Songbird Freed

by Lisa Edward

  I sighed. So many depressing things that needed to be done.

  “Hey, Tars.” Marcus wrapped his arms around me, giving me a quick squeeze. “How are you?”

  It was a loaded question, the concern in his eyes evident.

  “Great, never better,” I lied. “Have you seen him?” No point beating around the bush.

  Marcus pulled a comically puzzled face. “Seen who?”

  I rolled my eyes. “You know perfectly well I’m referring to ‘he who shall not be named’.”

  “No. I spoke to him about a week ago, when he covered for you at the bar.”

  My eyebrows shot up. I hadn’t realised he was filling in for me on the piano while I was away. I definitely hadn’t expected it, seeing as we were no longer together.

  “But I didn’t speak to him this week. He’s been keeping to himself a bit.”

  “Well, I’m starving,” Nicole interrupted, “We haven’t eaten in—”

  “Half an hour,” I joked. Nicole was like an eating machine.

  “I was going to say a few hours, but I forgot about the food on the plane,” she chuckled.

  “Okay everyone,” Marcus announced. “I’m taking you all out for sushi. Let’s go.”

  The sushi bar was crowded, but they found us a table in the back corner. Everyone tucked into the sushi and sashimi, but my stomach was just settling down after the food poisoning, so I decided to play it safe and select something that was cooked.

  I was just debating what suburb I should start house hunting in when I noticed Marcus and Nicole whispering excitedly. Nicole squealed, throwing her arms around Marcus’s neck and covering his face with kisses.

  “Tars, we have the perfect answer to your homeless problem.” Marcus glared at Nicole, but I just laughed.

  “Go on, Nic, what’s your idea.”

  “I’m moving in with Marcus,” Nicole said, beaming. “He just asked me.”

  My eyes shifted to Marcus. He looked happier than I’d ever seen him and it restored my faith a little that people really could fall in love and live happily ever after.

  “So,” Nicole continued, “you can take over my lease, if you want. It’s smaller than what you’re used to. But it’s a temporary solution, until you find somewhere permanent.”

  My breath caught in my throat. “Thanks, Nic, that’s a great idea.” I couldn’t meet her eyes, because it was a solution to a reality I didn’t want to face.

  I couldn’t stall any longer. We had eaten our meals, paid the bill, and it was time to leave.

  Finally I had to go to the apartment to either pack a bag, or if Cole was feeling generous, I would sleep in the spare room and move out in the morning.

  Walking through the door of the apartment building felt like coming home, and I had to tell myself repeatedly that this was no longer where I lived.

  “Good evening, Tara,” Phil said with a welcoming smile. “So lovely to have you back home.”

  “Thank you, Phil.” I smiled. It had taken quite a few months and a lot of prompting, but Phil was finally comfortable addressing me by my first name. “Is Cole upstairs?”

  “Yes, Mr Michaels is in.” Phil moved to the elevator to press the button for me.

  “Is it all right if I go up, Phil?” I wasn’t sure if Cole had instructed him to the contrary.

  Phil frowned at me. “Well, of course, Tara. You live here, don’t you?”

  “Yes, yes I do.” So obviously Cole hadn’t told him not to let me in yet.

  The elevator dinged, the doors opened, and I wheeled my suitcase in to the foyer. Soft music was playing through the sound system, and the lighting was dimmed.

  Oh crap, he must have Prue here.

  Turning, I went to scurry back to the elevator quickly. I needed to get out of there before they saw me.

  “I was expecting you here hours ago,” a deep, gravelly voice said from the living room.

  Double crap.

  Leaving my suitcase where it was, I apprehensively entered the living room, only to find Cole alone. He was sitting on the couch, bare feet resting on the edge of the coffee table, his head hanging low as he swirled a glass of red in his hand.

  “I’m sorry, Cole, I didn’t mean to interrupt your—” I looked around at the romantically-set dinner table, complete with candles and flowers. “—romantic dinner with …”

  “It was supposed to be with you.” Cole’s sullen gaze hit me. “But you didn’t come home.”

  Now I was really confused. Why would he be planning a romantic dinner with me? Hadn’t he listened when I’d told him it was over?

  “Marcus took us out for sushi.” I stepped warily further into the room. “I don’t understand. Why have you cooked me dinner?”

  Cole stood and started to approach me. “Because I’ve missed you, and I wanted to apologise for being such an absolutely spineless ass before you left.”

  “There’s no point apologising. It won’t change anything.” My heart galloped in my chest the closer he got. “I told you I’m not going to be a bit of fluff on the side while you’re married to Prue.”

  Cole huffed. “Since when have you ever been a bit of fluff, Tara?”

  He finally reached me, the pain in his eyes ripping at my heart. “Are we over, Tara?”

  Unable to meet his gaze, I dropped my eyes. “We were over two weeks ago, Cole. I told you if you went through with the engagement that was the end of us.”

  “I didn’t do it.”

  “What?” My head shot up. Surely I had misunderstood.

  His hands tentatively held mine, pulling me gently towards him. “I told Mum to call it off, that I wouldn’t be there and it would be less embarrassing for everyone if it was cancelled, rather than me just not turning up.”

  “So, she cancelled it?” I asked in disbelief.

  He shook his head. “No, she threatened and believed I’d show up. Probably thought I was bluffing, seeing as every other time I’ve tried to get out of it, I’ve backed down.”

  “What happened?” I could feel my heart thumping against my ribcage to the tune of he didn’t do it, he didn’t do it.

  Cole shrugged. “I hear the hors d’oeuvres were delightful.” He paused, studying my face. “So you gave me the ultimatum that if I couldn’t choose you then we were over. But I chose you, Tara. I went against my family, I’ve been ostracised by everyone, but I don’t care. I choose you.”

  My mind was racing. What did this mean?

  “So correct me if I’m wrong,” he continued, drawing me in closer, “because this whole relationship thing is new to me, but that means we’re not over.” He brushed the hair from my face. “We’re not over, babe. I choose you. It will always be you and me.” The hopeful look in his eyes crushed me. “We can’t be over.”

  “I … I need a shower … or something.” Racing out of the room, I could feel my chest heaving as the weight of what had happened with Riley brought my reality crashing down around me.

  Stripping off, I turned on the shower to scalding-hot as tears stung my eyes.

  Oh God, what have I done?

  Sinking to the tiled floor, I hugged my knees to my chest and let the hot water pound down on me as a flood of tears ran from my eyes.

  There was only one thing I could do. I had to tell Cole. I had to explain that I’d been hurting, and I’d thought I had lost him forever. Maybe in time he would forgive me, but I knew it would be the end of our relationship.

  After all the emotions of the last two weeks, this was too much. So in the solitude of the shower I let everything out, the noise of the water drowning out the sound of my bawling.

  “Jesus, Tara, what’s wrong?”

  I looked up to see Cole’s head poking around the corner of the tiled shower wall. He was still dressed in jeans and a grey T-shirt, but as he looked at my face, my eyes obviously red from crying, he came in, kneeling down in front of me.

  “Hey, it’s gonna be all right. I’m sorry.” He hugged me to his chest, rocking me back an
d forth.

  Shaking my head, I sobbed. “No you don’t understand, I’m the one who should be sorry, I—”

  “No, babe, I’m the one who’s sorry.” He cupped my face in his hands. “I let you think I’d chosen them over you. I would never choose anyone over you; you mean everything to me.”

  “But I thought we’d broken up,” I blubbered, “I thought you were getting engaged to Prue, that I’d lost you. I saw Riley at the last camp we went to and …”

  He pressed his mouth to mine, his full, soft lips silencing my confession. “Shhh, don’t say it. I don’t need to hear it.” He held my face in his hands, meeting my eyes. “I don’t want to know.”

  “But—”

  “Do you remember what I told you the last time you went to Afghanistan? If something was to happen but you came home to me, I didn’t want to know. I couldn’t deal with it.”

  I nodded.

  “Have you come home to me, Tara? Do you still love me? Do you still want to be with me?”

  Looking up at his pleading eyes, I knew there was nowhere else I wanted to be. “Yes,” I whispered.

  His thumb caressed my cheek. “Then that’s all that matters, because once it’s out there, we’ll have to deal with it, and I just can’t do that.”

  Burying my face in Cole’s chest, I realised my confession might ease my conscience, but it would destroy Cole. Crawling onto his lap, I hugged him tighter trying to melt into him. His body relaxed around me as his hand tangled in my wet hair, raising my head to his. The tortured look in his eyes left no doubt in my mind that he already knew what he so desperately didn’t want to hear.

  “I love you, my beautiful girl,” he murmured, his lips brushing my cheek. “I’m so sorry I let you down. I’ll do better, I promise. I don’t ever want you to doubt how much I love you, Tara.” He met my eyes, the sorrow in his breaking my heart all over again. “You’re all I’ve ever wanted. Every soppy love song was written for you, every fairy tale with its happily-ever-after was written for us. You are my forever, Tara, and we can get through anything, because there is no one but you in my heart.” He raised his face to the water for a moment. “Wash it away, babe. All the mistakes—wash them down the drain. All the guilt is gone.” He looked through me, into my soul. “All I feel for you is love.”

  I was completely exhausted, tired both physically from the long flight, and emotionally from this newest revelation that had me barely capable of functioning. There were so many regrets, all the things I’d said to Cole before I’d left. I should have stayed, I should have believed in him instead of giving up. But the one thing I couldn’t regret was seeing Riley, and the closure that we had both needed.

  Cole coaxed me out of the shower, then helped dry me off before wrapping my big soft, fluffy robe around me.

  “Here, sit down,” he said softly, pulling a chair over in front of the mirror before stripping off his soaked T-shirt and jeans, and shrugging on his robe.

  I sat, using all my willpower to not burst into tears all over again.

  Cole brushed my hair then started drying it with the hair dryer. Watching his reflection as his jaw clenched and released while he tackled any knots he came across, I wondered how long this relationship could last. Secrets were never good; they ate away at you until they came back to bite you on the ass.

  I couldn’t do it. He was being so loving and thoughtful, so forgiving. I needed to come clean.

  “I need to tell you what happened,” I told Cole, meeting his eyes in the mirror.

  “No you don’t.”

  “I …”

  The hair dryer was flicked up to high, and just to make sure he couldn’t hear me, Cole sang at the top of his lungs. His determined eyes rose to meet mine in the mirror again as his voice belted out the tune over the din of the dryer.

  “Okay, okay,” I shouted, “you win.”

  After my hair was dry, Cole led me back out to the living room and told me to take a seat. I’d already had dinner with the others earlier, but Cole hadn’t eaten, and he seemed keen to finally be sharing the meal he’d prepared.

  “I was hoping you would meet the plane at the airport,” I told him. “When you didn’t, I figured you’d moved on to your new life with Prue.”

  He scoffed, shaking his head at my comment as he carried two plates over, placing them on the coffee table. I scooted down off the couch on to the floor, making myself comfortable.

  “I was busy cooking this for you,” he replied. “It’s Paella. I was going to put the big dish on the table and we could serve ourselves, but this will have to do.”

  It looked and smelt wonderful. He’d put so much effort into it that tears pricked my eyes again.

  Sniffling, I discreetly wiped the tears away. “Thank you, Cole, it looks great.”

  It tasted amazing too, and I dug into the seafood, my stomach welcoming being full for the first time in the last few days.

  “So, what happens now?” I asked. “Have you spoken to your parents?”

  Cole reached over to the side table, producing the Sunday newspaper. Placing it in front of me, my eyes scanned the large bold print of the page it was folded open to.

  Millionaire Playboy Runs Out on Fiancée, read the headline, accompanied by photos of Prue, dressed to the nines and in tears.

  “Holy crap.” I sighed.

  “Hmm, yep … holy crap.” Cole squeezed my hand, pulling me onto his lap. “I guess it’s only a matter of time before Prue’s family exposes the big Michaels secret, and you know what? I’ll be glad when they do. It’ll mean no more secrets, no more blackmail.” He ran his hand down my hair, smoothing it over my back. “Then they can fuck off and get their own money.”

  I chuckled. “Well, that’s one way of looking at it.”

  Cole had been observing me all through dinner with a furrowed brow. Finally, his face relaxed as he joined my laugh.

  “The glass is half full, right? I can either dread what’s to come, or be happy that I’m free of the ridiculous arrangement, and we can be together.”

  Snuggling in to Cole’s body, I rested my head against his shoulder. “So do you want to tell me the big secret? Or should I wait to read about it in the gossip columns?”

  “That depends,” he said cheekily. “Can I have a kiss first? I’ve been dying to taste you for the last two weeks.”

  Looking into Cole’s eyes, I saw the hurt behind the playfulness. “You don’t have to ask to kiss me. I’ve missed your lips too.” Sighing, I rested my forehead against his. “I’ve missed all of you. I was so miserable thinking I’d lost you.” I softly kissed his cheek. “You’re a part of everything I do.” Butterfly kisses traced down his jaw, making him sigh. “You’re a part of everywhere I go. My life is intertwined with yours. I didn’t know what I was going to do without you.”

  Lightly, I kissed the side of his mouth, his head turning slightly to meet my lips.

  “God, babe,” he said huskily. “I’m so sorry I put you through that. I never meant to hurt you.”

  I couldn’t hold back the tears as I buried my face in the crook of his neck.

  Cole stroked my back. “Shhh, it’s okay now. We’re together. Everything will be fine.”

  If only he knew how not fine everything felt. How one moment of loneliness, and needing to feel needed after thinking I had lost everything, could rip us apart forever.

  “Come up to bed,” he said softly. “I’ll tell you everything.”

  WE SNUGGLED in as I tried to stem my constant flow of tears. It was so like Cole to know that what I needed was just to be cuddled. He wrapped his strong, safe arms around me and held me tight.

  Breathing him in, I moved closer, trying to merge our bodies together. I could never get close enough to Cole. His warmth, his scent, the firmness of his body was almost too much at times, but I needed to drink him in with every one of my senses.

  He seemed to be attuned to how I was feeling as his hand stroked my arm, pulling me in against his side until there was no
space between us.

  “So, do you want the abridged version, or the long version of the Michaels’ saga?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not going anywhere. Let’s go for all the details.”

  He chuckled briefly, before exhaling a loud, purposeful breath.

  “Here goes then. So the first thing you need to know is, my mum isn’t really my mum.”

  Well, that got my attention.

  “My parents married when they were young, and my mum got pregnant pretty much straight away. They told everyone about the baby, but there were complications, and she lost it. She was told she would never be able to carry a baby full-term and fell into a depression.”

  “That’s sad,” I muttered under my breath.

  “Yeah, it is. She couldn’t deal with my dad being around so he moved back in with Pops and Granny for a short time to give her some space. No one knew about the miscarriage except for Prue’s mum. She virtually nursed my mum through it.”

  So far there wasn’t anything too drastic. It was sad, no doubt, but nothing scandalous.

  “This all happened during summer and at the time, Pops’ and Granny’s housekeeper brought her daughter, Carmella, over from Italy to stay. She had just finished school and was contemplating what to do with herself next.” Cole sighed before continuing, “Dad had an affair with Carmella. It was brief, but life-changing, especially for me.”

  Oh my God. I squeezed Cole tighter, already knowing where this was heading.

  “Yep, you guessed it, she got pregnant with me.”

  Raising my head from Cole’s shoulder, I looked into his eyes. He was gazing up at the ceiling, but looked down at me and attempted to smile.

  “My mum found out, and that’s when the shit hit the fan. She paid for Carmella to be shipped back home to the small village in Italy so no one would find out, but she was worried that it would come back to haunt them one day.” He rubbed my arm. “So my parents followed her to Italy on the pretence of a second honeymoon.” Cole ran his hand through his hair. “They stayed there until I was born, then paid off the doctor to falsify the birth certificate, and paid Carmella to keep quiet.”