by Tamara Lush
“I want you,” she whispered. “I want this.”
Gently he removed her hand from his erection and sat up, kissing her. He eased her onto her back again, and she was perfectly fine with that, because there was something so primal about his muscular body atop her soft one. He pinned both of her hands above her head and pressed his hips down into her, and she gasped again, arching into him.
He buried himself in her neck, thrusting his hips so that his hardness ground in between her legs, the only barrier between them his underwear. She tugged it down, wanting them to magically disappear.
Leo sat up. “Let’s get these off,” he said slowly, roughly. He stripped off his boxers and tossed them to the floor. Jessica couldn’t help but grin and raise her eyebrows a little when she saw his cock. It was bigger than she remembered, which both scared and excited her.
“There’s condoms in the drawer,” she said, adding quickly, “I bought them for tonight.”
He turned to grab the condom box, and she admired his ass. Firm. Tight. When she reached out to squeeze it, he chuckled.
“You’re distracting me,” he said, fumbling to open the box, eventually just ripping it open. “I bought some condoms today, too, but they’re back in my room.”
“Good. We can use both boxes,” she giggled, gently plucking a strip out of his big hands and removing one packet, tossing the others on the nightstand.
“Come here,” she said, tearing the foil. He knelt next to her arms so that she got a nice eyeful of his erection, and she gazed up at his face with a grin then wrapped her hand around it.
“I think you’ve gotten bigger in these past five years.” A momentary twinge of fear went through her, following her initial pleasure. Would her body allow him inside it? Would he hurt? He was huge.
He laughed. “I don’t think that’s possible. But thank you.”
She stroked him a few times, but he groaned. “God, stop, you’re driving me crazy. You need to put that on me so I can get inside of you. Then we’ll discuss how big I am.”
Obliging, she sheathed him.
He settled in between her legs, and she felt a new wave of fears. Should she tell him about her condition after all? Or should she just wait and see if her body accepted him? His erection was poised at the entrance of her still-drenched folds.
“Jessica.”
The way he said her name made her unravel. They stared at each other in the candlelight, his eyes so intense that she felt a rush of something new, something perfect. Something unquestionable. Something familiar.
He was the man she was meant to be with.
What was that expression on his face? Was it love? Because that’s what she felt when she looked at him. Love, pure and clear.
He entered her, and she gasped. He took the first thrust slow, but he was in. A jolt of awareness went through her. There was no pain. Only a gratifying fullness.
“This is okay, right?” he whispered.
“This is perfect,” she replied, because it was. “I’ve wanted this for so long.”
“So have I, babe, so have I.”
By now he was breathing unevenly and moved with a low, desperate growl. It suddenly hit her that neither of them had been with anyone else since their last time together, and she folded her arms and legs around him, wanting their physical connection to never end. She had none of the problems she’d had with Jacob, probably because she trusted Leo. She trusted him to do the right thing with her body and her soul. She trusted him to not make the same mistake he had so many years ago. She trusted him to be the man of her dreams and her forever.
He moved in and out of her with a maddening rhythm, and when she groaned he asked if she was uncomfortable.
“Not even a little.” She was getting wetter by the second, wetter than she’d thought possible. He plunged into her, and the friction brought her back to the edge of orgasm. She rocked her body into his, needing to take him all in.
His cock was harder and bigger than she remembered, and combined with the sweetness of how he moved, so as not to hurt her, she fell deeper under his spell with each stroke. She was free of all muscle spasms and tension, of shame and doubt. Of anything but unending bliss.
Leo stilled for a moment, filling her entirely. “I love you,” he said in her ear, his tone soft as velvet.
“I love you.” Then she clasped him close, tears pricking her eyes.
He whispered “Jess, Jess, Jess,” into her ear as he came, and the shield around her heart lifted.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Jessica sighed contentedly the next morning when Leo kissed her, slow and deep.
“Stay here while I get breakfast on for the guests. Then we can head to the beach for the sand sculpture announcement,” he whispered.
She nestled into the covers, barely able to handle the surge of happiness running through her body. How was it possible that she wasn’t tired? They had barely slept. Instead, they had consumed each other. His stamina had been incredible. But she wanted more.
“Aren’t there other things we need to do first, before going to the beach?” she whispered, running a finger down his bare, muscular chest and pausing at the soft trail of hair near his bellybutton. “And we both know I’m going to win the contest.”
Playfully biting her shoulder, he let out a little growl. “We’ll see about that. But I agree, I have a few things to take care of before I let you out of bed.” He paused. “Do you know what day it is?”
Still half-asleep, half in a sated haze, she shook her head.
“Valentine’s Day, baby,” he said in a growly voice. He was so romantic, even at six in the morning.
She grabbed him playfully and hugged him tight, pulling his bulk on top of her.
“I’ll think up a few new ways to celebrate.” His hand cupped her breast then lowered to her sex. “Get some rest.”
He left, and she allowed her eyes to flutter shut, barely noticing the bright sunshine that streamed through the windows because she was so content. How long would it be until he returned? She could hardly contain her excitement. Their first night together after so many years had been more incredible that she could have anticipated. More intimate, more pleasurable, more intense than anything she’d ever experienced. Despite their desperation for each other, Leo was an unhurried lover, and more than once he had pleaded with her to slow down because he wanted the night to last longer. Which had of course only made her want him more.
After dozing a bit more, she showered and slipped on a red, silky kimono robe and then plopped back onto the bed. She grabbed one of her mother’s notebooks off the nightstand, deciding to pass some time by reading until Leo returned. Today she turned to the entries of the time when she and Leo first met, wanting to see if her mother had detected the deep connection she and Leo shared before the whole pregnancy debacle went down. She idly wondered how her mother would have felt about her daughter falling for the son of her ex-boyfriend.
DEC. 23: Adam and his son Leo arrived today. Adam looks more handsome than ever. This is the first time since becoming a mother that I’ve wished I had an afternoon without family obligations, because all I wanted when I looked into his eyes was to make love to him. I was once again reminded how different my feelings for him are compared to the girls’ father. Brendan never made me feel so whole, so complete. My feelings for Adam are complex, all-consuming, ravenous. He’s my soul mate. He always has been.
Jessica sighed. She knew those feelings well, though she wished her mother could have found happiness with Adam while they were still in college.
She read on, savoring each word in her mother’s careful, loopy cursive.
What I wasn’t prepared for was Jessica. And Leo. The minute they saw each other, their eyes lit up. It was as if there was an instant spark. It kind of reminded me of how Adam and I were when we first met, scary in its intensity. I don’t think they even noticed that I noticed. Ha! I’m going to ask Adam if he saw it.
Jessica grinned. She was pleased
that it had been obvious to her mother that she and Leo were so suited. Of course they had fallen in love almost instantly.
DEC. 25: I got my wish with Adam. A big Christmas gift for me in the form of Adam’s beautiful body, his talented tongue and his…! Last night, after the kids went to bed, he came into my room. The sex was better than ever. He’s a better lover than he used to be—more passionate, more furious. I’ve never come so hard, or so many times. And all of the old feelings for him are still there. It scares me.
Jessica’s eyebrows had shot up. Whoa. Because it was her Mom, the information seemed scandalous. Mom who wore mom jeans. Mom who wore reading glasses. Mom who liked PBS’s Masterpiece Theatre and had never so much as showed interest in any single man who passed through the hotel. Pressing her hand over her mouth and stifling an embarrassed smile, she considered calling Nicole, but she wasn’t sure she should. It felt weird to be reading about Mom’s sex life. It seemed too private.
Wow. How ironic. She’d wondered if Mom had noticed her and Leo, but she’d been clueless back then that Mom and Adam were having a passionate fling. She hadn’t paid attention to anything but herself and her own feelings.
Of course, she’d been a teenager. She recalled that night early on when Leo loaned her his new iPod, the latest model. Until the wee hours she had listened to his favorite songs, ear buds in, absorbed by Leo’s musical taste. She laughed out loud now, thinking about how she’d parsed the words to those songs and tried to figure out whether he was sensitive and caring—and whether he really, truly liked her. It took a long time, but five years later she finally had her answer.
DEC. 31: I’m hoping this will be the night that Adam tells me he’s relocating to Florida. He’s been hinting about telling me something big. I even let Jessica watch the fireworks with Leo the other night. I should be paying more attention to them, but she’s seventeen and at some point I have to let her make her own decisions. I’m sure she’ll be a responsible girl. She’s so innocent, though, and Leo’s eighteen and a man.
I can’t trust him, even though he seems like a responsible kid. God knows I was like putty in his father’s hands when we were younger. Still, how much trouble can Jessica get into at a crowded fireworks display?
Jessica’s eyes watered. Of all the entries that she had read in her mother’s journal, so far this was the one that most sounded like her. The one that made Jessica think her mother was speaking directly to her across time and space and death. Maybe it was because Jessica had just experienced such an intense rush of love with Leo the previous night, but she was suddenly feeling a little raw and emotional.
Also, that night, that New Year’s Eve after everyone else had gone to bed, was when Leo first snuck into her room.
She wished her mom was still alive so that she could explain, so that she could prove that her feelings had been right all along. Leo was perfect. Mom would see that their feelings were the real deal, that their love wasn’t simply a teenage crush. They were meant to be, just as she’d thought.
The next page of the journal was tear-stained, and it shocked Jess.
JAN. 1: Adam had news all right. It was about how he’s expanding his business into Atlanta. He also let it slip that he has a girlfriend back in New Orleans. Once again, that bastard broke my heart. Feeling really used right now…more than a little broken. Different than when Brendan left us. More personal, somehow. Adam has now rejected me twice. TWICE. It physically hurts to even write that.
Jessica shut the journal. She’d had no idea. Why hadn’t her mother mentioned this all to her?
She opened the notebook again, but there were no more entries for January. It seemed that her mother didn’t write for the entire month.
FEB. 5: The last month has been hell. Jess came to me earlier tonight and was in hysterics. She told me that she and Leo had sex and that she hasn’t gotten her period. I was so angry I thought I was going blind. I actually saw red. I can’t believe she would be so irresponsible! I thought she was smart enough to wait. She said she used protection, then she said maybe once they didn’t. She’s in total panic-meltdown mode, and I’m so angry that I’m afraid I’m not helping at all.
How could she be so stupid!
I thought about calling Adam, but I haven’t wanted to do that because I don’t want to hear his damn voice. He sent me an email saying that he’s been thinking about me a lot and that he and the girlfriend broke up, but I know better than to get involved again. My body wants him, but my mind remembers he’s another asshole. All men are. He’d break my heart a third time if given the chance.
Of course, now we might be grandparents. Being an adult sucks.
Meanwhile, Jessica’s totally dumbstruck in love. She practically floats around the apartment whenever she’s received an email from Leo, and he emails her about fifty times a day. They talk on the phone ALL NIGHT. What have they got to talk about at such a young age? She insists that if she’s pregnant she’s having his baby. This makes me a bad mother. I have no idea what the hell to do. I’ve failed, and my daughter has failed.
Jessica was crying now. She closed the journal for a moment, unable to go on, but she also couldn’t stop. All the shame and anger was still there, and she had to know more about what her mother thought.
Leo called, and I swear Jessica got a flush in her cheeks. It’s maddening. She says she’s going to New Orleans for Spring Break. The hell she is. And that he’s coming to Florida for college. The hell he is. The less I have to do with that family the better—and the same is true for Jess. Like Leo would be any different from his father. I’m going to convince her to get an abortion. I have to. She needs a future, not a husband.
A chill flowed through Jessica’s body at the thought, and she tried to fight back annoyance at her mother. She flipped forward and noticed that the next entry was long and in tight cursive instead of an open, loopy script. At least these thoughts must have been killing Mom.
FEB. 10: Tonight I called Adam to tell him about Jessica. I had to. I had to put a stop to all this. Jessica was talking about using her allowance and her savings to buy a ticket to New Orleans, and knowing her impulsivity and computer savvy, she would probably do it behind my back and leave without telling anyone. The thought of my pregnant teenage daughter on a bus almost destroyed me.
My pregnant teenage daughter.
I called, and he agreed that we needed to be the adults and end this. He put Leo on the phone, and we explained to him that there was no way he and Jessica could continue their relationship. I explained, in very frank terms, that Adam broke my heart twice, and that it would be too painful for him to be around here carrying on with Jess. That she was going to have an abortion and that was that. That I don’t want Jessica getting involved with him because she’s too young, that he should have known better than doing what he did. She’s underage, for God’s sake! Jess needs to focus on school and making something of herself.
Leo was upset at first. He insisted that he loved Jessica and that he would marry her if she was pregnant, but I know he’s just thinking with his hormones. He’s eighteen and doesn’t know any better. I will say this, he seems like an honorable young man. Am I doing the wrong thing by interfering? But, no. Given who his father is… He’s just putting on a façade. I have to be the parent here.
Jessica’s stomach clenched, but she read on.
FEB. 19: A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Jessica’s not pregnant! I guess it was just all of the stress that made her period late. Thank God. I called Adam today, and he passed along the news to Leo. Adam and I agreed, however, that it was in everyone’s best interest for the two kids to stay separated.
Thank God Leo agreed. He said that he didn’t want to disrespect his father’s wishes or mine. He agreed that he would no longer contact Jessica, though he asked me to tell her goodbye if I would. We all decided it was better that way, since Jessica can be so persuasive. If they were to talk, she would detect that something was up and possibly try to go away wit
h him. That can’t happen.
Adam and I decided it made more sense to act as though Leo just didn’t care anymore and didn’t want to talk to her. Hell, he would have eventually done that, anyway. He’s going in the Marines. His father is making sure of that.
So. This all worked out. I’m sorry for Jessica’s coming heartbreak, but at least I saved her from something worse in the future. And I saved me, too. Imagine if they’d actually gotten married! I’d have to see Adam for the rest of my damned life. Imagine those Thanksgiving dinners. No freaking way.
There’ll be a better guy for Jess at some point, someone who isn’t so likely to be a womanizer like his father. Maybe Leo realized that, too. Maybe that’s why it was so easy for him to walk away. I guess I’m grateful for that.
New tears flowed down Jessica’s cheeks. Leo had known everything all these years and not told her the truth? Her mother had made this decision and he’d just gone along with it? Rage surged through her, and she tossed the journal on the nightstand. Her blood burned, growing even hotter when she realized that she had allowed a liar to make love to her the previous night. A betrayer. Her mother and Leo had both kept her in the dark and made decisions for her. The two people she loved most!
Why? Why had he lied about vanishing from her life? Why hadn’t he just been honest? She could forgive his mistake as a teenager, she guessed, especially because they’d grown and become so much better people, older and wiser, but that night they stood in his bakery he should have mentioned her mother and his father’s relationship. He should have been honest about everything. Otherwise he was just like Jacob.
Her mind went back to that conversation in the bakery. He’d said he wanted to save her from heartbreak in case he died in action. What kind of bullshit was that? Why not just tell her the truth?
Ugh. There was no getting around it: She was a bad judge of character, like her selfish mother. She continued to choose men who kept secrets from her, and with Leo it was even worse, because their chemistry was impossibly perfect. But that would end. Today.
