Songbird Freed

by Lisa Edward

  “Absolutely nothing,” he stated. “It makes me nervous.”

  I sat Tori up, rubbing her back.

  “Maybe we’ve had all the drama in our lives, and now it’s our time to have some calm. Some peace and quiet.”

  “Well, my mum called yesterday while you were at the gym, and she wants to see me.” He ran his hand through his hair. “So the peace and quiet will have to wait for another day.”

  Cole got up to make coffee and as he was waiting for it to brew, he flicked through the stack of mail that was yet to be opened, stopping on one letter and turning it over in his hands.

  “What’s that?” I asked, watching his puzzled expression.

  “No postmark,” he said, holding it up. “Must have been hand delivered.”

  Tearing the envelope, he opened the card to read it. His face dropped as his eyes scanned the card again.

  “Something wrong?” I called out.

  He cleared his throat. “Enjoy your time as new parents. The happiness won’t last. Signed P.”

  My mouth opened, but nothing came out. Who was P?

  “Probably Prue being a bitch,” Cole commented, tossing the card in the trash.

  “Maybe Patrick?” I offered.

  “No way, that’s totally Prue’s style, being a bitch for the fun of it.”

  Whoever it was, they had been to the building and hand-delivered the card, and that was too close for my liking.

  The warm breeze hit me as I pushed Tori out through the front door of the apartment building and down to the boardwalk. I loved being able to exercise again, and was really pleased to see that the baby weight was dropping off faster than I’d hoped. Cole, of course, didn’t seem to notice my lumps and bumps, but I did. I wanted to get back to work, back to the burlesque show and performing, but there was no way I was going to do that until I could fit into my old costumes.

  “Okay, baby girl, let’s run.”

  There were people jogging and cycling along the path and we joined them. Everyone who passed looked in the pusher and smiled at Tori, making my chest swell with pride as they commented how cute she was, or how beautiful.

  As I ran in my own little world, it took me a few seconds to realise that someone was running quite close behind me. I sped up; they sped up, so I moved over to let them pass, but they didn’t. My only other option was to slow right down, so I did, turning to see who was being so rude and invading my personal space.

  “Congratulations, Tara. Cute kid.” He kept running, his red hair fading into the distance, but I couldn’t move. I kept watching, straining to make sure he hadn’t doubled back. When I was sure he was gone, his only objective for the day being to scare me, I ran as fast as I could back home.

  For the rest of the day I was on full alert. As soon as we arrived home I told Phil to keep a look out for Patrick in case he was hanging around the building, and to notify the police if he saw him.

  Cole was furious and wanted to cancel the visit to his parents’ house, scooping Tori up in his arms and covering her little head with kisses. However, after calling the police we realised there was nothing we could really do, so in the end he went to see his parents, trying to talk me into going as well so he could keep us safe. But despite the threat of Patrick hanging around, I would rather chew glass than spend time with his mother. Besides, I had an appointment I needed to get to. I’d finally gotten the nerve up to organise the paternity test, and I had to see my doctor so she could do the paperwork.

  By the time Tori and I left the doctor’s office, I felt ill, my stomach churning. Dr Vincent had cocked an eyebrow when I had requested the test, but hadn’t asked any questions. Nevertheless, it was embarrassing to admit that I wasn’t confident who the father was. It would take ten to fourteen days, she had advised, for the results to come through.

  Two more weeks of not knowing, but then what?

  I hadn’t replied to Riley when he had asked if he were the father. Not knowing what to say to him, I had taken the coward’s way out and said nothing. In two weeks, however, I would be able to give him a definitive answer and know for certain if Tori were his or Cole’s. Only two more weeks of the constant nagging in my gut, then everything would be okay and I would deal with it, one way or the other.

  Cole wasn’t home when we arrived back, so I put Tori down for a nap, then decided to take the opportunity to have a little nap as well.

  It was nearly five o’clock when Tori’s crying woke me. I called out for Cole, but he still wasn’t home.

  “Looks like Daddy’s having a very long chat with his mother,” I said to Tori, lifting her up for a cuddle.

  She was restless so I fed her, then walked her around the way Cole did, bouncing and singing to her as we went to the window to watch the water. Looking down at the beach below, I recognised Cole’s shape sitting down on the sand, looking out towards the horizon.

  “That’s strange,” I said to Tori. “Should we go visit Daddy?”

  I strapped on the Baby Bjorn, then we trotted down to the sand, happy to be outside now that the afternoon sun had passed. But as we approached Cole, sitting with his arms wrapped around his bent knees, I realised something was seriously wrong. His slumped shoulders were shaking, and the sounds of absolute anguish that were coming from him ripped at my soul.

  “Hey, babe,” I said cautiously. “What’s happened?” I dropped to my knees beside him, my hand resting on his shoulder.

  Tori gurgled and Cole turned, his eyes red and puffy as uncontrollable tears streaked his gorgeous face.

  “Oh my God, Cole, what is it?”

  He buried his face in one hand. The other hand, I noticed, was holding a crumpled piece of paper.

  He blindly flung the paper at me. “Seems I can’t hide from the truth anymore,” he croaked.

  Scanning the letter, I felt physically sick as I tried to wrap my head around what I was reading.

  “Did you know?” he asked, unable to meet my eyes. “Did you know Tori’s not mine?”

  “What? No, no that’s not right … it can’t be.” The writing on the page blurred as my eyes filled with tears. “You’re her dad, Cole. There must be some mistake,” I choked, my voice barely audible.

  I didn’t know where the paternity test had come from, but what mattered was the man I loved, the real father of our baby—at least in my eyes—was devastated, his heart ripped in two.

  Floundering for answers, I asked, “Where did this come from? Did you get this done?” My head was spinning. How did he have paternity test results?

  “It doesn’t matter where it came from, Tara,” he sobbed.

  Tears ran down my face, but I had to try to explain. “You’re her father, Cole; you’re the one she looks for in a room when she hears your voice. You’re the one who can settle her when everything I try doesn’t work.” Leaning forward, I tried to pull him towards me, to comfort him, but he didn’t budge.

  “But she’s not mine.” He looked at me. The light that had been dancing in his eyes only a few hours earlier was completely gone. “I’m guessing she’s Riley’s. I don’t think you’ve been with anyone else, have you?”

  Tori reached her little hand out, trying to touch Cole. He looked down at her, his eyes welling again as a sob caught in his throat.

  “It’s always been Riley,” he said resignedly, watching her as her tiny hand stretched out. But he didn’t take the hand she was offering him. There were no smiles, no kisses on her petite fingers, just tears as he openly sobbed for the family he had lost, the life he had dreamed of that was being pulled apart.

  Pain squeezed my chest as I watched Cole reject our little girl. I couldn’t breathe, as every dream for our future faded into dust.

  “It was a mistake,” I whispered. “I thought I’d lost you, and I turned to him.”

  “So, will you turn to him now? Play happy families with her real father?” The hurt in his eyes was like a knife, tearing through me as I shook my head.

  He turned his head, looking out
towards the ocean. “I can’t do this, Tara. It’s just too much.”

  “What … what does that mean?” I sobbed. “What are you going to do?”

  “I’m setting you free. You can be with Riley, and be a proper family.” He wiped his eyes with the back of his hand.

  “But I don’t want to be free. Please, Cole,” I bawled. “I don’t want to be with him. I only want you. I love you.”

  He stood, brushing off his jeans, leaving me slumped on the sand. He took two steps away from us then, running his hands through his hair, came back and squatted back down so he was level with Tori. Tenderly, he brushed her hair with his hand, and then softly kissed her head, holding his lips to her as tears stained his cheeks. “Goodbye, little princess.”

  “Cole …” I jumped up as he turned to walk away. “Please, I’m begging you, don’t leave me … Don’t leave us.”

  He looked in my eyes, his face so full of pain. “You can stay in the apartment with Tori. I’ll move to Pops’ house.”

  The days and nights blended into one long expanse of misery. The only thing that kept me getting up out of bed each day was Tori. She needed me.

  I had sat down so many times to write to Riley, to tell him the news he would be happy to hear, but I just couldn’t. To write it in black and white would be the final straw, and I couldn’t face it yet. I couldn’t admit that Cole and I were over because Tori was really Riley’s baby. So in the end, I had crawled back into bed to hug Cole’s pillow, burying my face in his scent.

  The elevator dinged and I sloped to the living room in Cole’s old T-shirt and my pyjama pants to see who it was.

  “Don’t you look a sight,” Kelli declared, checking me out disapprovingly as I slouched on the couch. “It’s two o’clock in the afternoon. Get showered and dressed, we’re going to Songbirds for the weekly meeting.”

  “I’m not going. I can’t,” I said dismissively.

  “Oh, yes you are. You’re part owner, so enough of the pity party, Tara.”

  I frowned at Kelli. “What’s your problem?”

  “You are my problem. You’re miserable, which isn’t good for you, or for Tori. You know she can sense your mood, even if she doesn’t understand it.”

  “I know,” I croaked, tearing up. “I just miss him so much.”

  “And he misses you.” She came and sat on the couch beside me. “Why didn’t you tell me about Riley?”

  “I didn’t tell anyone. Nicole only knew because we were sharing accommodation while we were away.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t understand. How could you do that to Cole?”

  “We broke up!” I said, trying to justify my actions. “Cole was getting engaged, and we broke up.” Leaning forward, I rested my head in my hands. “Riley wanted me when Cole didn’t. You know I would never have slept with some random stranger, but Riley needed me and I needed him.”

  “So what are you going to do?” she asked, resting her hand on my shoulder.

  Shaking my head, I didn’t respond.

  “You need to get off your ass and do something, Tara.”

  I sat back, feeling totally defeated as tears stung my puffy, red eyes.

  “Fight for him. For fuck’s sake, he’s bleeding.” She clutched her chest. “You’ve ripped his heart out, but for some reason he still loves you. So stop sitting around here feeling sorry for yourself because you screwed up, and fix this.”

  “He still loves me?” I asked, hopefully.

  Her face softened. “Of course he does. Do you think he’d be so broken up about this if he wasn’t totally devastated about losing the two of you?”

  She sighed, then leaned in and hugged me. “You should be together. You have to be together, and Tori needs a dad. No child should have to grow up without two parents if it can be helped.” She paused, contemplating what to say next. “Riley wrote to me. He wants to know what’s going on. Have you written to him since you found out that he’s Tori’s dad?”

  I shook my head. “I know I should, but I just can’t right now. I can’t think straight.”

  “Well, he’s coming to Melbourne next week to see you and meet Tori, so you need to have this sorted by then.”

  Kelli was right; I did need to get off my butt and talk to Cole. Hopefully he’d had time to think things through and maybe, just maybe, he would be willing to see me. Kelli followed me up to the bedroom, making herself comfortable on the edge of the bed while I went into the bathroom.

  “I’m not going to Songbirds this afternoon, I’m going to see Cole,” I called from the shower.

  Entering the wardrobe, I scanned my side, looking for something suitable to wear. Cole’s clothes were still hanging on his side. In fact, he had hardly taken anything when he’d left. I wondered if that was a good sign, or if he just wanted to get out so quickly, that he was willing to leave everything behind to escape me.

  Stepping out of the wardrobe ten minutes later in a little summer dress, I felt hopeful. I was going to see Cole. I was going to see his face again, and even if he didn’t want to talk to me, just to lay my eyes on that gorgeous face was enough to give me those nervous butterflies in my stomach.

  Kelli looked at me approvingly as she rocked Tori. “Much better than pyjamas.” She smirked.

  “You know, I still can’t believe Cole got a paternity test done. He must have had doubts all along,” I pondered, while trying to do something interesting with my hair.

  She shrugged. “It doesn’t matter now. It is what it is. You can’t fake medical results, so you just need to deal with it.”

  I scoffed. “You can fake anything with enough money.”

  Pulling up outside Pops’ house, my heart galloped in my chest. Deep, calming breaths didn’t work as the realisation hit me that this could be the last time I ever had the chance to speak to Cole again.

  Trying not to wake Tori, I carefully scooped her up into my arms, and grabbed her bag from the back seat before making the trek up to the front door.

  Jay answered as soon as I rang the bell, obviously having seen me pull up.

  “I was wondering when you’d come by.” He stepped to one side to let me in, but there was no welcoming smile.

  “Is Cole here?”

  “Of course he’s here. He hasn’t left the house since all this blew up.” He ushered me into the front sitting room. “He keeps asking me if I knew about you and Riley.”

  I hung my head in shame. “I’m sorry to put you in an awkward position, Jay.”

  He shrugged. “I just keep telling him that you spent most of the time we were in Afghanistan, crying.”

  “So, um … has he gone back to his old ways?” I asked nervously. It was a thought that had been playing on my mind. The image of Cole trawling bars and picking up women made my stomach churn, but I needed to know.

  Jay shook his head. “What, you want to know if he’s been drowning in pussy?”

  I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

  “No, Tara. Drowning in bourbon, maybe, but not pussy. I’m about the only person he’s seen since he moved in here.”

  The relief I felt was palpable. “Good,” I said nodding. “Not good about the bourbon, but good about the no-pussy.”

  Jay gave me a sad smile. “He’s been keeping to himself. Spends most of his time downstairs in the studio, writing.” He indicated to the stairs that led to where Cole had been hiding out.

  “Is he down there now?” I asked, anxiously.

  “Yeah, come on.” We walked towards the back of the house.

  “Some of the stuff he’s been coming up with is actually really, really good. It’s amazing how a broken heart can get the creative juices flowing.” He took Tori out of my arms, then stepped aside so I could descend the stairs. “You fixed him before, then you broke him.” He paused. “You need to fix him again.”

  At the bottom of the stairs was the door to the studio. The red light was on, indicating a recording session was in progress, and that everyone should stay out. Takin
g a deep breath, I smoothed out my dress before quietly entering the recording booth. Pain stabbed my heart, and it felt like someone had punched me in the chest as I looked through the window to where Cole was sitting behind the piano, playing ‘The Way You Look Tonight’.

  It had become our song since he had proposed, but I had never heard him sing it with such melancholy. On top of the piano was a framed photo of the two of us, taken at the Christmas in July ball. We were sitting in the sleigh, cuddled together, smiling at the camera. It had been such a life-changing night. Cole had proposed in front of everyone, and finally stood up to his mother.

  I looked down at the ring still sparkling brilliantly on my left hand.

  How did we get to this place so quickly?

  He reached halfway through the second verse of the song but stopped playing, resting his head on the keys instead. Tears streamed down my face as he lifted his head then knocked it back down on the keys, over and over. I wiped my cheeks as he raised his head again. He must have seen my movement out the corner of his eye, as he turned his head in my direction. Our eyes locked, and I saw him suck in a breath.

  Trying to smile through my tears, I asked if I could come in. He nodded and stood, his eyes welling as he wrung his hands nervously.

  “Hi, um … I just wanted to see how you are,” I said, approaching slowly. “So, how are you?” I asked as I came to within a few feet of where Cole was standing.

  His hands rose to the sides, then slapped back down on his thighs. “How do you think? I’m fucking miserable.”

  “Yeah, me too,” I said, dropping my eyes.

  “What are you doing here, Tara?” His voice was soft. When I looked in his eyes, they were curious.

  Shrugging, I replied simply, “I miss you.”

  “What do you miss, Tara?” He stepped forward, bridging the gap between us until he was only a step away.

  I couldn’t take my eyes off his beautiful, soft full lips. Tenderly cupping his stubbled cheek in my palm, I traced his bottom lip with my thumb.

  “I miss your mouth. I miss your smile, and your kisses. I miss the sound of your voice, your deep throaty laugh that always puts a smile on my face, and the way you used to sing Tori to sleep.