by Brandon Witt
CHAPTER NINE
Zachary Cooper
“He shaved you?” Steven leaned closer to Zachary, despite the nearness of the barstools. “Holy shit, that’s hot. I bet you had some crazy sex after that.”
“Right?” Vahin waggled his eyebrows. “Remember that guy I hooked up with a few years ago. Rob or Jeff”—he waved his hand dismissively—“or Carlos… doesn’t matter. He had me shave his ass before we fucked. That night was so insane. After, I had him shave my—”
“Honey,” ManDonna cut him off, “nobody wants to hear about your glory days. You’re all happily partnered off in a monogamous relationship.” She gave an exaggerated eye roll. “So unless you have video evidence of shaving Marlon’s tight ass, we don’t wanna hear about it.” She paused to take a sip of her Manhattan, making a show of lifting her pinky finger. “Plus, we all know Zachary’s rule about sex and dating.” Another eye roll.
Despite all his time at Mary’s, Zachary hadn’t gotten used to having his sex life, or lack thereof, be an open topic of conversation. “I want us to have a chance to work out. If we sleep together too fast, it’ll screw it up or make us think we have a connection that isn’t actually there.”
Vahin sighed. “That isn’t how it worked for Marlon and me. He didn’t even remember my name after we fucked the first night. He was sitting in my bed the next morning with panic written right across his face.”
ManDonna nodded sagely. “And we know that’s not how it worked for Hershel and me either. What started off as a five-way quickly became—”
“Nope!” Zachary shoved a finger in ManDonna’s face. “Nope, nope, nope. It’s bad enough I have to hear about your sexual exploits from the stage. I’ve told you before, I don’t want to know anything about you and your husband getting naked any more frequently than I have to. It’s like hearing your grandparents getting it on in the next room.”
ManDonna reared back, raising her voice just like Zachary knew she would. “Grandparents! Child, I will end you. I might be your drag mother, but that don’t mean I won’t take your other ball, fry it up, and call it Rocky Mountain Oysters.”
“ManDonna!” Steven looked genuinely shocked. “That was crass, even for you.”
“Shut up, boy. I’ll talk to my daughter however I want.” She offered a little wink at Zachary.
From anyone else, such words would’ve hurt. But not from her. ManDonna really was the closest thing Zachary had to a parent. She’d teased him a couple of times already about his missing testicle, and it was making it seem less and less like a big deal. At least until Zachary thought about being naked in front of Teegan.
“Hey, Momma. Sounds like you’re causing trouble, like normal.”
The four of them turned at the new voice. Ben, ManDonna’s adopted son, and his partner, Isaiah, smiled at them.
ManDonna slid off her stool and smacked Ben’s arm. “Don’t you talk to your momma like that, boy.” She gave him a quick kiss, then pressed another one to Isaiah’s cheek. “Good timing. I need you strong men to fix a shelf in the dressing room real quick before the show starts. You all know the shoddy management around here.” She side-eyed Steven, who flipped her off playfully.
Ben shook his head and gave a little wave at the rest of the group. “Well, then I guess this is hi and goodbye. See you all after the show.”
Before he followed Ben and ManDonna, Isaiah grabbed Zachary’s hand and gave a little squeeze. “Sorry that we were visiting in Seattle when everything went down. So glad you’re all right. We’re gonna watch the bookshop a few times in the next couple of weeks, okay?” He gave another squeeze, then hurried off before Zachary could say any more than thank you.
Steven leveled his gaze at Zachary as he swiveled back to the bar. “I think it’s smart you’re moving slow. Especially with someone like Teegan. He seemed really nice the day I met him at the Book Nook, but with him never dating a guy before, you could be opening yourself up to a world of hurt.”
Vahin nodded. “You know I’m the last one to tell someone to slow down on the sex, but Steven’s got a point. Shit, the first guy I dated after I came out? I totally fucked him over. One day I was into him and sure that we’d be together forever, and the next I’d be talking about how I couldn’t be gay and that it was wrong. I jerked him back and forth for months. I don’t want to see that happen to you. I’m not saying Teegan would do it to be mean. It’s part of coming out a lot of the time.”
The thought had occurred to Zachary after Teegan had gone home, though he’d done his best to push the worry away. There was enough to stress over and try to figure out without seeking out new issues. “I know it, but Teegan’s not coming out. He’s been out to his family and coworkers for years. Plus, Marlon wasn’t even out at work when you guys got together, and you two are doing great.”
“I know.” Vahin glanced down the bar to where Alex was serving an ever-growing crowd, before turning back to Zachary. “And I was nervous about that. I’m not saying you shouldn’t give Teegan a chance. I’ve not even met the guy. Just be careful. Keep a guard up. You’re a little more tender and innocent than I was. I don’t want to see you get hurt.”
Steven snorted. “A little? Vahin, next to you, our boy here might as well be the Virgin Mary.”
Vahin cocked an eyebrow. “Oh, really? Didn’t hear you complaining when I had both of your ankles in the air.”
“Whatever. That was years ago. I barely remember it. Might not have even happened.” Steven laughed at Vahin’s offended expression. “Oh, sorry. What I meant to say was that night changed my life. I’ve never been fucked like that again. You’ve ruined me for all other men.”
“You’re a bitch.” Vahin glowered at Steven, then gave a last meaningful look at Zachary. “Just be careful, okay? I gotta get back to work. Alex is drowning over there.”
“No shit. What am I paying you for, anyway?”
Vahin leaned across the bar, started to kiss Steven’s cheek, and then smacked the other side of his face. “Like I said… bitch.”
Steven chuckled and rubbed his cheek as Vahin walked away. “He isn’t wrong. Be careful. But you’re not a kid. We just love you and don’t want to see you hurt. Especially now. You’ve been hurt enough.”
Zachary’s eyes stung. “I know you do. I also know that I might get hurt with Teegan, but I’m not sitting here thinking I’m going to marry him next week or anything. But I want to see where it goes. I can’t believe he said yes to a date at all. Or that I even asked, for that matter. We’re supposed to go out again, so that’s a good sign. I guess. Though I can’t figure out, with as hot as he is, why he’d want to—”
“None of that.” Steven cut him off. “You’ve always been hard on yourself, but since the attack it’s like you’ve been determined to hate crime yourself a million times every day. You didn’t deserve what happened to you.”
“I know that. I—”
“I’m not sure that you do. Somewhere in there, you think you’re too femme for another man to want you. That because you do drag and are skinny that you’re weak. You and ManDonna are some of the strongest men I know. You both show it in different ways, but both of you are tough enough to do exactly whatever the fuck you want to do regardless of what anyone else says. That’s sexy.”
Steven’s words touched Zachary, but part of him almost went in for the kill. Asking if Steven had ever found Zachary or Daniel sexy. He’d seen the men Steven was attracted to, and they were about as far from effeminate as they could get. But even that impulse was probably some form of the self-abuse Steven was talking about. Steven loved him; they all loved him. Exactly the way he was. He was ready for a different kind of love, though. At least he thought so. “I’ll be careful.”
Steven looked unconvinced, and Zachary thought he was going to press the point. He didn’t, thankfully. “So you’ve already got a second date planned?”
“Yeah.” Zachary’s heart sped up at the thought, a scary yet pleasurable sensation. “Next week. Between work and his daug
hter, he doesn’t have a lot of time.”
“That actually might not be a bad thing. Kinda forces you both to take it slow. Neither of you will get caught up in the moment.”
Zachary nodded his agreement but couldn’t help feeling like he was missing that part of it. Weren’t you supposed to get caught up in the moment when you first started dating?
Steven hesitated, an unusual uncertainty over his face. “I don’t mean to keep bossing you, and I know ManDonna has already been harassing you about it, but I wish you’d consider talking to someone.”
Zachary gave an emphatic shake. “No. I’m not going to a therapist. And I am talking to someone. To you and everyone else. All the time. Here. At home. I’m tired of it.”
Steven gave a little flinch. “Oh. We’re driving you crazy, aren’t we?”
Guilt washed over him. He really was such an ungrateful little shit. “I shouldn’t have said it like that. I’m sorry. I’m just tired of feeling weak and needing everyone’s protection all the time.” Steven seemed ready to protest, but Zachary rushed ahead, not giving him the chance. “And don’t bother telling me how strong or sexy I am. Facts are facts.”
A sad smile crossed Steven’s face, and he sighed. “Fine. I won’t harp. But it’s not a sign of weakness to talk to someone who’s better equipped to help with trauma.”
“I’m dealing with it fine.”
“Really? So you made up the part about you and Teegan chasing down some random guy on your date last night?”
Zachary glowered but didn’t have an argument for that.
“Every summer the city plays movies in Congress Park. People bring picnics and lie out under the stars and watch old movies. Mom would always buy those Little Debbie cupcakes. You know, the ones with the white loops of icing across the top? That was the only time she’d buy processed snacks, so I, of course, loved those movies even more.” For the briefest moment, Zachary’s heart lurched at the memory of his mom, the sensation of being on a blanket with both of his parents beside him. Teegan’s rapt attention pulled him back to the present, though. “Anyway, I was probably six or seven, about the age of your daughter, I guess, and they played The Little Mermaid. It was the 1970s anime version, the one where she dies at the end. To this day, I still remember watching in utter ecstasy. My mom and dad told that story over and over again. I guess I got so wrapped up in the movie that I didn’t even eat the cupcake. I can’t say why it affected me so much. But that feeling is still crystal clear, and I’ve never felt anything like it since. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to what people describe as being an out of body experience.”
Teegan finished chewing his bite of crème brûlée before speaking. “Was her name Ariel too?”
“No. Marina. I love the Disney version. It’s a lot happier. Obviously. But the original will always be my favorite. Somehow, the pain of it makes it even more beautiful.”
“I can see that, I think.” Teegan’s eyes narrowed. “If she’s your favorite, why is your drag name Ariel Merman? Shouldn’t it be Marina Merman?”
“Nobody would know who Marina is. They’d think I named myself after a boat marina. Besides, I didn’t want to be named after a mermaid who died. Drag is supposed to be happy, an escape from reality and the darker parts of life. Ariel fits that a lot better. ManDonna’s even having a rock made with a mermaid tail on it so I can really be Ariel.” Despite his nerves rising to a fever pitch before their second date, Zachary felt oddly calm all through dinner. It seemed Teegan was experiencing the same thing. The chemistry was between them still—small touches, quick, shy glances, a sense of anticipation—but there was an ease. The conversation flowed naturally, much more than the first date, considering his freak-out in the middle, but he trusted Teegan. He trusted Teegan. He tried to keep his friends’ warnings in mind, but he had no doubt that Teegan was worthy of his trust. None.
“I can see how you’d go for the happier mermaid. I’ve never been to a drag show, but I picture them probably being funny. Or a little sexy.”
Sexy? “Huh, maybe a bit more dirty or scandalous than sexy. Although, if you’re attracted to women, then my drag could be sexy. I’m really fishy as a… er, really sexy as a woman.”
Teegan almost choked. “Fishy, huh?”
“Yeah, it means a drag queen who can pass as a beautiful woman.”
“You know, I think that’s the first time I’ve heard you compliment yourself. I’m glad you know you’re beautiful.”
Zachary couldn’t help but laugh. Laughing still hurt his ribs a bit, but a little less every day. “I didn’t say I was beautiful. I said Ariel Merman was beautiful. That’s a different thing. And it takes a lot of time and a lot of tweaking and product to make her that way.”
“Still. That makes you beautiful.”
“No. That makes me a man who can be a gorgeous woman. That doesn’t make me a beautiful man, just the opposite in fact.” He could almost hear ManDonna screaming at him from wherever she was in Denver, and Teegan looked like he was going to protest, so Zachary jumped back in before he could. “Sorry, I wasn’t trying to be self-deprecating. I know my strengths. Being a beautiful woman is one of them. As is an extensive knowledge of mermaid trivia and collecting more books that I can sell.”
Teegan let out a sigh. “Fine, I won’t argue. I’ll only say that shaving your face and kissing you the other night was one of the hottest moments I’ve ever had. I don’t think you need to second-guess your ability to be a sexy man.”
At the memory, Zachary felt his cock begin to fill, and he was glad he was still concealed by the table. Teegan had been a lot more direct with his compliments and with his sexual interest. He wasn’t sure if it was due to Teegan being more and more attracted to him or if there was a sense of safety knowing this date wouldn’t end in sex. “You haven’t checked your phone in a bit.”
Teegan made a slight face at the abrupt transition. “I left it in my pocket this time after I used the restroom. I’ll feel it vibrate. Again, I’m so sorry that I got put on call this evening, and that I didn’t tell you before I picked you up. I was afraid you’d insist on canceling in order to be nice. I know the caseload they have for tonight. I’m guaranteed to get called in, but we might have another couple of hours if no emergencies show up. And I couldn’t pass up eating at Angelo’s.”
A couple of hours. That actually would be enough to…. No. Absolutely not. It didn’t matter if things were going more smoothly or that Teegan was flirting more openly than the other night. They weren’t going to move too quickly; Zachary was going to stick to his rule. Plus, Steven and Vahin were right. Trustworthy or not, messing around with Teegan too quickly could cause him to freak out and run away.
And as important as all the rest, Zachary wasn’t ready for Teegan to see him as the one-balled wonder he was now, even if Dr. Chau had been the one to make him that way. Not to mention that it was still too tender to want anyone messing around down there.
But… all that didn’t mean he couldn’t explore Teegan’s body. There’d be enough time, and that wouldn’t necessarily count as sex, right?
“Are you okay? I’m sorry if I should’ve told you I got placed on call before I showed up tonight.”
Zachary was startled back to the moment. “Oh, uhm, yeah. Sorry. No, it’s not that. I’m glad you kept the date even though you’re on call. I just feel bad that you’ll be tired.”
Teegan shrugged. “I’ll be fine. I didn’t want to miss seeing you again. You sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah. I was….” Thinking about you being naked and having sex with one-third less of my equipment. “I guess all the talk about the past brought my folks to mind.” Oh. My. God. He really just did that. Used his dead parents as a distraction. Guilt cut through him.
“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t even think.”
“No, it’s okay.” He had to fix this. Zachary searched for a topic, grabbing the first one he landed on. “I know you said that your folks were surprised when you came out, bu
t you really don’t think they had any idea when you were a kid? There weren’t any signs?” Perfect. Go from dead parents to ones who wanted their son to stay in the closet.
Teegan groaned softly and shook his head.
Maybe Zachary hadn’t made it worse after all.
“There were all kinds of signs.” Teegan chuckled, then pushed the ceramic ramekin toward Zachary. “You sure you don’t want any more crème brûlée?”
“No, I’m good. You finish it.”
He pulled it back toward him but chuckled once more and started talking instead of taking another bite. “To me, the most obvious was my action figures. I had a whole bunch of He-Man and superhero toys.”
That didn’t sound that gay to Zachary. “Did your parents see you making them kiss or something?”
“No.” Teegan laughed again, and a blush rose in his cheeks. “I used my dad’s pocketknife and scraped off all their clothes. Well, not their clothes, but their painted-on clothes. So they were basically naked. Kinda. As much as plastic superhero toys with cut marks all over them can be. Dad found them and confronted me.”
“Oh no!” Zachary cringed. “That’s embarrassing. I can just picture you as a kid and your dad laying out all your naked male superheroes.”
“Yeah. Pretty painful.”
“What’d you do?”
“Well, like I told you before, it was always an expectation that I was going to be a doctor. From the time I can remember, I knew that was what I was going to be. Or at least what I was told I was going to be, which was the same thing. Anyway”—his blush grew darker—“I told Dad that I’d been practicing surgery on them. That they had been sick and I was trying to heal them.”
“Wow. That’s actually pretty good. He believed you?”
“You know, I always thought he did, until after Kelly and I divorced. He’s made a few comments since then. Nothing direct, but things that have given me the hint that he’d suspected and expected me to keep it to myself. I didn’t even think about it at the time, but he told me not to tell my mother about the toys. He threw them away and got replacements. I thought she’d be mad that I’d messed them up. Now, I don’t think that’s why he didn’t want her to know.”
