The Look of Love

by David George Richards

  Louise’s heart leapt. “I want you to stay here!” she said far too eagerly. She couldn’t believe what was happening. One moment she had been in the pit of despair, and now she was in heaven. And this time it wasn’t just a fantasy. Victoria was going to stay with her after all. It was going to be as friends instead of lovers, but Louise could be content with that. Just having her close would be enough. And Victoria now knew how Louise felt about her, and she was staying anyway. And that was what was important.

  Louise almost ran to Victoria and held onto her sweater. “I don’t care what I have to promise!” she said excitedly. “You can stay here for free if you like! Anything! Just don’t go back to Zach! He’ll ruin you–”

  Louise had to stop as Victoria had clamped a hand over her mouth.

  “I warned you that you were far too soft for your own good,” Victoria told her. “If you let me, I could twist you up and get away with murder living here, no problem. So you’ll have to learn to be harder with me. Of course I’ll pay my way. But I’ll forget, so you’ll have to remind me. And I’m terribly lazy, so you’ll have to kick me to do my share. Sooner or later it’ll all get out of hand and you’ll realise that I’m not very nice. You don’t think so now, but it won’t be long before you get sick of me and throw me out.”

  Louise mumbled an inaudible reply, so Victoria took her hand away from her mouth and Louise said very earnestly, “I want you to stay here with me, Victoria, even if it’s just as friends. It’ll be our little arrangement. No one else need know anything about it. I won’t do anything you don’t want me to do. I promise. And I’ll never get sick of you. I’ll be happy just having you here with me. I’ll be happy just watching you, and being close to you.”

  Victoria shook her head in despair. “But how can you say that, Louise?” she said. “I keep telling you that I still feel that I’m heterosexual. Yes, I’m a bit confused after last night, but that doesn’t mean I’m a lesbian. If it means anything, it’s that I’m as thick as Chrissy thinks I am! I know what you’re thinking, but you could be wasting your time with me. Are you really sure you want to go on with this?”

  “Yes, I’m sure,” Louise replied without hesitation.

  “But why?”

  “Because I love you,” Louise replied simply.

  Victoria sighed. “Why do I feel that this is so unfair? I’m sure this is a mistake, and I must be suffering concussion from last night, but I’m going to give it a try on one condition.” She pointed at the two bedrooms. “That’s your room, and that’s my room. Okay?”

  Louise nodded. “I promise, I told you.”

  “Okay, then. I’ll go and get my stuff.”

  “I’ll come with you,” Louise said. And before Victoria could protest, she went on, “No arguments. You got beaten up last night so you need the help. I’m not letting you carry anything heavy. You might be right about concussion, so I’m not letting you out of my sight until I’m sure you’re alright.” Louise reached for one of several coats on a rack by the door. “Now put this coat on, and try on my shoes. If they don’t fit I’m sure I can find a pair of trainers that will.”

  “I’m alright without a coat,” Victoria protested as Louise began to fuss over her.

  “No, you’re not! All you’re wearing is a pair of jeans and a woolly sweater. You’ll catch cold!”

  “Oh, Louise! Haven’t you heard anything I told you? You’ll be carrying my books to classes next!”

  They were halfway down the stairs when Rosanna opened the door to her flat and caught them. For a moment, Louise felt embarrassed. But then she saw Rosanna smile and she smiled too.

  “Hello, Rosie,” she said quickly. “This is Victoria. She’s going to be my flat-mate.”

  Victoria and Rosanna exchanged greetings. Rosanna obviously noticed Victoria’s bruised and battered face but said nothing about it.

  Victoria grinned mischievously. “You’re the woman with the toaster, aren’t you?” she asked her.

  Rosanna’s smile broadened. “Has Louise been telling you all my secrets?”

  “Well, I couldn’t help hearing the banging.”

  Rosanna sighed. “I think it’s getting worse. I seem to have to hit it harder each day. I keep asking Dave to get me a new one, but you know what he’s like, Louise. Hopeless, totally hopeless.”

  “You’ll have to keep nagging him!” Louise replied. Then she asked rather pointedly, “What brought you out here, then?”

  Rosanna smiled again. “I thought I heard voices up there, so I was going to ask you both in for a cup of tea. I’ve just brewed up.”

  Rosanna kept smiling, and it made Louise feel more and more self-conscious. “Not just now, Rosie. We’re off to pick up Victoria’s things from her flat. Maybe later?”

  “When you get back then. I’ll keep an ear out.”

  Louise laughed. “You do that! We’ll see you later.”

  Victoria said, “Bye!” and she and Louise trotted the rest of the way downstairs and left. Rosanna watched them go, a broad smile on her face.

  As soon as they were out of the house, Victoria pulled on Louise’s arm and asked her, “Does she know about you?”

  Louise nodded. “Yes. She and Dave have known for ages.”

  “I thought that was why she kept smiling at me!” Victoria exclaimed. “The very first person we meet, and my reputation’s already ruined!”

  “Don’t worry,” Louise said with a smile. “We’ll have plenty of time to explain everything when we get back.”

  “Oh, no we won’t!” Victoria said mischievously. “Don’t tell her anything about our arrangement, Louise! Let her go on thinking exactly what she’s thinking!”

  “It might not be so easy. Rosie’s probably bursting to know how you got those bruises. She’ll give you a good grilling over that cup of tea, you just wait and see!”

  “I can take it!” Victoria linked arms with Louise. “You know, Louise, I’m beginning to like this little arrangement of ours, it has real possibilities. This could be fun!”

  Chapter Seventeen

  Moving In

  Victoria didn’t stop talking all the way to Sale Metro Station. She was full of ideas as to how to exploit the possibilities that her arrangement with Louise had to offer. She was planning hours of deceit and manipulation that would leave most of the unfortunate males she met in need of psychiatric help.

  Louise laughed and listened, and just babbled to Victoria about anything. She couldn’t help it. She was so happy; walking along, arm in arm like this with Victoria. And as they walked and talked, the conversation quickly returned to Louise’s sexuality.

  Victoria suddenly wanted to know everything. She kept asking Louise questions. How did she know? What did her parents think when she told them? Did her mum and dad get upset? And what about at school? Did she get into trouble?

  Before she knew it, Louise found herself taking about herself in a way that she would never have dreamed of doing only a few hours before. But she didn’t care. She loved being with Victoria, and she was happy to tell her anything she wanted to know, even private and personal things. She felt it brought them closer together. She answered every question Victoria asked as they stood waiting together on the platform of the Metro Station. The result surprised and delighted Louise.

  The more Victoria found out about her, the brighter and casual her attitude became. She seemed to have no qualms about Louise’s sexuality, or about what had taken place between them the night before. It was more than Louise had ever expected, and it made her feel more relaxed.

  Soon, Louise became confident enough to ask Victoria questions again, but always making sure that she steered well clear of Victoria’s family life. She needn’t have worried. Victoria seemed to be as happy to talk as she was. She answered all of Louise’s questions without hesitation. She talked about her childhood, about her friends at school, and even a little bit about her home life. She also talked a lot about Chrissy, and about the many adventures and nights out they had
shared together.

  Hearing Victoria talking about nights out with Chrissy and the boys they met made Louise feel slightly jealous. In the end she had to ask Victoria if she really was sure about sharing.

  “Of course I’m sure,” Victoria replied. “I told you before, didn’t I?”

  “I know you did. But you know more about me now, it might make a difference.”

  “No it doesn’t. Stop talking about yourself as if there was something wrong with you.”

  “Not everybody thinks like you do.”

  “Nobody thinks like I do!” Victoria said meaningfully with a grin. “Especially after two half-bottles of vodka! Anyway, it’s you that has to be sure. Are you?”

  “Of course I am!”

  “Shut up, then!”

  They got on the first tram that came, sitting together at the front, chatting and laughing all the way. They talked about everything and anything. They talked about films, pop stars, their course at University, even politics. They talked about their favourite things, and then about their least favourite things. Louise found to her delight that they agreed far more than they disagreed. The journey was over in an instant, and Louise enjoyed every moment.

  They got off at Saint Peter’s Square and walked down Oxford Street. All the way to the halls of residence, Louise kept fussing over Victoria, making sure her coat was fastened, or asking her if her trainers fitted alright. Victoria was surprisingly tolerant.

  “Will you stop fussing!” was the worse she ever said.

  Louise just smiled. “I can’t help it.”

  “So I’m beginning to realise! Now stop fussing and tell me more about you. Do you have any friends? You know, like you?”

  Louise felt slightly self-conscious at Victoria’s choice of words. It seemed to highlight the difference between them despite what Victoria had said, reminding Louise that they were going to be flat-mates and not lovers. She told Victoria about Sam and Dayna.

  Victoria was very interested in Louise’s lesbian friends. “I’d like to meet them,” she said. “Will you introduce me? What do you think they will think about me?”

  Louise smiled at the idea. “I know Sam will like you. And Dayna will probably try and chat you up within five minutes. She’s like that. She’s as voracious as a rabbit!”

  “A rabbit on Viagra?” Victoria added, and they both laughed.

  When they got to Victoria’s flat at the halls of residence, it only took an hour to pack all of her belongings.

  “Most of my clothes are very small,” Victoria said with a grin.

  When they had finished everything fitted into two hold-alls, five plastic bags and a suitcase.

  They were about to leave when Victoria paused in the doorway and waved. “Bye-bye, room!” she said, and closed the door. It made Louise smile.

  They were walking back down Oxford Street when Louise asked, “What should I call you? Victoria, Vicky, or Tori?”

  Victoria shrugged her shoulders. “You choose. Most people call me scumbag or Tori!”

  Louise laughed. “I’m not so keen on Tori, and Victoria is too formal. Can I call you Vicky?”

  “Yes, if you like. But spell it V-i-k-k-i.”

  “Why?”

  “Because I want to be different,” Victoria said with a flourish.

  Louise smiled. “Okay. Vikki.”

  The journey back was as quick and enjoyable as the journey out. And when they got back, they hardly had the time to close the front door behind them before Rosanna appeared in the hallway.

  “Back already?” she asked. “Hurry up, and I’ll put the kettle on.”

  “Give us a chance, Rosie!” Louise told her. “We’ll just take these upstairs and get our coats off before we come down.”

  “Alright then. But don’t be long, or the tea will get cold.” Rosanna watched them scramble up the stairs giggling. She smiled. She was so happy for Louise. She hoped it would last.

  Upstairs, Victoria was coaching Louise as they unloaded her belongings in her new bedroom. “Stick to the truth as much as possible, Louise!” she was saying excitedly. “As far as Rosie is concerned, we’re sleeping in the same bed!”

  Louise wished it was the truth, but she was also concerned about deceiving Rosanna. “I’m not lying to Rosie, she’s my friend!” she said.

  “I know, I know! But we’re just having a bit of fun! Oh, come on, Louise! Just for a little while, at least!”

  “Oh, alright then! But as soon as Rosie begins to suspect, I’ll have to tell her the truth.”

  “That’s good enough for me! Now, come on! I can’t wait!”

  As they finished unpacking and went downstairs, Louise kept thinking about what she would say to Rosanna. She wasn’t looking forward to explaining about her arrangement with Victoria. She knew what Rosanna would say to her, what Victoria herself had said. That it was Louise who was taking all the risks. She was the one who would lose the most if things didn’t work out. Victoria hadn’t promised anything other than just being a flatmate, and here she was pinning all her hopes for a real relationship on the outcome. Rosanna would tell her that she was being silly, stupid even. But Louise couldn’t help it, and in the end, she didn’t care a hoot what anyone thought. All she wanted was Victoria, and for now at least, she had what she wanted.

  When they got to Rosanna’s kitchen it was to find that she was planning a long afternoon tea session. The pot was already brewing, the toaster was stuffed with crumpets, and there were plenty of biscuits for afterwards.

  Victoria grinned at Louise.

  The questioning started even before they had sat down.

  “How did you two get to know each other?” Rosanna asked as she finished laying the table with plates and cups and saucers.

  “I told you, Rosie,” Louise replied quickly. “We met at University.”

  “I know, but there’s meeting and knowing. I meet people at the bus stop everyday, but I don’t know any of them.”

  Victoria couldn’t help smiling as she sat down at the kitchen table next to Louise. “I know what you mean,” she said to Rosanna who was now busy pouring the tea, but with a secretive wink at Louise. “I met a few people last night, quite physically in fact, as I’m sure you must have noticed, but I didn’t know any of them, either.”

  “I was going to ask you about that,” Rosanna said eagerly. She pulled a chair closer to Victoria and sat down next to her, obviously happy for the chance to discuss Victoria’s bruises so early in the conversation. “Were you beaten up?”

  “Rosie!” Louise exclaimed. But the conversation was off and running without her. They were like two old biddies gossiping over the fence.

  “I’ll say!” Victoria replied.

  “Oh, you poor thing! Whatever for?”

  “Some boys liked the way I was dressed and the way I was dancing, but unfortunately their girlfriends didn’t.”

  “Oh dear. You weren’t being a bit naughty, were you?”

  Louise tried to head off the inevitable. “It wasn’t her fault!” she said, but no one was listening to her anymore.

  Victoria held up her finger and thumb. “Maybe just a little bit, so I probably deserved it.”

  “You were dancing with their boyfriends?” Rosanna exclaimed.

  “Kind of. And I wasn’t wearing very much, either!”

  “Vikki!” Louise protested.

  Rosanna went for the jugular. “But I thought you and Louise were an item. You are going to live together aren’t you? So why were you dancing with these boys?”

  Victoria closed the trap, speaking brightly and quickly. “Well, until last night we weren’t an item. But after I had been beaten up, Louise brought me back here and had her evil way with me when I was too drunk and wounded to fight her off. And it wasn’t until this morning that I realised that I liked it,” Victoria shrugged her shoulders, “so I thought, why not? Let’s live together, that way Louise can have me every night without a fight, and I don’t have to worry about getting pregnant.” />
  Louise moaned, put her hands over her rapidly reddening face, and dropped her head down on the table in despair.

  Rosanna stared at Victoria’s cheeky grin and realised that she was being had. She nodded, smiling wryly. “You evil buggers!” she said sitting back.

  Victoria burst out laughing while Louise continued to hide her face on the table under her hair.

  The crumpets popped up in the toaster. Rosanna went over to it and stared at the glowing element. She picked up a wooden spoon and smacked the toaster on the side. The element remained glowing brightly. She smacked it again, with the same result. She smacked it a third time, harder than before. Still the element glowed brightly.

  “Let me have ago!” Victoria said, her laughter finally subsiding as she dried her tear-filled eyes and got up to join Rosanna by the toaster.

  “You have to hit it just right,” Rosanna explained, handing her the spoon. “Not too hard, or it sparks and fizzes, and not too soft, or it doesn’t switch off. Hit it here, just at the edge.”

  Victoria took the spoon and gave the toaster a good whack at the point Rosanna indicated. The element dimmed and went out. Victoria grinned triumphantly, and Rosanna nudged her.

  “Hey, you’ve got the knack!” she exclaimed. “Dave can hit it all day, and it never goes out!”

  “What can I say?” Victoria said, preening herself. “I’m an expert in the kitchen!”

  “An expert with a spoon, you mean!” Rosanna remarked. “For playing such an evil trick on me you get to butter the crumpets!” She handed Victoria a knife and the tub of butter. Then she went back to Louise and stood over her expectantly.

  “Did you two plan this?”

  Louise quickly looked up. “No!” she insisted.

  “Oh, yes we did!” Victoria said, laughing again.

  “I thought so!” Rosanna said, hands on hips. “Well, for that you can go and help your collaborator to butter the crumpets! Come on, up you get, Louise! Deceiving a poor innocent woman like me. You should be ashamed of yourselves. And what’s more, neither of you are leaving here until I have heard the absolute truth!”