Death Lies Between Us (An Angel Falls Book 1)

by Jody A. Kessler

  “Yeah?” I yell. “Then what’s that?” The pin prick dot is hard to see in the yellow outdoor light but it’s clear enough.

  He jerks his arms free of my grip and yells back, “So what? I wanted to try it once, okay?”

  “No! It’s not okay, none of this is okay. And you’re lying to me! How could you?” A giant tear rips a hole inside of me that can never be filled. On top of doing the drug, he’s lying to me about it. He may as well have thrown acid in my face.

  “Get off my case, Jules. What do you even care? I’m not hurting anything.”

  “You’re not? What are you thinking? No, I take that back, why aren’t you thinking? Did you at least remember not to share the needle? Have you lost your mind? Not hurting anything! You don’t think trying to kill yourself is hurting anything, or anyone!”

  “You don’t know anything. I’m fine, and I wasn’t trying to off myself. You’re overreacting.”

  “Did you know an air bubble in the needle can really screw you up? You’re acting like an ignorant loser dirtbag!”

  “I’m not going to listen to your know-it-all crap.”

  “You followed me out here.”

  “I won’t ever make that mistake again.”

  He turns and leaves, throwing the heavy wood door open and escaping back inside.

  I look around for unknowing spectators but there’s no one. I move away from the castle and into the woods and let grief and anger consume me. It’s like my guts have been ripped out, leaving behind a hollow shell of myself, and I’m afraid even the wind will knock me over. The feelings are too similar to when my father died. For months I was desperate to regain what was lost, but I always had Jared. He was the one solid thing I had to hold onto, and now…

  Tears stream down my face and I wipe them away, angry I can’t control them either. I find the nearest tree and sink down letting my back scrape down the bark. Faint light from the castle casts a glow around the trunk, but I sit on the lee side, wishing I could disappear into the dark.

  I don’t disappear though. My brain wants to go around and around about Jared. My silly brother who insists I tag along to keep him out of trouble. It obviously didn’t work this time. He asks for my help one minute and then tells me to get off his case the next. He lied straight to my face. When did he become a liar? The betrayal almost feels worse than the fact he’s poisoning himself. How can he let those chemicals eat him up inside? He knows how bad they are. I’ve told him, repeatedly. Why would he do it? To get high? It couldn’t be worth it. I sniffle as my nose drips onto my ripped jeans leaving cold damp spots on my legs.

  Jared, my beautiful and perfect brother. He’s not perfect of course, but for me, all his shortcomings, like cracking his knuckles and hogging the bathroom, are what make him perfect. Who else in this world would squish their toes along with mine in our homemade mud pies and then dare each other to eat them? No one, that’s who. He’s the only one I know who puts up with my fear of bugs, even in the middle of the night when I scream at the sight of a spider. He takes them out, careful not to kill them, and puts them outside for me. Jared is the only brother I have.

  He’s on a dark and dirty road and he doesn’t care. How have I not seen this coming? What have I been missing? I find my answers as I think more and more about it. He’s doing meth; that has to be what was in the syringe. He couldn’t hide it from me for long, maybe just since graduation. A couple of months? There were a few nights when I thought he’d stayed awake all night. I thought he was excited about his music and never fell asleep. There were the skipped meals. That should have tipped me off immediately. Jared has always eaten like a glutton. And the grungy kids hanging around all summer. I can’t believe how naïve I’ve been. It’s so obvious, now. I can’t watch him destroy himself, I would rather be dead, I decide. The pain of seeing him turn into someone I don’t know would be worse than death.

  “Juliana?” I don’t respond. I can’t face anyone.

  “Can I sit with you?”

  I hug my knees into my chest with my face buried in my folded arms. I mumble into the pit of my lap. “Are you here to end my misery?”

  “Not yet.”

  It’s an odd answer but then again so was the question. “Then, please leave.”

  “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have come, but neither can I go.”

  I turn my face, taking in the crisp air and digest his unusual answers. There are so many things that have happened tonight that don’t make any sense. Why would one more confusing sentiment make any difference?

  Loneliness wraps around me, holding me in a cool embrace. I break its grip by saying, “It goes on the list, you know?” I speak into the dark. No movement or sound gives away his location but I can feel him close by. The low thumping of Blue Nouveau’s drums is the only sound breaking the stillness of the forest.

  The caress of his voice brushes my ear. “Which list are you referring to?”

  “Our list — things that are inexplicable.”

  “Which deficiency of mankind are we adding tonight?”

  “Lying to someone you love.” My voice is flat but the tear leaking from my eye gives away my true feelings.

  “We can put that one on the top of the list,” he says.

  A gentle hand surprises me as it wraps gently around my swollen ankle and finds a comfortable hold. The warmth penetrates through the sore muscles like a mild current of electricity. My foot and lower limb tingle in response. I close my eyes and focus on the pleasant sensation, letting everything else fall away.

  We sit in silence and I’m grateful. He isn’t pushing his opinion on me or trying to explain anything. It’s nice to not be alone and not have to talk about it. The pulsing begins to slow and then stops, but the warmth is still there like a heated blanket.

  I lift my head, unwinding my stiff neck and open my eyes, ready to see my healer. I feel calm, more so now than I have all night, all day for that matter. He sits facing me, our knees almost touching. His large hand is still cupped around my ankle. I stare into his penetrating eyes and he looks back at me with the same openness I give to him. He doesn’t hold my gaze for long though. As he turns away from me, I could swear pain and hurt are on his face.

  He stares at the ground as he talks. “Some people believe when you have a close encounter with a wild animal you should pay specific attention to what’s going on in your life. They believe the animal has shown up to teach you something.”

  I stay quiet hoping he will continue his thought.

  “Other people might say an animal is their totem animal and they share its traits or abilities.”

  A prickle of alertness runs over my skin remembering the white owl. I’d felt the rush of air over my face from its wings as it nearly clipped me. I watch Nathan as he speaks. Is he thinking about the same owl? He answers my unasked question.

  “Owls have the ability to see and hear what others can’t. Do you see?”

  He turns his serious eyes on me. I want to fall off a cliff and crash into the waves of intensity emanating from those eyes. “That I would see straight through Jared’s lie.”

  “Yes, and more. Think Juliana. What if there’s more to it? More to you.”

  What is he trying to say and why is he being so obscure? “Chris said owls bring death.” My spine turns to ice. Could it mean Jared is going to die from this? Jared experimenting with drugs is bad enough but not having him in my life at all is… I can’t even think of it. The pain of it is beyond my comprehension. “I can’t lose him, I can’t.” Tears threaten to reappear. A large pit in my throat chokes off any more words.

  “Listen to me. There are thousands of years of mythology surrounding the owl. One tribe believes they’re a symbol of protection and another thinks they bring evil and death. The ancient Greeks thought the owl represented higher wisdom. It’s important for you to find your own beliefs.”

  “Okay,” I say, unsteadily. My shoulders shake a little as I sniffle back my emotions.

  Nathaniel
tries to lighten the tone. “You don’t have to worry about the bird anyway. It came for me tonight, not you.”

  “Why?” I want to keep him talking. His voice is rich and soothing.

  “It was a reminder for me to be silent and finish my business. As you can see, I don’t always listen.”

  “What business?”

  Distress flows over his strong features as he looks away again.

  “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

  So he doesn’t want to tell me. The personal stuff makes him uneasy. The pain on his face is real. That much I can see, but why?

  His hand slides off of my foot, leaving a cool absence in its place. I stretch my leg out in front of me and the pain is gone. Not only my physical pain but the trauma of discovering Jared’s secret feels incredibly better. It’s still there of course, but it’s distant, like a pillow muffling my agony.

  “Thank you again,” I mumble.

  “For what?” he asks, as if it’s unfathomable that I have anything to thank him for.

  “My ankle. You’ve fixed me again.” I wiggle my foot in the forest litter proving my statement. “How do you do it?”

  “I don’t want to say right now.” He sounds and looks miserable.

  I stand up and wrap my arms around my body — holding myself together.

  “Do you want to walk with me?” I ask, while staring at the tangled web of branches over my head. I’m not sure why I asked except that I am sure. He’s vague and unpredictable, but I don’t want to part company just yet. There’s something else about him I can’t quite grasp, but want to.

  As he stands up I hear no movement. He’s impossibly quiet as he steps closer to me. I walk with the care of stepping on broken glass barefoot and try for no real reason to match his silence.

  “I’m not sure how to thank you for what you did yesterday, but I do want to say it. Thank you for helping me at the creek. And tonight, thank you for being here. My brother is more than just family. He’s…” I can’t begin to explain how important he is to me. I move under the trees with no destination in mind, finding the way by taking the path that allows us to move side by side.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see his shoulders lift in a slight acknowledgement. “Try not to worry about Jared right now. You have to keep yourself safe first.”

  What’s that supposed to mean? Is he thinking about my sprained ankle? I change directions trying to take the focus off of my clumsiness. “And… for not rescuing me inside. Thanks a lot for that,” I say, letting the sarcasm roll off of my tongue like a tidal wave.

  I look at his stern face for any response and find a slight grin.

  “I figured you would’ve forgotten about that by now.”

  “I haven’t.”

  “He looked more than willing to come to your rescue. I couldn’t interfere with the prince of the castle getting his girl.”

  “He’s not a prince and I’m not his girl.”

  “Then you’re not dating him.”

  “No! I mean, I just met him. Isn’t Lance a friend of yours?” I had assumed since I keep seeing Nathan here at Castle Hill they must know each other, and now I’m getting a chance to ask.

  “He wants to get to know you better. Why aren’t you interested?”

  That’s a very personal question, I think to myself. “Lance is doing business with my brother and the band, and that’s all.”

  “So you don’t want to get involved for professional reasons?”

  It didn’t escape me how neatly he sidestepped my question, but two could play at this. “Are you in town for long?”

  Nathaniel plays along like a champ. If he doesn’t answer me then I don’t have to answer either.

  “I don’t think so.”

  A whispering breeze shushes though the trees and loosens fly-away hairs around my face. I push the loose strands back, running my fingers over my scalp. He’s still giving out obscure answers.

  “Well, why are you here?” It’s an innocent enough question. On vacation, work, visiting family, tell me something concrete.

  A long pregnant pause fills the air. An owl hooting from far away stops me in my tracks. I look up at Nathaniel. He stops walking too. He is utterly silent, not one footfall or breath comes from him. How is that possible?

  He stares down at me. Even in the dark I can see the serious lines etched around his eyes. The pain is back on is handsome face. He finally gives me an answer.

  “My colleague says I’m here to provide help for someone and their family.”

  My instincts are screaming inside my guts that I don’t want to know the truth, but I still ask. “In what way exactly?” I speak so low I’m not sure if he hears me.

  His voice is a somber whisper as he answers. His eyes never leave mine. “I manage stressful situations for people and sometimes for their family members. I’ll tell you more but not right now. Okay?”

  I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding and whisper. “Yeah. Sure.”

  My apprehension is about to surface like a pimple coming to a head. It’s nasty and unwelcome. Nathaniel is mysterious and shows up at odd times. Chris Abeyta made accusations against him I don’t understand. But the most frustrating part is I don’t understand my own reactions when he’s near. When he touches me, I lose all sense of foreboding, danger, or fear, and just all of my general common sense. How much more can I take? I want to run away and simultaneously plant myself at his feet.

  I shuffle my shoe around in the dirt watching the white rubber edges make circles in the dark. “What was Chris’s problem with you?”

  “He probably thinks I’m something I’m not, but I can’t answer for him. What do you think about what he does? The supernatural stuff?”

  “I think,” I pause, remembering all I’d seen and all Chris said to me, “he’s incredibly fearless. I think he’s aware of things most people don’t even know exist.”

  “You believe in what he does. Does that mean you believe there is more to us than just the flesh?”

  I don’t want him to think of me in any strange ways. He undoubtedly heard Ashley calling me a witch inside but I’m honest and I can only be myself. “Yes. I’ve seen too many things I can’t explain. I think there has to be more to us than just this.” I wave a hand over my own body.

  “I know it too.”

  How have we gotten on such an existential topic? Again. I wanted to know if he was here on vacation and he wants to know what I believe in. He’s so different.

  I feel him move rather than hear him. He turns to stand in front of me, silent as a shadow. His hand lifts out of the dark. His fingertips brush the underside of my chin gently tipping my face up to his. How does he move and make no sound? His fingers move to my temple, brushing away a hair then trailing down to the edge of my jaw where they halt. He watches my face and looks into my eyes. I feel a surge of loneliness from somewhere deep inside him. I don’t understand it or have time to dwell on it but it makes me want to hold onto him. His gaze lowers to my mouth.

  He’s so close. I didn’t see it before, but he glows. The slightest iridescent shimmer encapsulates him, so totally different than the way Chris’s aura looked. He smells good too, like I remembered, and more. It’s so familiar, but I can’t say where from. The ozone smell of clean air after a storm and hints of cinnamon and honey swirled in cream. It’s intoxicating. Even the feel of him standing near me is like a caress passing over my skin. I can’t believe myself. I’m going to let this vague stranger kiss me, and I want him to.

  He leans in and I close my eyes.

  “How do you see me?”

  It is a rumbling purr that melts me. I register that as another odd question but I don’t linger on the words. The feel of them is more intoxicating than any drug and more than I can handle right now. What is it about this guy? My eyes flicker behind my lids. Is he waiting for an answer? I try to think of a way to say “unbelievably surreal, like in a dream,” in a way that will not make me sound corny but the
n he speaks again.

  “I’m sorry.”

  His voice is huskier, giving it an edge that wasn’t there before. My insides do a summersault churning the warm pool in my stomach. Then it dawns on me what he just said. My eyelids flutter open. Shock replaces the heavenly calm of the second before as I see Nathan standing apart from me. I spin around and stare into nothing.

  “I can’t. I want to know… you, but I just can’t,” he whispers.

  I’ve never felt rejection like this before, it’s humiliating, but the anguish coming from Nathaniel is so palpable it overshadows my own feelings. “You’re involved with someone. That’s it, isn’t it?”

  “I wish it could be that simple.” His voice is rougher now, thick with anger and some other emotion I can’t read.

  I don’t need any more of this. I take a step away from him, heading back toward the castle. This night, these last couple of days, it’s too much for me to process. I want my bed and my giant comforter and quiet and sleep. I want to be away from all these crazy, flirting, mixed up, emotional, drug doing, lying, accusing, and confusing people. The hurt, both physical and emotional, the stress of dealing with Lance and Chris and Ashley and Jared — my stupid brother — and now the intensity of Nathaniel, it overwhelms me at last.

  The tears pour out of my eyes in a silent deluge. My chest and shoulders shake with misery. It pisses me off that I can’t make it stop, and that amplifies my problem. I am not this kind of girl! I never have been and I don’t want to be now. I despise crying. My feet take a couple of stumbling steps toward the castle.

  I hear him this time. He isn’t some supernatural being who moves in total silence. Crackling footsteps approach me and then his entire body engulfs me. Strong arms encircle me. One large hand cups the back of my head pressing me forward into him. His other hand wraps around my back securing me in place.

  “Shh, shhh, it’s been a hard night. I swear I’m not seeing anyone. I’m just an idiot. I’m so, so sorry. Please believe me, everything is going to be fine, you’ll see,” he whispers into the top of my head.