep breath and I knew the ban on the pack dissipated. Mal's bond seemed to free itself. "Your mother scared me."
"You scared yourself more."
"I'm sorry I doubted you. I do that, and I hate it." She glanced at me again, otherwise her eyes remained trained on the ice patch on the ground.
"Everyone does at times. My track record isn't too solid."
"Xany doesn't doubt you," she said.
"Xany's different."
She let out a powerful exhale and ran her fingers through her hair. I watched as she seemed to process everything that'd happened. The bonds inside me swirled, Mal and Vanessa brushed against each other again. Little flecks of color filled my mind's eye. I placed my left hand on her lower belly, she looked down and watched me.
Sure enough, the baseball-sized sphere of hotness pressed against my palm. "Your breasts hurt the other day. Remember?"
"Yeah." She continued to watch me. "Can you feel it?"
"I can." I continued to feel around her abdomen. "Right here." I took her hand and placed it on top of mine. A jolt hit me and another splash of colors flashed across my field of vision. This time, I heard something, too. It wasn't strong enough to see or hear clearly, but I knew what I saw.
"What?" Her eyes widened while she watched me.
"What are you going to name her?"
"I don't... " Vanessa scooted forward a bit. "Her?"
"It's a girl."
Chapter Ten
By the time we returned to Kat's house, the entire pack arrived. They gathered in her giant living room just off from the kitchen. Gavin sat on the carpet while Xany paced back and forth. Caden sat on the sofa, his expression still flattened. Coaghan joined Gavin on the floor while Kat and Ana sat talking with Eliseth. Separated from the others, Mal stood in the kitchen with his arms crossed over his chest, and facing the entryway when we arrived. Xany's voice boomed over everyone the moment the door shut behind us. She stalked past Mal and into the kitchen.
"All this 'cause you're knocked up?" Xany waved her arms in an arch. "Seriously?" She slammed her hands on the island countertop. "That's not even the bad part, Nessa. How could you? Hmm? Tell me."
Vanessa froze in front of Mal and Xany. She didn't speak back, just stood there and took it.
"Xandrea." Mal's tone unnerved Xany and she puffed up her chest. A rush of power filled the room. One that I had only felt once before.
"You will heed me 'til I am finished having my say, Michael." Xany turned back to Vanessa. "If you want to play Alpha then take up the Pride's offer but don't ever use your dominance as an advantage over us again. We are a family here and family does not treat each other that way." Xany took a deep breath. "And shame on you for scaring the hell out of everyone. Bad kitty."
"I'm sorry," Vanessa croaked. Shame washed through our mate bond again. It sent shivers up my spine. Humiliation and I were great friends of the past, and it made my stomach swirl in remembrance. In the presence of the others, I found myself growing quieter under the revelation of the news. It hadn't really sunk in yet. Vanessa's pregnancy resulting from the one thing that broke my heart the most. I fought the emotions that rose to the surface, swallowing them down and pushing them away for now.
"Don't be sorry just don't ever do it again unless we need you, which I'm sure will happen one day," Xany continued.
Vanessa nodded to Xany and turned her attention to Mal as if expecting something from him too. Her worry rose along with the shame, as she feared Mal's rejection. Why did she worry so much about being rejected by him? He was the most accepting person I'd ever met in my life. I loved him for it, loved him for everything he was and is.
"You heard our Alpha… bitch," he said. Though his words were playful, it didn't match the tendrils of anger that remained tangled between the three of us.
Vanessa laughed a little bit and I appreciated the light Mal brought back to he
r eyes. I smirked and awaited Xany's reaction.
"That's right. I am your Alpha-bitch and don't you forget it." She jabbed him in the shoulder with her finger. "You do know right now I could make you roll over and do tricks." Xany arched a brow at him. "Try me… come on. Dare ya."
Mal snarled at her.
"Come here, kitten." Kat's call broke the stare down between the siblings. Vanessa let go of my hand and joined the others in the living room. Mal met my gaze and, in that moment, I wanted nothing more than to run to him. I wanted him to comfort me and take away any bit of pain I shoved deeper into my subconscious.
Vanessa sat down between Kat and Ana. Kat pulled her into a hug and my mother patted her hand. What she needed right now was beyond my reach, but it wasn't beyond our mothers'. Coaghan joined them and he held Vanessa's hand. She offered him a half-smile and he cooed to her. I couldn't understand what he said, but he made her smile and called her "princess" several times. For a brief moment, I envied their relationship.
Mal stepped in front of me after Xany seemed to settle down. He took my hands in his.
"You okay?"
"For now," I said, inhaling the musky wilderness that he carried with him, mixed with a hint of sage. I hugged him and he wrapped his arms around my middle.
"This is kind of a big deal," he said, which of course made it seem like less of a big deal.
"It is." I sighed. "We don't have much time to sort things out either."
"Why not?"
"Once she hits the second trimester, it will be a matter of weeks before we have a kit running around." The level of "not wanting to talk about it" right now hit me pretty hard. He seemed to pick up on it and hugged me again. "You were right."
"About what?" Mal leaned his head against mine.
"Everything's changing."
"Seasons change. Every year, they are the same, yet we're surprised at each turn." He kissed my forehead and I sighed.
"That was a very Anadaya thing to say, you know." I pressed my lips to his.
"You're kissing your mother." He chuckled. I laughed a little and swatted his chest.
"Bad wolfman."
"You wouldn't have it any other way."
***
"Love," Mal's voice burst into my dream. I imagined his mouth chasing me through a prairie while I tried to herd a hundred house cats into a tiny basket. "Shawnee."
"There's too many," I mumbled.
"Too many what?"
"Cats." I started and jolted awake when one of the dream-cats jumped in my face. Mal laughed as I swatted at a hair that tickled my nose.
"What the hell kind of dream are you having?" He continued to laugh at me as I rolled over and tucked myself against him, resting my head on his chest.
"A billion cats in a small basket." I yawned and he ran his fingers through my hair.
"Does that have some hidden meaning?" He sounded perky. "Are you a prophet?"
"Don't tease me while you're naked. That's dangerous." I pulled the blanket up over my head and closed my eyes again, fighting the return to reality. In time, my consciousness steadied, as did our connections. All of the pack seemed to be in the cabin today. I imagined the stress had taken its toll on them. We stayed at Kat's only briefly before returning to Utah in the middle of the night. Vanessa all but passed out after. Kat came back and stayed with her while she slept. The two of them seemed to need the privacy to continue to talk things out.
"What about teasing you while you're naked? Is that dangerous?" He swatted my rear and yanked the blanket off my head.
"Treacherous." I grumbled.
"You okay?" he asked, his fingers raked through my hair. Even though he could sense me whenever he wanted, the question meant a lot.
"For now." I looked up at him. "You?"
"Yeah. I am pissed about being forced to stay here though."
"What about the baby? How do you feel about that?" I hadn't asked him the night prior. He was part of this just the same.
"As long as it doesn't turn out like Xany, we'll be good." He smirked, brushing his lips over my forehead. I laughed a bit and gave his bare chest a swat.
"You're terrible. Xany is just fine."
"You didn't know her as a kid." He shook his head. "Deadly."
"I think Vanessa's daughter will be just as deadly, though not in the same manner." I rested my chin on his chest, his brows flicked upward.
"Daughter?"
"It's a girl." I nodded. The lack of expression in my tone worried me a bit. Had I lied to Vanessa just the same by not expressing my anger and hurt over her shutting me out?
"You can tell?" His expression softened, smoothing out his brow.
"Mom showed me how to scan with my gift. I've only done it twice. The first time I felt her pregnant but didn't realize it. The second time I tried, a got the image of a girl in my mind. It's almost like I can see inside the body." I hadn't really thought about it much since yesterday. My mother must have helped unlock a new level of my healing ability.
"Like the Magic School Bus?" He grinned.
"Stop that." I laughed. "I don't even know what that is but it sounds naughty."
"It was an old television show where a bus shrunk and went inside the human body." He nodded as if that happened often.
"That doesn't sound sanitary at all."
Mal chuckled and hugged me, again kissing my forehead. I smiled under his touch, his closeness anchoring me to the present.
"How do you feel about the baby?" his question came about rather pressured, as if he'd been holding onto it for a while.
"She was going to take pills to end it. Just to save me from having to deal with it and having the situation interrupt everything we've gained."
"That's not what I asked, love."
The truth was that I didn't know how I felt other than what I told Vanessa last night. This baby, regardless of the donor, is a part of Vanessa. And she, being the only bodily-sound child-bearer of my mates, offered the world something I couldn't. What bothered me most was the notion that, if Xany hadn't summoned Gavin, Vanessa might've terminated her pregnancy without talking to me first. Just the thought of it made my skin crawl a bit.
"I'm all right."
"Dugan isn't the father, right?"
"No. I asked the same thing. She says he never touched her." I took a deep breath. Even though he was dead and gone, the thought of him ever being near Vanessa had me boiling. "It was the puma from the restaurant."
"Will he, you know, be around or anything?" Mal chose his words deliberately, again, as if he'd been burning to ask.
"No. Most weretigers don't keep parentage like that. Especially between Changers. We'll probably never see him again."
"Good." And that settled it for him it seemed. I watched his expression soften for the briefest moment.
"I know you're angry with her for that command."
"I'm not sure which is more, anger or hurt."
"It's okay to be angry about it." I poked his chin. "Just in case you were wondering if it was okay or not. I felt the same about how she left me in the dark. For hours. I'm still kind of upset."
"I thought we were finally friends and then she stabs us in the back," he said.
"I understand. Caden was going to explode, did you see?"
"He did. You just weren't here to see it." Mal brushed his lips over my forehead.
"Really?" I sat up to face him.
"Notice we have a new pile of wood for the fire?"
"Did he uproot a tree trying to break her order?"
"He felt deceived and, unlike me, he has always been productive in his anger."
"It's understandable." I nodded. "Where do we go from here?"
"We rebuild. Go back to the beginning." He sighed.
"You know, she's afraid of you rejecting her. Isn't that odd? You of all people. Why?"
"I wasn't aware that I mattered other than her having to share you with me."
"You matter more than you know." I wrapped the blanket arou
nd my shoulders. "You were the only one who helped her when it came to Dugan. She trusts no one. Not even me. But she trusted you." I tilted my head. "Her command on you and Caden was to keep me away, not you. I think she knows it backfired."
"She went about this all the wrong way."
"Yes, she did. The entire situation." I shook my head again. "In a way, it shows where her biggest vulnerabilities lie."
"It's always been you."
"She can't think straight when it comes to me, can she?" I offered him a doleful smile.
"No, she can't."
"Am I that way with the two of you?"
"Of course." Mal chuckled.
"You're just the same as well." I smiled at the notion and a warm rush of affection raced up my middle. I wrapped my arms around him and he held me tight.
"Woman, from the moment I first saw you, you have turned my world upside down."
***
"Where are we going?" Vanessa asked as I led her down the hall to the clinic. Her eyes remained puffy from the crying she'd break into every few hours or so.
"You'll see." Once in the clinic, I patted the table for her to sit. She pushed herself up and tears immediately began to fall again. I stood in front of her and wiped them away with the back of my fingers. Vanessa leaned into the caress and sobbed. "It's okay. What's making you so upset?"
"Everything." She closed her eyes just as Xany bounced into the room.
"You're about to be a mom. Enough with the leaky faucets." Xany giggled as she rolled the ultrasound machine next to the exam table. Vanessa looked up at her. Xany grinned and tapped her on the nose with her finger.
"You're confusing her quite a bit there, Xee. First reprimand, now giddy," I said. "Lie back, Ness. We're going to check you out."
"I had my say and she said sorry so it's all done with. Life goes on."
Vanessa shifted around on the table to lie down. She seemed to accept what Xany said but didn't respond. She kept her eyes on me the whole time, eventually her tears faded. I kissed her forehead and she took hold of my hand. Mixed feelings continued to roll around inside me though none of them met my lips. I was doing this for no one else but Vanessa. She needed to see so that she couldn't doubt, wouldn't think of terminating the pregnancy no matter what.
Bound (Legacy Series Book 4) Page 9
