Falling Into Darkness

by L. M. Brown

  Lucifer didn’t respond to the question, but Michael gave him the details anyway, hoping Lucifer would join him in his duties, and later at the party.

  * * * *

  When Lucifer didn’t arrive at the great chamber by the time Michael had put the finishing touches to the decorations, he had little hope he would attend at all.

  A part of him wanted to leave once his tasks had been completed, to find Lucifer, and have their private celebration. But he had never missed a feast day celebration before, and he didn’t want to now. He was with his friends and it had been too long since he had spent any quality time with them. Lucifer would understand. Michael would join him later and they would have a second celebration all of their own.

  The party continued throughout the day and long into the night. By the time Michael left his friends and flew to Lucifer’s home, far in the east, the stars twinkled above the realm and the full moon hung high in the sky.

  He found Lucifer sitting on the roof, which didn’t appear to be a comfortable place to rest, but Michael glided down to join him there.

  “You didn’t come to the feast day celebration,” Michael said.

  “I never said I would,” Lucifer replied. “I thought we were going to have our own celebration here?”

  “I told you I had duties to attend to,” Michael reminded him.

  “Yes, but those wouldn’t have taken all day and night.”

  “I thought you might have come to meet my friends,” Michael said. “They’d have enjoyed spending some time with you.”

  Lucifer stared at the night sky. “They’re your friends, not mine.”

  “They could be yours too, if you’d let them.”

  Michael could tell his words made no difference to Lucifer. It seemed the angel didn’t want any more friends, or any at all, since as far as Michael could tell, he didn’t seem to have a single one, save for Michael himself.

  They sat on the roof in silence, and while previously their quiet times had been comfortable, this wasn’t. The tension was almost unbearable. Michael’s fingers twitched and he ached to take Lucifer’s hand in his own, yet something held him back.

  “I should go home,” Michael said. “It’s been a long day.”

  He wanted Lucifer to ask him to stay, but he didn’t, and when the silence had gone on too long, Michael spread his wings and flew back to his beach. He tossed and turned all night, his bed far too lonely without Lucifer beside him.

  * * * *

  The tension following the feast day lasted longer than Michael thought it would. He had imagined Lucifer would be back to his usual self by the next day, waiting for him at what Michael had come to consider their pool. Instead, Michael arrived there, promptly at dawn, only to find the pool deserted.

  Since Lucifer’s duties had caused him to miss the odd morning before, Michael presumed this to be the case again. If they had spoken properly the previous night, Lucifer would no doubt have told him he wouldn’t be there today.

  When Lucifer failed to appear on the second and third morning, Michael flew to his home to seek him out there.

  The place was empty, but since Michael had no pressing matters to attend to elsewhere, he chose to wait for Lucifer to return.

  Lucifer finally walked through the archway several hours later. Michael’s heart leaped to his throat at the sight of his lover. He was as gorgeous as ever, even with the scowl he currently wore.

  “Lucifer, where have you been?” Michael asked. “You’ve not been at the pool.”

  “I’ve had duties,” Lucifer replied with something akin to a sneer. “You know all about those.”

  Michael’s gut churned with a sensation he recognized as anger. He had never felt such a thing before and he didn’t like it. Angels weren’t supposed to feel anger. The emotion was strange and unpleasant and he fought against it with every fiber of his being.

  Calm, stay calm. By sheer force of will he pushed the anger back into himself, shutting it away.

  “Lucifer,” Michael whispered as he stepped closer to his lover. “If it’s truly your duties that have kept you away from me, then of course I understand, but please be honest with me. Have you been avoiding me?”

  As he waited for Lucifer to speak, Michael accepted that he already knew the answer to his question, and the truth hurt.

  “Is this it then?” Michael asked. “The end of whatever we had together?”

  Lucifer rushed over, swept him into his arms, and kissed him soundly. “No, Michael, no. I won’t give you up.”

  “Then you’ll be at the pool tomorrow?” Michael asked.

  Lucifer nodded and pressed their lips together again.

  Michael let Lucifer control the kiss and sighed when they parted.

  Somewhere outside a bell chimed. Michael recognized the noon call for duty and, reluctant as he was to part from Lucifer, he had to leave.

  “Stay,” Lucifer urged as he held Michael against him.

  “I’m expected at the pool of visions,” Michael replied. “I’ll return later.”

  Lucifer didn’t release him from his embrace. “Others can attend to the pool of visions. We could go to our pool and make up for missing the last few mornings.”

  “I can’t let others do my duties for me,” Michael chided.

  “Of course you can,” Lucifer argued. “I want you here, with me. Only you can fulfill that duty. There are many who can do your other tasks.”

  Michael was almost tempted, but it wouldn’t have been right. No matter how alluring Lucifer’s offer might be, Michael wouldn’t shirk his responsibilities to spend time with him.

  “I have to go,” Michael insisted.

  “No, you don’t,” Lucifer replied, his voice rising with every word.

  Michael pulled out of Lucifer’s arms and walked to the door. “I’ll be back later. I suggest you calm down before then, because I won’t neglect my duties for you, no matter how much you complain.”

  “And what about your duty to me?” Lucifer yelled. “I should be first in your life, always. If you love me, you’d put me first.”

  Michael halted at the door. He had never spoken words of love to Lucifer, yet it seemed he hadn’t needed to. His feelings were obviously plain to see. “You are the first angel in my life.”

  “Am I?” Lucifer asked. “You spent the feast day celebration with your friends and now you’re leaving me again.”

  “You could have joined me and my friends for the party,” Michael reminded him.

  “And now?”

  “I have duties.”

  “Which you’re putting before me,” Lucifer snapped. As Michael watched, Lucifer’s wings darkened, for the first time he could recall. They didn’t change to black, but Michael could detect a definite hint of gray to them, a sign of his temper Michael had never seen before.

  “We all have our tasks in this realm,” Michael said. “Me, you, everyone. We all serve the greater power and He will always come first.”

  The bells chimed again and Michael knew he would have to fly like the wind to arrive at the chamber in time to take over from the current watcher. He didn’t have time to continue his discussion with Lucifer. Their argument would have to wait until later. He had more important things to attend to.

  * * * *

  “You’re almost late,” Gabriel commented as Michael landed clumsily outside the chamber containing the pool of visions, a wondrous device that could show the watching angel anyone or anything they wished.

  Michael smiled. “But not quite,” he replied.

  “Where have you been?” Gabriel asked. “You haven’t been at any meals the last few days. Have you been spending all your time with Lucifer?”

  Michael shook his head and walked into the chamber. Metatron nodded a greeting and rose from the stone bench so Michael could take his place.

  “Anything to report?” Michael asked.

  “All is quiet,” Metatron confirmed. “I’ll leave you to your vigil and go find something to eat.”r />
  Michael’s stomach growled and he remembered he hadn’t eaten properly all day.

  “Did you have dinner?” Gabriel asked once they were alone.

  “I forgot,” Michael admitted. “It’s been a strange day.”

  “Strange how?”

  Michael sat on the bench and concentrated on the pool, focusing intently until the Garden appeared in the waters.

  “I’ll go find you some food,” Gabriel offered. “Then we can talk.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about,” Michael said.

  “I disagree, but if you insist, I’ll do the talking and you can listen.”

  Michael didn’t like the sound of that any better, but time had long since taught him the futility of arguing with his friend.

  It didn’t take Gabriel more than a few minutes to find food for the two of them and return to Michael’s side.

  “What’s happened?” Gabriel asked. “Or would you like me to guess?”

  “It’s nothing.”

  “You’ve changed, Michael,” Gabriel said. “No, don’t say anything. I gave you your chance to tell me what’s bothering you, but you declined. Since you’ve become involved with Lucifer, you’ve not been yourself. You’ve always been the calmest amongst us, the kindest, and the fairest. Now, you seem conflicted and I think it’s the influence of the son of the morning. Maybe you would be better off ending things now, before you get hurt.”

  “I’ve wondered the same thing,” Michael admitted. “But I think I’m in love with him.”

  “Think?”

  Michael shook his head. “I know I am.”

  “Is it that he doesn’t feel as strongly for you?” Gabriel asked.

  “No.”

  “Then you’re sure of his affections?”

  “He’s never spoken words of love, but I believe he does care for me. That’s not the problem.”

  “Then you admit there is one?” Gabriel encouraged him to open up and Michael found that talking about his concerns helped a little.

  “Lucifer is upset with me for attending the feast day celebrations.”

  “I thought you invited him to join us,” Gabriel commented. “Raphael and I want to get to know him.”

  “He declined to attend, but is angry I did, rather than returning to him once I’d completed my duties.”

  Gabriel sighed. “Raphael and I wouldn’t have minded if you’d left to spend time with your lover. We can see how much you care for him.”

  “That’s not the point. You and Raphael mean a lot to me too.”

  “We’d have understood.”

  “I know.” Michael wondered whether he should mention their argument or not. He had a suspicion he knew what Gabriel would say, but he wanted a fresh opinion on the matter. “He wanted me to stay with him this afternoon.”

  “You mean after you’ve ended your vigil here?” Gabriel asked.

  “No, he didn’t want me to come here at all today.”

  “You can’t neglect your duties for him,” Gabriel warned. “Nothing comes before our duties, you know that.”

  Michael shot Gabriel a quick scowl. “Of course I know that. I’m here, aren’t I?”

  “In body, yes, but in spirit you seem to be with Lucifer.” Gabriel gestured toward the pool of visions. “Since activating the pool, have you been concentrating on what you see in the waters, or on your disagreement with Lucifer?”

  Gabriel had hit the nail on the head. Even though he had left Lucifer, Michael was still neglecting his responsibilities. He focused on the waters and the tranquility of the Garden of the Creator, where mankind made their home. Sometimes he envied the humans their blissful existence. He had known such times once, but the more centuries that passed, the more discontented he seemed to become. Now, torn between his love for Lucifer and his angel duties, he wanted even more to regain what he had lost.

  “You know what must come first,” Gabriel said as he rose from the bench. “Lucifer cannot place himself above the power of the most high, and it’s not fair for him to ask you to do so. You need to stand up to him and let him know you won’t be pushed into making a decision that could see you cast out of this realm.”

  Michael watched Gabriel leave, before concentrating on his duties, firmly pushing Lucifer from his thoughts until he had time to himself to focus on him.

  * * * *

  Although Michael had intended to return to Lucifer once his vigil at the pool of visions was done, he found himself flying in another direction entirely, and as he made his way through the clouds he let his thoughts drift to his lover.

  His feelings for Lucifer clouded his judgment and he didn’t want to continue in this way. He could admit to himself, if not to Gabriel, how close he had come to staying with Lucifer this afternoon. The temptation had been fleeting but real. More than anything else, the knowledge he had come so close to willfully neglecting his duties scared him.

  Lost in the clouds and his thoughts, Michael didn’t notice the sky darkening. It was fully dark when he finally altered his course and headed home.

  He landed on the beach, his bare feet sinking into the cool sand. He saw the glow of a light from within his hut and quickened his pace.

  Michael wasn’t surprised to find Lucifer seated on his bed.

  “Where have you been?” Lucifer asked.

  “Flying.”

  “Where to?”

  “Just flying aimlessly around, trying to get my thoughts into some sort of order.” Michael sat across from Lucifer and met his eyes. “I don’t want to fight anymore.”

  “Me neither,” Lucifer said and he held out his arms.

  Michael hesitated a moment. “I won’t neglect my duties for you.”

  Lucifer nodded and, although Michael sensed he wasn’t entirely happy with his words, he seemed to accept them.

  Satisfied they had put their quarrel behind them, Michael crawled into Lucifer’s arms and let the angel hold him.

  They didn’t make love that night, but Michael felt closer to Lucifer than he ever had before. They had reached an understanding and for now that would be enough.

  * * * *

  When Michael woke Lucifer had gone. The sun had already risen and Michael realized he had missed their morning rendezvous at the pool. He hoped Lucifer understood he hadn’t meant to sleep so late.

  He gathered his crumpled robes together and flew for the pool as fast as he could. Lucifer’s robes were on the bank, though Michael could see no sign of the angel on the cliff side or in the water.

  “Lucifer?” Michael called.

  A chuckle came from behind him, but when he spun round no one was there.

  “Lucifer, where are you?”

  A moment later Lucifer appeared in front of him and Michael’s jaw dropped in surprise.

  “I’m right here,” Lucifer teased.

  Michael raised his hand to touch Lucifer’s cheek. “How did you do that?”

  “The same way you could, if you knew how,” Lucifer replied. “All angels have the ability, they just don’t know it.”

  “How did you discover this?” Michael asked.

  “I asked,” Lucifer said, though he refused to specify who he had questioned. Instead he changed the subject by producing a beautiful blue sapphire from behind his back. He raised it in front of Michael’s face and squinted at the gem.

  “It’s a beautiful stone,” Michael said. “Is it from the pool?”

  Lucifer shook his head. “No, this is from somewhere else. I’ve been searching for an exact match for your eyes and I think I’ve finally found it.”

  Michael smiled fondly and watched as Lucifer encased the gem between his hands and closed his eyes. “What are you doing?”

  “Shush,” Lucifer hushed him.

  Michael kept silent until Lucifer opened his hands again, and when Michael looked down he saw the precious stone had been crafted into a necklace with a fine gold chain, so delicate Michael thought it might snap if he touched it.

  “Here,” L
ucifer said, and he placed the chain around Michael’s neck. “My gift, for you. I hope you’ll accept this one.”

  Michael touched the stone where it rested against his chest. The necklace still held the warmth from Lucifer’s hands, though he knew it would soon cool. “Thank you.”

  Lucifer smiled brightly and swept Michael into his arms for a kiss. Michael shrugged out of his robes and let them pool at his feet.

  “Are we good now?” Michael asked. “No more arguments?”

  Lucifer drew him down onto the grass and they made love at the side of the water. Michael pushed aside the fact Lucifer hadn’t answered his questions. Instead he chose to believe they had turned a corner and come to an understanding.

  As Lucifer sucked Michael’s cock into his mouth, any thoughts of their disagreements vanished from his mind. When they were together he didn’t doubt Lucifer’s feelings, even if he never spoke words of love. His actions told Michael all he needed to know.

  Chapter Three

  Michael and Lucifer came to an understanding, and, although things weren’t perfect between them, they managed to avoid any more arguments. Michael tended to his duties and if he neglected his friends a little, neither Gabriel nor Raphael complained. They understood the depth of his feelings for Lucifer and didn’t try to come between them.

  From Michael’s point of view he had good friends, a caring lover, and he intended to keep both.

  The only problem he could see appeared to be Lucifer’s growing jealousy, and Michael wasn’t alone in having noticed.

  “There are concerns about Lucifer,” Raphael said when Michael took his place at the dinner table. Lucifer had his own duties tonight and Michael was taking the opportunity to spend time with his friends.

  “Concerns?” Michael asked.

  “His jealousy and pride,” Raphael replied.

  “Lucifer can be a little jealous of the time I spend away from him, but we understand each other now. He knows I’ll always put my duties first.”