Songbird Freed

by Lisa Edward

  “You should try this,” Nicole suggested, pointing to her bowl, her mouth half full of bread. “It’s just vegetable soup.” She swallowed. “It’s really good.”

  Looking at her bowl, I screwed my nose up. Just the smell was making my stomach churn again, so I decided to stick to bread and bottled water for the rest of the day since eating whatever it was I’d eaten.

  “You’ll fade away if you don’t eat,” Jay said, concern in his voice. “Cole will—”

  “Cole has no say in what I do anymore,” I said sternly. “Please don’t talk about him again.”

  Jay dropped his gaze.

  “Sorry, Jay.” I sighed. “I just need to get through the next week without falling apart, okay?”

  A group of soldiers entered the Mess, the accent piquing my interest instantly. They were Australian. I scanned their faces, sure at any moment I would lock eyes on Riley and be able to talk to him and clear the air after the awkward way we had left things.

  “He’s not at this base. There’s no Special Forces here,” Jay told me, following my gaze.

  “Do you know where he is?”

  He tilted his head from side to side. “Yes and no.”

  Raising an eyebrow at him, I asked, “What does that mean?”

  He chuckled. “It means I know where he was last, and I know where he was heading, but I’m not sure where he is right at this very moment.”

  Nicole clapped her hands excitedly. “Am I going to get to meet the illusive Riley Hammond with the baby blues and the huge dick?”

  Shaking my head, I laughed off Nicole’s description of Riley.

  I wanted to see Riley to make sure he was doing better, but my mind and heart was still thousands of miles away with Cole. Even though we’d been away for a week and met so many people, my thoughts were always with him. Every time I closed my eyes I saw his handsome, rugged face. That stubbled jaw, his cheeky, sexy smile, and those soulful emerald-green eyes, searching my face, drinking me in …

  God, I missed him.

  I missed the way he held me in his huge arms, so strong and yet so tender, making me feel safe and loved. Soft kisses that could make me feel as if we were the only two people on earth, and his laugh. Oh God, his laugh, with that deep, gravelly tone that sent a thrill through my body. No matter how I was feeling, he could always make me feel better—just being around him could make the troubles of the world disappear. He was larger than life in so many ways, and yes, his ego was huge at times, but he had the goods to back it up. He lived big, he played hard, and he loved completely. He was the eighth wonder of the world to me, and I adored every inch of him.

  “Hey.” Nicole shook my arm gently. “You look like you were a million miles away.”

  I wiped my eyes quickly. “Yeah, I was back in Melbourne, twelfth floor apartment, overlooking the bay.”

  Jay was watching me, pity written all over his face.

  “Don’t look at me like that,” I told him. “I’m allowed to be miserable.”

  “Do you want me to see if you can call him or Skype? They’ll have laptops and phones here that you can use.”

  “No.” I shook my head. “Everything’s already been said. I’m not going to get over him by talking to him, and dredging up more memories.”

  But truly, I doubted I would ever get over him.

  JUST LIKE at the last two patrol bases, the show was a huge hit. We’d scaled it down to fit the location and the lack of props and sets, but the enthusiasm we put into it made up for anything material that was missing. The cheers and appreciation of the audience spurred us on, and by the end of the show we were buzzing.

  By the time the performance was finished and we’d wound down from the performance high, it was quite late in the evening, and time for bed. As expected, a couple of the girls had made friends with various soldiers, but Nicole and I just wanted to crash. Gathering up our toiletries, we trotted over the compound to the wash facilities to shower and get ready for bed, then, like a couple of teenagers on a school camp, sat on Nicole’s bunk and chatted.

  It was so good to have Nicole there with me. I hadn’t really gotten to know the other girls that well yet, and Nicole was the only one who really knew Cole and the relationship we’d had.

  Sitting cross-legged on Nicole’s bed, she decided it was time for a heart-to-heart.

  “What are you going to do when you get home, Tars? I mean, Cole’s entwined in every part of your life.”

  “I know,” I said sadly, “but once he’s engaged, and his mum and Prue have their claws in him, he won’t be playing with the band. He won’t be around any of us anymore.” Tears stung my eyes. “I suppose it’s better that way. There won’t be any chance of bumping into him, because he won’t be Cole anymore, and I won’t be going to any functions where he’s Victor.”

  “Are you going to fight for him?” she asked softly.

  “I’ve tried, Nic. I’ve yelled, I’ve begged, and I’ve pleaded. He knows how I feel, and he still chose to go along with it.”

  “He fought for you,” she reminded me. “Rightly or wrongly, when you were with Riley he never gave up on you, because he knew in his heart of hearts that the two of you were supposed to be together. He just had to wait for you to realise it.”

  “And look where we are now,” I argued. “He had me. But as soon as he had me, he stopped fighting.”

  “Maybe he needs you to fight for him and not take no for an answer. After everything he did for you, maybe he feels he can’t go against his parents on his own, for whatever reason. Maybe he needs you beside him.”

  There were a lot of maybes, a lot of “what ifs”. All of them were pointless though. Cole had made his choice, and it had not been me.

  “Okay, ladies, this is the final base so let’s make it the best one yet!” Jay encouraged as we jumped out of the helicopter.

  We all laughingly cheered his little pep talk, making him roll his eyes at us. I’m sure some girls were happy to be at yet another base with another couple of thousand soldiers to check out. I cheered because I’d had enough, and just wanted to get home.

  But home to what, exactly?

  Every time I thought about it, I pictured the apartment with Cole, but that wasn’t really my home anymore. I would have to find a new place to live, and start all over again. This time, however, I wasn’t going to do it tough. If Cole had taught me one thing, it was that I shouldn’t be ashamed of who I am or what I have, so I was going to buy myself a little house, a real home, and surround myself with things I loved. The first thing being a piano.

  This base was the largest yet, with soldiers from several countries. As we were greeted by the commanding officer and led to the office for a briefing, we passed a group of Australian soldiers kicking a football to each other. They stopped, watching us pass with flirtatious grins on their faces.

  Nicole nudged me before breaking into a popular chant used at Australian sporting events. “Aussie! Aussie! Aussie!” she yelled, fist-pumping the air enthusiastically.

  The guy’s faces lit up as they replied, “Oi! Oi! Oi!”

  I couldn’t help laughing. It was the first time I’d really laughed since the ordeal with Cole, and it felt good. Maybe I could survive and get past this heartbreak. After all, people broke up every day and managed to move on. In time, I hoped I would too.

  Our huts for the night were two-person structures, resembling transportable cabins. Nicole and I entered one together, not needing to work out who we would share with.

  “This is quite nice,” she commented, looking around approvingly.

  “You won’t know what to do with yourself when you get home. Your little flat will be like a luxurious penthouse,” I joked.

  “Yeah, like your place.”

  The joke fell flat.

  “Oh, shit, sorry, Tars.” She cringed. “I keep forgetting.”

  Smiling, I tried to tell her not to worry about it. After all, I was worried enough for both of us. I’d put on a brave face for ever
yone all day and I couldn’t do it anymore. Slumping on the edge of my bunk, I buried my face in my hands.

  The bunk moved beside me and an arm wrapped around my shoulders. Leaning in to Nicole’s side, I let her comfort me as the tears flooded my cheeks.

  “I can’t do it,” I sobbed. “I can’t go home and not be with him.”

  “Shh, I know, Tars, I know.” She rocked me gently. “While you’re here there’s a reason to not see him, but when you go home to all the familiar places, all our friends, it won’t be the same because he won’t be there.”

  She was right, everywhere would remind me of Cole. We’d spent so much time at Songbirds together. In a way it was where we’d gotten to know each other, slowly, over time. Reds wouldn’t be the same, either. I didn’t know how I would be able to set foot in there again. Cole had helped design every inch of the place; it was just as much a part of Cole as it was me. The show, every song we sang or danced to, he had co-written.

  The beach house had become our little getaway spot, I didn’t know when I’d be able to go back there again and face the ghosts of our relationship. Even the gym—he owned it, so that would have to be crossed off the list of places I could go without having a meltdown.

  “Fuck,” I croaked, trying to stem the flow of tears. “I’m going to have to move interstate, or become a lonely cat lady and never leave the house.”

  Nicole rubbed my arm and smiled. “I’ll come visit you, help you clean all the cat shit off the carpet.”

  I laughed. “Now that’s a true friend.”

  The sun was finally shining, which was a nice change, seeing as once again the stage had been set up outside. Of all the performances, this was the biggest crowd, and the biggest stage. Rows and rows of seating had been arranged, reaching so far back that I would be surprised if the guys in the last row would be able to see very well. There was an aisle down the middle leading to a large gate that fenced the area in.

  Looking out over the empty amphitheatre that would soon be full, I couldn’t help the mixed feelings churning my stomach. This was the last performance and we would be going home in the morning, back to an unknown life of upheaval and loneliness. It was also my last chance to see Riley and make sure he was coping all right after everything he had been through.

  Nearly every seat out front was taken, and we could hear the crowd chanting as we warmed up backstage.

  “Okay, girls, are we ready?” I asked, taking a deep calming breath.

  Looking around at their beaming faces, I was so proud of these young ladies and how they had handled themselves over the course of the last two weeks. Some of them still lived at home with their parents, and yet they had taken everything in their stride and made the most of what was at times a cold, wet and muddy situation.

  “I’m so proud of you all,” I told them. “Whatever happens with Reds and the show, when we get back I will always remember this tour. It’s been awesome.”

  “Hey!” Nicole pulled me up. “What do you mean whatever happens with Reds and the show?”

  This was not the right time to have mentioned it, and I shouldn’t have let it slip, but it was out now.

  “I’m thinking of leaving the show. I’ll still own Reds, but I probably won’t be around as much.” I smiled sadly at Nicole. “I just can’t be there at the moment.”

  Nicole gave me a hug, closely followed by another pair of arms, then another. Before long we were all hugging, the girls showing their support and sympathy for my broken heart.

  Wiping my eyes, I brushed away the tears. “Don’t make me cry, I’ll ruin my makeup.” I laughed.

  With one final deep breath, I stepped out onto the stage. It was show time.

  The appreciative noise from the crowd was like a wave of sound, rocking me back on my heels.

  As with every show, I took a little time at the beginning to play a game with the crowd. For them it was the audience participation section of the show, finding out where people were from. For me, it was searching through a sea of faces for a lost friend.

  “Hi boys,” I said with a little wave. “So good to see all your handsome, smiling faces.” I fanned myself. “Man, the testosterone in here is crazy … crazy good.”

  I was dressed in the first costume of the show, a black and red corseted number with suspenders and old fashioned lace-up ankle boots. I sauntered back and forth across the front of the stage, making eye contact with the crowd and chatting about how great it was to be there.

  As I was halfway through my usual routine, however, I suddenly had the urge to change it. I figuratively threw the script out the window, and decided to adlib instead.

  “Okay, we’re going to play a little game,” I told them. “Do you want to play with me?” I asked teasingly.

  Whooping and cheering vibrated across the sea of laughing faces.

  “So, I want everyone to stand up.” I indicated with my hand. “Come on. Attention, boys.”

  They all stood, some taking it literally and standing to attention for me.

  “At ease, soldiers,” I purred.

  They relaxed, looking around at each other and joking amongst themselves.

  “Firstly, if you are not from Australia, you can sit down.”

  Two thirds of the crowd sat, leaving a few groups of Australian soldiers scattered throughout the crowd.

  “Hello, my gorgeous Aussie boys.” I blew them a kiss, and most of them returned it with a cheeky smile.

  “Second elimination.” I paced up and down the stage again. “If you are based in Sydney when you’re back home, stay standing. Otherwise take a seat.”

  I waited for another large portion of the Australians who were standing, to sit. Now there were about fifty soldiers left, with one group way down the back.

  “Third thing. If you were not born in Perth, sit your butt down.”

  Two guys were left standing. I looked at their faces, and my heart sank. Neither one was Riley.

  “Thanks, guys, it was worth a shot. You can sit down,” I uttered, trying to hide my disappointment.

  “Who are you looking for?” someone called out.

  I tried to smile. “Just a friend of mine. He’s over here somewhere, I thought he may have been on his way to this base.” I shook my head. “Would have been nice to have caught up, that’s all.”

  “What’s his name?” another voice called out.

  “Corporal Riley Hammond.”

  There were murmurs as a couple of thousand guys asked each other if they knew him.

  “They call him Irish,” I added. “He’s in the Special Forces.” I looked around hopefully.

  Voices rose over to my left and I looked over.

  “Does he fly choppers?” someone shouted.

  The hand that was holding the microphone started shaking. They knew him. Maybe they could tell me if he was okay. Maybe they even knew where he was right now.

  “Yes,” I choked out. “That’s him. Do you know where he’s based?”

  Like a Mexican wave of voices that started on the left of me and swept towards the back of the crowd, the call went out to get Irish.

  My feet were glued to the stage, but my legs were shaking. I couldn’t move, I couldn’t speak—I just watched as a person right at the back ran out the gates.

  There was the longest wait before the guy came back in, followed by a figure that was decked out in full gear, as if he were just about to leave, or just coming back from patrol.

  Stopping in the entrance, his head raised towards the stage. He dropped his assault pack and combat helmet to the ground, but was still in his body armour. As he strode purposefully up the aisle towards the stage he peeled back the balaclava, leaving it folded up on his head like a beanie.

  It was Riley.

  Hesitating, I didn’t know if he would be happy to see me, but Kelli’s words rang in my ears and I jumped down off the stage, slowly walking to meet him.

  As we got closer together, the excitement of seeing him was overwhelming. My pace
picked up, as did his, until we were running, our faces beaming at each other.

  I leapt into his arms and he spun me around, my feet dangling in the air. When he finally lowered me down to the ground, we hung onto each other as tears ran down my cheeks. So many emotions ran through me as I took a step back and gazed upon his glowing face. He looked so well, so happy. His thin frame from a few months ago had bulked out, and he looked bigger than he had when we were dating. Those sapphire-blue eyes that I had lost myself in so many times were clear and shining, and he reminded me of the Riley I used to know.

  “What are you doing here?” he asked, holding me at arm’s length, his gaze running hungrily over the length of my body.

  I shrugged, returning his grin. “I didn’t have anything to do this weekend, so thought I’d pop over for a visit.”

  Pulling me back in to his rock-hard body, he wrapped one arm around my waist while his other hand went into my hair, holding my head to his shoulder. “It’s so good to see you, babe. You look amazing.”

  My breath caught in my throat as he called me babe. I hadn’t heard the term of endearment pass his lips for so long and it felt wrong, but at the same time, familiar and comforting.

  “Sorry,” he said, slightly embarrassed. “I know I shouldn’t call you that anymore. It just slipped out.”

  Brushing it off as nothing, I diverted my eyes, and they fell upon another familiar face.

  “Oh my God, Bear!”

  As we’d been standing there together talking, Bear had walked up quietly behind Riley.

  Stepping around Riley, I gave Bear a big hug and kiss on the cheek. Tears were starting to flow again as I remembered that he had been one of the guys from Riley’s unit who had also been missing.

  “How are you? Are you okay?” I asked him, gazing up at his huge frame.

  His smile said it all. He looked well, albeit not quite as overwhelmingly big as he had been, but he too looked happy.

  “I’m doing okay, Tara. It’s so good to see you.”

  I needed details. I needed to know where he had been, and how he had been found, but now wasn’t the time. We had a show to put on.

  The soldiers around us were watching our reunion intently, some with massive smiles on their faces as others had a faraway look in their eyes, no doubt wishing they could see their loved ones from home.