Above All Else (Sandy Cove Series Book 7)

by Rosemary Hines

  Once it was in the pot cooking, she mixed and formed the meatballs. Soon the house smelled like an Italian restaurant. With her iPod playing a mix of oldies, she danced around the kitchen celebrating Caleb’s visit. He’d grown into such a handsome young man. Smart, too. Although she’d messed up her life back then, she had no regrets about bringing him into the world. It was the best thing she’d ever done.

  Her mind drifted to the day she’d placed him in Michelle’s arms. Tears welled up in her eyes as she remembered how heart wrenching that moment had been. He’d been so tiny and fragile. And she’d been a blubbering mess.

  Now she was proud of herself. She’d given him wonderful parents and a great family. And she’d been able to follow his life and keep in touch. God had really blessed her.

  She thought about Adam and how she could see his eyes in Caleb’s. Leaving the kitchen, she wandered into her bedroom and pulled a box out from under the bed. Opening it, she pulled out a photo of her old boyfriend and studied his face. It was the eyebrows more than the eyes themselves that seemed to match Caleb’s. And his forehead, too. Both Adam and Caleb had high hairlines in front. It was as if they were cut from the same pattern.

  Her heart caught in her throat when she heard Caleb’s voice at the bedroom door. “Dinner smells great,” he said.

  She froze for a moment, trying to decide what to do with the picture in her hands. Before she could do anything, he walked over and sat down beside her. “What’re you looking at?” he asked.

  She quickly flipped the photo over and dropped it into the box. “Just an old photo,” she replied, standing to put the box back under the bed.

  “Can I see it?” he asked. “I love old photos.”

  Will stood at the doorway watching them. Amber looked at him and he nodded. Taking a deep breath, she sat back down beside her son. Keeping her hand on the lid of the box, she began to explain. “So, I was looking at a picture of my old boyfriend.”

  He shot her a questioning look. “My father?”

  Amber nodded. “Adam. He was my boyfriend when I got pregnant with you.”

  “Can I see?” he asked, gesturing toward the box.

  Will came over and sat on the other side of her. He didn’t say anything, but his presence gave her courage. She opened the lid of the box and pulled out the photo, handing it to Caleb.

  He studied it intently. “Wow. He was just a kid like me,” he said.

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “You have his eyebrows and forehead,” she added with a sad smile.

  Caleb lifted the photo closer and nodded.

  “Did you ever talk to him after I was born?” he asked.

  “No. It was over between us long before then.” She tried to sound casual, but she could feel herself shaking a little with the memory of how badly it had gone the last time she’d seen Adam.

  Will draped an arm over her shoulders and gave her a squeeze. She’d never been so thankful he was at her side. As she reached to take the picture back, Caleb asked, “Do you have any others? Photos, I mean?”

  Amber shook her head. “No. Just that one. I hope you won’t take this wrong, but he was a loser, Caleb. You’re so much better off with the parents who raised you.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. But sometimes I wonder about him,” he added, glancing at the photo one more time before handing it back. “Do you think he might still be in Sandy Cove?”

  “I have no idea,” she replied, a sense of uneasiness settling over her. “Why?”

  Caleb hesitated. “So, I was thinking about maybe trying to find him,” he admitted.

  Fear and anger rose up in Amber. Not with regard to Caleb. But she didn’t want Adam to ever have anything to do with her son. Not now. Not ever. Then she glanced over at Caleb and saw such earnestness in his face. And then she felt torn. How would she feel if she knew she was adopted? Would she want to find her birth parents, too?

  She glanced over at Will, hoping her eyes communicated her plea for help.

  “What do you say we go eat that spaghetti feast and then talk about this later,” he suggested.

  Caleb nodded. “Sounds good to me!”

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  The following morning, Caleb got up early and left with Will to head for the auto shop. While they hung out together, and Will gave him some pointers on car repairs, the conversation about Adam came up again.

  “So, what does Amber think about me looking for Adam?” Caleb asked.

  Will was bent over a car’s engine, but he stood up to answer. Wiping his greasy hands on a rag, he looked Caleb in the eye. “Amber gets that your curious about him,” he began. “But she’s pretty freaked out about you trying to find him.”

  “Why? I wouldn’t involve her or anything,” Caleb replied.

  “It’s not that. She’s just concerned about how Adam might react,” Will explained. “And about your parents.”

  Caleb nodded. “Yeah. They’re going to freak, too.”

  “So you haven’t told them?”

  “No. I kind of wanted to do this on my own,” he said. “And who knows? I might never find him anyway. So all their fretting would be for nothing.”

  “But what if you do?” Will asked. “Find him, I mean. What then?”

  “I guess I’ll have to just play that by ear,” Caleb replied. “I mean, I’d like to get to know him, if he’s open to that.”

  Will nodded. “You know he might not want to have anything to do with you, though, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “So you’re not wanting Amber to help you try to find him?” Will asked.

  “Not really. But it would help if I got some basic information from her, like his last name, his age, and where he lived when she knew him.” Caleb paused, watching Will’s response, but he couldn’t read much there. “What do you think? Would she give me that stuff?”

  “Maybe. I’ll talk to her and see how she reacts.”

  “Thanks!”

  “You bet. Now let’s get back to work here.” Will retrieved a wrench and leaned back down over the exposed engine.

  “So Caleb’s pretty serious about finding Adam,” Will said to Amber that night as they were getting into bed.

  “What do you think I should do?” she asked.

  “I think at some point he’s going to figure out a way to find Adam. And like Caleb said, Adam might be still living in Sandy Cove.”

  Amber shook her head, dreading the whole idea. “I think the whole thing is a bad idea.”

  “Well, be prepared. Because Caleb’s going to ask you for information to help him.”

  “Like what?”

  “Like Adam’s full name, his age, his old address in Sandy Cove.”

  Amber’s heart sped up a notch. “Do you think I can refuse him?”

  “Of course. But I’m not sure how that would affect your future relationship with Caleb.”

  “Yeah. That’s what I was afraid of.” Amber sank back against the pillows at the headboard. “I love that kid so much. And I don’t want to be cut out of his life. But I hate the thought of helping him find Adam. The guy was such a loser. He could really hurt Caleb. Not physically or anything. I’m not worried about that. But I’m betting he’d pretty much deny he ever knew me or that he had any part in Caleb’s life.”

  “Why don’t we just see how things go tomorrow? You’ll figure out what to say,” Will offered, snuggling close to her.

  As Amber flipped off the light, she prayed he was right.

  Madison sat across from her counselor as they discussed some of her anxieties. “I just really don’t want to let Luke down when we are serving in the orphanage. It’s going to be a ton of work and responsibility, and I want to do it just right—for him and for the kids.”

  Taylor smiled. “You are gifted with love and compassion, Madison. I know that is part of all this. My goal is to help you embrace those gifts without the snare of perfectionism, which you have wrestled with in the past.”

  Madison nodded. “That’s for s
ure.”

  “So let’s look at that for a few minutes. What do you think motivates the drive to be perfect? Other than the desire to do well,” Taylor asked.

  Madison considered the question carefully before answering. “Fear, I guess. Yeah, fear.”

  Taylor nodded. “Fear of…?”

  “Of letting people down?”

  “Maybe.” Taylor paused as if waiting for more.

  Madison searched the ceiling for answers. Sighing, she finally added, “Fear of rejection?”

  “Ahhh. Okay, so we’ve already addressed the rejection issue concerning Luke and you.”

  Madison nodded.

  “So, rejection from who else?” Taylor asked.

  Maddie pictured the orphanage in her mind. She knew the kids would not reject her. They happily accepted anyone who would give them a little time and affection. Was she concerned about the director’s approval? Or the approval of the hired staff? She certainly shouldn’t be concerned about rejection from the young volunteer interns she’d be overseeing with Luke.

  “I honestly don’t know,” she finally admitted.

  “Would it be accurate to say that you’ve lived most of your life in the mode of people-pleasing?” Taylor asked.

  Madison nodded. “Yeah.”

  Taylor leaned in. “Perfectionism and people-pleasing often go hand-in-hand. How do they make you feel inside?”

  Her stomach tightened and so did her throat. “Like I’m tied up in knots,” Maddie admitted.

  “Tell me how God sees you, Madison.”

  Maddie looked down at the floor. She knew God loved her. And she knew the Bible taught that she was precious in His sight. That she was His valued child. It was what she’d learned since she was a toddler. Lifting her head, she began to explain all of that to her counselor.

  When she was finished, Taylor said, “So whose opinion matters more than God’s?”

  Without missing a beat, Madison replied, “No one’s.”

  “So now, it seems to me that the most important thing is to move what you already know in your head down into your heart,” Taylor suggested.

  “Yep,” Maddie agreed. “How do we do that?”

  “We start by understanding that we do not orchestrate the goodness within us. God does.” She reached over onto her desk and picked up an index card. Handing it to Madison, she said, “Read this to me.”

  “The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Galatians 5:22-23,” Maddie said, reading the familiar passage aloud. “This is what I want,” she added. “All of this.”

  Taylor nodded. “Me, too.” She sat back and smiled warmly. “Now read the first six words again.”

  “The fruit of the Spirit is,” Madison said.

  “The fruit of the what?” Taylor asked.

  “The Spirit,” Maddie replied.

  “Ahhh…Are you sure that is what it says?”

  Madison looked at the card again. “Yeah.”

  “Is it possible you’ve been thinking that phrase said, ‘The fruit of a good Christian is’?” Taylor asked.

  A light went on in Madison’s head. “Wow, I guess I kind of have been seeing it that way.”

  “I think many of us do, Maddie. We receive God’s grace and salvation then turn around and try to live out the Christian life in our own flesh and strength.”

  “And that leads to people-pleasing and perfectionism?”

  “Yep.”

  “So, if it’s the fruit of the Spirit, how do I get it?” Madison asked.

  “Let’s start by you spending the next week just contemplating that fact. Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control are not of us. We don’t stir them up inside. They are fruits of the Spirit—evidence of God working in us.

  “So, whenever you catch yourself exhibiting any of these fruits, pause for a moment and thank God.

  “And when you find yourself falling short in these areas, realize that you are on a lifelong journey here, and fruit growing takes time. You wouldn’t plant a seed in your garden and then stand there and berate it for not growing fast enough, right?”

  Madison smiled at the analogy. “Right.”

  “I’ve got to run over to the shop and meet a guy who’s picking up his car,” Will said after dinner the following night. “Wanna come?” he asked Caleb.

  “No, but thanks. I’ll just hang here,” Caleb replied.

  Will nodded. “Okay. Be back soon.” He pushed away from the table and headed out the door.

  Guess this is as good a time as any, Caleb thought. Following Amber into the kitchen, his dirty dishes in hand, he said, “So can I ask you a few questions about Adam?”

  “I guess,” she replied over her shoulder.

  “Great! So first, what’s his last name?”

  She turned and gave him a serious look. “You’re intent on finding him, aren’t you?” she observed.

  “Yeah.”

  “You know he left me high and dry when he found out I was pregnant with you.”

  “Yeah,” Caleb replied. “But he was just a kid. Younger than me.”

  Amber nodded, her eyes looking sad. “You’re right. He was. But I was even younger than him. And I couldn’t just run away from everything.”

  “So what are you saying? That you won’t tell me?” he asked.

  She paused and he could feel her looking into his soul. “I just want you to understand why I’m concerned about you finding him. When I needed Adam the most, he turned his back on me.”

  Caleb nodded, wishing she wouldn’t stare at him like that. “I get it. I really do. But you need to understand how I feel. I’ve never even met the guy whose blood runs through my veins. And he might still be in Sandy Cove. Maybe I even see him around town and don’t know it’s him.” He paused to let that sink in. Then he added, “Besides, maybe he’s changed.”

  Amber gave a sad laugh. “Maybe. But don’t count on it, Caleb. The last thing I want is for you to get hurt.”

  Suddenly she looked so vulnerable and small. Caleb reached out and pulled her into a hug. “I promise I won’t get my hopes up. Just please help me.”

  She nodded. “Okay. His last name is Wilson.”

  Caleb’s spirit soared. Now he had a full name to begin searching. Next he plied her for Adam’s old address, the one he had when they were dating.

  “I don’t remember his actual address, but he lived on Fourth in a two-story white and gray house,” she said. “It was on the corner of Magnolia.”

  “Fourth and Magnolia. Got it,” Caleb replied, as he punched the information into the memo pad on his phone. Then he looked at Amber again. “He was a couple of years older than you? Is that right?”

  “Yeah. So he’d be about thirty-three or thirty-four now.” She paused and stared off into space. “Wow. It’s hard to picture him not as a teenager.”

  Caleb nodded. “Yeah. I can see how that would be weird for you. But he’s still going to seem pretty young to me. Compared to my mom and dad, that is.”

  Amber smiled. “Yeah. So you said your parents are doing well?” she asked. “But they don’t know about this search of yours, right?”

  “Yeah. They’re both fine. Like I said, they’re really busy with Madison and the wedding. Plus, dad’s work, of course. He’s pretty booked as usual.” Caleb thought for a moment about how he and his dad had drifted apart the past year. Another reason why he wanted to find Adam.

  Then he turned back to Amber. “And you’re right. They don’t know about me looking for my other dad. Unless Madison’s said something. But she promised she wouldn’t.”

  Amber winced.

  “What?” he asked.

  “It just kind of bugs me when you call Adam your other dad.”

  “Oh. Sorry about that. You know what I mean, though, right? Like, he is my biological father. That’s all I meant.”

  She nodded. “Just remember, that’s not what
makes a person a dad, okay?”

  “Right.” He helped her rinse the dishes and load them into the dishwasher. Then he said, “Think I’ll go for a run.” Heading back to the guest room, he retrieved his shoes and grabbed his water bottle off the dresser before taking off.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Amber couldn’t sleep that night. She kept imagining Adam—what he must look like now, and how he would respond to Caleb if and when they met. Then her thoughts would turn to Michelle and Steve. They’d been so good to her at a time when she desperately needed help.

  How could she have given that information to Caleb? Now he’d probably have no problem finding Adam.

  She thought about what Michelle would say to her if she knew she’d helped Caleb in his search but hadn’t told Michelle about it.

  Oh, God. What should I do? she prayed silently in the darkness.

  But all she could hear was the taunts of the enemy. You should have known better than to get mixed up with a guy like Adam. If you’d used your brain back then, none of this would be happening.

  She cringed at the thought. If she could take it all back, would she? That would have meant no Caleb. Of course it would have been easier on her. Much easier. But as she finally drifted off to sleep, an image of her son filled her mind, and she knew she had no regrets.

  The next morning, after Will and Caleb left for the shop, Amber’s phone rang. It was Michelle.

  “Hey, there,” Amber answered, hoping her voice sounded light and cheerful.

  She and Michelle exchanged pleasantries, and then Michelle asked about Caleb. “So how’s he been acting?” she asked, quickly adding, “Seems like he’s had something on his mind for a while now. He hasn’t been himself at home lately. Hope he’s not causing you and Will any problems.”