by Brandon Witt
He paused, the ever-present mother-sized ache rising to the surface. Zachary pushed it away before he took the date into too dark a place. His time with Teegan was going so much better than he’d dreamed possible. He couldn’t fuck this up with melancholy. Keep to the facts, don’t give in to the emotions. Not right then.
“Mom died before I got into drag, so she never knew about that part. But Dad did. He went with me and helped me pick out makeup for the first time. Neither of us knew what we were doing. We got horrid shit, I found out later, but it didn’t matter.”
“Wow. I can’t even fathom what that would be like. It was hard enough coming out to my family. The thought of telling them I wanted to dress up in women’s clothes….” Teegan shook his head slowly.
Zachary chuckled, small enough to avoid any pain. “You look a bit terrified just thinking about it. I imagine most guys would be, would need to be. I’ve been really fortunate, and I know that. A lot of the people at Mary’s are cut off from their families because of being gay. I had the best parents. And now I have this wonderful family at Hamburger Mary’s. I already knew how much they loved me, but if I hadn’t, the past couple of weeks has cemented the fact that they aren’t just my friends. They really are family.”
A sad expression crossed Teegan’s face. “You really are lucky to have people like that in your life. We should’ve gone to Mary’s for dinner. It would be good to meet the rest of your family.”
“Oh, no. We wouldn’t have been able to get a word in edgewise. ManDonna is performing tonight. She’s been known to pull dates on stage with her.”
“Oh.” Teegan’s eyes grew wide.
“We can go there next time, though.”
“We don’t have to. I don’t want to be pulled up on….” Teegan’s gaze darted up to meet Zachary’s. “Next time?”
Zachary’s cheek heated. “I didn’t mean…. I wasn’t trying to assume….”
“I’d like there to be a next time. I’m kinda surprised you’re interested, after hearing all my shit.”
Seriously? Teegan thought Zachary wouldn’t be interested in him? “We all have our shit.” He reached up and scratched at his wispy beard.
Teegan took his napkin, reached across the table, and wiped Zachary’s cheek. “You must’ve had cheese on your fingers.”
Zachary’s gaze met Teegan’s and held it there. Whatever it was that Zachary felt, it was clear Teegan was feeling it as well.
Teegan gave a final swipe with the cloth and pulled back his hand.
“Thanks.” Zachary reached up and touched the spot, then sighed. “This has been one of the more frustrating parts of not being able to use my right hand. I’ve never needed to spend much time shaving, but after nearly two weeks, even I get a little scruffy. It’s driving me crazy. It itches, and I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize myself. The boys have offered to shave it, but I’m tired of them having to do everything for me. I think I’m going to give it a try myself in the next day or two. I can’t take it anymore.”
The look in Teegan’s eyes grew heated. “I could shave you.”
The world stopped turning. Zachary’s heart stopped beating. Words made no sense. All blood went instantly to his groin.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to say that either. I seem to be having a problem with word vomit today.”
“I’d be okay with that.” Zachary barely recognized his own whisper.
There’d been food. There’d been more conversation. Zachary wasn’t sure how any of the food had tasted, nor could he recall any words spoken. Everything fell away at the image of Teegan shaving him. Of the closeness. Of Teegan’s hands touching his face.
Zachary came back to the moment somewhat as they left Benny’s and began to walk down the sidewalk to the car. Teegan’s hand slipped into his. It took effort to keep from sighing.
It was perfect. Simply perfect. The warm summer night. The soft sounds of the city surrounding them. Stars glimmering as the two of them strolled between illumination from streetlamps. Even the people they passed seemed nothing more than pleasant blurs outside their private bubble.
Familiarity tingled at the back of Zachary’s mind, whispering to his memory.
Then the night insects’ songs buzzed louder, at first comforting, then seeming to screech.
Teegan’s hand, so warm and pleasant, began to feel hot and claustrophobic.
The footfalls of the people behind them seemed to quicken, as if trying to catch up with them.
Something collided with Zachary’s hurt shoulder. He sucked in a breath and looked over.
“Sorry, dude.” The man twisted, stepping around him.
Zachary froze, stopping so suddenly his fingers slid out of Teegan’s grip. All the lights, stars, insects, and conversations vanished. The entire world narrowed to a pinprick, focusing on the two diamond stud earrings of the man passing him.
He stared after the figure, turning around as the man continued down the sidewalk.
It was him. The earrings.
Zachary’s gaze darted up.
Yep, even the ball cap.
He couldn’t breathe.
He couldn’t fucking breathe.
“Zachary.”
He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t run. He couldn’t get away.
“Zachary, are you okay?”
There was a slight touch on his hand, but Zachary jerked it away, wheeling around.
Teegan flinched and took a step back, both hands raised.
The face came into focus. “Teegan?”
“Yeah. What’s wrong?”
Zachary looked away, turning back to the sidewalk. The man was still there. Walking away, but still there. He pointed. “That’s him.”
“Who?”
“Him.” Zachary’s voice wavered. “One of the men who….” His throat constricted.
“Holy shit.” Teegan glanced at him. “Stay here.”
Before Zachary could process that, Teegan took off, rushing toward the man, yelling something.
At the sound, the man turned, facing Teegan.
That was all it took. Zachary wasn’t going to stand there and tremble. He wasn’t going to flee. Not again. His first two steps were little more than stumbles as his feet tried to catch up to his brain, and then he was running.
Teegan and the man were less than a block away.
He sped toward them. He would fight. He would, he would… punch the guy. He didn’t know how to, but he’d punch the guy. Between Teegan and himself, they could hold him there. Call Marlon and….
Even as he drew closer, Zachary slowed, confused by what he saw. The man hadn’t run. Teegan hadn’t tackled him, hadn’t hit him or gotten him in a chokehold. The man had both his hands up in front of his body. Almost in a gesture of surrender.
“Dude, I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about. You need to take a step back.”
Teegan’s voice was firm, not yelling, but giving no hint of compromise. “Stay where you are, then.” He glanced back.
Zachary slowed, already wanting to turn and run the other direction. Shit.
The guy looked away from Teegan, meeting Zachary’s gaze. “Man, I don’t know what shit you two are trying to pull, but I—”
Zachary didn’t hear the rest of the words. Blue eyes. Bright blue eyes, even in the dim light. He glanced at the earrings. Two diamond studs. He looked lower. The guy’s neck was clear. No tattoo.
Shit.
“Sorry.” He couldn’t look at the man, instead turning to Teegan and shaking his head. “Sorry. I was wrong. He’s not… sorry.” He shook his head again.
Not him.
Fuck.
It was too much. He turned and ran.
Zachary only made it a block or so before he slowed. Running just made him feel more ridiculous. Not to mention, every step caused his ribs to scream in agony.
Fuck. He’d just chased some guy… had Teegan chase some guy….
He darted behind a tree, taking shelter, leaned hi
s back against it, then sank to the ground, covering his face with his hands.
Within seconds, Teegan’s voice preceded his touch on the top of his knee. “Hey.”
Zachary shook his head, not lowering his hands.
“Zachary, it’s okay.” There was some shuffling, then Teegan slipped his arm over Zachary’s shoulder and drew his body in close. “You sure it wasn’t him?”
He nodded. Then let out a small sob. One of humiliation. He was such a fool. Such a weak, pansy-assed little fool.
Teegan pulled him closer.
His sob morphed from embarrassment to something else. A mix of fear and fury.
The bump on the shoulder.
The summer insects screeching.
The earrings.
The night.
The ball cap.
It had almost happened again. All again.
“Hey, you’re safe, Zachary. You’re safe.” Teegan moved even closer, his other arm wrapping around Zachary, pulling him into a loose hug.
It hadn’t happened again. Not even close. Not even the same guy. He’d been a fool.
He’d been safe.
But he didn’t feel safe. Felt like the guy had been there, like all three of them were just around the corner. Waiting.
It always felt like that.
“Zachary, you’re safe. You’re safe.” Teegan whispered the words over and over.
After a while he stopped feeling afraid, and the embarrassment grew, taking over all the space the fear had occupied. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
There was a moment’s hesitation. “There’s nothing to be sorry about.”
Part of him wanted to shake off Teegan’s embrace. It was too much. Too close. Too suffocating. The other part of him wanted to sink into it. Feel Teegan’s arms wrap tight around him. Feel the strong muscles against his body. Feel safe.
He finally lowered his hands from his face, but he couldn’t look at Teegan, instead turning into the crook between Teegan’s neck and shoulder. He managed to slow his sobs and choke out words between sucking in snot-filled breaths. “I’m sorry. I’m so embarrassed. Stupid. So stupid. He bumped my shoulder, and he had the same earrings. And the hat… and I thought…. I’m so stupid.”
“You are not stupid. And there’s nothing to be embarrassed about.” Teegan wrapped his arms more tightly around him then, his voice firm. Kind, but allowing no room for argument. “And you’re safe.”
Zachary wasn’t sure how long they sat under the tree, how long Teegan held him. Long enough that his ass and legs grew numb from the hard ground and the tears on his face dried.
Long enough that the event replayed at least a hundred times through the loop in his mind. Finally he pulled back, forcing his gaze to meet Teegan’s, just for a moment. “Thank you for being kind in all this. It’s so dumb.”
Teegan smiled. A slow, kind smile. “It’s not dumb.”
This time, he held Teegan’s gaze longer. “And thank you for chasing him. I’m glad it wasn’t the real guy. I’d hate for you to get hurt, but thank you….” He had no idea how to finish that.
“I just wish I’d been there the first night.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Teegan Chau
Whether this was his only date with a guy or he had a thousand more, Teegan was certain there wouldn’t be any date he compared to this one. It was strange, stressful, and a bit scary. In every way. And yet, as he and Zachary stood up from where they’d curled up on the ground, something fell over them. He couldn’t label it, but it stayed. All the way to the car and as they drove. Remaining as they walked into Zachary’s house, through the bookstore, and up the stairs to where he lived.
He couldn’t label it, but he felt it. A connection. A trust.
If Teegan had felt responsible for Zachary before, it was nothing compared to the protective urge that encompassed him now. Almost to the point he wished that it had been the right guy on the street, so he could’ve torn him apart.
That feeling of protectiveness grew as he looked at Zachary sitting on the closed toilet. So small and fragile in front of him. So broken and tender and beautiful.
“Are you sure you still wanna help me with this?”
The quaver in Zachary’s voice made those feelings surge to a pounding in his ears. And at the same time, the desire to claim Zachary grew. To protect him, to make Zachary his own. It didn’t make sense. Teegan was certain it probably wasn’t healthy, first-date boundaries and all. Doctor and patient.
He shoved all that aside with an ease that should’ve worried him. “We should probably take your shirt off. It’ll get wet otherwise.”
Zachary hesitated.
“If you’re okay with that.”
Zachary gave a small nod but met his gaze. He looked nervous, terrified, but there was desire there too. Undeniable.
“Do you need me to help you with that?”
“No. I think I can get it. I….” Zachary’s gaze darted away, nervous again. “I’m really skinny.”
The insecurity in Zachary’s tone doubled all the things Teegan already felt—the strange mix of lust and the desire to soothe nearly overwhelming. He reached out and started unbuttoning Zachary’s shirt, going slowly enough that Zachary could stop him if he wanted to.
His fingers trembled as he undid each button. He’d have to get ahold of himself before he took a razor to Zachary’s face. Gently he helped Zachary pull his wounded arm through the sleeve, and then he laid the shirt over the side of the tub and looked back at Zachary.
Zachary hadn’t lied. He was skinny, but not in an unhealthy way. He was thin. Not muscular, but firm. Hairless and blemish-free.
Teegan paused, feeling he’d been granted access to something sacred. “You’re beautiful.”
Zachary didn’t respond, but a blush spread from his cheeks down his neck and over his chest.
Unable to stop himself, Teegan smoothed his hand over Zachary’s chest.
Both of them sighed. Their eyes met, and they laughed.
The laughter swept away the bit of fear that still clung to Zachary, or at least seemed to.
Teegan had to force himself to pull his hand away from Zachary’s smooth skin. “I should probably get your face lathered up, or I’m going to get you naked.”
Zachary’s blush grew, but his tone became serious as he looked away again. “I, uhm, normally don’t have sex on a first date. Just a rule I have. Probably sounds silly. But considering all that’s happened, if you want—”
“Don’t be sorry,” Teegan interrupted, disappointment and relief washing over him. He wanted to have sex with Zachary. More than he’d thought possible. That desire to claim Zachary was nearly a palpable force. So strong that maybe it would be better to wait. To force some space. He reached out to touch Zachary’s chest again, then stopped. “Is this okay?”
Zachary nodded.
“Good.” Teegan slowly ran his hand over Zachary’s chest, this time grazing his nipple before moving partway down his flat stomach. He pulled his hand back before he reached Zachary’s belly button. “Stay there. I’ll get the water running in the sink.” Teegan turned on the faucet.
There was a towel and washcloth hanging beside the sink. They looked like they were for decoration, but he didn’t want to break the moment by having to search for other towels. He pulled open the mirror to the medicine cabinet and found the razor and shaving cream where he’d expected them to be.
After the water had heated, he soaked the washcloth and wrung it out. Kneeling in front of Zachary, he held the cloth up and pressed it against Zachary’s cheeks, taking his time to slowly move it across his jaw and down his neck. At the touch, Zachary sighed again and closed his eyes.
Sex or not, Teegan hadn’t even started shaving Zachary and already his cock was throbbing behind the denim.
He took an equal amount of time rubbing the shaving cream into Zachary’s thin beard. The entire time, no words were spoken. Their gazes would meet, dart away, and meet again. Their bre
athing grew heavy, and between that and the steam from the sink, the small space became humid. Teegan began to sweat once more. He didn’t mind this time. Beads of perspiration alongside the trails of water were making their way down Zachary’s chest as well. He thought about taking off his shirt, but he didn’t want to make Zachary feel like he was going to push the sex issue. And that might have become a real possibility if he had. Despite his words, Teegan was pretty sure it wouldn’t take much to sway Zachary’s resolve. And that felt dangerous.
Their gazes held again as Teegan pressed the blade to Zachary’s cheek. “You sure you’re okay with this?”
Zachary’s words were barely more than a whisper. “Yeah. I trust you.”
God, those words. Desire tore through him again. Though he didn’t want to, Teegan broke their gaze to focus on the razor’s path.
Swipe after swipe, glance after glance, heated sigh after heated sigh, the beard left Zachary’s face, smooth skin glistening in its place.
Teegan held the reheated washcloth to Zachary’s cheeks and neck, smoothing away what was left of the lather. His thumb accidentally brushed Zachary’s full lower lip. Then intentionally a second time.
Their gazes met again as Teegan continued to run his thumb over the curve of the lip. He lowered his hand and the washcloth.
Zachary’s eyes closed as Teegan leaned in.
Their lips barely touched, just the grazing of skin on skin. Then Zachary leaned forward, pressing their lips together and sealing the kiss.
The washcloth and razor both fell from Teegan’s fingers, and one hand cupped the back of Zachary’s head as the other wrapped around Zachary’s lower back and pulled him against Teegan’s body.
