by Tamara Lush
With perfect timing, Leo walked in. He was grinning.
“Good morning, sleepyhead,” he said. He carried a tray with croissants, orange juice and coffee. “I have breakfast for you.”
Her eyes flashed, and her words came out in a hiss of air. “I’m not hungry.”
Leo eyed her quizzically and set the tray on the bureau, then sank onto the bed next to her. “You okay, babe?”
“I was until I read this.” She twisted to grab her mother’s notebook and found the incriminating entries. She set it roughly on his lap then jerked her leg away so she wasn’t touching him. The idea of kissing him, of caressing him tenderly, made her chest hurt with doubt and misery. When he didn’t move, she shoved the open notebook up into his hands.
“Here,” she said. “Read.”
“What’s this?” he asked.
She couldn’t look at him at first, then fixed him with an icy stare. “My mother’s journal. From when we met.”
His eyes grew wide, and he read. He licked his lips, and after several moments of reading and flipping pages he closed the notebook.
“I’m sorry,” he said softly. “I was going to explain everything to you, but you said you didn’t want to dredge up the past.”
“You screwed me without telling me that you knew all along why we broke up? That you bailed on me because my mother asked!”
Leo winced. “Jess, what we did wasn’t screw—”
“Let me talk,” she interrupted. “Do you know how much you hurt me all those years ago? How it took me so long to trust men after that, and when I did trust, I chose Jacob, a total loser who didn’t have the balls to tell me he needed to have sex or it was done? Of course, it seems like I’ve chosen another man who doesn’t trust me with reality.”
She was furious, ranting. Part of her knew she wasn’t being wholly fair, and that she was suddenly blaming Leo for everything: Jacob, Brendan, her mother, her mother’s death, her own shortcomings and choices. That wasn’t fair, since Leo had gone through more than his share of tragedy, and yet he also deserved her anger.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she fumed. “All those years ago you knew the reason why our parents didn’t really want us together, and you didn’t say anything? You took the easy way out. And then you didn’t even have the balls to tell me when you came back!”
“I’m sorry, Jessica.” He hung his head. “I didn’t want to bring up bad memories now that your mom is gone. I didn’t see the point.”
“Didn’t see the point? Did you see the point all those years ago when we said we loved each other? Why didn’t you call me or email me? Send me a letter? A damned smoke signal? Why did you just disappear? Why did you leave it to your parents to tell me what happened? Which they didn’t do. All you’ve done is prove to me that my mother is right. All men are liars.”
Leo swallowed, hard. “I thought I was doing the right thing by following what my dad and your mom wanted me to do. When you thought you were pregnant, I was scared, and my dad and your mom made me even more afraid. I thought your mom was going to make my life hell because you were a minor, which could have screwed up any military career I wanted to have. Or that’s what my dad said at the time. I was upset, though, Jessica. I was beside myself. I loved you. Still do.”
She glared at him. “How can you say that when you didn’t even respect me enough to clue me in on what happened? How could you keep such a secret from me? How could you just go off and ditch me? You couldn’t write me a letter while you were in the Marines? It’s cowardly, but at least it’s a little more respectful.”
She heard how shrill her voice was, but she couldn’t stop.
He sighed. “Please come here.” He extended his hand. “If I could go back and do it all over again, I wouldn’t keep the secret from you, Jessica. I wouldn’t keep any secret. I would have called you. I would have fought for you and not gone to war, because I don’t even know what I accomplished over there. Trust me, you don’t know how angry I am at the decisions I’ve made and the things I’ve done in the past five years. But I need you to know that I never stopped thinking about you. Never stopped loving you.”
“So, why didn’t you get in touch?” Jessica folded her arms tight across her chest.
“I was going to. I wrote you letters but I couldn’t send them. I realized the mistake I’d made and wanted to apologize in person. Then I was shipped to Afghanistan and I…I realized I was in the middle of a damned war. I realized that I could die, and I thought it’d be even worse if I apologized and you forgive me and then I vanished again. It may sound dumb, but I didn’t want to expose you to that hell. That’s the God’s honest truth. I wasn’t lying about that. I didn’t want to break your heart again if I died.”
“Yeah.” She snorted. “I almost wish you had died and left me with just memories.”
She scrambled off the bed and stomped toward the bathroom. At the door, however, she paused. Her face felt hot. Leo had almost died in the war. His friend had died. How horrible of a person was she to say such things, to hold him responsible for all those events that had happened so long ago? To hold him responsible when she truly believed he’d been acting to protect her, albeit misguidedly? He had just made love to her all night, beautifully, tenderly, and then told her he loved her. And she believed him.
Holy crap. She was such a bitch. Worse than a bitch. The worst person in the world.
“I’m…I’m sorry, Leo. I’m being unfair.” Jessica let out a sob. She walked back to him, misery in her tear-clogged voice.
Leo sat on the bed, his shoulders rounded, his head bowed. “Are you, though? Maybe I deserve this,” he muttered.
She sank down next to him. “No. You don’t. I’m being completely thoughtless and rotten. You were in the war. You’ll never get a piece of yourself back after what you went through. I’m being immature and I’m way too emotional after reading my mom’s journal. I’m blaming you for too much, for hiding things to protect me. You won’t do it again. I’m wrong. I’m sorry.”
He shook his head. “No, I let you down. I’ve let a lot of people down, Jessica. I’m still letting them down.”
“Wait,” she said, grabbing his arm. “You haven’t let me down recently. Like today. Look at what you did. You took over and took charge of what needed to be done. Thank you for making breakfast for the guests today. Thank you for last night. I shouldn’t have been so impulsive and blown up. I’m sorry. Really. Please don’t leave.”
He wouldn’t look her in the eyes, and she wasn’t sure what to say to make the situation better. Why had she been so nasty? Although her whole body was still tense and ready to do battle, there was no reason to fight. God, what had she done? He made her feel so damned vulnerable. She was on the verge of tears.
Leo gently slipped out of her grasp. “I’m going to find another place to stay. I can’t handle this.”
“But…but…you won’t find one, Leo. It’s Winterfest. The hotels are all packed.”
“I’m going to give it a try. I think it’s for the best.”
“I don’t want you to leave!” She could hardly see through her tears.
His mouth hard, he shook his head as if to say, It’s too late. Then, without so much as a backward glance, he walked out of the room.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
A minor celebrity on the island, a TV actress who was raised on Palmira and who often returned for charitable events, made the sand sculpture contest winner announcement. Most of the local guys were staring at her and hooting, because she was that good-looking. Leo couldn’t place her name, didn’t know what shows she had been in, and he didn’t care. He was miserable. This morning had been awful, partly because of Jess’s outburst, partly because he’d read a new online news article.
Arrest Imminent in Recruitment Center Arson
Anonymous police sources had told the paper that authorities had a suspect and they were close to finding the person. Which meant…what? They were knocking on his father’s door? Coming to
Palmira? He stood in the crowd, searching each face, half expecting to be arrested at any minute.
Jessica’s caustic words hadn’t helped matters. Their fight had sent him spiraling into old patterns of shame and self-doubt. So, why was he even here, at the sand-sculpting contest? He’d never felt so foolish. The attention from a win wouldn’t help the bakery that much, especially not after his arrest, so he should be back at the shop making sure things were going okay, wrapping up the renovations so he could make the long drive north to New Orleans. It was time to face whatever consequences awaited. If they didn’t find him before he could finish, he was going to turn himself in. His mind was made up.
Of course, standing on the beach and listening to the local dignitaries talk about how beautiful all of the sculptures were, all Leo felt like doing was fleeing. His desire to run from this conflict felt ridiculous, since he’d been brave enough during war. At least, that’s what all of his superiors said. The day of the IED attack, when he dragged Steve’s limp body out of the Humvee, he’d ignored his own pain and injury. He hadn’t wanted to run away from what was needed that day or any day previous. But now he wanted to avoid everything and everyone.
His eyes scanned the crowd and landed on a familiar face: Jessica. She was staring at him, doe-eyed, imploring. And she was moving toward him.
He watched as she wove her way past several people. She looked like she’d recovered from her crying jab back at the hotel. He hadn’t. But he let her silently take his hand and squeeze. He ignored how his chest tightened with panic.
Up on stage, the presenter squealed. “And the winner is…Leo Villeneuve from Sugar Rush Bakery! He did the beautiful sculpture of a mermaid. Everyone should check it out.”
Leo mustered a small smile as Jessica grabbed him. Hugged him. It was hard not to feel a rush of pleasure at any contact of their bodies.
“You deserve this,” she whispered, and he could see in her eyes that she meant it. “Congratulations.”
She kissed him on the cheek, and his skin tingled. Her physical presence was as potent as ever, but he had to acknowledge that their relationship would never recover. What was the point? He was about to go to prison.
He headed toward the podium, guilt crushing his chest. He should never have slept with Jessica, not when he knew this whole situation in New Orleans could blow up at any moment. Not when he knew he was a broken mess that might never recover from the war’s wounds to his psyche. But he’d been unable to resist her, and all logic and reason fled his mind when she kissed him. And for one blissful night, his problems had disappeared.
They were back, and all painfully clear. He and Jessica weren’t meant to be. He was going to hurt her again. God, he was the biggest asshole of all time.
Attempting to smile, Leo stepped up to the podium and accepted the gift certificate for a weekend trip to the Bahamas.
“Do you have a special someone to take with you?” the actress teased, shoving her microphone into his face.
He couldn’t answer. He just nodded to shut her up, praying that he’d maintain the strength not to break down or run. He’d done enough running in his life. It was time to step up and be a man.
Jessica followed him to his motorcycle afterward, making everything worse.
“Your sculpture really was the most beautiful. The mermaid was perfectly detailed, like something actually carved out of stone. You deserved to win.”
Leo didn’t say anything. He turned to her in front of his bike, which was parked in a space near Sunset Brew, and avoided her eyes. “I have a bunch of meetings today, so I’m headed to the bakery.”
“Why won’t you talk to me?”
He sighed. “What is there to talk about? You’re angry with me. I really messed up, Jessica. I’ve made some really bad decisions in my life, and not just about us. You don’t know the half of it.”
She shook her head. “I forgive you. And I can’t apologize enough for earlier. We were practically kids when we met. Like you said, you thought you were doing the right thing. It was me who reacted poorly. It was my fault and I’m sorry. I hope you can forgive me too.”
He shrugged.
Jessica’s eyes narrowed. “Wait. You’re not telling me something else. Does it have something to do with the war?”
His eyes finally met hers. “Maybe.”
She bit her lip, nodding. He could tell it was killing her not to know what he was hiding, but she seemed to find her equilibrium. “There’s a lot I don’t know about you.” They stared at each other as the Florida sun blazed down upon their faces. “But I want to get to know you. I’m trying to give us a chance.”
* * *
Jessica stared at Leo, praying he’d take the olive branch she was offering. He exhaled long and leaned forward to kiss her on the forehead, which sent fresh sparks through her body. Then he pulled back and she saw the darkness in his eyes.
“Jess, you’ll be happier with someone else, and I don’t deserve to have a relationship. I only want what’s best for you in the long run.”
Fresh annoyance burst through her. “No, Leo. You don’t get to act like that. You don’t get to decide what’s best for me.”
“We shouldn’t have spent the night together.”
She reared back as if slapped. Please don’t cry, she told herself. Please don’t cry. Please.
“You didn’t enjoy yourself?” she said.
“Jesus, Jessica, you know I did. But it’s for the best that we’re not together. You just don’t want to get involved with me. Trust me. I made a mistake. And it’s my fault, all my fault. Just like five years ago.”
He shook his head then climbed onto his bike, and Jessica watched him fire up the ignition then roar away. But she didn’t understand. What else had happened? What was he hiding? Why was he acting like this?
Brushing back tears, she walked home, opened the front door of the hotel and locked eyes with her sister. And Nicole’s words hit her ears like a bucket of cold water.
“Happy Valentine’s Day.”
Shit. Valentine’s Day. How appropriate that she and Leo would have this enormous fight today. And then she would lose the first sand-sculpting competition in years. Oh, and then there was the appraiser for the hotel. He was supposed to be there later in the afternoon. What a day.
She didn’t want to go into that with Nicole, though.
And yet…she remembered her sister’s words from earlier. Poised to tell Nicole that everything was fine, Jessica stopped herself and decided not to hide her feelings. If she never gave her sister a chance to be there for her, how could she blame her sister for not supporting her? Wasn’t she doing the very thing she’d accused Leo and Nicole and Mom of doing to her?
“What’s wrong? Well, for starters, Leo and I just had a fight.”
Nicole pursed her lips. “About what?”
“I found mom’s old journals. And I read them.”
Her sister looked floored. “Journals?”
“Yeah, I’ll share them with you when I’m done. Anyway, I found out that Leo and Leo’s dad all went along with Mom’s plan to keep Leo and me apart when we were kids. They formed this brilliant scheme after I had the pregnancy scare, then continued it when it turned out I was fine. All because Mom and Adam had issues. They were being selfish and didn’t want to deal with each other if Leo and I stayed together.”
Nicole inhaled. “Yep.”
Jessica rolled her eyes and shook her head. Unreal. Who didn’t know? “I wish all of you would have been upfront with me.”
“What would you have done?” Nicole asked softly. “Mom didn’t trust you making a choice like that so young, and she didn’t have any faith in Leo. She didn’t have very good luck with guys and…well, we thought you needed to be protected. Mom and I always thought of you as a baby, Jessie-Bessie.”
Her childhood name reminded Jessica of all the times her sister and mother had cared for her, like when she broke her arm when she was nine and they’d watched all of her favorite mov
ies for two entire weekends, including four back-to-back viewings of Shrek. Or when she was bullied about her size in middle-school, and Mom and Nicole took her and Catalina to Disney to get her mind off being teased. Tears licked at Jessica’s eyes. She also felt a rising anger, but then it evaporated. She didn’t feel like fighting. Maybe she was just exhausted, emotionally spent, but this negativity didn’t seem worth it anymore. Yet she couldn’t let people continue to treat her like she was a baby, either. It was time to make her opinions heard. It was time to act like a woman.
“Well, I’m no longer a baby. Or a girl. And that means I’m going to be really clear about what I want.”
Nicole smiled. “Good. Good for you.”
“I don’t want to sell the hotel. I want to continue to run it. I don’t want more change in my life right now. There’s been too much change, what with Mom gone. And with Leo returning. I want to hold on to this piece of our past, at least for now.”
Nicole froze, and all Jessica could hear was the screech of Palmira’s parrots flying into the palm tree in the front of the hotel.
“Call the appraiser and cancel the appointment,” Jessica demanded. “Let’s try things my way for a year, maybe two. Then we’ll reevaluate. I’m not saying that we’ll never sell. I just don’t want to sell anytime soon.”
“Jessica…” Nicole’s voice was soft and garbled, like she was about to cry.
“It’s like you want to forget Mom.”
A tear slipped down Nicole’s cheek. “No. Not at all.”
“Then what? Why are you so eager to sell? Why are you pushing me to move on? We’re doing just fine, and we can do better if you let me do what I want and not stand in my way. I have so many ideas. You have a life with your husband and daughter. Why can’t I build something I’ve been working at building for years now? Actually, if you’d work with me, we’d be a good team here.”
Nicole sighed. “I miss Mom too. I just show it in a different way. I want to move on and have a fresh start.”
So Leo was right. Nicole was grieving in her own way. Still, that didn’t make it okay to force everyone else to do what she wanted.
