Live and Let Fly

by Karina Fabian

  Since I know most Mundanes have a hard time with Shakespeare, who would have sounded frightfully terse and modern compared to this guy, I shall translate.

  "I have been released from Hel's Hall and sent here to bear you a message."

  "What? Why?"

  "It's a living."

  "I mean why send you, you little fool!"

  "They aren't coming, my lady."

  "What? Why?"

  "Well, they discussed it, and... You're on an island."

  "Yes?"

  "It's surrounded by water."

  "So?"

  "They're fire giants. It's just not a good match, you see?"

  With a shriek that would have had her Evil Overlord membership card revoked, she tossed the cell phone on the ground, where it shattered into a hundred pieces. She stomped on it for good measure, not that vinyl stiletto-heeled boots could crush much.

  She whirled on me. "You! Dragon! You will go through the Gap and retrieve my husband!"

  I couldn't help it, I barked out a laugh. "I can't usher in Ragnarok! Even if I didn't have a compulsion by St. George! Dragons do have limits, lady."

  "You will find a way, or I will find a way to revive your friend. I understand these Mundanes are very skilled in creating drugs to do that. Then I will drive her insane again and again, until I can't bring her back, or she dies."

  I forced myself not to look at Grace. I told myself mortals die.

  Sigyn jerked her chin toward the henchmen by the shark pool. They pulled the cord.

  Grace bounced, her head lolling like a rag doll's, her feet not quite touching the water. The shark snapped but missed. The wires holding the beaker vibrated, and a small amount of venom spilled out and spattered on her face. I smelled the seared flesh.

  Grace's eye twitched, an automatic reaction, but otherwise, she stayed still except for her single finger. Taptaptap, taptaptap—

  "I'll go!"

  Mortals die. But not Grace. Not yet.

  "I'll go! But if you harm another hair on her head..."

  "You have two hours." She nodded at the ever-useful Petaki, who pressed a button. Part of the wall split. I saw the gray-blue morning sky beyond.

  I didn't care if I was an agent of the Church; I shot out of that opening like a bat out of Hell.

  Chapter Twenty-One: From Helheim With Love

  The door exited to a spot mid-mountain above the stony cliff side. I pumped my wings, caught a thermal and rose. Part of me gloried in having my dragon body back, but the rest was already racing ahead with a plan to break Loki out of semi-eternal imprisonment. The one thing I needed was stashed in my artifacts collection in my Faerie cave—twelve hours hard flying even from Muspellheim. However, with salt and some soda—

  I saw a familiar red and yellow can and swooped toward the "Distinguished Visitors"

  platform at the volcano's lip.

  " Gomen nasai!" I shouted as I plucked the can of Ping Extra and a sandwich from a member of the Japanese delegation. Everyone else ducked and screeched, but he waved and reached into his pocket for his camera.

  I didn't have time to show him my good side. I plugged the hole on the can with my tail, folded my wings and dove through the portal. I ignored the feeling of being stretched like putty except to note that something had gone wrong with this particular portal. Then I was out and in Muspellheim.

  Out of the frying pan and into the fire.

  Caught by surprise, the fire giants hardly had time to posture or lob stones at me before I was out of their area. I didn't need to tarry there, anyway. I didn't bother to stop in Asgard, either; no way Odin would deign to help me. No, I had only one destination in mind.

  If I wanted to save Grace, I'd have to go straight to Hel.

  I'm sure people are wondering what the road to Hel looks like. Sorry. I didn't notice the scenery. If you really want to know, find a good translation of Gylfaginning. My only concern was to remember to take a left at the tree roots. I zoomed through the dark and chilly valleys.

  Forget the whole "ride for nine nights;" Hermod had a terrible sense of direction and never stopped to ask anyone. I barreled down Mooguo at the Gjoll Bridge. I did see a couple of paving stones that said "Good Intentions." Cute touch.

  I backwinged at the border and called for Garm, the monster dog who guards the gates.

  His bloody chest has caused many a being to quell in fear, but honestly, it just reminded me how long it'd been since lunch. Good thing I didn't much like peanut butter.

  I held up the sandwich I'd stolen. Hoped it would pass muster. I didn't have time to find Hel cake.

  "Tell your lady the dragon Vern seeks audience—and be fast!"

  Garm sniffed at the tidbit, wagged his tail, and loped off toward his mistress. I followed, silently thanking God I'd spent that decade in India handing out loaves to the poor. He stopped at the door of a large, dowdy mansion, barked once, and waited.

  I was about ready to flame down the doors to Eljudnir when Hel's manservant finally deigned to answer the door.

  I tossed Hel's Hound the sandwich and stormed in, not caring one way or another if Idler bothered to get out of my way. I didn't stumble on the doorway; I'd leave that to the mortals.

  I found Hel in the sitting room, reclining in her lounge and watching her maidservant carry laundry. A few slipped out of her hands, but she didn't bother to stop and pick them up. Hel sighed.

  She turned her head to me, slowly, as if moving were too much of an effort. "You don't belong here, dragon," she said, each word leaving her mouth to settle heavily, like helium balloons five days after the parade.

  "I have something for you," I said.

  She closed her eyes, banishing me from her attention. She seemed to speak to the world in general and no one in particular. "Nothing you have can interest me."

  I quoted:

  In those eternal days did I make my bed with her

  Lying still, my head upon her breast

  Beautiful repose, beautiful Hela

  I thought I saw the trace of a bittersweet smile. "Do you come to flatter me, dragon, or to mock me? Only one has spoken to me so."

  "Baldr. I know, because I have the love poetry he wrote about you after his return to the living."

  I felt as much as saw the shudder go through her body. In a smooth motion, she swung her legs off the lounge and sat, leaning forward and gripping the edge of the cushioned seat.

  Despite the dead and decaying lower half of her body, she moved gracefully. "You have them?"

  "I can deliver them to you, right now. But I need some salt."

  She pushed herself up. "Follow me."

  In her kitchen, I took a look around. "This is...nice."

  Unexpected, was more like it. Blue-and-white checkered curtains dotted with yellow and pink flowers and white cartoon cats with red bows and teddy bears hid the barren, shadowy landscape from view. A similar design on the tablecloth made the table stand out like a daisy growing out of a cracked city sidewalk. Pink plastic plates with the same cuddly white cats lined the distressed gray shelves.

  Kawaii Kitten? I started to make a snide comment, until I saw her grin fondly as she pulled a pink and white cat-shaped shaker out of her cupboard. She deserved something to grin about.

  "This is my favorite room. Would you like a snack?"

  I declined. I'd be hungrier after. "Just a lot of salt and a plate if you don't want me to make a mess. Next, we need to put this in an out-of-the-way area, like an unused cupboard or drawer."

  She made a noise of polite surprise. "A considerate dragon."

  I poured the salt into the plate and spread it. With one claw, I wrote out my suggestion that certain artifacts really belonged here. Once we put that on the shelf Hel opened, I sprinkled a little bit of Ping near it and set the can beside it. Then came the hard part. I'd heard Grace use the brownie spell a dozen times since she'd first tried it in the Florida case, but dragons don’t sing, and I had no idea how much the music was for the spell and ho
w much for the focus. I'd always depended on her for that. I prayed the Heavenly Host would provide a little back-up and did my best.

  Hel listened attentively, waiting until I closed the cupboard door to ask what was next.

  "We wait. If I did everything correctly, the brownies will find the letters in my stash at Caraparavelenciana and return them to you. But I can't stay."

  She nodded and pulled a plastic chair around, so she could sit facing me. Her face had returned to its usual malaise. "What do you want, dragon? No one brings me gifts without a reason."

  Great. Now I had guilt. Not that I'd let it stop me.

  "Where's Loki?"

  She blinked then recited. " He who sired me has been condemned by Odin for crimes against the gods and God's humans. He shall take his company with the blind deaf-mutes, and all shall be protected from his trickery. So shall he remain until Ragnarok and the renewal of the world. An ingenious punishment, really. He spent the first few decades tripping people, tapping them on the shoulder and running when they turned, putting gross objects in their hands, but it got old fast. He's beyond the Slough of Despond; take a right. Why?"

  "I've come to take him across the Gap." I explained in as few words as possible about Sigyn holding Grace hostage.

  "I can't release him."

  "I'm not asking you to. I just need you to turn a blind eye and hold your hound. You can even send your manservant after me; by the time he makes up his mind to obey, we'll be long gone."

  She toyed with the edge of the gaily-colored table cloth. "I don't know. Perhaps if you—"

  I twitched my tail. "Hela, please. I don't have time to ask the entire world to cry for Grace. I have an hour, or your stepmother will—" I couldn't finish.

  She regarded me with tilted head. "Mortals die, dragon."

  "Not Grace. Not yet."

  She shrugged, unsure. Her eyes moved to the cupboard.

  "Hela, you asked your father to turn himself into a giantess and refuse to mourn Baldr so that he would not be freed, didn't you?"

  Eyes still pinned to the cupboard, she whispered, "I only wanted him to stay, for as long as I could have him. That's all."

  "That's all I want with Grace. Please, help me?"

  She nodded once.

  I would have collapsed with relief if I weren't in such a hurry.

  * * * *

  "He's not such a bad father, you know," she said as we made our way across her large back yard. Garn, I noticed, had dug holes among the hemlock and black-roses. "I've taken advantage of his imprisonment here to have him over. Sabbatical visits, I guess your Church would call them. He made me laugh. He was so excited when I got the computer. When I saw the Kawaii Kitten things, he told me, 'Who cares what the other gods think? Get them if they make you happy!' We used to watch DimsTube together. He liked slapstick and practical jokes, but I suppose that's no surprise. Lately, he just sits and mumbles."

  A shabby lean-to shed stood by the back gate. Hel went in and rummaged through it, returning with coils of long rubbery cord.

  "My half-brother's entrails," she explained. "He doesn’t need them, and you can bind Loki for the journey. I doubt he'll put up much of a fight. He's not moved in years."

  I thanked her and told her if the spell did not work, send word to the DragonEye office. "I will personally deliver all of Baldr's letters. I promise."

  Taking the coils in my mouth, careful not to bite down and trying not to drool, I sped across Helheim to Loki.

  True to Hel's prediction, I found Loki sitting in a corner away from the aimlessly wandering souls. He was rocking and chanting, "See no evil. Hear no evil. Speak no evil. Have no fun." I had him hogtied faster than a calf-roper at the rodeo. He just kept muttering like a street bum with mental problems. I caught some of the loops of his bindings in my mouth, grabbed him up with my hands and feet, and took off at my best speed.

  Idler gave a halfhearted "Hey, stop!" as I carried my prize across the border of Niflheim.

  Chapter Twenty Two: The Vern Supremacy

  I made it back to Muspellheim with about fifteen minutes to spare. I prayed that was enough time to handle the second part of the mission. I'd been doing a lot of praying in the past couple of hours. It might have been redundant, but I prayed that would help.

  Looked like God was smiling on me, if not the gods. No one so much as lobbed a lava rock at me as I sped through, though a few fire giants did call me names. No doubt they expected me to do a slow burn, but I didn't give them the satisfaction. I just wanted to finish my mission and get Grace.

  Angrboda stood at the entrance of the cave leading to the portal. Magnificent even among giantesses, with strong features, flaming hair—literally—that danced and licked at her chiseled cheeks, she blocked my way like a liquid mountain. I knew I'd not get past by force.

  I needed to talk. I dropped Loki at my feet. The impact set him muttering again.

  "Angrboda, I do not have time to fight you."

  The fire giant made a derisive snort and curled her lip at the limp pile of flesh and bones that had been her husband. "Over this? I've moved on. Sigyn can have him. You are the one bearing the burden for the crime."

  "Speak no evil," Loki muttered. Angrboda nudged him with her foot. At least, I'll call it a nudge. It was probably a nudge for a giantess. Maybe.

  "I can handle Odin," I said.

  "And the Faerie Church, O dragon christened by the pope? Loki sided with the Dark One—not that I disapprove necessarily, but the Church you are bound to serve has dictated his punishment."

  Didn't I know it? "That's my concern."

  "You think I'm a fool? You hope to win their favor by destroying this portal. We shall not let it happen, dragon. We may not step through ourselves, but do not fool yourself that we will not take advantage of the opportunity it presents."

  I toyed with one fang with my tongue and tried to look both smug and sheepish. "Uh, yeah. About that. Loki isn't the only person skilled at the double-cross."

  Angrboda darkened to the color of smoldering coals. "Explain."

  "Let me tell you about a Mundane phenomenon called Global Warming..."

  Seven minutes later, I had Loki in my jaws and was heading across the portal. Behind me, Angrboda was calling to her mages to hurry and destroy the gate before the Mundane icebergs melted and flooded their land.

  It could happen.

  The stretchy feeling was worse the second time through, making me feel doughy and gross. I wondered if the portal wouldn't collapse on its own. Either way worked for me.

  The portal spat me out like a draconian loogie. Not a fun image, especially when you're holding intestines in your teeth, but accurate. I don’t think I fully solidified until after I'd left the portal's magical influence, and I couldn't stop my flight until I was well above the mountain. I unfolded my wings and hovered long enough to glance around.

  Coming out of the sunrise, I saw the destroyer, USS Enchanted.

  The cavalry! I love when a cliché comes together!

  I angled and dove, ignoring the gasps of awe and the clicking of cameras, except to wonder if I'd make it on DimsTube. I spotted the door, like a mouth open wide, and flew into Sigyn's lair. Out of the fire and back into the frying pan.

  Sigyn let out a most un-Evil-Overlordish squeal as I set Loki on the platform before her.

  To the side, Petaki, the ever-faithful minion, stood by with his hand on the button, awaiting the order to close the door. She ignored him as she watched me.

  Big mistake. Glad to see Sigyn hadn't gotten her minions interested in earning proactiveness stars. I set a clawed hand over Loki, holding him down and holding her off. With my other hand and my tail, I undid the knots.

  "I want Grace and Rak and a five-minute head start."

  She looked from her bound husband to me and smiled a very Evil Overlordish smile.

  "Go! With my Loki's silver tongue and my knowledge of this dimension, we'll soon bring this world to its knees!"

  "Wanna
bet?" I gave Loki a push, he unrolled, stopping at Sigyn's feet, curled in a fetal position and muttering, "See no evil..."

  "What have you done?" she screamed.

  I didn’t answer. I launched myself off the designer railing, leaving gouges, and soared to Grace.

  "Hear no evil..."

  "Get them! Kill them!"

  I bit into the strings holding Grace, snapping them as I carried her away. She didn't react, didn't even slow her steady tapping.

  Rak elbowed one guard, grabbed his gun, and used it to clock the other in the jaw. He ran to the exit.

  "Speak no evil..."

  "The door! Petaki, the door!"

  Rak reached out and grabbed my front ankle as I snagged him with my hind claws. We made it through the door with inches to spare.

  Have no fun.

  * * * *

  Sheer adrenalin enabled me to make it to a flat part of the cliffs and to set Rak and Grace down gently. I collapsed next to them and forced myself to crawl to Grace's side. Rak was already there, checking her pulse, looking over her wounds, taking her hand and slapping it gently.

  "Grace? Come on, Sister. Show me you hear me."

  Taptaptap, taptaptap, taptaptap.

  Rak looked at her fingers playing out their rhythm on his hand. "Is that some kind of SOS?"

  "Yes, but to the Divine. Grace? It's Vern." I laid my head on her stomach. "Come back to me."

  Her steady breathing both frightened and reassured me. Twenty-four hours of tension and danger made themselves known. I shivered like the injured, overstressed creature I was. A steady pounding thrummed in my ears. But she was alive.

  Thank you, that she is alive. The phrase repeated itself in my mind, and its echo lulled me. I closed my eyes.

  "Vern! We're not out of this yet. Sigyn will have her troops here in a few minutes." Rak pulled the clip out of the rifle he'd stolen, counted the rounds, and shoved it back in. The pounding had gotten loud enough Rak heard it, too.

  After all, what evil overlord complex would be complete without its own attack helicopters?